Sacred Jokes
45 sacred jokes and hilarious sacred puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sacred that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore this hilarious collection of jokes that take a playful jab at stereotypes and sacred cows. Be prepared to laugh out loud at jokes about missionaries, priests, monks, nuns, and more as we break down the walls surrounding hallowed institutions and take a vow of irreverence.
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Funniest Sacred Short Jokes
Short sacred jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sacred humour may include short holy jokes also.
- Two frenchmen were strolling down a boulevard... When one of them gasped, "Mon Dieu - here come my wife and my mistress!"
"Sacre Bleu!" Exclaimed his friend. "I was about to say the same thing!" - I'm confused. My professor told me Nietzsche was 'an atheist who worshiped at the altar of nihilism'. Is nothing sacred?
- What's the Indian way of saying 'Bread of Heaven'? Is it:
A) Holy Loaf
B) Sacred baguette
Or C) Naan of the above - What did the Greek philosopher name his religious themed screen printing shop in France. Sacre' T's
- Next Sunday is the "Feast of the Circumcision"... ...the service that celebrates the circumcision and naming of Jesus Christ. As the organist, perhaps I should play "O Sacred Head, Now Wounded."
- Q: Why did indians protest the Sugar Bowl from being played in the Superdome? A: It's a sacred Oregon Ducks burial ground.
- Religion makes objects and people sacred and holy Trypophobia makes people scared of holey objects
- Why did Hillary Clinton visit India? Because cows are sacred there.
- What do French people shout when a band is bad? Sacre-BOO!
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Sacred One Liners
Which sacred one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sacred? I can suggest the ones about spiritual and divine.
- Just found out I've failed my German exam. Sacre bleu!
- *Indian Accent* I would make a your mom joke... but cows are sacred in my country.
- In India, they regard Bovine creatures as sacred animals. Holy Cow!
- I failed my Spanish exam today. Sacre bleu!
- There is a tribe in Africa that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
- What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood? A match made in Heaven.
- What's the holiest, French color? Sacred blue!
- How many sacred holy sisters does it take to change a light bulb? nun
- Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
- A priest mistranslated the sacred texts the other day... They made a clerical error
- Zeus Cast Down A Sacred Pile of Cloth for Mere Mortals to Sleep On Mortals: Holy Sheet!
- Why is the 2 in 2x sacred? It comes from a higher power
- Today is a most sacred day Happy Easter Thursday! 420 praise it!
- Why are cows so sacred in South Asia? Because they were taught to respect their mothers.
- There are two sacred holidays in Islam, Ramadan and... KABOOM!
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Sacred Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about sacred you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mythical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sacred pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You'll never hear a hindu tell a Yo Mamma joke...
They consider cows to be sacred.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You will never ever hear A HINDU tell YO MAMMA JOKE
BEcause we consider cows to sacred.
some tourists are visiting Egypt and they go to see the sacred bull
While they're there the caretaker comes and grabs the bull and says
"sorry I need to take apis".
The tourists are shocked so they ask "on the bull"?!
Who opens stuck jar lids in a lesbian relationship?
Usually, it's the male side who deals with stubborn jars in a straight relationship. But who to be charged with this sacred duty in a lesbian relationship?
The answer is no one, they eat out all the time.
Dad and Dave were out plowing the fields one day when they took a break.
Dad says, "How come you left a patch over yonder there Dave?"
Dave replies, "Well dad, that there is sacred ground coz thats where I had my first one."
"Oh, your first one hey Dave?Ok. What about that other patch over yonder? Is that where you had your second one?"
"No", says Dave, "Thats where her momma was when I had my first one"
"Her Momma!? Jeez Dave, what did her momma say to that?"
Dave says, "Nothin much Dad, she just sorta stood there and went MOOOOOOO"
God, Mary and the sanctity of marriage
Father explains why marriage is sacred. He gives his son all of the relevant information for procreation, marriage, God, Mary etc. Thinking that he has given his son the best information, his son responds:
So, if marriage is sacred/religious, why is God single? (There's no Mrs God!) BUT he got Mary pregnant and left her. So, doesn't that mean God is a baby-daddy, and some of these men are just walking in the footsteps of the Lord?
Father: (awkward silence)
A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and an Alabama Crimson Tide fan are in a car together, but the car breaks down.
Luckily, there's a farm right nearby. The farmer says, "I only got room for two of ya in the house, so one of you's gonna have to sleep in the barn."
The Hindu holy man decides to go, but comes back to the barn because there's a cow in there, and Cows are sacred in his faith.
The Rabbi takes his friend's place, only to come back in because there's also a pig in the barn, and in the Rabbi's faith, pigs are unclean.
So the Alabama fan grudgingly goes to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door, and standing in the doorway are the cow and the pig.
A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Priest are lost. They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.
I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn, says the Farm Owner.
The Hindu immediately volunteers. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.
I'm sorry, but there is a cow in the barn, and they are sacred to me.
No problem, says the Rabbi, and he goes to the barn. Again though, he returns and knocks. There is also a pig in there, and that is against our teachings.
I will go then, friends, says the Priest, and he proceeds to the barn. A few moments later, there is a knock at the door. It's the cow and the pig.
A Lawyer, a Muslim, and a Hindu are travelling together...
One night, they are looking for a place to stay, and one of them sees a house in the distance. One of them knocks on the door and a farmer answers the door. They ask politely to stay, and the farmer says, "Yes, you may stay. However, one of you will have to sleep in the barn, as I have only room for 2 of you in my house." The Hindu volunteers to sleep in the barn. A couple minutes after the Hindu goes, they hear a knock at the door. It's the Hindu, and he says he cannot sleep in the barn, as there is a cow in there, and a cow is a sacred animal in his religion. The Muslim volunteers next. A couple minutes after the Muslim goes, they hear a knock at the door. It's the Muslim, and he says he cannot sleep in the barn, as there is a pig in there, and a pig is an unclean animal in his religion. The lawyer then goes to sleep in the barn. A couple minutes later, they hear a knock at the door. It's the cow and the pig.
A Hindu, a Muslim, and a lawyer are traveling together.
They reach a farmhouse and ask to spend the night. The farmer tells them that he only has room for two and one will have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu volunteers, but a short while later there's a knock at the door. "I can't sleep there. There is a cow, and a cow is a sacred animal. My religion forbids it."
So the Muslim goes next. Again, there's a knock at the door. "I can't sleep there. There is a pig, and a pig is an unclean animal. My religion forbids it."
So the lawyer heads out. There's a knock at the door once more.
It's the cow and the pig.
Up at a Carpathian Monastery...
A particularly strict abbot plans to punish a fellow brother for running out of morning prayer to use the outhouse. So the abbot tells him:
"Brother, I'm going to ask you to make a handwritten copy of our sacred text in light of your actions this morning. You will abstain from sleep during this time."
Begrudgingly, the monk walks into the library and starts on the manuscript.
Two days later, during morning prayer, the same monk runs into the prayer room, frantic and in tears. The abbot asks:
"Brother, are you okay? What is wrong?"
The monk grabs the abbot by the shoulders and shakes him as he says in tears:
"THE WORD WAS CELEBRATE, BROTHER, CELEBRATE."
3 guys are lost and stumble upon a farm.
There was a indian, a jew, and a mexican. They asked if they could sleep there for the night. The man says "sure but one of you will have to sleep in the barn" the indian says "it is fine I will sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door, it's the Indian and he says "im sorry but I can not sleep in the barn there is a cow and it is a sacred animal" so the jew says "its fine I can sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door, its the jew. He says "im sorry but I can't sleep in the barn, there's a pig and it's not Kosher" so the mexican says " it is okay, I will sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door. It's the donkey.
A young man enters a monastery high in the mountains.
The monastery practices a strict code of silence as a test of discipline. Each year, before renewing their sacred vows of silence, the monks may say only two words to the friar.
At the end of his first year, the man says: "Food's bland!" The friar nods and blesses him.
At the end of the second year, he says: "Bed's cold!" The friar nods and blesses him once more.
On his third year, he says: "I quit!" The friar nods and says:
"Go ahead! You've been here for three years and you've done nothing but complain!"
