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Sales People Jokes

28 sales people jokes and hilarious sales people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sales people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sales People Short Jokes

Short sales people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sales people humour may include short salesperson jokes also.

  1. I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts! That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend
  2. I saw an advert in the paper Yacht for sale . As if people dont know what a yacht is for.
  3. I saw an expensive looking body pillow for sale today I know some people who would pay a 4-Chan for it
  4. I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
  5. Blowout sale! Did you hear about the recent sale in SoHo?
    People used coupon code RIOT and got 100% off.
  6. Black Friday is tomorrow and people all across America are already stabbing and trampling one another... ...and then they heard about the Black Friday sales.
  7. Why don't cabbys make good sales people? They are habituated to driving the customers away.
  8. How do you get other people to pay you to haul away your old junk? Tell them it's a garage sale.
  9. Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of people due to loss in sales... They fired the kindergarteners and half the first grade.
  10. A crime boss works part time selling grass to people in his home city... I went over to his shop and asked if I could help him with his sales. He told me to stay off his turf.

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Sales People One Liners

Which sales people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sales people? I can suggest the ones about salesman and salesman up.

  1. Why do white people shop from black people's yard sales? To get their stuff back.
  2. Do people who use the metric system have meter sales?

Charming Humor Sales People Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about sales people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car salesman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sales people pranks.

Old Fridge

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."
The next day, someone stole it.

A Texas Salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"
"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
"One."
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
"$79,237.64."
His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

I don't know guys what is your problem with black people, they are wonderful human beings...

... When I was a boy there were plenty of them and we all were good friends and had so much fun until my father put them up for sale

Lie Detecting Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son again.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."
Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."
The robot slaps the father!
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.

There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever.
Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation."
Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."

Why is the Apple still reporting record profits from iPhone sales?
Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them.

Best Salesman of the year

At a sales conference, one of the awards went to Matthew for best salesman. He'd sold a record quantity of mouthwash. After he'd been presented with his award, he was asked for the secret of his success.
Oh it's simple really, said Matthew. I set up a mobile stall during rush-hour and give away free samples of a 'new meat paste'.
When people ask me what it contains, I tell them it has venison, herbs and natural bull droppings.
As they heave and spit it out, I ask them if they'd like to buy a bottle of our mouthwash.

Topical Jokes for 1/24

SkyMall Magazine has filed for bankruptcy. SkyMall blamed the decline in sales on the fact that s**... people have run out of money.
Scientists have proved that hearing jokes and the voices of family members helps coma patients wake up faster. One family started doing a comedy show, and the coma patient sprinted out of the hospital.
In New Hampshire, four bears died after they overdosed on chocolate bait. Even more tragic, one of the bear's New Year's Resolutions was to eat better.
A study has revealed that sitting for long periods increases your risk of death. It's especially lethal if you sit for a period longer than 100 years.
Cubans hope that improved relations with the US will also bring better internet access. To give you an idea of how slow Cuba's internet is, they're still waiting for Gangnam Style to load.

Math Joke

The "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers, scientists, and teachers can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."
This theorem can now be proved by mathematics based on the two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As any engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money
Then: Knowledge = Work / Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

At the office during lunch, Susan from sales stands up and yells, "53!".

All her other coworkers in the canteen laugh hysterically. A moment later Bob from accounting stands up and says, "41!". All in the canteen laugh even more loudly. A new hire in the canteen asks his coworker to his left, Joe from marketing, what was going on. Joe's answer: "We have hundreds of jokes circulating throughout the office, and each one is assigned a different number. Most of the jokes are very long, so to save time, instead of telling the entire joke, we just announce the number of the joke instead." At this moment Derek from the IT department, in the back of the canteen, stands up and squeaks in a rather uninspired way, "12!" No one laughs. Joe from marketing explains to the new hire, "some people just can't tell a good joke."

manager told me this one at dinner last weekend

Working in the field of engineering, things can get pretty dull...so here it goes.
There once was a man, lets call him John, who applied for a position at Tyco to manufacture Tickle-me Elmos. He figured he would make the cut as he knew the hiring manager. John landed the job and was told he'd be needed right away.
John reports to duty the next day and is immediately greeted by a man storming out of the building who obviously just got fired. On his way out he tells the John "Watch out, sales are down...you might be next."
Once John reports to his manager(friend), he inquires about sales being down to which the manager responds, "Yes indeed, sales are down because quality has depreciated." John asks why and the manager says, "People aren't testing the Elmo dolls seriously, you need two test tickles not just one"

A New Salesman

A young guy from N. J. moves to Fla. He goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a sales job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in New Jersey."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65."
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
"Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,
"So I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft."
"Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK?!"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

Salary Theorem: The less you know, the more money you'll earn (PROVEN INSIDE!)

Salary Theorem states that Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time
Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make.

Use this when a sales person calls you at your home

I saw this on seinfeld last night:
salesperson calls.
seinfeld: Hello?
salesperson: hi would you be interested in blah blah blah.
seinfeld: actually im really busy right now but if you give me your house number i can call you when im free.
salesperson: i actually can't give you my home number...
seinfeld: oh, because you don't want people calling you at home?
salesperson: yeah, exactly.
seinfeld: well now you know how i feel! (hangs up)
i am definitly using this next time i get a salescall.