Sad Jokes

155 sad jokes and hilarious sad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover our selection of witty, regretful and heartbroken sad jokes about yourself, friends and being single. Whether you are feeling sorrow or just need a few laughs, our collection of sad jokes is sure to provide an insightful read.

Funniest Sad Short Jokes

Short sad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sad humour may include short heartbroken jokes also.

  1. I feel sad for people with gay parents They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
  2. If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember... that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
  3. I was so excited to show my teacher my Reddit joke, but sadly she wasn't in today, so... ...the subreddit.
  4. Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
  5. Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body. I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
  6. Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother, But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
  7. As an American, it makes me so sad to see that nothing is made in the USA anymore. I just bought this new TV and it says Built-in Antenna. I don't even know where that is.
  8. I really wanted to watch the International origami Championships tonight. Sadly, it's only on paper view.
  9. My girlfriend told me she's sad because she's put on a bit of weight I told her to keep her chins up
  10. I have to say that my girlfriend is the square root of -100. She's a perfect ten but sadly, she's imaginary.

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Sad One Liners

Which sad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sad? I can suggest the ones about saddest and tragic.

  1. Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight Sigh.....
  2. Why is the archaeologist sad? Because his career is in ruins.
  3. Sad news…the creator of autocorrect has died restaurant in piece 🕯
  4. I went to a sad wedding Even the cake was in tiers.
  5. Sadly, the marksman had to give up shooting. After that, his life was aimless.
  6. How do you comfort a sad non binary person ? They're/Their
  7. Whenever I'm sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says B positive .
  8. I thought Friday was a sad day... Turns out the next day was a sadder day.
  9. I went to the dentist today Dentist: Open up please
    Me: Sometimes I get sad.
  10. Sad news, my obese parrot died today. Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
  11. What do you call a sad coffee? A depresso
  12. My obese parrot just died. I'm very sad but it is a huge weight off my shoulders.
  13. What bounces and makes children sad? The checks I write to the Make-A-Wish foundation.
  14. Why are PC gamers always so sad? Because they can't console each other.
  15. I found out some sad news today. My German teacher passed away. Au revoir, amigo.

Happy Sad Jokes

Here is a list of funny happy sad jokes and even better happy sad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Are candles happy or sad when they are put out? They are delighted.
  • I saw a migdet who looked sad, I asked if he's ok, he said he's not happy so I asked "then which one of the seven are you?"
  • The other day, my friend said that he thinks that I might have Asperger's Syndrome. I couldn't tell if he was joking, or being serious, or happy, or sad, or angry, or frightened, or...
  • Don't be sad... Don't be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can't fly.
  • Husband: Tell me an interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends.
  • Bet the wife $50 That she couldn't make me happy and sad with the same sentence.
    She said I was much better in bed than my brother.
  • What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer? "Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"
  • Why are short people always sad? They cant reach happiness
  • When you're sad, no one sees your tears. When you're happy, no one sees your smile.
    But try jacking off in the subway. Then *everybody* stares.
  • What does the happy blood type say to the sad blood type? B positive.

Sad Love Jokes

Here is a list of funny sad love jokes and even better sad love puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • To those who are sad because nobody loves them at Valentine's Day, worry not... ...nobody loves you on any of the other days of the year either.
  • I'd love to give the man who invented Incognito mode a cookie. Sadly it was erased.
  • Today is National Pasta Day I have a friend that would have loved today, but sadly she's pastaway
  • I lost a loved one recently and while I was sad at first, I'm okay with it now... The wiki says they get brought back next season.
  • The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league. Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?
  • I read an article that said to cheer up as adults, we should embrace things we loved as kids. So, when I am sad I hide in the shower and try to watch the babysitter pee.
  • Absolutely loved Malcolm in the Middle. Such a great show. Not like it's super sad sequel, Malcom's Now The Oldest
  • Why do so many sad people go to Jefferson City? Because Missouri loves company.
  • Kids I play with love peek-a-boo! Except they get happy when I hide and sad when I appear
  • Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life. Which is great for engineers, but really sad for musicians.

Sad Deep Jokes

Here is a list of funny sad deep jokes and even better sad deep puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why was the two-dimensional emo sad? Because nobody would ever know how deep he was.
  • You may think you're smart, brave, or even sad; but deep down inside we're all... A skeleton.
  • Sad drowning death at the Guinness brewery. Poor Shaumus fell in a large, deep vat of beer.
    It was a real pity too.
    He was able to get out twice to p**..., but could not make it out the third time.

Comedy Sad Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about sad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unhappy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sad pranks.

A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.
Feel free to downvote me to reddit h**......

Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage v**...

But today I turned 20

A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."
He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."
The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."
The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."

Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

A woman is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

The woman starts crying to her husband, sobbing That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!
Confused, he says, Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.

After a few minutes, the woman, still sobbing, asks, How many is a Brazilian?

Yet another r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...
"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

I asked old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…

"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman's life.
Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was.
Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!"
That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

The editor rejected my book, he said my metaphores are incomprehensible...

I'm sad as a coconut.

If Jesus was on a penny they would call it a JC Penny

I get sad every time I look in a mirror

Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad.

Maybe I should let her in.

Why was the blonde nymphomaniac sad after she got her driver's license?

She got an F in s**....

Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.

The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"
The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".
The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".
The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".

It's just started raining really hard and all my wife is doing is standing at the window looking sad...

If it gets any stronger I'll have to let her in

My obese parrot died recently.

It's been really sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Sometimes when people are sad, I let them color in my tattoos.

Sometimes people just need a shoulder to crayon.

The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.

Every time it rains I find my wife standing at the window, looking kind of sad.

Maybe I should let her inside.

I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty"

Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights

A couple was having a conversation, when...

...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

Why are people in New York always so sad?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is *New Jersey*

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.
The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."
The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."
The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.

Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.

Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away

His funfair will be held next Monkey

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

A sad first attempt at a joke

(It's my first time posting here. Don't blame me for the terrible joke lol)
A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer.
Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a case again. You will be famous. You will be wealthy beyond your wildest imagination.
Lawyer: What's the catch?
Satan: I want the souls of your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your children and all your future descendants for d**... in h**... for all eternity.
Lawyer: Okay, but what's the catch?

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.

Not even remotely.
(I stole this joke from fb and it made my drunk a**... laugh out loud so I wanted to share but I'm sorry if it's a repost)

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.
The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."
The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so I laid down on the railroad track. The train did not come. Wanted to hang myself - the rope teared. Wanted to shot myself - I ran out of ammo.
From my remaining money I brought a beer, tipped some poison into it, and now you drank it."

A bullet walks into a bar, depressed.

"Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.
"I got fired."

So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance

His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(

Grandpa - why don't you have life insurance?

Asks the grandson. Grandpa laughs and says: "I want you guys to be really sad when I die."

My girlfriend said "Can you compliment me for once?"

She's rather overweight so I said "Don't be sad when people call you fat, you're bigger than that."

Sad news for music lovers today....

Justin Bieber was found in his hotel room, alive.

My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad.

She is using sighcology

Why was the little drop of ink so sad?

Because his father was in the pen, and he didn't know how long the sentence was!

The sad reality of being adopted by a gay couple is...

You have to endure twice the amount of dad jokes.

When cats are sad...

Bartender: "What can I get you?"
Cat: "Shot of tequilla."
*Bartender pours it.*
*Cat slowly pushes it off the bar.*
Cat: "I'll have another."

100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.
Stranger: What is your name, sad lady
Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat
Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.

A really sad man committed s**... by crushing himself with a vending machine

He was soda pressed.

My wife and kids always look through the window all sad and angry when it rains

Maybe I should let them in

I had a really sad day today

First - My ex got run over by a bus
Second - I got fired as a bus driver

I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today...

It was soda pressing.

The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"

I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".
"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs

No matter if you are American or European

9/11 is a sad date

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

What a sad state of affairs.

Sad news from Australia

The inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

I don't like watching sad movies.

If i wanted to cry I'd open my wallet instead.

Why was the man who crushed recycled pop cans for a living sad with his life?

Because his job was soda pressing.

When my girlfriend is sad, I let her color my tattoos.

She just needs a shoulder to crayon.

A sad man at the bar

A man sat at a bar looking really depressed. Why the long face? asked the bartender
Well, my wife got mad at me and wouldn't speak to me for a month.
What! That's a blessing in disguise! You'll get peace and quiet for a whole month, said the bartender.
The problem is, replied the man, today's the last day.

What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad?

A Melon Collie.
...I'll get my coat.

Why was Lara Croft sad?

Because her career was in ruins

Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don't have to be?

Because it's sad when a dog dies.

Why do archaeologist lead sad lives?

Because their career lies in ruins.

My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice.

I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.

I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees...

But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf.

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad.

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
The man says Oh just a beer .
The bartender asked the man Whats wrong,why are you so down today? .
The man said My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would'nt talk to me for a month .
The bartender said So whats wrong with that ?
The man siad Well the month is up tonight .

jokes about sad