Sad Jokes

A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

I asked old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…

"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman's life.
Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was.
Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!"
That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."

Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad.

Maybe I should let her in.

Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.

The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"
The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".
The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".
The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".

It's just started raining really hard and all my wife is doing is standing at the window looking sad...

If it gets any stronger I'll have to let her in

My obese parrot died recently.

It's been really sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.

I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty"

Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights

A couple was having a conversation, when...

...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.
The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."
The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."
The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.

Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.

Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away

His funfair will be held next Monkey

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.
Cr

A bullet walks into a bar, depressed.

"Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.
"I got fired."

So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance

His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(

My girlfriend said "Can you compliment me for once?"

She's rather overweight so I said "Don't be sad when people call you fat, you're bigger than that."

When cats are sad...

Bartender: "What can I get you?"
Cat: "Shot of tequilla."
*Bartender pours it.*
*Cat slowly pushes it off the bar.*
Cat: "I'll have another."

100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.
Stranger: What is your name, sad lady
Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat
Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.

My wife and kids always look through the window all sad and angry when it rains

Maybe I should let them in

I had a really sad day today

First - My ex got run over by a bus
Second - I got fired as a bus driver

I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today...

It was soda pressing.

The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"

I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".
"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs

No matter if you are American or European

9/11 is a sad date

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

What a sad state of affairs.

Sad news from Australia

The inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

I don't like watching sad movies.

If i wanted to cry I'd open my wallet instead.

Why was the man who crushed recycled pop cans for a living sad with his life?

Because his job was soda pressing.

What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad?

A Melon Collie.
...I'll get my coat.

Why was Lara Croft sad?

Because her career was in ruins

Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don't have to be?

Because it's sad when a dog dies.

Why do archaeologist lead sad lives?

Because their career lies in ruins.

My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice.

I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.

I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees...

But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf.

Why was the middle aged computer sad?

He had a floppy disc.

Why are ghosts always sad?

Because they're going through things

I remember when my wife gave birth at the hospital & a nurse came out and handed me a swaddled baby..

In a sad voice she then told me, "I'm sorry sir but your wife didn't make it."
I replied back, "Well, this is nice, but could you bring me the baby my wife did make!"

It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice...

Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...

So I was in the movie theatre...

and I was watching an incredibly sad film. So sad that the man behind me started wailing, then he hit me in the head with a harpoon.

Why is a math book so sad?

Because it's full of problems.

It was a sad and disappointing day

when I discovered my universal remote control did not in fact control the universe.
Not even remotely.

A dead bird

A blonde was walking with her father, when her father said "look! It's a dead bird! That's so sad!"
The blonde then quickly looked up in the sky and said "Where?"

There's this wheelchair bound kid that gets bullied alot.

It's really sad cause he can't seem to stand up for himself.

If you think Friday is a sad day, I've got some bad news for you.

Tomorrow is Sadder Day.

Tell a sad story in 4 words

Lifetime Cleveland Browns fan

Sad news to share: my dad just contracted COVID, and lost his sense of taste.

He's been listening to a lot of Justin Bieber.

I was sad when I lost my rock collection.

It had a lot of sedimental value.

Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said...

"I think you're supposed to open that first"

Latvian potato eating contest.

Latvia man enter contest eat potato. Many other contestants. Contest start. Is no potato. All men sad. And hungry.