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Russian Girlfriend Jokes

12 russian girlfriend jokes and hilarious russian girlfriend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about russian girlfriend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Russian Girlfriend Short Jokes

Short russian girlfriend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The russian girlfriend humour may include short russian women jokes also.

  1. I broke up with my girlfriend by text last night, it went pretty ugly... She got up from the couch, started beating me with her phone...
  2. When my blonde girlfriend heard the Russians meddled in 2016, she turned to me and said... "Well I hope they got the bronze."
  3. Insert Russian anthem... My girlfriend said she was going to leave me, since I was getting too much into communism,
    I said-

    "Soviet"
  4. My girlfriend from Moscow just told me she loves me... I told her she was Russian things.
    I'm sorry.
  5. When the Russian Secret Police have to run a security check on the Presidents new girlfriend they first have to ask Where's Vladimir Putin it?

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Russian Girlfriend One Liners

Which russian girlfriend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with russian girlfriend? I can suggest the ones about russian doll and russian people.

  1. Called my girlfriend comrade because she keeps Russian to conclusions.

Russian Girlfriend Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about russian girlfriend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mother russia jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make russian girlfriend pranks.

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"

My girlfriend was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"

I said "Because you're Russian me."

A Russian student goes to Ukraine to visit his girlfriend

and is stopped at the border and asked for identification. The guard looks carefully at his paperwork and asks tersely, 'Name?' 'Vlad', he replies. 'Occupation?', the officer inquires. 'Nyet, just here on vacation.'

A Russian submarine

A Russian submarine was sailing,and the captain felt a huge shake.Confused,he ran to Vladimir and asked him: "What was that,was it an earthquake or we hit something?",Vladimir said: "No Captain,Ivan's girlfriend ran with her lover to Venice", the captain even more confused says:Yeah,but what's the matter with that and the shake?Vladimir said:Well,there is no more Venice...

Russian knock-knock jokes (A Latvian Joke Tribute Song)

In light of recent political tensions, my girlfriend's dad and I sat down and tried to come up with some Russian knock-knock jokes.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Potato.
Potato who?
Just kidding, is secret police.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ukraine
Ukraine who?
Ukraine your neck left, see secret police.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Putin.
Putin who?
Putin your family is Gulag for asking so many question.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Secret police.
Secret police who?
If I told you, wouldn't be secret.

The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating.

So, to no one's surprise, Russians are pretty racist. My Belorussian girlfriend just told me this one, and insists that it's funny.
The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating. They lock a Russian, a Ukrainian, a Belorussian and a "Chukcha" (Inuit) in different rooms, and tell them to call on the phone when they get hungry. One day passes and the Russian calls, two days go by and the Belarussian calls, three days gone and the Ukrainian calls. Then four, five, six days pass, and still no call from the Chukcha. The authorities go and see how he's doing, and they find an emaciated man barely clinging to life, calling out "phone, phone."
For the Russian speakers, he calls out - "телефона телефона, чукча кушать хочет."