Sack Jokes
146 sack jokes and hilarious sack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Try not to laugh too hard at this collection of jokes about the various meanings of 'sack'! From Ginny sacks to quarterback sacks, get ready to get the giggles with this hilarious selection of sack jokes.
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Funniest Sack Short Jokes
Short sack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sack humour may include short tackle jokes also.
- I like my women like I like my coffee. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.
- What's the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning ? Emptied his sack.
- My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river… I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad… - I used to have a job; I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
- I've just been sacked as the weatherman at the local radio station Apparently I was too 'cheerful' when giving out the really bad weather reports!!!
That's it!! No more mist and ice guy. - I have no problem getting women into the sack... ... it's getting the sack into the back of my van that's the problem.
- I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs Wrong plaice, wrong thyme
- What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.
- My drunk uncle is Santa Claus He breaks into my house, drinks all the milk and snacks.. Then, he unloads his sack all over the living room.
- The only way to learn... When I was a young kid my dad taught me how to swim by throwing me in the deep end of a pool. Swimming to the ladder was easy, but getting out of the sack was the hard part.
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Sack One Liners
Which sack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sack? I can suggest the ones about shack and raid.
- Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year
- I always give 100% Which is why I was sacked from being an exam marker.
- Did you hear about the blind circumsiser? He got the sack.
- What do you call people who worship paper bags? Sack religious
- Did you hear about the surgeon who botched a vasectomy? he got the sack
- Just been sacked from my job as a chef for stealing I've always been a whisk taker.
- What did Lewis and Clark only have one sack of on their expedition? Jawea
- I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet.. Did *not* see that coming.
- Did you hear about the deformed linebacker? He had 4 sacks.
- I got a job performing circumcisions On my first day I slipped and got the sack
- I used to sell loose onions Until I got the sack
- Breaking News!! Cross-Eyed circumsiser gets the sack.
- I found a bug in Madden 2015 I sacked Tony Romo, and he didn't break his collarbone.
- I argued constantly with my boss, so in the end I got the sack And buried him in it.
- What is not allowed in the ring, but boxers do every night? Hit the sack.
Potato Sack Jokes
Here is a list of funny potato sack jokes and even better potato sack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife is like a potato. She's thin-skinned, but always comes in the sack.
Getting The Sack Jokes
Here is a list of funny getting the sack jokes and even better getting the sack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Funny Book Title Thread! I'll start:
"How To Get The Most Out Of Your Bank Heists" by Fillmore Sacks - Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract. That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.
- Women don't ever have to worry about me trying to get into their pants. They don't even have any pockets! Where would I keep my hackey sack and MTG cards?
- I got sacked from a job for smiling too much… I said, "If I can't smile on the job, get yourself another undertaker."
- Watching the Superbowl at a sober living with 7 sober drug addicts "That's also what I need to do; get away from the sack."
Boom. - Why should you never be a postman? Because you always get the sack on the first day of the job.
- Why did the American feminist get sacked from her housemaid job? She didn't do the irony.
- How does Santa have enough in his sack to come for millions of little kids, but more astonishingly.... how does he not get arrested?
- What does a pick-up artist have in common with a kidnapper? They both want to get you in the sack!
.......I'll see myself out now - Yeah, I heard she's amazing in the sack... ... We'll be getting third- no, wait!
Second! Easy!
Ball Sack Jokes
Here is a list of funny ball sack jokes and even better ball sack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to have a job as a ball bag... ... until I hot the sack
Amusing Sack Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about sack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sack pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you call a developer that hasn't had s**... in a while?
Full sack developer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..
One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my b**... on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.
The Bank Robber
A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There were a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you."
(credit to wetwillyone)
KGB is Always Watching!
One night man tries escape from gulag.
Makes his way to cabin in middle of tundra. Inside is plain, but many family pictures on walls. He falls asleep. In middle of night he is put in sack and dragged out. The next morning he is shot like dog.
Pictures are windows. KGB always watching.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got
My first Confucius Say joke was this:
>Confucius Says...Crowded Elevator Smell Different to Midget
Today while shaving in the shower I came up with this one
>Confucius Says...Man who shave n**... with straight razor will not have a ball
A Blonde A Brunette and A Redhead trespassed onto a farm
later a farmer came to chase them out so they all went hiding in the barnyard. The redhead hid with the pigs and said "oink" "oink", the brunette hid with the cows and said "moo" moo", and the blonde hid under a potato sack and said "potato" potato"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the shortsighted circumciser?
He got the sack.
Thought we didn't have enough. "I like my women like my coffee" jokes.
Here's mine. "Held in my basement, in a sack".
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the h**...?
The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO
Where did the father of the paper sack live?
Baghdad!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fella rescued a damsel in distress.
Fella was heading home when he saw a lady beside the road with a flat tire. Being kind hearted, Fella stopped to change the tire for her. Lady was so thankful she invited Fella back to her place for a thank you drink. One thing lead to another and soon they were in the sack together. He realized the time and jumped up with a start. Running around getting his clothes on, he said, "What am I going to tell my wife?" "Wait, do you have any baby powder" he asked. "Certainly" she replied. He dusted his hands with the powder and headed home.
Walking in the door, he was greeted by his wife demanding to know where he had been. So he told her the truth, how he had stopped to change a woman's tire then wound up spending the afternoon in bed with her.
His wife looked at him for a moment, then grabbed his hands looking at them. She screamed at him, "You s**..., you spent the day playing pool again, didn't you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Santa got involved with Christmas
Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:
Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.
Now, every year he has to keep doing the b**... lie he told.
I heard reports of a white haired man in a strange outfit going around emptying his sack in children's bedrooms across the country.
Which is crazy because I heard Jimmy Saville was dead.
Why did Santa bring his sack with him when starring in the pantomime?
He wanted to have some stage presents.
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I'm a lot like a pair of t**....
Cause I'm nuts in the sack.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.
They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.
The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.
The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.
The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is santa's sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
Like most jokes on this thread this is stolen, not being a s**... and taking credit...
How did the urologist ruin his Christmas?
He looked inside Santa's sack.
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
TIL the first commodity traded across the USA was jaweia.
Lewis and Clark brought a sack of it with them on their expedition to the Pacific coast.
A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...
The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:
"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
Another worker shouts back: "Why?"
The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"
The blind circumcisionist
What happened to the blind circumcisionist?
He got the sack!
Don't think Circumcisionist is a real word but it sounds better then surgeon or urologist.
I got sacked as a tour guide in Vatican City.
As I was talking about the pope, we turned a corner and I said, "Ah, speak of the devil".
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a pair of stubborn t**...?
A refuse sack.
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I enjoy reenacting the Crucifixion during s**.... People call me sacrilegious.
I tell them I'm only religious in the sack.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why santa cant have kids?
Because his sack is a toy
Why could Bigfoot not have children?
Because he got his sack squatched.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common?
Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to file a s**... harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...
...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my n**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I like my women like I like my cigars
7 years old and coming from Cuba in a burlap sack
Just got sacked from my job
Been working at that jigsaw factory for years
I've been in pieces all day :(
Why does everyone put out for Santa?
Because he's got it in the sack.
If you wake up on Christmas morning with a bad taste in your mouth
Remember, Santa only comes around once a year to empty his sack.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Testicular cancer
Swimming
So i translated this Serbian joke (but i dont speak english good) hope that u will get it
Two friends are talking and one say :
-My mom married again, and my step-father is teaching me how to swim!
-So, how is it going?
-Nice! I already learned how to get myself out of the sack!
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Wrapped in a burlap sack and hauled across the border on a donkey by Juan Valdez.
What do you call two mental patients in bed together?
Two nuts in the sack.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like showing women my big bag of almonds.
It's nice when they compliment my n**....
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..
..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.
"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "
They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"
Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate asked me why I have s**... noises saved on my phone.
I said, It's for sound effects during s**....
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.
An older female friend just got back from a trip home to the Netherlands, and all she brought me was this nap sack.
What a Dutch bag.
After years of searching for his missing journalist father, a man gets a call from the U.S. Embassy...
I regret to inform you that we've located your father's remains. They were found buried in a sack somewhere in Iraq.
Oh no! Baghdad?
Try to remember how he lived, not how he died.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...
They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.
You Know What's The Best Part About Santa's Sack?
It has presents for everyone
Why is Santa's sack so big?
How can you tell if Santa has testicular cancer?
...by checking his sack.
Why does Santa have such a large sack?
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Santa's sack
Why is Santa's sack so big?
'cause he's been saving his load all year
Time for the annual 'Why is Santa's sack so big?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do dominatrixes get so much beauty rest
They just love to hit the sack
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I hate being an adult in times like these, $5 used to get you 12 eggs, a bar of chocolate a massive bag of sweets, milk, a sack of potatoes, a bottle of v**......
Shame for cameras in stores...
Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.
The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do guys think they know it all in the sack?
Because they're plugged into a genius!
I got sacked on my first day as a 911 dispatcher...
I got a call saying "officer down, officer down"
I said "aw, what's up buddy, I'll cheer you up"
My wife and I never slept together until marriage.
So she was disappointed to find out I'm an early riser and I hit the sack by 9:00.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sacked today for having s**... with a customer in the back of my bus.
Well I say bus... technically it's a hearse.
A Vampire walks into a bank and pulls a gun out
Hands up, this is a robbery! He declares, as he starts forcing the teller to fill a sack with cash.
One of the customers, cracking slightly under the pressure asks; Hey, shouldn't you be robbing a blood bank?
The vampire turns to them and grins.
No, see, I'm cursed. He explains.
Cursed?
Yep, I can only feed on smartasses, and there's always at least one when I pull this stunt.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In Hacky Sack, who wins?
No One, they're all losers
The Russian and American generals are talking about their troops..(Old Joke)
The Russian general says, "we feed our troops 1,500 calories a day." The American general says "that's nothing. We feed our troops 5,000 calories a day, at least." "Impossible!" says the Russian general. "No man can eat an entire sack of potatoes in 24 hours."
There was a Rabbi in the UK who got in a lot of trouble for performing a circumcision;
he slipped and got the sack.
My husband left me for my best friend today.
I don't know the girl, but she's my best friend for taking that lousy sack of a man off my hands.
A man exclaims, "I would die to fulfill my quest.. to create the perfect grain blend. I would make..
..the ultimate sack of rice."
