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Saint Jokes

128 saint jokes and hilarious saint puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about saint that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Saint Jokes: Divine Humor for the Soul

My journey with "Saint Jokes" has been nothing short of delightful. Humorous tales that revolve around saints have a unique charm, as they unveil the lighter side of spirituality. They blend the profound wisdom associated with saints and the joy of laughter, providing a refreshing perspective.

Importance of Saint Jokes

Saint Jokes aren't just for the sake of laughter. They've been an essential part of my life, helping me interpret situations with a touch of humor and encouraging me to perceive challenging circumstances as a part of the divine comedy. They serve as a reminder that spirituality and humor can walk hand-in-hand, offering a much-needed relief to the often serious and stern view of faith.

Impact of Saint Jokes on My Perspective

The impact of Saint Jokes on my outlook has been significant. They've transformed my thoughts by adding color and humor to my perception of saints. These jokes have made me realize that saints are not distant figures from the past, but more relatable and very much human.

Humor: A Divine Trait?

One important revelation that I've derived through Saint Jokes is the divine nature of humor. They have helped me understand that humor is not a distraction from spirituality, but a valuable trait that can lead us towards a brighter perspective of faith. It's both insightful and lighthearted, showing the ability to nourish the soul.

The Universality of Saint Jokes

Lastly, I've come to appreciate the universality of Saint Jokes. They transcend the limits of language, culture, and religion, having the power to inspire smiles and laughter across different audiences. They carry a universal message of joy and humor, making them a cherishable aspect of both comedy and spirituality.

Funniest Saint Short Jokes

Short saint jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The saint humour may include short holy jokes also.

  1. A slice of pie costs $3.50 in Barbados, $3.00 in Saint Lucia, $2.50 in Belize, and $2 in Cuba.
    Those are the pie rates of the caribbean.
  2. What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland? "Everyone got seat belts on back there?"
  3. A guy dies, goes to the gates of heaven, and starts telling Saint Peter a joke. 8 hours later, Peter finally gets impatient, interrupts him and says, "We don't have forever, Norm."
  4. Go to the dog shelter for a dog and you are a Saint.... Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind!!
  5. What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
  6. Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint. But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
  7. What's the only major difference between Cinco de mayo and Saint Patrick's day? Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.
  8. Jehovah's Witness
    I was just wondering………..if a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to heaven and knocks on heaven's door….. does Saint Peter answer the door or does he hide like the rest of us???
  9. Why didn't the hipster want to see the Saint John River and the Penobscot River? They're two Maine streams.
  10. Why are there no accordion players in heaven? They can’t get past Saint Peter’s “No Squeezeboxes” sign.

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Saint One Liners

Which saint one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with saint? I can suggest the ones about savior and pope.

  1. Girl, you must be Saint Peter... Cuz you've denied me three times already.
  2. Who the patron saint of surveillance? St Francis of a CCTV.
  3. Why did Saint Francis cry? Someone called him Assisi.
  4. Who is the patron saint of 'reply all'? St. Francis of a CC
  5. What did Saint Peter name his first born son? Saint Repeater
  6. What do youcall a broke santa? Saint nickel less
  7. Who deodorizes the Saints locker room after a game? Drew Fe-Brees...
  8. Who is the patron saint of copying people into emails? St. Francis of a CC
  9. I have the heart of a saint And a lifetime ban from Mother Teresa's grave.
  10. Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted? Because of the Santa Clause
  11. What's a burger's favorite holiday??????????????? Saint Patty's Day of course.
  12. You have the face of a saint. Which one? Saint Bernard.
  13. If my wiener was a mountain... It be Mount Saint Helens
  14. What do you call a mystic Saint you share a living space with? Rumi..
  15. What do you call a Mexican-Norwegian saint who lives in Japan? San Sanchezsen-san

Saint Peter Jokes

Here is a list of funny saint peter jokes and even better saint peter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did God say to Saint Peter, when giving him control of the weather? You have free rain!
    (had this idea in the shower, so it's technically a shower thought?)
  • A man walks up to the pearly gates Saint Peter asks, "How did you get here?"
    The mans answers, "Flu."
  • What did a horse say to Saint Peter? Am I in hayven?
  • Why was Saint Peter so good at basketball? He denied Jesus 3 times

Patron Saint Jokes

Here is a list of funny patron saint jokes and even better patron saint puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today we honor a patron saint by drinking ourselves into an unintelligible rabble. Or as the Irish call it... breakfast.
  • Happy St. Patricks Day. Where we honor a patron saint by drinking ourselves into unconsciousness. Or as the Irish call it...breakfast.
  • Just got yet another email from the patron saint of copying people in I should never have given my email address to St Francis of a CC
  • Today I found out who the patron saint of silence is. It's St.Fu
Saint joke, Today I found out who the patron saint of silence is.

Latter Day Saint Jokes

Here is a list of funny latter day saint jokes and even better latter day saint puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between l**... and l**... (Latter Day Saints)? one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P
  • What do you call a hypocritical member of the church of Latter Day Saints? an oxy-m**....
    or, all of them.
  • What do you call it when the church of Latter Day Saints invades an area? The m**... conquest.

Saint Bernard Jokes

Here is a list of funny saint bernard jokes and even better saint bernard puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If a person does exceedingly well in the Catholic faith, they become a saint. But if someone does equally well in the Hindu faith, they become a... Saint Bernard.
  • Did you hear about the 13th century french dog that was a saint?... St. Bernard.
    Hiyooooooo.
Saint joke, Did you hear about the 13th century french dog that was a saint?...

Howlingly Hilarious Saint Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about saint you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean church holy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make saint pranks.

A minister and a lawyer at the pearly gates.

A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, (to the lawyer) the keys to our finest p**... suit."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've seen."

Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".

The Pearly Gates and the Brothers


Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 3 black guys arrive.
St. Pete looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."
St. Pete goes over to God's office and chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Pete: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Pete goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."
"Who. The black guys?" asked God.
"No. The Gates."

What do you call Santa with no pants on?

Saint Nickerless!

How come when I find a stray dog, take it home, and give it a bath everyone calls me a saint...

...but when I do it with a kid everyone just calls me a priest?

I was told this joke by an old lady back when I was 12.

Three men are at the gates of Heaven. The first walks up to Saint Peter, who asks him how he died.
"I knew my wife was cheating on me, but I had no proof, so I went home early one day to catch her. I walked in and saw her lying n**... in bed, but I didn't see the guy anywhere. I looked in the bathroom, in the closet, under the bed... nothing. But then I looked out the window and saw a man hanging from the fire escape below me in his boxers. In a fit of rage I picked up the refrigerator beside me and threw it at him. Unfortunately, this gave me a heart attack and I died."
Saint Peter gives his condolences and lets the first man into Heaven. The second man walks up.
"So I was doing pull ups on my fire escape this when all of a sudden this refrigerator comes out of nowhere and flattens me!"
Saint Peter again expresses his condolences at the dramatic irony and lets the second man in. The third then walks up.
"So I was sitting n**... in a refrigerator..."

Golfing on the sabbath

One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"

Ducks

Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'

Who's the nicest player in the NFL?

Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.

It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'
The p**... replied, 'These are Carols.'

A musician dies and goes to heaven

there he sees an old guy with long white hair and a beard swinging his arms and gesticulating like crazy.
"Who's that?" he asks.
"Oh, him" Saint Peter sighs "That's God. He's turned crazy. Megalomanical! He thinks he's Herbert von Karajan!"

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day

It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.

Rock'n'Roll Heaven

Stevie Ray Vaughan dies in his helicopter c**... and goes to heaven. He is escorted by Saint Peter to a special area reserved for famous dead rock musicians. He is very honoured as he sees that he is in the company of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Buddy Holly and dozens of other famous faces from the history of rock.
Then he spies Bono preening in front of a mirror.
"Hey wait a second," he says, "Bono's not dead!"
Saint Peter replies, "Actually, that's God. He just thinks he's Bono"

Ann Rand died...

and went to heaven. While walking about she saw her doppelganger. Rushing over to Saint Peter, she exclaimed "I have a twin!"
"No," said Peter. "That's God. He just **thinks** he is Ann Rand."

St. Patricks Day

Whenever people pinch me on Saint Patricks Day, I punch them.
Because whatever you do with "I" I do with "U"

For the Day that's in it: What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

Three men die and go to heaven.

They meet a saint watching the gate, who tells them, "You are all welcome in Heaven. Just do not step on any ducks."
And so they walk in, and the moment they get in, the first man steps on a duck. Then, suddenly, there is a chain on his arm, and on the other end is an incredibly grotesque woman, smelling to the point of being comparable to a harpy. The saint says, "This is your wife, now and for all of eternity.
A few years pass, and the other two are doing just fine. Then, the second man, waking up, rolls over and stands up - "QUACK!" Straight onto a duck. Another woman, even more horrible and smelly than the last is chained to him. "This is your wife, now and for all eternity."
More years pass, and eventually, the saint appears, along with a chain on his arm. On the other end is a woman more beautiful than any he had ever seen. He asks the saint, "Why? I never stepped on a duck."
The woman pipes up, "I did."

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.


'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'
And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

Kim Khardasian and Kanye West named their children North West and Saint West. But to prove I'm a worse parent...

I plan on naming my children...Kim Khardashian and Kanye West

Why did it take so long to see a picture of Saint West?

Because he was a Tidal exclusive.

"Saint"? You had one job, Kardashian-West family.

Go make another kid, and this time name it Wild Wild.

Ah, good ol' Saint Patrick's day...

... the day when all weathermen disappear.

What do you get when you mix a l**... and a con man?

A lepercon. (In honor of Saint Patrick's day.)

Why do people think Saint Stephen was a m**... addict?

He was s**... to death.

I overheard a gentleman saying he grew up with Drew Brees, and that he wasn't a very nice person...

I said, "Hey! Drew Brees is a *Saint!*"

What is the definition of a Saint?

A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.

..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"

Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him
Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan

Who was the worst Saint?

Saint Anic

A couple dies and goes to heaven

They are greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. As they are being processed for admission they decide to ask Saint Peter if they can get married in heaven.
Saint peter tells them he will find out and get back to them. Finally, after 2 months he returns to the couple and tells them "yes, you can get married in heaven."
The couple then proceeds to ask him "what if it does not work out, can we also get a divorce?" To which Saint Peter tells them, "it took me 2 months to find you a priest, how long do you think it will take me to find you a lawyer?"

We Make STD's

You're a Saint, and i've got the D

Never give your kids s**... names.

You might think it's funny but they have to live with that for the rest of their lives. Take Kanye West for example. His kids, North and Saint . They've got to spend their whole lives telling people that their dad is called Kanye .

Vatican to elevate pope Francis to sainthood-report

Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'

A saint drank through an uncooked piece of meat

St. Raw

Saint Nick got off scot-free from years of accumulated speeding charges.

He cited the Santa clause.

I hate Adolf h**...!

The man who shot that s**... must be a saint!

They should just confer sainthoods on every US president after their term.

Each new president makes the old one look like a saint.

What do you call a m**... climber?

A Ladder Day Saint.

Some dude went to a Halloween party dressed as Santa.

He was approached by someone who said "Really? You dressed as Santa?"
The man replied "Almost. You see, I went commando."
The person was surprised at the response. So he asked "why does that change anything?"
The man smiled, and slyly replied "Today, I am dressed as Saint Knicker-less"

The car of a woman stops at midnight

A man come to help her. He start fixing the car.
After he finished, he tells the woman to try and start the car.
"Jesus, make this car start."
"Saint Mary, make this car start."
" St. Peter, make this car start." said the man.
"You must be a very religious Christian man." said the lady.
"No, I am a Muslim " said the man, " I can't wake up our prophet in the middle of the night!"

Today is Saint Nikolaus Day, which, in some cultures, is when people leave their shoes outside their door and wake up to candy inside them

What's next? We'll start getting presents in our socks?!

Do you know why there's no Saint Range on heaven?

cause that would be strange...

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven

He gets to the gate and sees Saint Pete. No fair the lawyer says, I am only 45.
Saint Pete says no, we got a new system. We do it by billable hours, our system says you are 135

Why was Saint Valentine sad on the day commemorating him?

Because he doesn't have no body to celebrate with.
(It's just a joke, don't lose your head.)

They say saint Francis was a serious cat lover...

Some may even agree he's a Catholic.

Saint Peter has a day off...

... so Jesus takes his place. A man arrives at the Pearly Gates.
Jesus: Hello. Name?
Man: Joseph.
Jesus: What did you do for a living?
Man: Well...I was a carpenter.
Jesus: Have you made any good to humanity?
Man: Oh yes. I raised a child that revolutionized the world.
After along pause... Of thinking how much of a coincidence it is... Of re-reading what he wrote down. Jesus look up. Tears in his eyes.
Jesus: DAD?!
Man: PINOCCHIO!

What does Saint Patrick and the IRA have in common?

Both if them did a great job of driving vermin out if Ireland.

There are extreme biases everywhere you look these days, for example..

It's totally okay for everyone paint red freckles on their face for Saint Patrick's Day, but when I wear black face on MLK Day it's a hate crime.

Did you know the reason that you can eat the body of Christ is because he's a baked good?

Specifically, he's a crossed saint.

An Irish Proposal

An Irishman proposed to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick's Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.
On learning it wasn't real she protested vehemently about his cheapness.
He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick's Day, he picked her a sham-rock.

Meanwhile at a catholic church...

We pray you Saint Anne...
The devil appears: Oh, it's you guys again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.
(Made this up myself, still giggling...)

Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint

Go to the woman's shelter for a new girlfriend d and everyone looses their minds

Saint Joseph said Jesus, close the door behind you. Were you born in a barn?

Whatever! You're not my real dad!

I don't trust old Saint Nick...

He's a priest who spends almost all year in a dark and cold place no one can find with a bunch of kids and his wife who no one has seen.

A catholic priest was praying Saint Anne.

The devil appears: Whazzzzup homie, why you pronounce my name so funny?

A man dies and goes to heaven

He sees Saint Peter, and starts to tell him a joke
"Masterchief and Cortana walk into a bar.."
Saint Peter cuts him off
"Is this about Halo?"
"Yeah"
"Don't bother, its just going to go over my head"

(X post) An artillery captain was made a saint by the Catholic Church.

One could say he was cannonized.

Young Jesus comes running into Saint Joseph's carpenter shop...

Daddy, did you call me?
Ah no, son, I just hit my thumb with a hammer.

With it being Saint Patrick's Day, I have an important question for all of you. You all know why there are two Irelands right?

Many people say it's because of religious and Political beliefs, but I always like to think it's because Ireland wanted to Dublin size.

Why was Santa feeling sad?

Because he couldn't buy any children presents as he was saint nickleless

Saint joke, Why was Santa feeling sad?

jokes about saint