Sailing Jokes
86 sailing jokes and hilarious sailing puns to laugh out loud. Read sport jokes about sailing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a good laugh? Look no further than these sailing jokes! Perfect for a sailing birthday, club party, or just to make your captain smile, these sailing jokes are sure to be a hit. From sunk boats to dinghies and docks, these sailing jokes will leave you in stitches!
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Funniest Sailing Short Jokes
Short sailing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sailing humour may include short sailed jokes also.
- I bought a sail for my boat on amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late. That sail has shipped.
- The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!
- carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
- While sailing, I had trouble navigating the waters between Russia and Alaska. I couldn't get my bearings straight.
- Olympic Results for Sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats. - My husband told me I could choose the name he'd paint on the back of his new boat with the condition it be nautical themed. So I named it... For sail.
- After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order. That sail has shipped.
- What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
- My wife didn't finish her morse code lessons before going sailing. She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.
- I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared. I thought, "Thats the biggest wave I've ever seen."
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Sailing One Liners
Which sailing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sailing? I can suggest the ones about boating and cruise.
- Alright guys, the Suez Canal jokes are getting a bit old now. That ship has sailed.
- I started a boat business in the attic. The sails are going through the roof
- Why is a pirate a marketing-employee? Because he works'n'sails
- How did the pirate afford such a big boat? It was on sail.
- Why don't the Jedi have a navy? Because sailing is a path to the dockside.
- I'm running a boat making company from my attic. The sails are through the roof.
- My Devil worshipping brother just got a new row boat... He christened it Sail Hatin'
- I've started a boating business from my attic. The sails are going through the roof.
- I used to have such a bad fear of boats Luckily, that ship has sailed.
- I'm selling boats out of my attic And my Sails are through the roof
- I was gonna post a joke about the Suez Canal But that ship has sailed
- I recently became the owner of a house boat dealership The sails went through the roof
- How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger flag on the cheap? He bought it on sail.
- How do you sell a ship with a broken mast? Promote a half-off sail.
- Where do Mathematicians sail? Indices.
Sailing Captain Jokes
Here is a list of funny sailing captain jokes and even better sailing captain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An english boat in german waters An english boat is sailing in German waters and the captain says to the coastguards "I'm sinking I'm sinking!". And the coastguard says "What are you sinking about?"
- A down on his luck shipwright is spending his day at the port when he sees a ship, with a damaged mast. What does he tell the captain? Anything to make a sail.
- I Didn't realise the ship I sailing on was a gay cruise.. until the captain introduced himself as The rear admiral
Sailing Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny sailing club jokes and even better sailing club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Don't bother entering the sail-raising contest at the boat club. It's rigged.
Hilarious Sailing Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about sailing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean yacht jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sailing pranks.
Whats the best profession to have for dating?
Arctic sailing, since its always handy for icebreakers.
I was on vacation in Tahiti and decide to go for a one day boat trip
The skipper was sailing along islands when I saw on a really tiny one a man with a long beard, torn-down clothes and no shoes waving at us, screaming. He was very, very far and I didn't understand a word he was saying. I asked the skipper:
- Who is this guy?
- Dunno, he have been there for six months, waves at me every day.
Somalis at the Olympics...
The Somalian Olympic Committee issued an official apology earlier in the week, after realising that sailing and shooting are separate events.
In honor of Leif Erikson Day...
Leif Erikson returned to his village after many years sailing the ocean and discovering new lands. When he arrived home, he noticed his name was no longer in the town records. Puzzled, he visited the census-taker to inquire about the error.
"I've been a dedicated member of this community for many years. Why am I not on the town list?" he asked.
"I'm sorry about the mistake, Mr. Erikson," replied the clerk, "I must've taken Leif off my census!"
An admiral is sailing a ship...
and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"
The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."
I'm feeling confident about my new business selling amphibious aircraft...
It's going to be plane sailing!
The stranded man
A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? he asks.
That's my house, says the castaway.
What's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third hut?
Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. That's the church I used to go to
Q: You're sailing on a boat with a pack of cigarettes, but do not have a fire source, what do?
A: Throw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
Two statisticians are out hunting...
Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"
What did the pilot say after crashing into the ocean?
Looks like it's plane sailing from here.
I tried to get team shirts for a sailing camp I'm going on
But I just couldn't get the idea to stay afloat
A ship is sailing through the sea...
passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.
A passenger asks the captain:
- Who is he?
- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.
The head of the 2016 somali Olympic squad has apologized to officials on behalf of their team...
...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events.
The first Olympic sailing results are in
England has taken gold, France has taken silver and Somalia has taken the boat.
Olympic Sailing results are in!
denmark have taken gold
Finland have taken silver
Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise
Olympic results are out finally
Sailing results:
GB have taken Gold.
Denmark Silver.
And Somalia has taken a middle aged couple sailing round the World.
My friend was really interested in learning to sail
But he wasn't sure if he should do it. When he asked me if he should actually get into sailing, I simply replied, "Whatever floats your boat."
Wife asks why I'm packing condoms
Wife asks: "Why are you packing condoms for a sailing trip with 10 guys?" I'm saying "Just in case." Now I'm traveling with a bigger case.
A red ship and a blue ship...
A Red ship and a Blue ship were sailing towards each other at full speed in the middle of the ocean and collided resulting in a horrible mess. What happened to the sailors?
...they were Marooned.
A jumbo jet ditches into the caribbean
It was plane sailing from then on
A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....
A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.
He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"
A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."
The Captain replied, "Great, you keep praying while the rest of us put our life jackets on.......we are short of one!"
At first I found flying a Boeing 747 on top of water hard
But soon after it was plane sailing.
I've never gone sailing before, but I want to sail around the world one day...
I have a yacht to learn before my trip.
A cruise ship is sailing in the Caribbean..
The cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly.
Captain, one passenger asks, who is that man over there?
I have no idea, the captain says, but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.
What does the Captian of the cruise ship say when you aks him "Are we sailing the wrong direction?"
"Off course"
Did you hear about the band of roving pirate toddlers?
They spend their days sailing the Hi-C
What do you call s**... after a period?
Sailing the Red Sea.
What do you call s**... after an abortion?
Sailing the Dead Sea.
What's the difference between a beard and an 18th century sailing vessel?
One's coarse hair; the other's a corsair.
Sailor with a Small Head
One day, a man sees a sailor walking around, and he notices that the sailor has a very small head.
The man asks the sailor, "Why is your head so small?" The sailor replies, "When I was sailing, I saw a beautiful mermaid, and she said she would grant me one wish. And you know what, I thought about it for a while, until a brilliant idea struck. I went over to the mermaid, and asked, 'How about a little head?'"
Some pirates are sailing off the coast of Madagascar
The captain points to the shore and says to his first mate:
"Do you see those crazy looking lemur things?"
To which the first mate replied:
"Aye aye, I eye aye-aye"
A US Ship was sailing through dense fog when it sees another light....
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Our sailing trip in Maine was going great...
until we were capsized by Augusta wind.
Why do you never hear a sailor counting to 10?
Because they're more interested in fishing, sailing etc./ No pragmatic function for that distinct linguistic utility.
Was talking to a friend about sailing
And he said today is going to be 15 knots, I replied that's probably enough to tie a boat down
Two chili peppers were sailing a boat in the ocean. What did one say to the other when they hit a iceberg and started to sink?
We're capsaicin!
What do you call a group of guys, sailing the sea, singing about looting and stealing?
21 pirates.
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
Exhausted, we'd been sailing for mainland Alaska for days when I was sure we spotted it ...
Alas, it was just an Aleutian
An American is sailing in German waters when his boat starts to take in lots of water.
Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard.
"I'm sinking, I am sinking!"
The operator replies "Vhat are you sinking about?"
An Egyptian man was sailing down a river
When his boat started to leak. He kept on rowing further down the river, whilst more and more water started to pour in. The man ignored the problem and just continued to sail down the river. Eventually his boat was nearly fully submerged and it quickly started to sink. The man refused to come to terms with his situation and just kept trying to row down the river.
He was in de Nile
A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.
They walk in and, being that he doesn't have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.
That's disgusting! o**... says to the other.
Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!
A married couple and their two kids were out sailing...
when the father looked and saw a terrible storm brewing on the horizon. The situation was a bit four boating.
How long would you be sailing if you were to sail 220 yards at a speed of one nautical mile an hour?
Knot furlong.
If you feel suicidal, just open the curtains of your room and let the sun shine through, or even better, go out on a hike or sailing.
In either case, make sure you don't apply sunscreen.
Why did the nun go to confession after sailing?
The boat was full of s**....
Why did the depressed ship stop sailing?
It ran out of self-eSTEAM.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton go sailing on Atlantic Ocean. The ship sinks. Who dies? Who survives?
Both die. USA citizens survive.
Me and my cat are going sailing...
We're taking a catamaran
What do we say to the god of sailing?
Knot today.
A ship sailing past a remote island spots a man who had been stranded there for several years.
The captain goes to shore and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? He asks?
That's my house says the castaway.
what's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third?
Oh, that? That's the church I used to go to.
A mysterious force drug a pirate ship closer to the Bermuda Triangle, alarming the captain.
The captain asked the lookout in the the crow's nest what he saw.
The lookout replied, "Captain, we be sailing tangent to stormy seas. It be a sine the secant be good."
The captain responded, "Aye, the sea put this here crew in a triggy situation."
Thought I'd try translating a joke. Two foreigners are sailing to America for work.
Upon getting off the boat at the dock, one notices a hotdog stand. Sure, it sounds weird to them but they decide to try it.
As one unwraps the foil, he blushes and asks, Which part of the dog did you get?
I read a news story recently about a large group of secretive gay vigilantes who founded a temple to the god of sailing that moonlights as a b**... club.
The headline read
"Masked Masc for Masc Masses create Mast Mass for Masochists"
A ship, sailing past an island, finds a man there who had become stranded alone years earlier. The commander disembarks to rescue the man and sees three huts.
"What's that first hut there?", he asks.
"Oh, that's my house", replies the castaway.
"What about that second hut there?"
"That's my church."
"And what about the third one over there?"
"That?", replies the man, disdainfully. "That's the church I used to go to."
Olympic sailing competition just finished. France got the gold, South Africa got the silver, and ...
Somalia got the boat.
A pirate captain was sailing to Antarctica in search of treasure.
One morning, his first mate woke him.
Captain, the ship won't move! The ocean is frozen solid!
The pirate captain rose from his bed, yawned, and stretched. After a good scratch, he put on his boots and coat, and strode out of his quarters.
As he arrived at the bow of the ship, his men gathered around in nervous anticipation. He pulled out his pocket telescope and took a good, long look around the entire horizon. He collapsed his telescope, placed it back in his pocket, and clasped his hands behind his back. After some time, he tipped his head down toward his first mate and said:
Ice sea.
A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years.
The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? he asks.
That's my house, says the castaway.
What's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third hut?
Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. That's the church I used to go to.
A British trawler is sailing off the coast of Germany when suddenly the ship starts taking in water.
The ship is sinking fast and the captain immediately gets on the radio to contact the German coast guard.
"Help!" he exclaims, "We're sinking! We're sinking!"
A hesistant voice comes from the radio. "Um...v-vot are you sinking about?"
Did you hear about the dog who owned a leaky three-masted sailing ship?
His barque was worse than his bite.
