Salmon Jokes
90 salmon jokes and hilarious salmon puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about salmon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny salmon jokes. From puns to one-liners, we've got all the jokes you need to make everyone laugh.
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Funniest Salmon Short Jokes
Short salmon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The salmon humour may include short sushi jokes also.
- Everyone tells you that smoking will kill you What they don't tell you is that it cure salmon
- I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
- My friend was telling me about a salmon that could break into safes... Turned out to be a lox myth.
- Fish Cakes A guy walks into a bar with a Salmon under his arm and says, "Do you sell fish cakes here?"
Bartender: No we don't.
Guy: That's a shame... it's his birthday. - What do you get when you put nutella on salmon? You get salmonella.
Hahahaha...pew pew pew...haha...*begins sobbing* - What happens when you put Nutella on Salmon? You get salmonella
Sorry if it's a repost. My friends just told me it:) - Everyone tells you that smoking causes cancer… What they don't tell you is that it cures salmon!
- My friend is making a lot of money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes. It's like shooting fish in apparel.
- I've heard people say that smoking will give me diseases But what they don't know is it cures salmon!
- Our local fish market ranks their catches on how rare they are I noticed today that they had rare salmon. It definitely isn't common plaice!
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Salmon One Liners
Which salmon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with salmon? I can suggest the ones about salad and seafood.
- People say smoking will give you diseases. What they don't know is that it cures salmon.
- Smoking is a scientific wonder! It kills people, but cures salmon.
- If smoking is so bad for you How come it cures salmon?
- If smoking kills... Then why does it cure salmon?
- Everyone thinks smoking will kill you But how can they say that when it cures salmon?
- What happens when you put Nutella on salmon? You got salmonella
- Do you know what it's like to be a fish? I don't, but Alaska Salmon.
- What do you call a salmon that's wearing a tie? Sofishticated
- People say smoking can cause diseases But then how does it cure salmon?
- I got pretty sick after eating some raw salmon It's a bad case of chickenella.
- Tracking efficiency in dogs rises 300% when fed diets of salmon. Give it a fish an' see
- Where does a salmon go to deposit a check? To the river bank!
- Why don't salmon watch cable television? They prefer streams.
- What do you call it when a salmon accidentally fertilizes his sisters eggs? Roe Tide
- A salmon is swimming up a river A salmon is swimming up a river. It hits a wall. Dam.
Salmon Fishing Jokes
Here is a list of funny salmon fishing jokes and even better salmon fishing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The easiest way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes. It's like shooting fish in apparel.
- A salmon walks into a vegetarian restaurant And the waiter says, Sorry, we don't serve fish.
- LPT: An easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in a formal outfit. It's like shooting fish in apparel.
- My buddy was telling about his new hobby of photographing Salmon in different outfits. Apparently it's just like shooting fish in apparel.
- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing He said he liked shooting fish in apparel
- I keep a folder on fish that swim upstream and can give you a disease if not cooked properly. The Salmon Manila
- I have a pet fish that I named Ella. She is a pretty fish, a salmon. I show her off to my friends and say This is Salmon ella .
- How long did it take the fish to go to the store? salmon or eight minutes.
- What do you call a salmon that can produce twice as many eggs twice as quickly and normal? A-fish-in-sea
- What do romantic fish sing to each other? Salmon-chanted evening.
Smoked Salmon Jokes
Here is a list of funny smoked salmon jokes and even better smoked salmon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People say smoking will give you diseases… But how can they say that when it cures salmon?
- People always say smoking will give you diseases... Then how come People use it to cure salmon
- They say smoking causes cancer But it cures salmon
- What's the hardest part about smoking a salmon? Keeping it lit!
- Everybody tells you that smoking causes disease what they don't tell you is that it cures salmon
- It's 420 time to start smoking. The salmon for tonight's dinner.
- Everyone tells you that smoking causes disease But do they tell you that it actually cures salmon?
- What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill? "I'm cured!"
Silly & Ridiculous Salmon Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about salmon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tuna jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make salmon pranks.
A man walks into the bakers...
A man walks into the bakers with a salmon under his arm. He asks the woman behind the counter "Excuse me, do you serve fish cakes?"
The woman replies, "Of course we don't!"
The man points to the fish and shouts - "Well what am I supposed to do?! Its his birthday!"
A couple went out to eat ...
A couple went out to eat at a nice restaurant. The waiter came over to give them the specials of the night, "For our main courses, we have a nice roasted Salmon with a Cranberry-Mustard sauce or a tender Chicken fried steak." The lady replied that she'd have the salmon.
The waiter said, "Very good, madam. What about the vegetable?"
She said, "Oh, I'm sure he'll just order the Chicken Fried Steak."
A Salmon under his arm
Man walks into a fish shop with a salmon under his arm and says to the fishmonger "You got any fishcakes mate?". The fishmonger replies "Course we do mate, it's a fish shop!". "GREAT" replies the man pointing to his salmon "It's his BIRTHDAY!"
What do you call a Salmon that sets a good example?
A roe model.
A lion goes into a restaurant
He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."
My other half and I went to a restaurant.
I said to the waitress, "Can I have the lemon grilled salmon?"
"Do you want anything on the side?"
I said, "I can't answer that with my wife sitting next to me."
Why did the hipster salmon not get to breed?
He didnt use the main stream
Has anybody ever noticed that you can get salmonella from chicken...but not chickenmonella from salmon?
What's pink, moist and smells fishy?
Salmon.
I found this great charity that I can donate all my brined salmon to!
Lox of Love
I found this cool charity that lets you donate brined salmon to those in need.
Lox of Love
What did the salmon say to the s**... whale after saving his life?
You're whalecum.
Me: I only got the bear essentials.
Wife: You mean bare essentials.
Me: *removes live salmon from mouth* I said what I said
My neighbors came around the neighborhood this morning with flyers complaining about how someone stole their delivered dinner from their front stoop last night.
If you ask me, it feels like an overreaction for some poorly seasoned vegetables, overcooked salmon, and the lemon-tinged green beans, all of which had already gone cold anyway.
Did you know that raw chicken gives you salmonella but...
Raw salmon doesn't give you chickenella?
It's my cake day so here is my cake joke...
A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says do you have fish cakes? The man behind the counter replies, No .
That's a pity, it's his birthday
People say smoking will give you diseases
But how can they say that when it cures salmon!!
(Lol im a smoking chef and when i heard this joke I coughed my lungs like i have the rona. Had to post it )
Dracula
Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet the vampire slayer
Tonight I made salmon for supper
As it was gently cooking in a warm bath of garlic, herbs, lemon, wine, and onion I got a visit from a Fish and Wildlife officer. He said sir we have reason to believe that salmon has been poached
How do salmon listen to music?
They stream it!
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents
They're appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, and his piercings.
Later, the girl's mom says, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
Oh, please, Mom! says the daughter. If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?
\- Maria Salmon
