Safer Jokes
27 safer jokes and hilarious safer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about safer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Safer Short Jokes
Short safer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The safer humour may include short safest jokes also.
- Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft? Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel room window.
- I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia but recently have heard they now allow women to drive. Can anyone recommend a safer place to visit?
- A cigarette is safer than a bottle of wine. If you don't believe me, let me hit you on the head with a cigarette.
- I just realized it's much safer to drive drunk Because you see the street signs twice and you don't miss them.
- I was weaving dangerously in the middle of the road this morning… I really should find a safer place to finish this wicker basket…
- People say "I'm high on life!" like that's safer than drugs But everyone who's ever done life has died.
- No way Jose! Another? I can Harvey believe it. Irma find somewhere safer to live. The local chicken shack changed its name in honor of the occasion. They're now Raisin HurriCanes.
- I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia but I heard they now allow women to drive, can you recommend a safer destination?
- Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors? You can't survive in 1000 degrees.
*credit to my friend Neriah. - They say that you are safer in a bigger group Unless you're with 6 million...and everyone is jewish
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Safer One Liners
Which safer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with safer? I can suggest the ones about healthier and faster.
- I stand behind Alec Baldwin It's far safer than standing in front of him.
- Why do you see so many dyslexics walking in Paris? It's safer than walking alone.
- I love going outdoors... It's so much safer than going outwindows.
- The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
Safer Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about safer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smarter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make safer pranks.
One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
When a statistician passes the airport security check...
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."
When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.
He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."
Home safety
I took my name off the Neighborhood Watch List.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, and multiple intelligence services are watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer in my entire Life!
Some guys are talking about pets...
They get to talking about how good big dogs are because they can make good guard dogs.
One of the guys says "I preferred my old chihuahua pebbles better. And no other dog made me feel safer! He died killing a rabid full grown doberman for me!"
The other guys are confused and ask how that was even possible.
"The doberman choked to death."
My dad used to smoke p**... with me.
He thought that if he did it with me, it would be safer than doing it with others. That was cool; however, I wish he hadn't felt the same way about s**....
Canoeing
Bob: You get a great deal of amusement out of your new canoe, I suppose?
Joe: Well, my wife does.
Bob: But she never rides in it!
Joe: No. She says it's safer and funnier to watch me from the shore.
Source: 1913 Newspaper
Since most of us are stuck / bored in quarantine here are my top ways you can get high at home.
1. A ladder - This will get you the highest, no doubt.
2. A step stool - This won't get you as high but it is good for a quick, short high.
3. A Barstool - this one is a but more trippy and unsafe, but can work if you don't have safer ways to get high.
The man who invented cats' eyes...
The man who invented cats' eyes to make the roads safer at night got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat in his headlights.
If the cat had been going the other way, he would've invented the pencil sharpener.
The TSA is like a paper toilet seat cover
They probably don't actually do anything, and experts say they don't really make us safer, but do you really want to sit on a public toilet (or plane) without them?
