Salad Jokes
190 salad jokes and hilarious salad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about salad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh your way through lunch with our collection of funny salad jokes. From puns about caesar salad to silly jokes about fruit salad and potato salad, there's something for everyone! Get your greens and giggles with chicken salad, greek salad and more. Plus, find out how lettuce and vinaigrette can lead to guacamole.
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Funniest Salad Short Jokes
Short salad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The salad humour may include short salmon jokes also.
- My wife says the salads I make tend to be a bit on the dry side. It's definitely something that needs addressing.
- I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food? SEIZURE SALAD.
I peed - I always knock on the front door of my fridge ... Just in case there is a salad dressing.
- I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory. The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.
- I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."
I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many. - A man named Eric Cole... ... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law. - "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- Today, I walked into a restaurant. "Hi, is my table ready?"
"No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?"
"No, that's okay."
"Great, take these salads to table six then." - Just made a chicken salad... Not even sure if chicken's like salad, but I guess we're about to find out
- From my 9 year old niece... What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad? Chicken sees a salad.
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Salad One Liners
Which salad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with salad? I can suggest the ones about sushi and lunch.
- What does a priest put on salad? Lettuce spray
- What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden? A seizure salad.
- Any salad can be a Caesar salad. If you stab it enough.
- Why did the cucumber blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- What do you call a spring equinox party with vegetables? A salad-bra-tion!
- I dreamt I was making a salad. I was tossing all night.
- I made a salad yesterday. It wasn't very good.
So I tossed it. - What did the epileptic vegetarian always have for dinner? Seizure salad...
- My family was being held captive by a salad It wouldn't lettuce leaf
- Did you know that if you stab a salad 23 times, It becomes a Caesar Salad
- I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken I didn't know where to start.
- What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
- Did you hear about the salad who went missing? All they found were its chard romaines
- Why did the tomato turn red It saw the salad dressing.
- What did the priest say before eating his salad? "Lettuce pray"
Caesar Salad Jokes
Here is a list of funny caesar salad jokes and even better caesar salad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
- How do you turn a garden salad into a caesar salad? Stab it a bunch of times.
- I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad
- I made a Salad for 23 people to destroy It was a Caesar salad
- What did Shakespeare eat for lunch? Caesar salad.
- What were Julius Caesar's dying words? name... a salad.... after me...ahhh
- A hen laid eyes on some pieces of lettuce. The chicken caesar salad.
- I have done some research, and discovered what food you are most likely to die of a heart attack. "Caesar Salad."
[OC.] - What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens? Caesar salad
- A Caesar salad walks in to a bar A piece of Romaine stabs him in the back
Chicken Salad Jokes
Here is a list of funny chicken salad jokes and even better chicken salad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are epileptic chickens immediately killed? No one wants a chicken seizure salad...
- I made a chicken salad yesterday "was it any good?"
I don't think so, he only ate the croutons - Dad jokes What do you call a hen staring at a head of lettuce?
A Chicken-sees-a-salad...... - I work at a restaurant and one of the chefs there is both dyslexic and epileptic. Ended up sending out a chicken seizure salad.
- I made a chicken salad.. It hasn't eaten it yet but I hope it'll enjoy it
- How do you make a chicken salad? Make a salad and give it to a chicken.
- I saw a cockerel in a store looking at the tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce... I knew what it was - it was a chicken Caesar salad. (chicken sees a salad).
Tossed Salad Jokes
Here is a list of funny tossed salad jokes and even better tossed salad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a baby and a salad? Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
- What's the worst part of being a cook in prison? Having to toss everyone's salad
- I realized today that I really only have two options when it comes to a career path. I'm going to end up in jail or working at Olive Garden. Either way endless salads are getting tossed.
- What do vegans do for foreplay? Toss each other's salads of course.
- I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad.
- Whats worse, being a vegan inmate or non vegan? Or non vegan inmate*
Depends on whether you want to eat meat or toss salad. - Why do you think I dated a vegetarian? So I can get my salad tossed
- My last gf was so Mexican... that I needed a glass of milk to toss her salad.
- When she was in prison, what did martha stewart learn about cooking? How to toss salad.
- Nicki Minaj is pregnant with Sam 'n Ella twins. After apparently a guy named Romaine tossed her salad.
Making A Salad Jokes
Here is a list of funny making a salad jokes and even better making a salad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my son, I always wanted to give you a lesson on how to make a salad. Son: Why?
Me: That's something that needs addressing. - Why did the epileptic throw himself into the lettuce patch? He was making a seizure salad.
....I'll see myself out. - My Wife lost our dog last night whilst making a Salad If anybody Ceasar Please Lettuce Know.. Thanks..
- How do you make a salad wrap? By adding some beets
- What do you need to make a crystal salad? Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice
- You can make any salad jnto a Caesar salad. You just gotta add 23 knives.
- How do you make a honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone, no dressing permitted.
(Credit goes to the tour guide on the Maid of the Mist ~1996) - How many beets in a bar? As many as it takes to make a salad.
- When you make a presidential fruit salad... ...don't forget to add the impeaches.
- How to make Salad First take a Cucumber. If you enjoy keep using it, we'll make Salad another day.
Fruit Salad Jokes
Here is a list of funny fruit salad jokes and even better fruit salad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm a responsible adult Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine
- I brought a date to the 4th of July party... ...really sweetened up the fruit salad.
- Why didn't the fruit salad get sunburnt? Because it had plenty of melon in.
- What do you call a gay vegan? A fruit salad!
- Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting tomato in a fruit salad.
- What do you call an antelope who gets sick from the fruit salad the morning of his wedding? A cantelope
Guys I'm so proud of this joke - My fruit salad is now all currants. I updated the recipe when I realized I was out of dates.
- What did the religious salad say to the fruit Lettuce rejoice and be grapeful
- Knowledge is knowing Napoleon.. ... was about the average height for his time.
Wisdom is not putting Napoleon in a fruit salad. - Snow White just ate an apple and got a love life And here I am eating a fruit salad and still got nothing
Playful Salad Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about salad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sandwich jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make salad pranks.
guy who's about to invent croutons
*[eating salad]:* I wish this hurt
What did the salad say before being eaten
Lettuce go.
Not sure if reposting but I thought this was funny.
So there are three girls in line for cucumbers. The first girl gets to the front of the line and says " I want a long and skinny cucumber". The second girl came up and said " I want a short and fat cucumber". The last girl came up and said " I just want a cucumber that's good for making a salad."
What is called a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone with no dressing.
A Prime Rib, A Baked Potato, and a Garden Salad walk into a bar...
The bartender snaps his head away from the newspaper and yells, "Beat it, guys!" "We don't serve food!"
What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?
"Lettuce Go!"
I guess she's got me there.
I stopped at a restaurant for dinner. The waitress asked me if I would like a salad, and I said, "I'll pass, even though I know I shouldn't." And she said, "Seahawks fan, huh?"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"
I went to the cannibal restaurant the other night and the waitress gave me the cold shoulder.
It came with rice and a salad.
I ordered the Club Salad for lunch..
I asked waitress "What all comes in the club salad?"
She said "Lettuce, turnip, the beat"
Measure of Attributes
Endurance is being able withstand having tomatoes thrown at you
Strength is being able to throw a heavy tomato
Agility is being able to dodge thrown tomatoes
Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato-based fruit salad.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women how I like my salad dressing
Extra v**...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do cannibals love eating people with epilepsy?
Because their favorite side dish is Seizure Salad.
I have a serious salad problem...
...it needs a dressing.
Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do p**... and salad have in common?
You push them both aside and keep eating.
Elton John was asked if he'd like an iceberg lettuce in his salad
he thought for a moment and replied "no thanks, I'm a rocket man"
What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?
"I feel a bit overdressed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my h**... like I like my salad dressing...
On the side
I couldn't stop sneezing after lunch today.
...I ate a sneezer salad.
(Also this is a true story, and I said this to my office :P)
What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?
Ceasar
One man he is rapper
He go to rap battle
He say to he enemy: i will make sick rap now
So what he do: he pull out chicken and salad and he put all in burrito bread and he roll and he say: here this wrap it is very tasty: eat it!!
He enemy: oh yes, this taste really good, it is a sick wrap!
so both go home and are not hungry^^^^^^^^^^freelx
What food is bad for epileptic people?
Seizure salad
What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics?
Seizure Salad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
McDonald's
Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a p**... for a hug.
A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...
And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"
I'm opening up a snack shop in DC.
I'm opening up a snack shop in DC. We will serve things like:
Triple fudge brownie sunday with double whipped cream, only 100 calories!
Cheesy deep fried nachos, more vitamins and less fat than a salad!
I'll call my shop "Alternative Snacts".
Where do Salads try on clothes?
The dressing room
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a a bunch of epileptic vegans at a rave?
Seizure Salad
What do transgenders put on their salad?
Crossdressing
Why did the woman blush when she opened her refrigerator?
Because she saw the salad dressing.
I had never heard this until today. Made me chuckle a bit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is worse than finding a bug in your salad?
Getting anally r**... by a rhinoceros.
I'm epileptic. My friend dumped a bunch of lettuce on me.
I am now a seizure salad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Any salad is a Caeser Salad if you stab it enough times
It's also more healthy if you've Et tu
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I made a chicken salad this morning
s**... thing won't even eat it.
What do you call a salad leaf that constantly works out?
Shredded lettuce
My girlfriend tried to sneak leafy greens into another country on our vacation...
...I thought customs was gonna Caeser salad, but they let it romaine.
If you see me in a restaurant and I am having a salad
I have been kidnapped and I am signaling you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a ceaser salad from a regular salad?
Stab it 23 times.
My friend found out her vegan boyfriend has been cheating on her today.
Turns out, he had a side salad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I said to a fat girl today...
I said to a fat girl today,
"You're a big girl!"
She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."
I said, "Salad tastes nice"
When the logician was given a choice between eternal bliss and a ham salad, which one did he choose?
Ham salad, because nothing is better than eternal bliss, and ham salad is better than nothing.
Doctor: Before you go to sleep, don't eat anything fatty.
Obese patient: Can I eat salad instead ?
Doctor: No, fatty.
The nudist colony restaurant was so bad
Even the salad was undressed
Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.
I ate a salad for dinner!
It was mostly tomatoes and croutons.
Really just one, big round crouton covered in tomato sauce.
And cheese.
... I had a pizza.
Today I had Libertarian salad.
Lettuce alone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times.
I got home last night and opened the fridge....
And I caught the salad dressing
