The Best 51 Ryan Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ryan jokes. There are some ryan darren jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ryan ryan lochte puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Ryan Jokes and Puns

Did you hear the one about the Gay Irish couple?

Ryan Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzryan

What do you call two gay Irish guys?

Ryan Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzryan.

I was Jesus last time!

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

Ryan joke, I was Jesus last time!

One sunny Saturday morning...

Joe and his buddy Ryan decide to go golfing. Joe was setting up his tee when a funeral procession drove by on the nearby road. Joe immediately took off his hat, and stood perfectly still until the procession had passed. Ryan said "Joe, that's one of the most respectful things I've ever seen." Joe responds, "Well, we were married for 35 years after all."

What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common?

Neither of them can finish a play


Gays in the military

If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon.

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

Ryan joke, What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Russell Crowe had an affair with Meg Ryan

He's gladiator.

What's it called when Obama and Paul Ryan meet up for dinner?

A government mandate.

Cracking walnuts

A young boy says to his mother, "Mommy, why would Daddy crack walnuts and feed them to Mrs. Gilroy?" The mother responded, "That's silly, Ryan. Why would you even ask a question like that?" Ryan said, "Because I heard Daddy telling Uncle Eric that he busted a nut in Mrs. Gilroy's mouth and that she was begging for more."

Who is faster?

Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?

You can explore ryan jenn reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ryan colin dad jokes. There are also ryan puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Fastest Bolt at the Olympics?

Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?

Next time you're at the bar, ask the bartender for a Ryan Lochte

When the bartender asks you what's in a Ryan Lochte? Just say "I don't know, make something up"

Ryan had to go potty real bad,

but the door to the potty was Lochte.

What did Ryan Lochte name his Gold medal?

GoldiLochtes

Rio Police to Ryan Lochte: "so you said the men were armed?"

Ryan Lochte: Yeah, they had arms.

Ryan joke, Rio Police to Ryan Lochte: "so you said the men were armed?"

After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, "When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!"

She says, "Honey, you can't have it both ways."

What would people call Ryan Lochte if he went to jail?

Ryan Locht-up

Ryan Lochte's first draft of his apology statement...

"Hi guys, my bad. Apologies to the people of Argentina. Jeah!"


Airweave have ended their sponsorship of Ryan Lochte...

... with that news, I don't know how he's going to sleep at night...

Why did Speedo end its sponsorship of Ryan Lochte?

It doesn't like it when people try to hide stuff.

Ryan Lochte just filed a police report...

He stated Speedo pointed a gun at his head and robbed him of his endorsement deal.

Ryan Lochte will be summoned to Rio for hearing.

But he says he's probably not gonna go. His ears work pretty good already.

I had a dream where I was in a fight with Jason Bourne, Will Hunting, and Private Ryan.

I'm finally battling my Damons.

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

Paddy and Mick see a sign

Walking down the road in Ireland, Paddy and Mick see a sign see a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted".
Paddy sighs and says, "It's a shame Ryan wasn't with us, we could have gone for that job!".

Paul Ryan is never known to skip Leg Day

But is nowhere to be found on spine day

Paul Ryan: "Doing big things is hard"

> Doing ~~big~~ things is hard

Fixed that for ya.

What does an Asian call their pet lion?

Ryan

A man named Ryan Hesse tried to sell me the Eifel Tower for $8,902,471

He seems to have 2 names, everybody else tells me he's a 'Connar Tist'

In the Army

Sergeant: "Private Ryan, I didn't see you at camouflage training yesterday!
Private: "Thank you, sergeant.

With Ryanair, the price of your Flight Ticket does not include baggage or meals.

Now it doesn't even include your flight!

Ryan Gosling is 36 years old

Shouldn't we be calling him Ryan Goose already?

A scary thing to do to your girlfriend on Halloween...

is ask her if she's going as a sumo wrestler.
Spooky!

Shout out to my friend Ryan Smith for this joke

Ayn Rand, Ron Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar.

The bartender serves them drinks made with tainted alcohol because there are no regulations, they all die.

What do Aphrodite and Ryan Seacrest have in common?

They're both made from seafoam

Should Ryan Reynolds star as Gatsby in The Great Gatsby reboot?

I mean he has already been green lantern AND deadpool.

If gay men were allowed in the army back in WWII, Saving Private Ryan would be a lot shorter...

Because there is no way it would take 3 hours for a group of gay men to find Matt Damon.

What did the Chinese man call his lion?

Ryan

After Ryan got pushed into a river, he kept yelling that he wasn't wet.

He was in de-Nile.

What is a horrible lumberjack yell ?

Tim...

The credit for the joke goes to Ryan Stiles.

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

Ryan Reynolds would have been great as Jay Gatsby.

After all, he's both Green Lantern and Deadpool.

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan Walk Into a Bar

They have a few drinks and then die from methanol poisoning due to a lack of government regulation.

May your Christmas and New Year be like "The Notebook"...

Get so wasted you don't remember Ryan Gosling.

A captain enhances his soldiers' spirit before going to battle

He asks Ryan first

\- What is America, you?

\- It is my mother, and I love it more than anything.

\- What would you do for her?

\- I would sacrifice myself, if necessary.

Pleased, he asks Forrest

\- And you, do you love America, soldier?

\- Yes, but actually no, sir.

\- Why is that, soldier?

\- It would be morally wrong, sir. Ryan's mom is married, and I ain't a big fan of MILF.

If the characters were gay, Saving Private Ryan would have been a way shorter film.

There is no way a group of gay men would have taken 3 hours to find Matt Damon

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.

Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

Why did I not see you at the camouflage meeting this morning coporal Ryan?

Thank you sir!

A guy named Ryan Edit won first place in a marathon.

Race director: Here you go, these are for you.

A woman was running late for Sunday mass.

As she ran up the church steps, she tripped and fell...her dress came up and her hat flew off. She stood up, put on her hat and started straightening out her dress when she saw a priest standing at the door,

"Excuse Father Ryan, is mass out?" she asked

The priest looked at her and said "No, but your hat is kind of crooked"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ryan matt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ryan paul ryan piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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