Saloon Jokes
63 saloon jokes and hilarious saloon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about saloon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Saloon Short Jokes
Short saloon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The saloon humour may include short salon jokes also.
- A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
- Lost my job as an old west saloon piano player when a mysterious stranger walked in the door and I just kept playing
- Times New Roman walks into a saloon. The bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type here."
So he shot the serif. - I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
- I saw this really good movie in a hotel.. There were a lot of gunfights, cowboys, saloons and drinking. It was the Best Western I've ever seen.
- A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''
- What do you call a group of western bars themed around urns into which you spit that are decorated with picture of Inklings? A Splatoon spittoon saloon platoon
- In 1877 a bartender was building his saloon. "so i want the floor to creak everytime when someone from out of town walks in and around here, but not when locals do that."
Carpenter: "What?!" - Q: What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar?
A: Gimme a slug of whiskey. - A gunslinger burst into a saloon and said, "My name is Amarillo Red!" "but my friends call me 'Orange' for short."
and yes, today I learned Amarillo is Spanish for yellow.
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Saloon One Liners
Which saloon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with saloon? I can suggest the ones about beauty salon and hair salon.
- What does a teenage cowboy say when he throws somebody out of the saloon? Yeet-haw!
- What do you get when you forget the difference between a saloon and a salon? A buzzcut.
- A web developer walks into a bar, tavern, pub, saloon, lounge, booze, alcohol, drinking
- A man walked into a bar, The man behind him walked around it and into the saloon.
- Sheriff dog bursts into the saloon and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
- Why did the saloon owner destroy his establishment? He wanted to raze the bar...
- Germany: Riots after 2 dead by rising dueling trend. Saloons deny responsibility.
- The best s**... is like an old saloon. Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
Uproarious Saloon Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about saloon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean barbershop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make saloon pranks.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, n**... . . .
. . . except for his boots.
Where your clothes at, Slim?
Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, 'I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.'
So I followed her. She says, 'Take off all your clothes.' So I do. Then she takes off her clothes, and says, 'You like what you see?' Fellers, she had the most bodacious body I ever did see! I said, 'Yes, ma'am, I do!'
Then she lays down on a blanket, all friendly-like, and says, 'Well, then, go to town, Cowboy!'
So I pulled on my boots and here I am.
The cowboy enters the saloon
-Who painted my horse blue??
A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.
-It was me, you have a problem with that?
-I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The meanest, toughest and roughest h**... in the Yukon
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.
"I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest and roughest h**... in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.
"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the h**... and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest h**... in the Yukon."
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"
Then she stripped n**..., bent over and grabbed her ankles.
"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.
"I don't," replied the h**..., "but I thought you might want to open those beers first."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy walks into a saloon after a 2 month cattle drive. . .
. . . and asks the barman for 2 shots of whiskey and a pretty p**....
"We ain't got no girls here," says the barman. "But if yer desperate enough, Pretty Larry is in the back alley."
"I ain't that desperate," says the cowboy.
A while later the cowboy returns from a 4 month cattle drive, asks the barman for 4 shots and a pretty p**....
"We still ain't got no girls here, but Pretty Larry is still out back in the alley, if'n yer desperate enough."
"Not yet. . ." says the cowboy.
The next time, the cowboy walks in after a 6 month cattle drive. He asks for 6 shots and a pretty p**....
"Still no girls," says the barman, "I don't suppose yer desperate enough for ol' Pretty Larry in the back alley?"
"Well. . ." says the cowboy, "as long as we can keep it a secret I suppose I *am* desperate enough this time."
"Oh sure!" says the barman, "No one will know 'cept me, you, Larry, Jim, and Roy."
"Who're Jim and Roy??" asks the cowboy.
The barman says, "They're the ones who hold Larry down."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy is sitting in a saloon...
when he looks out the window and notices his horse has been stolen. He turns around and shouts out to the rest of bar, "Alright, looks like one of you mangey dogs done stole my horse. Now, I'm going to go take a leak. And when I get back, my horse better be back outside... or else I'm going to have to do what I did back in El Paso... and I don't want to have to do what I did back in El Paso.
So he gets up, heads off to the toilet and when he returned, sure enough, his horse was t**... outside right where he had left it. As he was saddling up some of the people from inside the bar came out, "Hey, stranger. What was it you did in El Paso that you didn't want to do again?"
"I walked home."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...
As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.
The dog c**... looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A cowboy rode into a dusty old town...
...and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling. Which one of you cow'rdly sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna haf'ta do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home."
A cowboy walks into a saloon
A cowboy walks into a saloon as he's passing through town. As he sits down with his drink he notices a few rough looking locals at a table staring and pointing at him and looking generally unfriendly. He finishes his drink, and not wanting any trouble he decides he'd better get back on the road again. He walks out and notices that his horse is no longer tied to the hitch, so he turns around and heads back into the bar. All of the guys at the table are snickering and laughing and staring at him again.
The cowboy loudly says "I'm gonna grab another drink and I'm gonna sit here and drink it, and when I'm done my horse is gonna be back on that hitch out there. And if it's not on the hitch out there when I'm done I'm gonna have to do what I did back in Texas. And I don't want to have to do what I did back in Texas."
The place falls silent and a couple of locals slink out the back door. He finishes is drink, and sure enough his his horse is back on the hitch. He hops on it, and starts trotting down the road. The bartender walks out into the road and says "Hey Mister! What did you have to do back in Texas?"
The cowboy stops his horse, and looks at him.
"I walked home."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Lone Ranger and his faithful American Indian sidekick Tonto are riding the plains.
The Lone Ranger and his faithful native American sidekick Tonto are riding the plains. It's midwinter and bitterly cold so the heroic duo enter a saloon for a warming drink.
The bartender takes one look at Tonto and shouts: "Get him outtahere. We don' serve no i**...!"
Faithful Tonto agrees to wait outside while the Lone Ranger has a quick drink. To keep warm he decides to run around his horse.
Alas the drink proved too enticing for the Lone Ranger and poor Tonto was soon forgotten.
Eventually after a few hours, a cowboy sauntered in, looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Is that your horse outside?"
"Yes, why?" asked the Lone Ranger.
The cowboy answered, "You've left your i**... runnin'."
A young cowboy walks into a saloon.
He sits down and sees an old cowboy sitting down staring at a bowl of chili. The cowboy says to himself, "I could go for some chili." So he asks the waiter for some chili. He gets his bowl and eats it all. He then looks over at the old cowboy and sees that he still hasn't finished his chili. The young cowboy asked the old one,"are you going to finish your chili?" The old cowboy slides over his bowl with his elbows still on the table and says, "take it." The young cowboy starts eating the chili and when he gets to the bottom he sees a dead mouse in the bowl. He then throws up all of the chili he just ate into the bowl. Then the older cowboy says, "Yeah, that's about how far I got before I threw up."
A cowboy rides into town...
And he stops in at the local saloon. The cowboy orders a drink and looks around the bar.. He notices that there are no women in the saloon. The cowboy asks the bartender "Are there any ladies in this town? I've been riding for days and I am alone." The bartender replies " Ain't been a woman here in years, but we have a special barrel out back." The cowboy looks at the bartender and says "I guess I'll give it a shot if it's as good as you say it is." The cowboy goes out, uses the barrel and when he's finished he comes back into the bar and says to the bartender " that was amazing. How often can I use it?" The bartender says "You can use it everyday but Thursday." The cowboy asks "Well, why can't I use it on Thursday?" The bartender replies "Thursday is your day in the barrel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a saloon and one of God's farts?
One is a bar room. The other is a BAAAROOOOOM!
Cowboy and the memorizing Indian
A cowboy walks into a saloon. The bartender says "Hey, wanna see something really interesting? That Indian over in the corner can remember ANYTHING. If you ask him anything about his life, he'll remember the answer." Cowboy thinks that sounds pretty cool, so he wanders over to the ancient Indian, sitting alone in the corner. He says "So chief, what did you eat for breakfast last Tuesday?" The Indian stares at him for a long moment before replying "eggs". The cowboy thinks "He could just be making that up." But he doesn't really care, and wanders away. The cowboy strikes it rich, finds a ton of gold, and returns to town a wealthy man. He goes back into the saloon and sees the same Indian sitting in the same corner. He gets a little loaded, and feeling like a big man, he swaggers over to the Indian and says "HOW". The Indian stares at him for a long moment before replying "Scrambled."
A young cowboy walks into the saloon.
He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the congee back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."
A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows....
He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"
The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."
The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"
"Well," says the guy, "the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks."
The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, "What are ya hangin' him for?"
"Rustling."
New cowboy in town
There's this cowboy that rides into town on his horse and heads for the saloon. He ties his horse outside, walks in and starts drinking at the bar. Now the townsfolk have a thing for pulling pranks on out of towners so they hide his horse. He finishes drinking, pays his tab, walks out to see that his horse is missing, walking back inside all eyes are on him.
He says, "Now whoever took my horse, best that you return him. I don't want to do what I did in the last town. Trust me it wasn't good. Now i'm going to have one more beer and by the time i'm done with it my horse better be outside where it last was."
Now the townspeople get scared and quickly return the horse. As he's saddling up about to ride away the bartender a little curious goes outside and ask him what happened in the last town.
"I had to walk home." He replies.
Would be a million times better if i had the old western dialog in it but still one of my favorite jokes.
Tank
A joke I translated from Latvian.
Man walks into a tattoo saloon, walks up to the artist says 'I want a big tattoo of a tank all across my back'. 'Say no more' says the artist and starts tattooing. 30 minutes pass. Artist gets up..'all done sir'. 'That was quick! ' says the man. Artist looks at him and goes 'it's okay, it's only 4 letters'
So there's a three-legged dog who walks into a saloon
He sits at the bar and orders a drink, and tells the bartender,
"I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot mah paw"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a**... of police powers.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"
A dog walks into a saloon...
Says: "I'm looking for the fella that shot my paw"
(LOL, I'm a dad, I'm allowed.)
An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat.
Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty."
A dog limps into a saloon
The bartender asks "how can I help you?"
The dog replies "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
A dog walks into a saloon...
...and says "gimme a whiskey!" The bartender says "we don't serve dogs here." The dog looks him in the eye, says "I SAID, gimme a whiskey!!" and the bartender responds "AND I SAID, WE DON'T SERVE DOGS!", and he shoots the dog in the foot. The dog runs out yapping.
A little while later they hear the click of spurs outside the saloon. The doors swing open. The dogs walks in with a six-shooter on each hip, looks around and says "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A One-Armed Bear Walks Into a Saloon..
When he enters, the piano player stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he says. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. The bear downs the second whiskey, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw. **
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once Upon a Time in the West, a Bear Walked into a Saloon..
As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw. **
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once Upon a Time in the West, a One-Armed Bear Walks Into a Bar
As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw! **
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Cowboy and a Native American
A Cowboy and a Native American walk into a saloon in the old west, the bartender looks at the Native American and says "We don't serve your kind here."
The Cowboy turns to the Native and says "I'll order our food, just go outside and run the back and forth up the road to keep yourself warm."
The Native American obliges. The Cowboy orders and is sitting there waiting for their food and having a drink when a man walks in and says "Whose horses are those outside?"
The cowboy replies "They're mine"
The man says "Well you left your i**... running."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy rides into a new town,
and stops at the first saloon he sees.
Walks in, and is surprised that the whole place is empty except for the bartender polishing some glasses.
So he asks, "Where is everyone?"
Barkeep looks up from his busy work and replies, "Well, probably at the hanging."
Cowboy asks, "Who you all hanging?
Bartender replies, "Ol' Paper Bag Pete."
"Peculiar name.", says the cowboy.
"Yep", replies the bartender. "He was a peculiar fellow. Made his shirts out of paper bags, his pants out of paper bags...heck, even his boots out of paper bags."
"That is strange, but don't seem i**.... What is he being hanged for?" asked the cowboy
Bartender took a deep breath, "Rustlin'"
A r**... and a midget get into an accident
The midget gets out of his car, hands on his hips and squeak angrily, "I am not happy!"
The r**... spits and drawls "so which one are you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One Day a Cowboy Rode into Town
He t**... his horse and entered a saloon
When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing
The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."
The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse.
As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked,
"Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?"
The cowboy responded,
"I had to walk home."
P.S. Sorry
It was a typical night at a saloon in the Old West
The ranchers and townsmen were inside, drinking beer and having a good time. Some played poker, others watched the dancing girls, and music from the piano played in the background.
Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open and slammed against the walls. Everyone was startled, and the entire saloon got deathly quiet as everyone looked at the entrance.
In came a dog, walking on its hind legs, and its left front leg was in a sling.
The dog eyed the place over and said, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Lone Ranger stops for a drink
The lone ranger and Tonto ride into town one hot, summer day. The Lone Ranger's horse is looking overheated so the Lone Ranger tells Tonto to run around in circles fanning the horse off.
Sometime later a cowboy walks into the saloon and asks "Who's horse is that out there with the silver saddle?"
"That would be me," says the Lone Ranger. "Well you left your i**... running."
Two redditors walk into a bar.
"Well technically," the first argues, "it is a Pub since it serves food."
"Actually," the second says, "it is a Saloon since it is a part of a hotel."
Neither remembers the point of this post.
A man rides a pony into a bar
A man charges through the front door of his local saloon, perched on the back of a pony. He rushes to the bar and says Bartender, I need a hot tea, as quick as you can!
The bartender, taken aback, says Sir! You can't ride that thing in here! And why do you so desperately need a hot tea?!
The man leans forward, looks the bartender square in the eye, and slowly pets the pony's mane.
Mister , he exclaims, I'm feeling a little horse .
A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him
I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.
Everyone in the bar hushes up.
I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.
What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.
The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.
There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?
Sheriff replies Rustling
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the a**..., and walks in to have a stiff drink.
The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the a**... before coming in? You got s**... all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps with chapped lips?"
"Nah," says the cowboy. "But it keeps me from lickin' 'em"
A cowboy stops his horse next to a saloon.
He dismounts, enters the saloon and tell the barman:
\- Twenty bottles of whiskey! My horse is thirsty.
The barman gives him the order, the cowboy pays, the horse drinks it all.
\- Hey! - tells him the barman. - Ain't you going to order some for yourself?
\- Are you nuts? I'm driving!
