The Best 77 Rush Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rush jokes. There are some rush quickly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rush commotion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rush Jokes and Puns

The park

I was about to make love to my girlfriend. "I've loved you since the first moment I first saw you. I'm so glad you're mine now" I said, stroking her hair.

She started to choke up. "I've never really had sex," she said. My first time was horrible - I was raped in a park, aged 16."

"Oh babe," I said, "Hush. Hush. It will be so different now. We don't have to rush and I'll be gentle this time."

My girlfriend just freaked me out...

she gave me a blow job but insisted on role playing as a 12 year old.Fucking weird and gross. I was like "You're going to be 12 in a couple of months, what's the rush?

My girlfriend's black.

She's always in a rush, saying, "Come on! Let's go! We gotta move! We're gunna be late! Drive faster! Switch lanes! We gotta beat the crowd!" I look at her every time and say, "Leave it to you to play the race card."

Rush joke, My girlfriend's black.

On the Duck Dynasty Outrage,....

It's such a double standard.

When a white guy acts bad on TV, people rush to A&E and demand the show is cancelled.

When a black guy acts bad on TV, you don't see people rushing to Fox demanding they cancel COPS.

I blamed being late for work on Rush Hour...

The next day I blamed it on Rush Hour 2


whats the difference between rush limbaugh and the hindenburg?

ones a flaming bag of hot gas the other is a blimp

Pregnant Lady on the Train

A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"

Rush joke, Pregnant Lady on the Train

LPT: If you're a man with unwanted erections in public places, take of all your clothes, dance around and yell that you're a strawberry. You will feel awkward and the blood will instead rush to your face.

A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph...

Some body was in a rush.

Blow job vs. Mount Everest

What does getting a blow job from a 70 year old woman and jumping down from Mount Everest have in common?


You don't dare to look down, but you feel the rush.

School is the foreplay of life

You can't rush it.

You can explore rush scurry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rush onlookers dad jokes. There are also rush puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Did you hear about the FedEx lady who had a baby? (DAD JOKE)

Supposedly she had to rush the delivery!

Why does your blood rush to your head when you're upside down but not to your feet when you're right side up?

Your feet aren't empty.

What would you get if Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson all died in a plane crash?

Take your time, there's no Rush...

I went out last night with a group of enthusiastic weavers.

Unfortunately they had to rush off to meet a looming deadline.

Yes, very brave

I went to the dentist to have a tooth removed, as I was in a rush I said, 'Look I don't want any anesthetic, no laughing gas, I just want you to remove the tooth as quickly as possible'. 'That's very brave of you sir', said the dentist. 'Now which tooth is it?'. I turned to my wife and said, 'Go on honey tell him which tooth'
.

Rush joke, Yes, very brave

Empty brain

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?

B: It's because your feet aren't empty.

So a man walks into a bar in Las Vegas

He orders ten consecutive shots, and drinks them all within 45 seconds. The bartender says, "What's with the rush?" and the man replies, "You'd drink this fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" and the man replies quickly, "45 cents."

Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave?

He had to go to the Bat Room.

[an old classic]


Yo, check out my spice rack...

No need to rush, I've got all the thyme in the world.

I'm an adrenaline junkie and an agoraphobic.

I talked to the mailman through the door once, that was a rush delivered.

shows up late for first day of new job *blames it on rush hour*

shows up late for second day of new job *blames it on rush hour 2*

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in the world."

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...

During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"

The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."

A Chinese kid and a Black kid

I was walking today and saw a Chinese kid and black kid wave at each other, whenI saw this it gave me hope for the future, or another Rush Hour movie.

Do you ever leave a craigslist ad up after you've sold the item just to get that little rush when someone texts you?

Ya me neither.

I was driving my taxi when a woman waved me down...

She said she wanted to got to the cemetery.
I asked If she needed to be there soon.
She said she wasn't in a rush. So I shot her.
She'll be there by Tuesday.

Today, I saw a black guy wave to an Asian from across the street. It gives me hope for the future...

Rush Hour 4!

Who's the top selling author in Russia?

Salman Rush B

You should never yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater

The gunman will shoot when he's ready, it isn't polite to rush him

Before I rush off to the bathroom to pee, I just wanted to tell you what a good friend you are to me.

On a scale from 1 to 10...

*urinate*

If you want an adrenaline rush, you should go camping...

It's in tents.

I rushed to the clothes store when I heard all women's pants are half off.

But I saw no women with their pants down. Dumbass liars.

I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market

It was bazaar

Do you know why russians always rush B?

Because they already Russia.

Got late on my first day at work, blamed it on Rush Hour. Got late on the 2nd day,

Blamed it on Rush Hour 2

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.

They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.

12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats strange." Says the mom.

A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats really strange" says the mom.

A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."

"NO! I WAS JACKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG!"

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

One more for the road. Abu Al Abid went to USA for the first time,

He opened a furniture shop & a lingerie shop.
In 6 months....
he made a good business.
.
He sends an email to his wife saying:
Please rush, pack up & come to USA,
I sold 100 mattresses and 5000 panties.
I made $100,000.
She replies:
It is better that you close your shop and come back fast.
With 1 mattress & with no panties
I made $300,000.. ...

What's a Chef's worst fear while working during rush hour?

Running out of thyme

AN OLD FART

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice -- except they won't let you fart."

An Asian & A Black Man walk into a bar

And suddenly I had an idea on how to make Rush Hour 4.

A nun was out for a walk...

...when a black van pulls up beside her. A man jumps out and drags her into the van were he proceeds to rape her. When he's done he stands up beside her and asks:
- So what are you gonna tell your sisters when you get back?
- I will tell them the truth. That a horrible man attacked me and raped me twice.
- Twice? the man asks.
- Yes. the nun replies. If your not in a rush of course?

Paddy's Wife Was Ready To Give Birth

So they both rush down the hospital.

When they get there, a nurse asks "how dilated is she"

Paddy answers "Begorrah, sure we're both over the moon,"

Irishman and the fire

Firemen receive a call that the local bar is on fire. They rush over to the local bar and sure enough, the whole bar is aflame.

They sweep into the burning bar to check for survivors and find a man face down on the floor. They pull him from the flames, soot-ridden and unconscious, they slap him awake.

"What happened! How did the fire start?!" they ask him.

"How should I know?" says the Irishman. "It was already on fire when I went in.."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head

Are all sitting in the waiting area of the ob/gyn. The brunette says, "I heard if he's on top you're going to have a boy." The red head says, "well I heard if she's on top you're going to have a girl."

The blonde bursts into tears. The other two rush to her asking what's wrong.

Through tears and sobs she says, "I'm going to have puppies".

A resourceful woman...

A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..

Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

4 Zealots, 6 Marines, and 8 Zerglings walk into a bar...

The bartender says "What's the rush?"

I said to my Grandma, You don't have that many days left

Before the big Christmas shopping rush, so buy my stuff right away!

I had to be rushed in for an emergency open heart surgery today,

My doctor grinned as he handed me a scalpel, "Fixing your heart yourself would give you a sense of pride and accomplishm-..."

When trouble brews, why do members of the White House staff rush the president to the Oval Office?

Because he can never be cornered there.

I asked my kids pediatrician why she was always in a rush

She said she has little patients.

Is there a better prog-rock band than Rush?

Yes.

A baby was born

A baby was born and minutes after he began to speak..."I am going to live only 4 days, my Mother will die in 6 days and my Father will die in 15 days..."

4 days later the boy died, after 6 days the Mother died. The Father was crazy coz the next one will be him. He sold everything and spent the whole money...

15 days later the neighbour died.

Do not rush in solving problems.

My new car only plays Rush and Dream Theater.

Apparently it's because my insurance is Progressive

Why were there no bars open during the Gold Rush?

It's illegal to sell alcohol to miners.

I just watched a documentary about the cutthroat world of the gold rush.

It was pretty metal.

I'd to rush to restroom one day

I'd to rush to restroom one day. I was taking a leak and my manager walks by and asks "how is it going"? I looked down and turned to him and said "yellow and fast"

My dishwasher and laundry machine broke today.

We had to rush her to the hospital immediately.

A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.

Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.

Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.

He places a twenty on the bar, and as he walks out, he bellows "When Big Tony pays, everybody pays!"

A bus full of journalists is on its way to Mar-a-Lago.

The bus veers off the road and overturns. Emergency vehicles rush to the scene, only to find Trump with a shovel in his hand, and Stephen Miller on a bulldozer.

A paramedic asks " What happened to all the passengers ? "

Trump says " They were all dead, so we buried them ! "

Stunned, the paramedic says " Do you mean everybody died ? "

Trump replies " Some of them claimed they weren't dead, but you know how the press lies ! "

My mother always complains about hitting traffic during rush hour.

I just think she needs to be a better driver.

Why are pediatricians always in a rush?

They have little patients.

"Kneel before me!" demands a portly king. All present kneel, except for one peasant who remains standing casually. Outraged, the king points his scepter at this peasant and barks, "You there, why do you not kneel!?" The peasant responds,

"Considering how long it'd take you even just to get out of that chair, there's clearly no need to rush."

Why are chefs in such a rush?

Theyre running out of thyme.

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game

You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

What time is rush hour?

21:12.

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

If someone was writing a book about tsunamis...

If someone was writing a book about tsunamis and they suddenly got a rush of ideas on what to call it, would that be considered a title wave?

friend: where were you?

**me:** I got sick and had to rush to the doctor

**friend:** flu?

**me:** nahβ€” just drove really fast

A guy asked me if I could name a better prog-rock band than RUSH.

I said Yes.

A German and an Englishman are having a conversation in the park when suddenly a young girl falls into the lake.

They both rush in to save her, but when they emerge she's unconscious.

The Englishman asks the German if they know the number for emergency services.

999.

The Englishman replies, fine, I'll call them myself.

A white woman has a baby with a white husband

The parents rush to the hospital to deliver the baby. The baby pops out and the baby is... black?

''Well that took a dark turn'' said the husband

Why did the conspiracy theorist tell the radio repairman to take his time?

Because there was no rush

We had to rush my father to the hospital, because -- h cld nly tlk lk ths.

Apparently he had a vowel obstruction.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rush gown jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rush door piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes