Saloon Jokes
70 saloon jokes and hilarious saloon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about saloon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Saloon Short Jokes
Short saloon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The saloon humour may include short salon jokes also.
- A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
- Lost my job as an old west saloon piano player when a mysterious stranger walked in the door and I just kept playing
- A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the old west... and sits down. He looks around and then says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
- Times New Roman walks into a saloon. The bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type here."
So he shot the serif. - A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says,... I'm lookin' for the one that shot my paw.
- I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
- A three-legged dog walks into an old-timey saloon "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my Paw."
(I know it's old but I'm feeling really down and this joke cheers me up.) - It's 1887 and a three-legged dog walks into a saloon, grabs the bartender by the scruff of his neck, looks him dead in the eyes and says... "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."
- A dog with a cowboy hat, spurs and a cigar limps in through the swinging doors of a saloon... ...He says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
- A three legged dog limps into a saloon in the old west... He growls, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"
Share These Saloon Jokes With Friends
Saloon One Liners
Which saloon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with saloon? I can suggest the ones about beauty salon and hair salon.
- What does a teenage cowboy say when he throws somebody out of the saloon? Yeet-haw!
- What do you get when you forget the difference between a saloon and a salon? A buzzcut.
- A web developer walks into a bar, tavern, pub, saloon, lounge, booze, alcohol, drinking
- A man walked into a bar, The man behind him walked around it and into the saloon.
- Sheriff dog bursts into the saloon and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
- Why did the saloon owner destroy his establishment? He wanted to raze the bar...
- Germany: Riots after 2 dead by rising dueling trend. Saloons deny responsibility.
- The best s**... is like an old saloon. Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
- My s**... life is like a Wild West saloon... Liquor in the front, poker in the rear
Uproarious Saloon Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about saloon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean barbershop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make saloon pranks.
The cowboy enters the saloon
-Who painted my horse blue??
A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.
-It was me, you have a problem with that?
-I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating.
I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...
As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.
The dog c**... looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A cowboy rode into a dusty old town...
...and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling. Which one of you cow'rdly sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna haf'ta do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home."
The Lone Ranger and his faithful American Indian sidekick Tonto are riding the plains.
The Lone Ranger and his faithful native American sidekick Tonto are riding the plains. It's midwinter and bitterly cold so the heroic duo enter a saloon for a warming drink.
The bartender takes one look at Tonto and shouts: "Get him outtahere. We don' serve no i**...!"
Faithful Tonto agrees to wait outside while the Lone Ranger has a quick drink. To keep warm he decides to run around his horse.
Alas the drink proved too enticing for the Lone Ranger and poor Tonto was soon forgotten.
Eventually after a few hours, a cowboy sauntered in, looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Is that your horse outside?"
"Yes, why?" asked the Lone Ranger.
The cowboy answered, "You've left your i**... runnin'."
A young cowboy walks into a saloon.
He sits down and sees an old cowboy sitting down staring at a bowl of chili. The cowboy says to himself, "I could go for some chili." So he asks the waiter for some chili. He gets his bowl and eats it all. He then looks over at the old cowboy and sees that he still hasn't finished his chili. The young cowboy asked the old one,"are you going to finish your chili?" The old cowboy slides over his bowl with his elbows still on the table and says, "take it." The young cowboy starts eating the chili and when he gets to the bottom he sees a dead mouse in the bowl. He then throws up all of the chili he just ate into the bowl. Then the older cowboy says, "Yeah, that's about how far I got before I threw up."
Did you hear about the three-legged dog who limped into the saloon in a town in the old west?
He was lookin' for the varmints who shot his paw.
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
What's the difference between a saloon and one of God's farts?
One is a bar room. The other is a BAAAROOOOOM!
A dog walks into a saloon, he's got revolver on his hip, a 10 gallon hat, and a pair of spurs on his boots that clank as he limps. With everybody's eyes on him, he limps up to the bar, leans back on it, tips his hat up and says:" I'm looking for the two-bit varmint that shot my pa"
w
A young cowboy walks into the saloon.
He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the congee back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."
A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows....
He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"
The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."
The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"
"Well," says the guy, "the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks."
The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, "What are ya hangin' him for?"
"Rustling."
Tank
A joke I translated from Latvian.
Man walks into a tattoo saloon, walks up to the artist says 'I want a big tattoo of a tank all across my back'. 'Say no more' says the artist and starts tattooing. 30 minutes pass. Artist gets up..'all done sir'. 'That was quick! ' says the man. Artist looks at him and goes 'it's okay, it's only 4 letters'
So there's a three-legged dog who walks into a saloon
He sits at the bar and orders a drink, and tells the bartender,
"I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot mah paw"
a**... of police powers.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"
A three-legged dog hobbles into an old western saloon
He limps up to the bartender.
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
There was time in the old west
A dog with three legs walks into a saloon, he slams open the doors, looks around at the startled patrons and asks, "Anyone seen my PAW?"
A dog walks into a saloon...
Says: "I'm looking for the fella that shot my paw"
(LOL, I'm a dad, I'm allowed.)
An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat.
Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''
A dog limps into a saloon
The bartender asks "how can I help you?"
The dog replies "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A three-legged dog burst into a saloon and declares...
"I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw!"
A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
What did the three-legged dog say when he hobbled into the saloon...
I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
A dog walks into a saloon...
...and says "gimme a whiskey!" The bartender says "we don't serve dogs here." The dog looks him in the eye, says "I SAID, gimme a whiskey!!" and the bartender responds "AND I SAID, WE DON'T SERVE DOGS!", and he shoots the dog in the foot. The dog runs out yapping.
A little while later they hear the click of spurs outside the saloon. The doors swing open. The dogs walks in with a six-shooter on each hip, looks around and says "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw."
A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon in the wild west
He slides up to the bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
A Cowboy and a Native American
A Cowboy and a Native American walk into a saloon in the old west, the bartender looks at the Native American and says "We don't serve your kind here."
The Cowboy turns to the Native and says "I'll order our food, just go outside and run the back and forth up the road to keep yourself warm."
The Native American obliges. The Cowboy orders and is sitting there waiting for their food and having a drink when a man walks in and says "Whose horses are those outside?"
The cowboy replies "They're mine"
The man says "Well you left your i**... running."
A dog goes in to a saloon.
He's wearing a 6 gun and a black hat, and his front foot is bandaged. He limps up to the bartender and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
In 1877 a bartender was building his saloon.
"so i want the floor to creak everytime when someone from out of town walks in and around here, but not when locals do that."
Carpenter: "What?!"
A three legged dog
limps into a saloon in the old west and shouts, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa!"
A gunslinger burst into a saloon and said, "My name is Amarillo Red!"
"but my friends call me 'Orange' for short."
and yes, today I learned Amarillo is Spanish for yellow.
Two blondes are at a saloon
They decide to plan a trip. They are talking about different destinations.
They finalize it to FL or the moon.
First says: what's closer
Second says: The moon of course.
First says: really??
Second says: yah, you can see the moon.
A dog walks into a saloon
All the patrons go quiet as they look at the dog who's wearing spurs and a cowboy hat, with a gun on his hip.
The bartender says, now listen here partner, we don't want any trouble. What's your business?
The dog lets out a faint growl, lifts up his front right leg and replies, I'm looking for the man who shot my pa .
A r**... and a midget get into an accident
The midget gets out of his car, hands on his hips and squeak angrily, "I am not happy!"
The r**... spits and drawls "so which one are you?"
One Day a Cowboy Rode into Town
He t**... his horse and entered a saloon
When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing
The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."
The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse.
As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked,
"Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?"
The cowboy responded,
"I had to walk home."
P.S. Sorry
What do you call a group of western bars themed around urns into which you spit that are decorated with picture of Inklings?
A Splatoon spittoon saloon platoon
It was a typical night at a saloon in the Old West
The ranchers and townsmen were inside, drinking beer and having a good time. Some played poker, others watched the dancing girls, and music from the piano played in the background.
Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open and slammed against the walls. Everyone was startled, and the entire saloon got deathly quiet as everyone looked at the entrance.
In came a dog, walking on its hind legs, and its left front leg was in a sling.
The dog eyed the place over and said, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!"
The Lone Ranger stops for a drink
The lone ranger and Tonto ride into town one hot, summer day. The Lone Ranger's horse is looking overheated so the Lone Ranger tells Tonto to run around in circles fanning the horse off.
Sometime later a cowboy walks into the saloon and asks "Who's horse is that out there with the silver saddle?"
"That would be me," says the Lone Ranger. "Well you left your i**... running."
Two redditors walk into a bar.
"Well technically," the first argues, "it is a Pub since it serves food."
"Actually," the second says, "it is a Saloon since it is a part of a hotel."
Neither remembers the point of this post.
A man rides a pony into a bar
A man charges through the front door of his local saloon, perched on the back of a pony. He rushes to the bar and says Bartender, I need a hot tea, as quick as you can!
The bartender, taken aback, says Sir! You can't ride that thing in here! And why do you so desperately need a hot tea?!
The man leans forward, looks the bartender square in the eye, and slowly pets the pony's mane.
Mister , he exclaims, I'm feeling a little horse .
A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him
I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.
Everyone in the bar hushes up.
I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.
What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.
The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.
There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?
Sheriff replies Rustling
So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the a**..., and walks in to have a stiff drink.
The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the a**... before coming in? You got s**... all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps with chapped lips?"
"Nah," says the cowboy. "But it keeps me from lickin' 'em"
A dog with a bandage walks into a saloon.
He sauntered up to the bartender and said, "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw".
A cowboy stops his horse next to a saloon.
He dismounts, enters the saloon and tell the barman:
\- Twenty bottles of whiskey! My horse is thirsty.
The barman gives him the order, the cowboy pays, the horse drinks it all.
\- Hey! - tells him the barman. - Ain't you going to order some for yourself?
\- Are you nuts? I'm driving!
