Safety First Jokes
19 safety first jokes and hilarious safety first puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about safety first that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Safety First Short Jokes
Short safety first jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The safety first humour may include short safety jokes also.
- I don't know why there is a baby brand called Safety 1st.. I mean, if they used safety first they wouldn't have to buy their products in the first place
- Safety vs Emergency If safety and emergency had a fight, who would win?
Safety would.
Cos safety first
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Safety First One Liners
Which safety first one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with safety first? I can suggest the ones about safety man and work safe.
- Safety is a terrible lover Safety always comes first
- You wanna know the first rule of safety. There are no rules.
Safety First Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about safety first you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stay safe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make safety first pranks.
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six.
One Slytherin to break it.
One Gryffindor to volunteer to change it.
Three Hufflepuffs to hold the ladder to ensure the safety of the Gryffindor student.
And one Ravenclaw to point out that they could have just used magic in the first place.
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
A man is called in to his bosses office
The boss says, "I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?"
The man says, "What's the good news?"
The boss replies, "OSHA is naming a new safety regulation after you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend always calls me Mr. Safety
Unfortunately it's not because I practice safe s**..., it's because I always come first...
Airline passenger safety brief
In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from above. If you're traveling with a child, please fit their mask first. If you have more than 1 child with you, please pick your favorite now.
While were at it, this is the joke I made up when I was 9
A football team is eating in the cafeteria and they're all waiting in line. Sean plays safety on the football team, and all of the sudden, he starts to cut the line!
Everybody is upset: "Why do you get to go ahead?" They asked.
Sean replied: "Safety First!"
Corny I know, but I was convinced I would be a comedian
21st Birthdays
A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.
So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."
Three legged Pig
A traveling salesman trying to make a buck was driving through the plains of Nebraska when he decided to stop at a farmhouse coming up on his left.
As he was walking up the driveway toward the front door of the house, a pig with three legs caught his eye. It was just hobbling through the grass.
When the farmer answered the door and asked what he was selling, the salesman first asked about the three legged pig.
"That pig is the most amazing pig in the land, son." The farmer said
"Last year, our house caught fire when we were all asleep and that pig ran in and woke us all up one by one and saved our lives!"
The salesman was surprised. "That is one special pig" He said.
The Farmer replied, "That's not all. Last summer, that pig jumped into the pond and dragged my drowning son to safety. He would have died."
The salesman was in disbelief as to how incredible this pig was. "One question. Why does he have 3 legs, is it from the fire?" He asked
"No son, ya see, a pig like that you just don't eat all at one time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**...'s 18th birthday
p**... had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when p**...'s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal m**..., took a boat out to the middle of the lake, p**..., stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!
m**... just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, p**... went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him "
Granny looked deeply into p**...'s, troubled blue eyes and said,
"Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
Two blondes
Two blondes are going on a nature walk, but only a few wrong turns and they completely lose their way. They try to find their way again, but they become even more lost. After a few hours, they begin to panic, but before long, they come across some tracks. They figure they can follow them to safety. After a few minutes of following them, the first blonde says, "It's good we found these bear tracks."
The second one says, "You mean moose tracks."
They stop and argue about it for five minutes. Then, a train hits them.
A Muslim, Buddhist, and Christian were arguing about their faiths...
The Muslim says that theirs is the true faith. The Buddhist says Nirvana is key, while the Christian of course argues that Jesus is the way.
This went on for hours until finally the Christian says, "let's settle this once and for all. We all jump off a cliff, and whoever's God saves him will we know that theirs is the true faith. " After thinking about it, the other two agreed.
They found a cliff and the Muslim went first. As he jumped, he shouted "Aaaaaaalllllllaaaaaa...." SPLAT!
Both were shocked but not surprised. They said their prayers for the Muslim and continued.
The Buddhist went next and as he jumped he chanted "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha..." And miraculously, just before hitting the ground, he floated back up to safety.
Giving a smile to the Christian, he gestured to the cliff for his turn.
The Christian was unperturbed. Taking a few minutes to compose himself, he then took his leap of faith:
"Jeeeeeesssssuuuussss.... Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha."
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house.
Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.
Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them.
"No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide."
The men shrugged and rowed on.
By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety.
She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up.
"Don’t trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."
Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney.
When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide."
So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demande d to speak to God.
"What happened?" she cried.
"For cryin’ out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and s**... deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting s**... and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets s**... every fifth week and the woman gets to have s**... whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.