Sale Jokes
155 sale jokes and hilarious sale puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sale that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Brighten up your next sale event with some hilarious jokes! From garage sales to car boot sales, we've got over 25 jokes that are sure to get laughs from buyers and sellers alike. Black Friday or Bake Sale, no matter the event, these jokes will have everyone in stitches. Ready to sell? You'll be ready with a smile and laugh with our sale jokes.
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Funniest Sale Short Jokes
Short sale jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sale humour may include short selling jokes also.
- Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."
- I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full. I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
- I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale" Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
- A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare 'Of course' replied the sales assistant 'Any particular one?'
'William, of course' replies the man. - For sale: Guitar
Yoyo
puppet
Kite
£5 for the lot
Genuine reason for sale
No strings attached - Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy. Alcohol sales have never been higher.
- Green chameleon for sale... No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it! - I saw an ad yesterday that said Radio for sale $1, volume is stuck on full blast. I said to myself well, I can't turn that down.
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any arnold schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
- Julius Caesar: Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new? Brutus: Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.
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Sale One Liners
Which sale one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sale? I can suggest the ones about sell and sold.
- Used Vacuum cleaner for sale. I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.
- For sale, barely used DeLorean Only driven from time to time.
- Black Friday sale on star wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it
- Got a really nice 3 foot ruler today... I bought it at a Yard sale.
- I've got this whiteboard for sale. You'll love it. It's remarkable!
- What's the easiest way to lose 20 pounds? The Steam summer sale
- For sale: Dead canary Not going cheap
- An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon... It was secondhand.
- My son asked if there is anything he shouldn't buy at a yard sale. I said Meters.
- I have a French WW2 rifle for sale Never been fired, only dropped once.
- Yesterday I sold my vacuum in a garage sale all it was doing was collecting dust.
- French rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped twice.
- Samsung have done well with the Galaxy Note 7 Sales are blowing up!
- For sale: French Rifle Condition: never fired, dropped once.
- How do you confuse a Jew? Put the bacon on sale for half-off.
Homes Sale Jokes
Here is a list of funny homes sale jokes and even better homes sale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wish my parents would have named me "Sale" I'd have a lifetime supply of free homes & cars...
- They're having a huge sale at the mobile home dealership. The prices are pre-fabulous
- How would Madame Foster begin the process of putting her Home for Imaginary Friends up for sale? By contacting a Fake Estate Agent.
- A guy brought his girlfriend home and told her there was a sale in his bedroom. Clothes 100% off.
- I just bought a sleeping bag from a car boot sale and it's living up to its name. It's been snoring all the way home.
- A crime boss works part time selling grass to people in his home city... I went over to his shop and asked if I could help him with his sales. He told me to stay off his turf.
House For Sale Jokes
Here is a list of funny house for sale jokes and even better house for sale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you like sales? Because in my house, clothes are 100% off.
- My wife is a compulsive plant freak. She's filled our house with all manner of potted plants that she picks up at yard sales and give aways! I think she's a hoarder-culturist.
- I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house. The owner had left a note. "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!" - Hey baby did you get your pants on sale? Because in my house they're 100% off.
- Sale at my house Clothes 100% OFF!
- What does a mobster do when his house gets too cluttered? He has a garrote sale.
- Anyone wanna buy some housing in Baltimore with me? I hear there's a fire sale
Garage Sale Jokes
Here is a list of funny garage sale jokes and even better garage sale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't pirates have garage sales? They prefer yarrr sales.
- "You know when you go to a garage sale, and you find a dusty old box of National Geographics? Yeah, well you're kind of like that.... You've got issues going way back."
- The other day I saw a sign on my street for a garage sale ...but I didn't go. I already had a garage.
- Why do you go to a black mans garage sale? So you can get all your stuff back.
- Why does every state have 2 senators? So that one can be the designated driver.
(overheard an old man at a garage sale telling this). - I bought a pair of roller blades at a garage sale... Some people might call me a cheap skate.
- Garage sales are garbage sales. But the B is silent.
- How do you get other people to pay you to haul away your old junk? Tell them it's a garage sale.
- To everyone who received a file from me named myjunk.jpg:
I thought I was sending you a photo of my garage sale.
I am so, so sorry. - The black family across the street from me is having a garage sale. Finally, a chance to buy some of my stuff back!
Black Friday Sale Jokes
Here is a list of funny black friday sale jokes and even better black friday sale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday? Sales at K-Mart
- Black Friday is tomorrow and people all across America are already stabbing and trampling one another... ...and then they heard about the Black Friday sales.
- How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale? Weasley twins are 50% off
- I heard there is a big online sale running in the US Every state has his net sold out.. And I thought black Friday is the biggest shopping event.
- I heard Missouri is having some great Black Friday sales this year... 100% off everything.
- It's Black Friday... do you like sales? Because of you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place.
- Black Friday Does anyone know if Planned Parenthood has a Black Friday sale?
- Black Friday sales are great! I got a Tupac of B.I.G. Eminems for 50 cent.
- Hey girl, there's a Black Friday-sale going on in my bedroom tonight! All clothes 100% off!
- Did you see EA's great black friday sale?
Yard Sale Jokes
Here is a list of funny yard sale jokes and even better yard sale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Add a word to ruin a movie: - Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard Sale
- Charlottes Web Cam. - Ruler I bought a three foot ruler yesterday at a yard sale
- Why do white men shop at black yard sales? To get all their stuff back.
- They tried to hide the yard sale at the cemetery but failed miserably It was a dead giveaway
- A buddy and I were thinking of starting a band called 'Yard Sale'. Just think of all the free publicity posters!
- Ate some weird mushrooms last night and somehow ended up in a Mazda car sales yard tripping like crazy.... Shroom Shroom.
- Why do white people shop from black people's yard sales? To get their stuff back.
- What do they say about a minimalist's yard sale? Not a whole lot.
- How to ruin a movie with one word... **Batman Begins** College
**The Longest Yard** Sale
**Charlotte's Web** Cam
Add your own in the comments!
Silly & Ridiculous Sale Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about sale you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sale pranks.
So a French WW2 rifle came up for sale at an auction, the description read...
French rifle, never used, dropped once.
A guy passes by a shop with three beautiful watches in the window...
He goes inside, and says to the proprietor: "Those are beautiful watches you have on display, how much for one?"
The proprietor says: "Oh, those aren't for sale. We don't make watches here, we do circumcisions."
The man is a bit taken aback: "If you do circumcisions, why do you have watches in your shop window?"
The proprietor says: "Well, what would you put in the window?"
My uncle has a factory that make "For Sale" signs.
I asked him how companies like that advertise because I've never seen ads any for that sort of business and he replied:
"They essentially sell themselves."
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket
The husband picks up a case of Fosters and puts it in their trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $40 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $80 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts:
'So does 24 cans of Fosters, and it's half the price.'
Boat for sale
Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."
100 camels
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get back home.
For Sale...
Parachute: $300.
Slightly stained.
Used once; never opened.
No strings attached.
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart...
...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
The husband says, 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
A One Line Advertisement By A Married Man
For Sale: Wedding Suit, Worn Only Once By Mistake
John sees a "boat for sale" sign and decides to go take a look...
Behind the sign the there is only an old tractor and a beat up truck, so he goes to the door and an old newfie answers.
John says "I'm interested in the boat you have for sale"
The newfie looks confused and says "no bye, I ain't got no boat for sale."
"But" John says, "you have a sign out by that old truck and tractor..."
"Aye," replies the newfie, "and dere boat for sale!"
A Jewish lady wants an obituary for her husband.
A Jewish lady calls the New York Times and says "I want an obituary for my husband." The person at the times says "it's 10$ a word". "10$ a word!" The lady exclaims. "Fine" she says "Burnstein dies". The lady says "there is a minimum of 5 words". "Fine" she grumbles, "Burnstein dies Buick for sale".
Three legged pig
A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'
A salesman knocks on the door and a small child answers
The salses man asks, "Is your father home"?
"No, he was ran over by a tractor".
"I'm sorry to hear that, is your mother home"?
"No, she was ran over by a tractor".
"Do you have any big brother or sister at home"?
"No, they were ran over by a tractor"
"So what are you doing here all alone"?
"I'm driving a tractor"
For sale, homeless man.
Still in box
For Sale: Starter motor for Perpetual Motion Machine.
Only used once.
How do you get into Heaven?
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
Saw a tv for sale on eBay for £5. Only problem was the volume button was broken.....
How can I turn that down?
I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale
I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes
I walked into a shop and saw a radio for sale because the volume was stuck on high...
...I thought, I can't turn this down!
What do you call a discount sauna?
A steam sale
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
For Sale: Parachute
Never opened, slightly stained.
A man goes to a garage sale.
He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.
Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"
Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"
Man - "What's the catch then?"
Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."
Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"
A man notices a TV for sale.
"Hey, how much is this TV?"
The salesman replies "1 dollar."
"Only a dollar? Why so cheap?"
The salesman tells him "the sound is stuck on the highest volume."
"So it's always on the highest volume? And it's only one dollar?"
"Yup."
"Wow, can't turn that down."
A man walks into a store to buy condoms
He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"
Wife: What's so special about them.
Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.
Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?
Husband: The gold one of course!
Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.
A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"
Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?
The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
I finally saved up enough money that I could afford to listen to my heart.
It turns out that's just a metaphor.
Anyway, I have a stethoscope for sale.
A Black/Jewish boy asks his dad whether he's more Black or more Jewish.
When his dad asks why, the boy answers "there's a bike for sale for $100 and I can't decide whether to haggle down to $75 or just steal it."
My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes
Grandma did always have a soft spot for h**...-made products.
Man finds an HD TV in a Garage Sale
"How much is this TV?" the man said.
The seller responded, "One dollar."
"Wow, only one dollar?"
"Yep, one dollar."
Why is it so cheap?" asked the man.
"Its volume is turned all the way up, and you can't adjust it, it's stuck that way." said the seller.
"So the volume is always turned up?"
"Yep."
"And it's only a dollar?"
"Yes, one dollar."
"Just cause the volume is turned all the way up?"
"Yep."
"Wow! Can't turn that down."
Bartering with Beer
Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.
With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"
FOR SALE: One dead budgie
Not going cheep.
A salesman knocked on a suburban door...
...and was greeted by a nine-year-old boy puffing away on a long black cigar. Stunned for a brief moment, he managed to regain his composure and say "Good afternoon. Would your mother or father be home?" The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes onto the carpet, and replied "What the f*c**... do you think?"
If you login to Amazon
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
I went shopping with my wife.
Going down one of the aisles I noticed they had beer on sale $10 a case. I put it in the cart and she told me to put it back we couldn't afford it.
A couple aisles later she picks up a jar of face cream for 20 dollars.
I asked how come we can afford this and not the beer.
She said this makes my face pretty.
I said so will a case of beer for half the price.
Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down.
Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and
so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of
face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look s**... and beautiful for you
when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'
(Told by a 7 year old reading me a joke off of her SpongeBob Gogurt) "What is Plankton's grandma's favorite type of pudding?"
"Not labeled for individual sale!!!!!"
Balloons For Sale!
They're 10c each or if you want them filled its 20c
Ive adjusted the price to allow for inflation.
I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.
No strings attached.
A salesman approaches you
Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.
Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.
This text is tiny, I can't read it.
Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
I saw this sign: "Lots for sale."
But there was nothing there.
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave."
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
Financial collapse in Japan
Origami Bank has folded.
Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.
Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.
500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.
I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt...
They had some really weird goods for sale. Honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.
A dude is having a yard sale and is selling his TV
Customer: "Sweet I do need a new TV. How much?"
Seller: "5 dollars"
C: "What? Why is it so cheap?"
S: "Well it's stuck on full volume. The remote doesn't work"
C: "And you're just gonna sell it for $5 because you can't make it quieter?
S: "Yep"
C: "Wow. Can't turn that down"
I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!
That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend
A guy goes into a grocery store.
He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper:
"What are those?"
"Those are potatoes"
"Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?"
The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes.
"What are those?"
"Those are plums..."
"Can I have a kilogram of plums all individually wrapped?"
The store keeper cusses under his breath and starts packing plums.
"... and what are those?!
"Those are poppy seeds and they are NOT for sale!"
I saw an advert in the paper Yacht for sale .
As if people dont know what a yacht is for.
A salesman knocks on a door and a 10 year old kid answers drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette...
The salesman is shocked but he asks the kid: Excuse me young man is your mother or father home?
The kid looks at him, takes a drag from the cigarette and says, What do you think?
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
Mercedes for Sale @ $1
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said "I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money receievd from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary".
I saw a used Bose stereo system on sale for for 15$
I asked the guy why it was so cheap and he told me it was a great deal, but the volume is stuck on max.
I thought "well, I can't turn that down".
Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale
I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.
I saw an expensive looking body pillow for sale today
I know some people who would pay a 4-Chan for it
I have a DeLorean for sale
It's in great condition and only driven from time to time.
Mercedes for Sale @ $100
Mercedes for Sale @ $100
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it could be true so no one responded, but an old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 Kms, for $100.
She handed him the papers and the car keys.
Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said, "I shall die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied, "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where it's written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary ..."
Old Fridge
A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."
The next day, someone stole it.
