Rushing Jokes
47 rushing jokes and hilarious rushing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rushing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Rushing Short Jokes
Short rushing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rushing humour may include short rushed jokes also.
- I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
- Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed? Because her algaebra didn't hold up.
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- A friend of mine has been rushed to hospital, after eating a horse-burger. Apparently he is now in a stable condition.
- I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'. And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'. - I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market It was bazaar
- I think I'm shrinking! A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient." - A Blonde Crashes a helicopter A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".
- I like to hold my breath whenever a character goes underwater in a movie. That way I know if I'd survive if I were that character. I was rushed to the E.R after Finding Nemo
- A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound. Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.
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Rushing One Liners
Which rushing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rushing? I can suggest the ones about hurriedly and raging.
- Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the bat Room.
[an old classic] - Why are pediatricians always in a rush? They have little patients.
- What did the protons yell as they rushed into battle? *CHARGE!*
- A guy asked me if I could name a better prog-rock band than RUSH. I said Yes.
- My stable broke because I rushed when I was building it. Guess I should hold my horses.
- If you want an adrenaline rush, you should go camping... It's in tents.
- A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph... Some body was in a rush.
- What time is rush hour? 21:12.
- Who's the top selling author in Russia? Salman Rush B
- Stalling is the opposite of rushing ... But Stalin was Russian
- Did you hear about the injured condiment? He had to be rushed to the Mayo Clinic.
- I blamed being late for work on Rush Hour... The next day I blamed it on Rush Hour 2
- Why did the vampire feel tired after dinner? All the blood had rushed to his stomach.
- Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital? He was a"salted"
- School is the foreplay of life You can't rush it.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Rushing Jokes
What funny jokes about rushing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean racing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rushing pranks.
After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...
"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"
Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.
Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to go rob a bank.
"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.
"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all t**... in rope. Behing her, the guard comes running out with his pants down.
Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe!
A man is walking his pet carrot
As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Help! is there a doctor on board?
DOCTOR: (rushing forward) Yes, I'm a doctor.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Oh thank god, this man is choking on an apple.
DOCTOR: (backing away) Oh no no no no no.
A man is pulled over for recklessly speeding at 3am
The police officer demands to know: where are you rushing to at 3am?
The man answers: to hear a lecture.
The police officer asks: a lecture??? Who the h**... is giving a lecture at this hour of the night?!?!
The man responds: **my wife!!!**
a cannibal family is sitting at the dinner table...
finishing up, when the youngest cannibal comes rushing in, panting, "am i too late?" the dad replies, picking his teeth "yep, everyone's already eaten".
Guy gets pulled over by a cop at midnight:
"And where are you rushing to sir?"
"Officer, I'm attending a lecture on drinking and driving."
"Is that so? Who is giving a lecture at this time of the night?"
"My wife."
Names
A young native American goes to see the chief of his tribe.
"Chief", he asks, "how are the names of children of our tribe decided?"
"Ah", says the Chief. "Well. When a child is born, the mother brings it to me. I look outside my wigwam, and the first thing I see becomes the child's name. For instance, that is why your brother's name is "Rushing Stream", and your sister's name is "Majestic Tree".
"Does that answer your question, Dog Having A Dump?"
Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season?
Because of Germans rushing to the polls!
On the Duck Dynasty Outrage,....
It's such a double standard.
When a white guy acts bad on TV, people rush to A&E and demand the show is cancelled.
When a black guy acts bad on TV, you don't see people rushing to Fox demanding they cancel COPS.
For the couple of people that haven't seen this one yet.
Chris and Pat are in their residence listening to the neighbor's dog, who has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. Finally, Chris jumps up and says, 'I've had enough of this'
Rushing downstairs, Chris finally returns, and Pat says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
Chris says, 'I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it.'
Today I saw a Japanese man rushing to the elevator
The door was closing, so I held it open for him.
He replied with, "Sank you".
Why did he have to mention Pearl Harbor like that?
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........
.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'
Politicians are rushing to Venus.
This after news that the local population absolutely *lives* for hot air.
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.
She immediately says, "I'm sorry!" in a Chinese-english accent.
In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."
She responds with, "I'm sorry three!" in broken english.
Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"
She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"
The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.
Nobody expects the span is in position.
My wife came rushing in out of the garden and said, "There's a pair of my knickers missing off the washing line."
I said, "I know, the two kids from next door have them." She said, "The dirty little perverts." I said, "It's nothing like that, they mentioned something about building an hammock."
A guy is pulled over at 2:00 a.m. for driving 93 MPH....
Cop - hey buddy, where are you rushing at this late hour?
Guy - to a lecture.
Cop - a lecture?!?!? Who gives lectures at 2:00 a.m???
Guy - **my wife!**
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.
She immediately says, "I'm sorry!"
In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."
She responds with, "I'm sorry three!"
Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"
She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"
Husband came home rushing home all excited.
He opened the door and walked in to see his wife on the couch watching TV. He said, Oh my god, I just won the lottery. A lot. I mean a LOT. Hurry upstairs and pack your bags.
The wife, now excited too, starts getting up and asks, Yay, where are we going?
Husband replies, No, I won the lottery. I don't care where you go, I just want you out.
Hot and Heavy
A man & his wife are in the bedroom, having s**.... They're going at it real hot & heavy. All of a sudden, they hear a noise; it's their little son, Timmy. He is standing there looking shocked, before rushing out of the room. The man says, Don't worry, I'll go talk to him. He opens his son's door, only to find little Timmy going at it hot & heavy with grandma. The man, outraged, says, OH, MY GOD! Timmy looks at him smirking and says, It's not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?
A Faster Taxi
The taxi was traveling at over 90 mph through the middle of the town when the male passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder.
Heh, what's all the rushing for? Slow down a bit.
Sorry, mate, I thought I heard someone shout 'faster, faster', , said the taxi driver.
Well, you heard right, but she wasn't talking to you! came the reply.
My 8 year old got me this morning. We were rushing to get out the house quickly and then he told me...
MOM.. QUIT RUSHING ME.. I'M NOT RUSSIAN!
Just got back from the supermarket, there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piñatas
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
At my first job as an apprentice baker...
...my boss was constantly rushing me, and I thought it negatively affected the quality of the bread we were putting on the shelves. I always suspected that if we just had a little bit of time between shaping the dough and putting it into the oven, the resulting loaf would be so much better.
But I could never prove it.
An old hag was obsessed with shopping at Weis markets
She would wait outside the doors every morning until they opened. And then, she would binge-shop. She was so excited, she would run straight through the front door upon opening hours. The security guard took notice. He began to scold her. He told her one day, you can't keep rushing into our store like this! Only a fool behaves this way.
So, basically, Weis man say: only fools rush in.
An infamous doctor was known for rushing operations.
People asked him why he did things so quickly, and he said: "If I didn't, I wouldn't be doctor...
I would be patient."
[Blonde] Why are all the blondes rushing to get breast implants?
Because they don't want to pay the flat tax.
Two chefs are busy cooking...
its a busy night and they have a lot of orders to fill. One chef is rushing around, making a mess, and spilling things in his haste. The other chef stops him and says," take it easy, you've got lots of thyme on your hands"
Ann Rand died...
and went to heaven. While walking about she saw her doppelganger. Rushing over to Saint Peter, she exclaimed "I have a twin!"
"No," said Peter. "That's God. He just **thinks** he is Ann Rand."
