Russian Name Jokes
76 russian name jokes and hilarious russian name puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about russian name that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Russian Name Short Jokes
Short russian name jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The russian name humour may include short russian people jokes also.
- A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_
His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_
He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_ - A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.
The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name - Experiment made by Russian scientist Vazilikyev Karaazuruvsky reveals shocking information Nobody reads Russian names
- I've been hitting on a lot of Russian women at my local bar lately, at least I think they are Russian... They all say their name is Fuckov
- What is the one thing that Azhikelyamov Rozhdestvenskij learned in his career? That nobody reads long Russian names.
- I had the luxury of obtaining a Russian style dishwasher during quarantine... Her name is Natalia and she makes a lot of noise when there's too much inside.
- I used to date a Russian who cheated on me and took all my money. Her name was Svetlana Fuckhimova.
- Bouncer with the best name ever I went to the club last night and met this half Spanish, half Russian bouncer with the most appropriate name ever: Julio Buggeroff.
- Did you know that in 2013 there was a Russian scientist named Povandolakoviviscov kintayionshinkov Why did you skip the name? I will not complete the story.
- What does a Russian groom give his bride on her wedding day that's long & hard? His last name
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Russian Name One Liners
Which russian name one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with russian name? I can suggest the ones about russian girlfriend and russian potato.
- I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov
- I hired a Russian chauffeur the other day... his name was Pikup Andropov
- What was the name of that very calm Russian tennis player? Oh yeah, I got it - Panikova!
- What's the name of the Russian bee gees cover band? KGBGs
- Did you hear about the gay Russian knight? His name was Sergei.
- Estonia's name in Russian language Next
- What is Xi Jinpings pet name for the Russian president? Winnie the Putin
- What was the Russian mohel's name? Borris Kutchyakockoff
- What do you call a three-eyed Russian named William? Cherno-Bill
- What is the name of a russian man who has a checking account? IBAN.
- Did you hear about my Russian chauffeur? His name is Pikop Andropov.
- Why are all Russian rulers named Ivan? Idk, they just Tsar.
- Biggest name in Russian dance music. Vladislav Baybidonthoortmi
- Joaquin What kind of name is Joaquin?
It's not Russian - I met a Russian homosexual today His name was sir gay
Russian Name Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about russian name you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean russian women jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make russian name pranks.
How do you name a black Russian?
n**....
Russian Americans on chess (true story)
I was working with a Russian bike mechanic named Dmitri when my friend who came into the shop frequently started dating someone who was extremely good at chess. The chess player came into the shop one day so I said to Dmitri "Hey, Dmitri, you play chess don't you?"
"No. No, no not play chess."
"What do you mean 'not play chess'? I thought you all were supposed to be good at that kinda thing."
"No, no, prefer checkers"
"Checkers?! Why don't you like chess, Dmitri?"
"Because! If smart good at chess, not be bike mechanic! And when bored play chess fall asleep and (he slumps forwad) *pop* out your eye! Checkers only bruises."
When I get a dog, I'm going to name him Edward Snowden
Because he's always russian
Why Are Firetrucks Red?
Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 men.
4 + 8 = 12
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth was a ruler.
There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas.
Fish live in the seas.
Fish have fins.
People from Finland are called Fins.
Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago.
Russia has red on its flag.
And that's why they're red.
Cause they're always *russian* around.
A Russian is travelling to Poland...
and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.
"Name?" the officer asked.
"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.
"Nationality?"
"Russian."
"Occupation?"
"No, no, just visiting."
My dads' version of the USSR joke
So the US trains a spy to go to the USSR and they do the full package: songs, how to drink like a russian, everything. So the deadline drops they send a spy fully clothed to survive the weather to Siberia. When the spy reaches the nearest town he goes to a bar to drink with the russians, he knows everything: songs, names of the drinks, by the end of the night he is a friend to everyone in the bar. When the first russian leaves saying "Ну пока Американси (Goodbye, american)". He asks another russian how did he know that he is an american the russian answers: "But Oleg, you're black"
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
What is the name of your Russian coworker you see the next day?
C. U. Tomorov
Vacations
Russian military tank crosses the border into Finland and a Russian soldier steps out.
"Good morning," says the Border police, "Name?"
"Ivan Ivanovich."
"Occupation?"
"No, just a vacation."
A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border
A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border.
The Ukrainian border guard asks, "Name?"
The Russian answers, "Boris."
The border guard asks, "Occupation?"
The Russian says, "No, just visiting."
An older Russian joke, feel free to swap the leaders' names
Leonid Brezhnev is visiting Jimmy Carter in Washington DC.
Upon arriving in the oval office he is surprised by the luxury and asks:
"The Soviet people would love to know how can your government afford such niceties in the middle on an oil crisis."
Carter responds with "Walk to the window with me. Do you see that bridge in the distance?"
"Sure"
"When we set out to build it, we had a budget of 100 million dollars. Through clever management, we managed to build it for slightly less, and we are able to reward ourselves with some comfort"
"I see..."
A few month later, Carter is visiting Brezhnev in Moscow. He's completely blown away by the red wood furniture, Persian rugs, caviar on the table and various other luxuries. In amazement, he asks:
"The American people would love to know how can you government afford all this?"
So Brezhnev leads Carter to the window and says: "Do you see that bridge?"
"No, i don't"
"Well, there you go!"
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia where sitting at the bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and shows that he has two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Chernobyl."
Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit.
Customs Officer: "Name?"
Putin: "Vladimir Putin."
Customs Officer: "Nationality?"
Putin: "Russian."
Customs Officer: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."
Timmy : I'm Hungary
Timmy : I'm Hungary.
Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge.
Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen.
Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey.
Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !
Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.
Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.
Mum : Denmark your name on the can.
Timmy : Kenya do it for me?
Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it.
Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today.
Mum : It Tokyo long enough.
Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !
If skynet really does exist...
... It doesn't need to take over by force, just get its name on the ballot.
2016: Russian Roulette with all chambers loaded
What do Russian women get from their husbands that's long and hard on their wedding night?
His last name.
A Russian student goes to Ukraine to visit his girlfriend
and is stopped at the border and asked for identification. The guard looks carefully at his paperwork and asks tersely, 'Name?' 'Vlad', he replies. 'Occupation?', the officer inquires. 'Nyet, just here on vacation.'
A Russian man is visiting Germany.
The lady at the passport control asks him his name and where he's from.
"Sergey Ivanov" the Russian says, "I from Russia."
"Occupation?"
"No, just visit this time." he answers.
Did you know that the rapper, 50 Cent, is Russian?
Yeah, his full name is Fifty Percentoff.
On the first day at a Ukrainian school, the teacher introduces herself to the children.
"My name is Marivanna and I am Ukrainian," she says. "Now introduce yourselves, children."
A young boy stands up and says, "My name is Taras and I am Ukrainian."
Next, a young girl stands up and says, "My name is Oksana and I am Ukrainian."
Another lad stands up and says, "My name is Vovochka and I am Russian."
"Why are you Russian, Vovochka?" asks the teacher.
"Well, my mom is Russian and my dad is Russian, so that makes me Russian." says the boy.
The teacher then asks, "Well, what if your mom was a p**... and your dad was a j**..., what would you be?"
"Then I'd be Ukrainian" says Vovochka smiling.
(In Russian accent)
Three men walk up to me and each ask my name, so I kill them together.
A 4th man walks up and asks, "Did you kill all these people? What did they do? What is problem?" So I kill him.
A 5th man walks up and asks"Did you kill all these people?" I say yes. He says, "Why you do this? Did you not like them?" So I kill him.
A 6th man walks up and "Did you kill all these people because you did not like them?" I said, "No, that is not problem." So he asks, "So why did you kill them?" "I do not like being asked three questions." "Why not?" He says.
So I kill him.
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."
What was the name of the infamous Russian p**...?
Onya.
Onya Backyabitch.
The names of the Russians that started a Polyorchidism club:
Whodyanicka Bolakov
Igor Anova Ghulie
Iva Sparun
Guys, I just met the hottest woman. She's a Russian d**....
Her name is Ivana Stepanyadick.
What is the name of the Russian man with 3 t**...?
Hoodya Nikabolokov.
What do Russians and Lord of the Rings fans have in common?
They memorize the names of a bunch of made-up countries (Luhansk, Donetsk, Crimea)
A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.
The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:
"Name?"
"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."
"Do you have a visa?"
"No, but we were invited here."
"Occupation?"
"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has came up with a new machine to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others , they have named it in honour of Putin who funded the project
It is called RARA's Grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine
An angry robber at a Russian bank threatens to kill everyone. Goes up to a teller "I'm gonna kill you! I'm so angry. What's your name?"
"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.
It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.
Do you know why firetrucks are red?
Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 people.
4+8=12
There are 12 inches in a ruler
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler
There was a ship named Queen Elizabeth
Ships sail on seas
Seas have fish
Fish have fins
People from Finland are Finns
Finland and Russia border each other
Russians are red
Firetrucks are always Russian around
A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.
The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.
RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.
2 Russians are robbing a bank...
2 Russians are robbing a bank... Everything went successful, quickly and silently. However, before existing the bank, one Russian stops another one: "Hey, what kind of a robbery is it if no one got injured or killed?"
Russian 2: "You're right, kill that woman that's sitting over there!"
Russian 1 (to the woman): "What's your name?"
Woman: "Sofia"
Russian 1 (to Russian 2): "I can't kill her... My wife has the same name..."
Russian 2: "Then kill that kid that's sitting beside her."
Russian 1 (to the kid): "What's your name?"
Kid: "Billy, but everybody calls me Sofia"
BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week
Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'
My visit to Poland
I met a Polish friend of mine and told him I want to explore what Poland has to offer.
I asked about the beer culture.
We have lots of beers, ales, ciders, lagers, you name it!
Great, what would you recommend?
Anything Czech…
So instead we went out for lunch.
I want to eat something Polish!
We have dumplings, called pierogi, very popular and delicious…
Excellent, I would like to have those please.
No problem, would like Russian pierogi or Ukrainian ones?