Salad Jokes

Laugh your way through lunch with our collection of funny salad jokes. From puns about caesar salad to silly jokes about fruit salad and potato salad, there's something for everyone! Get your greens and giggles with chicken salad, greek salad and more. Plus, find out how lettuce and vinaigrette can lead to guacamole.

Playful Salad Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

Why was the lettuce embarrassed?

It saw the salad dressing.

What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

You make a seizure salad.

What did the salad say before being eaten

Lettuce go.

I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today

It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."

I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

jokes about salad

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?


I peed

I'm a responsible adult

Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine

Salad joke, I'm a responsible adult

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris

The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.

"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"

The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank fΓΌr die guten abend"

Did you know that if you stab a salad 23 times,

It becomes a Caesar Salad

Why did the cucumber blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

I dreamt I was making a salad.

I was tossing all night.

You can explore salad guacamole reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean salad slaw dad jokes. There are also salad puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I went to the cannibal restaurant the other night and the waitress gave me the cold shoulder.

It came with rice and a salad.

What's an epileptic persons favorite appetizer?

Seizure Salad.

What did the priest say before eating his salad?

"Lettuce pray"

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?

Seizure salad

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night...

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

"Salad tastes nice."

Salad joke, I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night...

What does an epileptic vegetarian eat?

Seizure salad

How do you make a salad wrap?

By adding some beets

Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

Did you hear about the salad who went missing?

All they found were its chard romaines

Why did the tomato turn red

It saw the salad dressing.

Any salad can be a Caesar salad.

If you stab it enough.

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

A salad shooter.

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.


Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a p**... for a hug.

I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken

I didn't know where to start.

Salad joke, I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken

A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...

And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"

A man named Eric Cole...

... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

Just made a chicken salad...

Not even sure if chicken's like salad, but I guess we're about to find out

In a restaurant, a boy asks his Dad "are bugs ok to eat?" His Dad says "We don't talk about bugs while we eat. Let's discuss them later". When they are finished and waiting for their check, the Dad asks his son "now what were you asking me about?"

"Oh, nothing, really" the boy replied. There was a bug in your salad, but now it's gone."

What do you call the salad of an epileptic chef?

A seizure salad.

What do you call a a bunch of epileptic vegans at a rave?

Seizure Salad

You guys ever heard of Murphy's law?

Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.

You guys ever heard of Cole's law? Its thinly sliced cabbage with a vinaigrette, salad dressing.

What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?

A seizure salad.

Why did the woman blush when she opened her refrigerator?

Because she saw the salad dressing.

I had never heard this until today. Made me chuckle a bit.

I made a tuna salad this morning.

s**... thing didn't even eat it.

What is worse than finding a bug in your salad?

Getting anally r**... by a rhinoceros.

Why did the chicken stare at a piece of lettuce?

Because chicken sees a salad.

What does an epileptic person eat?

Seizure salad

What's an epileptic Roman's favorite food?

seizure salad

I'm epileptic. My friend dumped a bunch of lettuce on me.

I am now a seizure salad.

I made a chicken salad this morning

s**... thing won't even eat it.

My family was being held captive by a salad

It wouldn't lettuce leaf

What did the epileptic vegetarian always have for dinner?

Seizure salad...

If you see me in a restaurant and I am having a salad

I have been kidnapped and I am signaling you.

How do you turn a garden salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it a bunch of times.

How do you make a ceaser salad from a regular salad?

Stab it 23 times.

I said to a fat girl today...

I said to a fat girl today,

"You're a big girl!"

She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."

I said, "Salad tastes nice"

When the logician was given a choice between eternal bliss and a ham salad, which one did he choose?

Ham salad, because nothing is better than eternal bliss, and ham salad is better than nothing.

You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?

It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.

From my 9 year old niece... What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad?

Chicken sees a salad.

Doctor: Before you go to sleep, don't eat anything fatty.

Obese patient: Can I eat salad instead ?

Doctor: No, fatty.

I made a salad yesterday.

It wasn't very good.

So I tossed it.

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

What does a priest put on salad?

Lettuce spray

I ate a salad for dinner!

It was mostly tomatoes and croutons.

Really just one, big round crouton covered in tomato sauce.

And cheese.

... I had a pizza.

I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad

Today I had Libertarian salad.

Lettuce alone!

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

I always knock on the front door of my fridge ...

Just in case there is a salad dressing.

A Woman goes into a laundromat

The woman says: I spilled salad on it. The Worker, not hearing them, said: Come again?
The woman says: No, not this time, it was salad.

I always knock on the fridge before opening it.

Just in case there's a salad dressing

I always knock on the fridge door before opening it...

Just in case there's a salad dressing.

I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad

>!I was tossing all night!<

What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?

A chicken sees her salad

Why did the ketchup blush?

He saw the salad dressing.

I always knock before I open a fridge

Just in case there's a salad dressing

Why was the tomato blushing?

Because he saw the salad dressing!

her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course

**me:** it didn't say it had nuts

**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe

**me:** that makes sense

**waiter:** and for you?

**me:** steak, no bees, please.

What does a Redditor eat on a salad?

Blue cheese.

I always knock on the refrigerator door before I open it.

There might be a salad dressing.

I swear Grandma didn't send this to me on Facebook...

Doctor - so, what did you have for dinner last night?

Patient - I had a fruit salad.

D - only fruit salad? Well, that should help with your cholesterol. And strawberries are very high in...

P - well, it was mostly grapes.

D - mostly?

P - well, all grapes.

D - still, fresh grapes are...

P - they weren't overly fresh. Well, a little older, maybe. Fermented?

D - ...

P - Okay, wine. I had wine for dinner.

Why was the tomato blushing?

He saw the salad dressing.

You should always knock on the fridge door..

Just in case there's a salad dressing.

A woman walks into a bar

She sits at the counter and orders a salad with croutons and a creamy dressing.

The waiter delivers her salad, and she hands him a crisp $20 bill. As the waiter walks back to the cash register he holds it to the light and realizes it's a counterfeit! He snaps around to see the woman grabbing her salad and running for the door.

He shouts at the top of his lungs "Seize her salad!"

When is it acceptable for a nose to be in a salad?

When it's a snowman's nose!!

Why did the epileptic throw himself into the lettuce patch?

He was making a seizure salad.

....I'll see myself out.

Q: How do you turn a regular salad into a ceaser salad ?

A: Just stab it 23 times

I brought a date to the 4th of July party...

...really sweetened up the fruit salad.

What do you call a hen staring at a bowl of shredded lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad

My wife knocked on the fridge door before opening it…

I said, 'excuse me but what's happening?'

She said, 'there might have been a salad dressing'

I made a Salad for 23 people to destroy

It was a Caesar salad

I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.

The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.

what is an cannibal octopus' favorite salad

octopus salad. kind of obvious.

I told my son, I always wanted to give you a lesson on how to make a salad.

Son: Why?

Me: That's something that needs addressing.

Bland salad is a problem.

It needs addressing.

Man and woman are out on a dinner date.

Waiter: "What will you be having tonight ma'am?"

Woman: "I'll have the salad, no nuts please."

Waiter: "Of course."

Man: "But it didn't say it had nuts."

Woman: "I'm allergic, so I tell them just to be safe."

Man: "That makes sense."

Waiter: "And for you, sir?"

Man: "I'll have the steak, no bees please."

Why should you knock on a refrigerator door before opening it?

In case there's a salad dressing

Tongue anyone?

A man went to an ethnic restaurant for lunch and asked the waiter if there were any specials that day. The waiter beamed and said, we do have a marvelous tongue salad which our chef is very expert at preparing. The man said I would never eat anything that came out of a cows mouth. I'd rather die.
Without expression, the waiter said Then how about an egg?

Why should you knock before opening a refrigerator door?

Because their might be salad dressing.

My Wife lost our dog last night whilst making a Salad

If anybody Ceasar Please Lettuce Know.. Thanks..

Do u know y i knock on my fridge before opening

Because there might be a salad dressing inside

Ingredients for a Honeymoon Salad

Lettuce alone without dressing.

How do you make a Caesar salad from a salad?

You stab it 23 times

A hen laid eyes on some pieces of lettuce.

The chicken caesar salad.

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the salad fruit salad puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working salad caesar salad piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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