Rushed Jokes
125 rushed jokes and hilarious rushed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rushed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Rushed Short Jokes
Short rushed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rushed humour may include short rushing jokes also.
- I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
- Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed? Because her algaebra didn't hold up.
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- A friend of mine has been rushed to hospital, after eating a horse-burger. Apparently he is now in a stable condition.
- I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'. And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'. - I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market It was bazaar
- I think I'm shrinking! A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient." - A Blonde Crashes a helicopter A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".
- I like to hold my breath whenever a character goes underwater in a movie. That way I know if I'd survive if I were that character. I was rushed to the E.R after Finding Nemo
- A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound. Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.
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Rushed One Liners
Which rushed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rushed? I can suggest the ones about rushes and hurriedly.
- Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the bat Room.
[an old classic] - Why are pediatricians always in a rush? They have little patients.
- What did the protons yell as they rushed into battle? *CHARGE!*
- A guy asked me if I could name a better prog-rock band than RUSH. I said Yes.
- My stable broke because I rushed when I was building it. Guess I should hold my horses.
- If you want an adrenaline rush, you should go camping... It's in tents.
- A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph... Some body was in a rush.
- What time is rush hour? 21:12.
- Who's the top selling author in Russia? Salman Rush B
- Stalling is the opposite of rushing ... But Stalin was Russian
- Did you hear about the injured condiment? He had to be rushed to the Mayo Clinic.
- I blamed being late for work on Rush Hour... The next day I blamed it on Rush Hour 2
- Why did the vampire feel tired after dinner? All the blood had rushed to his stomach.
- Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital? He was a"salted"
- School is the foreplay of life You can't rush it.

Hilarious Fun Rushed Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about rushed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hastily jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rushed pranks.
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
Am I in heaven? asks the disoriented priest.
No says one of the nurses. We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.
A tall guy rushed in front of an elderly woman on the train to take the last seat. The woman shouted, What a mean guy!
But he was clearly above average
A guy tells his psychiatrist:
"It was terrible. I was away on business, and I sent my wife an e-mail saying I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport. And when I got home I found her in bed with my best friend! I don't get it. How could she do this to me?"
"Well," reasons the psychiatrist, "maybe she didn't get the e-mail."
A turtle and a snail were walking all slowly about when suddenly c**... into each other.
They are rushed to the hospital and the doctor asks the snail "What happened" and the snail responds "I don't know, it all happened so fast".
English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....
.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.
Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!
Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?
(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.
An accordion player goes to a bar
After a long night at performing at a local restaurant, an accordion player goes to have a few late night drinks. He drives up to the bar and goes inside. After finishing his first drink, he realizes he left his car unlocked! He rushed outside, opened the trunk of his car.....but it was too late....a 2nd accordion was already there!
Boudreaux's dead duck
Boudreaux rushed into Doc Robicheaux's office carrying a duck. He gently placed the duck on the exam table, it lay there limp and not moving.
Doc, you gotta help my duck , Boudreaux said.
Doc Robicheaux looked at the duck and shook his head. Boudreaux, your duck is dead , he said.
Doc, you gotta do something - run some test - do something , Boudreaux demanded.
Okay , Doc Robicheaux said.
The Doc whistled and a large black Labrador Retriever came in. The dog sniffed the duck from all sides, looked at the Doc, shook his head from side to side, and went back out.
The Doc made a clicking sound with his tongue and a gray cat came in. The cat jumped on the table and watched the unmoving duck for a couple of minutes, turned to the Doc, shook his head from sided to side, and went back out.
Boudreaux, your duck is dead , Doc Robicheaux told Boudreaux, Dat'll be 125 dollars .
Dat's a lot just to tell me dat my duck's dead , Boudreaux protested.
Boudreaux, I examined the duck and told you it was dead - that woulda been 10 dollars. You're da one dat demanded da Lab-Work and da Cat-Scan , Doc Robicheaux explained.
So I was walking outside yesterday(potentially offensive)...
when I saw a black guy with a TV. I was shocked, and I rushed back home, thinking it was mine. But luckily, it was still there, shining my shoes.
What happens to dying chemists?
Well, at first they try to helium. Once the disease goes too far, however, the chemist will get rushed to the hospital where doctors will attempt to curium. But once the chemist dies, they might as well barium.
True chemists never die, however. They just attain equilibrium.
A man was walking in the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed...
As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed, "My God! Whoever did this really needs help!"
I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket
I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, "what's the damage" He replied, "just some torn tissue".
In a short-sighted rushed effort to reboot the iTouch product Apple decided to market it to schools. Apple named their new product iTouch Kids. It didn't go over well...
It did great in the 12-25 prison stint group though.
Does it hurt anymore?
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"
A blonde was rushed to the hospital
A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.
Probably offensive
My friend and I were walking down the street the other day when we saw a young black man running past with a TV. "That looked just like mine!" I exclaimed. We immediately rushed home to check but everything was fine, mine was still polishing my shoes.
A guy named Michael was rushed to the emergency room one night and had to have heart surgery..
I guess you could say it was open Mike night.
The doctors rushed quickly to remove the bullet which was lodged in his artery...
But it turns out it was all in vain
"I am the young brother, let me through"
A man rushed to a gathering at an accident scene. Unable to see the victim because of the crowd the man said,"I am the young brother, let me through" The crowd looked at the man & paved the way silently.At the centre lay a donkey which had been hit by a car.
I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.
However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.
When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.
Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!
I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lying to me; two Wongs DO make a white!
During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.
He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.
It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.
The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.
After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.
The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."
Two guys got lost in the Egyptian desert
Both christians, one named John and the other named Thomas. They were starving and about to collapse when they spotted a Mosque, They rushed there for help. The Imam came out and asked for their names, John came up with 'Abdullah' in a panic and Thomas just said his name. The Imam hastily told the patrons to give Thomas food and water. While John had to wait and finish his fast.
A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER.
When he wakes up he tells the doctor: "I can't feel my legs!!!"
The doctor replies: "I know, I cut your arms off."
BLOND FATHER
A blond man and a brunette woman were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital, and she gave birth to two baby boys.
The blond man turned to his wife and yelled, "All right, who's the other father?"
Lottery
A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
I rushed to the clothes store when I heard all women's pants are half off.
But I saw no women with their pants down. d**... liars.
Singer Adele was rushed to the hospital after a fatal car accident
Paramedics said they found her rolling in the jeep.
One day David Duke was walking home from the supermarket...
He saw a black man running down the street with a TV and immediately became nervous.
"Wait, is that mine? I can never tell the difference between those d**... things", he said to himself.
He quickly rushed home,
and breathed a sigh of relief.
His was still there; polishing his shoes.
A man is rushed into the hospital after an accident.
Doctor, Doctor! I've broken my arm in several places."
The Doctor examines the patient's arm, and after a few moments of staring with intensity, he looked at the patient.
Doctor: lol, well don't go to those places.
Blonde father
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, All right, who's the other father?
At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food...
I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. How long will my spaghetti be?
The waiter said: I don't know. We never measure it.
My father died today at work...
he worked at the brewery and fell into a beer tank. All the co-workers rushed to help him and to get him out, but despite their best efforts my dad managed to fight them all back and then drowned.
I heard strange noises from my wife's room
I rushed in and said
"Honey what's wrong it looks like you're having a seizure"
"No" she replied "just a civil forfeiture"
Plz kill meh
I wen my to meet my girlfriend's parentss
Apparently bringing your wife along is "bad taste"
And "inappropriate"
Sorry for the misspelling on the title, I wass rushed
John to Sam: Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Sam rushed home angrily.
After half an hour, Sam came back and slapped the John.
Sam said: You fool, he is not my friend.
The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.
Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.
A r**... Came Home and Found His House on Fire
A r**... came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
A total n**... woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a n**... woman?"
The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money."
A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
I went to see the doctor the other day...
...and as I arrived, a nun rushed out crying. So, I said to the doctor, "d'you know, when I arrived here, a nun rushed out crying!". Doctor says, "oh yeah, I just told her she's pregnant."
"Oh my God," says I, "is she really?"
"No, of course not," says the doctor, "but it cured her hiccups!"
Woman can't get mating dogs apart
A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.
She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw.
Do you think that will work? she asked.
Just worked for me, he replied.
My wife rushed into the supermarket to grab a few items
She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
I had to be rushed in for an emergency open heart surgery today,
My doctor grinned as he handed me a scalpel, "Fixing your heart yourself would give you a sense of pride and accomplishm-..."
A friend told me he saw a black guy on a stolen bike getting hit by a train
I rushed home, afraid that it was mine.
But thankfully, mine was still in my basement shining my shoes.
Drunk driving
A drunk guy was driving home on the wrong side of the road. His wife saw the scene live on TV and in horror rushed to call him: "Hello?! Are you driving home? Be careful, there is a madman driving on the wrong side of the road!". He replies: "I know, there isn't only one, there are hundreds!".
My mum was rushed to hospital so I left a voicemail for my dad. "Dad, can you call me urgently?"
I got a phone call from him, "Hi Urgently"
Cupid would be a more believable character...
...if the people he shot rushed into marriage rather than fell in love
My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!
So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"
Why do watchmakers never feel rushed?
Because they have lots of time on their hands
A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.
When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"
Timmy's parents were awoken by the sound of their 13 year old child screaming
They rushed into his room to see his hands and c**... covered in blood, they quickly ring an ambulance and ask Timmy what had happened, Timmy told them I was playing with 'Henry' and he spat at me, so I bit him
I recently had to be rushed to the hospital for describing two events that were too similar
Turns out I had a massive corollary.
A man was in a horrific car accident and rushed to the hospital. A few days later, he woke up startled and yelled, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!
The doctor replied, I'm sorry, but we had to amputate your arms.
A man once got locked inside a mailbox. Everyone rushed for his rescue,
Because he was a priority male.
Saw a guy come racing out of our local flower shop, arms full of random product. Then the shop owner rushed out after him. I couldn't help, so I just yelled encouragement to her:
"Run, florist! Run!"
What does EA truly stand for?
Early Access because all of their games are rushed and unfinished.
Dog puns
i have owned a maltese x shitzu for about 3 years and everything is fine, the first time we had left him alone i was given the task of getting home fast, we had left the front door unlocked as i didnt have a key. i opened the door and rushed to the bathroom as i needed to use the bathroom. i opened the bathroom door and there was my dog standing in the mirror speaking Maltese! i shitzu not!
Fire at the Pub
A firehouse got a call about a pub. The firemen rushed there to see the place ablaze. They could hear someone calling for help from inside. Two of them ran in to see an Irishman trapped under debris. They were able to pull him out as the rest of them fought the fire. One of his rescuers asked how the fire started. The Irishman looked up at him and said, "I don't know, it was like this when I got here."
A daughter rushed home to her father.
"Dad, Bill asked me to marry him"
The Father replied "How much money does he have"
The daughter answered "You men are all alike, He said the same thing about you."
I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.
It was an eye-opening experience.
My daughter and her boyfriend went to their room
Shortly after I heard "Baby baby oh! And I rushed towards the room. Thank god I said to myself as they were just having s**... and not listening to Justin Beiber.
Sam got sick and taken to Middle-Earth Medical Center. Frodo rushed to the hospital, asking where Sam is. Chief Registrar Sauron replied:
ICU
A biker got into a terrible accident
He had been hit by a car and soon people rushed over to his side. It was crazy that the whole time he told everyone to look on the bright side, even though he was bleeding everywhere.
It wasn't too long before people kept asking him for his blood type so that the medics would know, but the only thing he would say was be positive!
— I heard this from a friends and don't know where it originated
The Pilot
The pilot gave his normal address to the passengers, this is your captain speaking, we will be ascending to 30000 feet and the flight time is two hours. Unfortunately he forgot to turn off his microphone and he joked to his co pilot that what he would really enjoy was a cup of coffee and a b**.... A hostess rushed to the cockpit to alert the captain about the microphone. A nearby passenger quipped, he also wants a coffee.
While playing w/ kids, I almost slipped and made loud noises
Wife rushed to the scene, found out it's me. Thank God it's you! Then she turned around to continue laundry.
Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus
Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, How many people is a brazillion?"
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I know my wife loves me and all, but I don't think she needs to tell everybody.
Just yesterday, when the mailman arrived at our house, she rushed downstairs yelling, "My husband is home! My husband is home!"
A Man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
A man was rushed to hospital with 6 toy horses stuck up his a**......
The doctors describe his condition as stable.
On the badge you......
My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion. The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? I'm at Rex Hospital. What city are you in? Raleigh. Do you know who I am? Dr. Hamilton. My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesn't ask me any more questions. Why? she asked. Because all of those answers were on his badge.
My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion.
**The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? I'm at Rex Hospital. What city are you in? Raleigh. Do you know who I am? Dr. Hamilton. My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesn't ask me any more questions. Why? she asked. Because all of those answers were on his badge. **

