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Rural Jokes

64 rural jokes and hilarious rural puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rural that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this hilarious collection of rural jokes, from hick jokes about life in small towns in Louisiana and Kentucky to jokes about country living. Get your fill of rural humor here!

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Funniest Rural Short Jokes

Short rural jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rural humour may include short countryside jokes also.

  1. I tried to join a local butter of the month club here in our small rural community, but for some reason, they rejected my application. I'll tell you, I've never felt so margarin-lized in my life!
  2. A buck wearing a robe and clutching a bible was found dead near a rural highway... The person who found the animal exclaimed "Deer Lord" upon its discovery.
  3. Where I live, I have poor cell phone coverage. I also have to drive several miles to get decent food and shopping. The struggle is rural.
  4. Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters... ...he's going to mullet over.
  5. One day in 1960's China... Mao told his chief of police to send 10,000 intellectuals and a clown to rural exile. The police chief asked "Why the clown?" Mao laughed and said "That's the spirit!"
  6. rural upbringin' What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Wisconsin?
    Prom night.
  7. Why are there so many unreported crimes in rural Alabama? Because they're one big, happy family.
  8. If there is an Urban Dictionary... ...Shouldn't there be a Rural Dictionary
    Credits to my friend Portia.
  9. What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior? "Hmm, something's Amish here."
  10. I'm taking the Manic Street Preachers around rural England. If they tolerate Diss, then the Chilterns will be next.

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Rural One Liners

Which rural one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rural? I can suggest the ones about agricultural and village.

  1. What's another name for rural class justice? Lawn enforcement
  2. What do you call a rural drug dealer? A Farmacist
  3. Since he is a country singer... Shouldn't Keith Urban's last name be Rural?
  4. How do rural bankers speak? Withdrawl
  5. What did the depressed rural estate agent do? Sell farm
  6. What's the official State pie of rural Alabama? Pumpkin
  7. What do you call a swimming hole in the middle of a farm? A rural pool.
  8. What do you call a b**... from rural Ontario? Thunder Bae.
  9. What do you call a sheep tied to a pole in rural Ireland? A s**... bank
  10. What pops when heated and used by alot of the poor and rural farmers? Crystal m**....

Rural joke, What pops when heated and used by alot of the poor and rural farmers?

Fun-Filled Rural Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about rural you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean urban jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rural pranks.

My favorite joke since I was a kid

Two guys are walking down the side of the road in a rural area somewhere. All of a sudden, in the middle of the road, a huge hole appears. Curious, the two men peer down inside to see how deep it goes, but can't see the bottom. One saunters to the side of the road to find a pebble, throws it in, and listens; they don't hear it hit bottom. The other goes to the side to find a larger rock, throws it in, and listens; they still don't hear it hit bottom. They look at each other, and go find a log off to the side of the road, roll it in, and wait for it to hit bottom. All of a sudden, a goat runs out of the woods at high speed, and jumps down the hole. They look at each other quizzically, shrug, and keep walking. A few minutes later, an exasperated farmer steps onto the road out of the brush. He looks at the men and asks "Have either of you seen a goat around here?" The men look at the farmer and say "Yes, actually. A goat came out of the woods back there and jumped into this giant hole." The farmer replies "That couldn't have been my goat; my goat was tied to a log."

The mailman

A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.
He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"
The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight.

Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says "watch this"......
"Pilot to control tower......hey there h**..., guess who!!"
Control tower switches off the airport lights.....
"Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*"

Q & A with Ms Sonia Ghandi

Ms Sonia Ghandi is visiting a school. She goes to one class, gives a brief statement and says to the class full of rural children, "Ask me anything!"
So Pappu stands up. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have three questions. One, why are you not the prime minister of India; Two, who ordered the police to attack the peaceful demonstrators at Ramlila Maidan; Three, how much money do you have in your Swiss bank accounts."
Before Ms Ghandi can answer, the lunch bell rings. So after 30 mins the children and Ms Ghandi are back in the class. This time, Bubbly raises her hand. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have only questions. One, how did the lunch recess bell ring 40 minutes early; and Two, where is Pappu."

Meanwhile in rural Ireland...

p**... pays a visit to his old friend Tommy one afternoon. Tommy takes a seat in the kitchen whilst p**... makes him a cup of coffee. Tommy, being the inquisitive type, says "I can't help but notice there p**... that ye have a lot of empty milk bottles in your fridge so ye do, why exactly would that be?"
To which p**... replies " Oh thats just in case a visitor wants a black coffee"

Elephant ambiguity

A circus train derailed in a very rural area and several animals escaped throughout the countryside. An elephant wandered into an elderly lady's garden and began eating her vegetables. She looked out from inside her house and saw the animal. Being nearsighted and never having seen an elephant, she phoned the sheriff and exclaimed "Sheriff, sheriff, come quick; there is some kind of critter in my garden, it is bigger than my toolshed, and it is pulling up my turnips with its tail!". The sheriff replied,"Pulling turnips up with its tail? What is it doing with them?" The old lady squinted through the window and reluctantly replied, "Sheriff, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me!

Babies

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions of Ireland with no running water, no electricity, none of the creature comforts. One night, Mikes' wife goes into labor. The local doctor is there in attendance.
"What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?"
"Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" The doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see. "Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy."
"Saints be praised, I..."
Before Mike can finish the doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the doctor cuts in. "Hold the lantern, Mikey! Hold the lantern!" Soon the doctor delivers a third child. The doctor holds up the third baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "do you think it's the light that's attracting 'em?"

Divining rod

Ivan, a man living in rural Russia, was quite well known in his community for success in locating groundwater for wells. He utilized a divining rod, but in quite an abnormal way--rather than holding it in his hands he balanced it on his nose, walking whichever way it leaned until it finally fell. Wherever it landed, they dug, and they found water every time. The story made its way to the US and it wasn't long before a journalist was on her way to interview Ivan. "What is your secret?" the journalist asked. "Secret? Is not so special..." Ivan replied, "I get up every morning and eat a well-balanced breakfast."

A man counterfeits $18 bills...

...and needs to get rid of them, so he takes a trip through rural Iowa. Coming to a small general store at a remote crossroads, he goes in and asks the old man behind the counter if he would please break his bill. The old man replies, "Sure, would you like 2 nines or 3 sixes?"

My grandpa would always tell me...

that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.

The difference between rural, suburban, and urban.

- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you, it's rural.
- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops, it's suburban.
- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you, it's urban.
Credit to someone on /u/jasonreid1976's Facebook.

An Australian is visiting England...

He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"

Christmas in rural America

I live in rural America. On Christmas morning occasionally I will hear gun shots in the distance. This means one of two things:
1) Someone got a new gun for Christmas
2) Someone didn't

I'm not saying the rural county I live in is full of hicks but instead of Uber

We have Goober

Alabama college kid visiting Boston

So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"

My sister is a teacher in our rural district. During afternoon class, she had a flyswatter hanging out of her back pocket. One of her students said she looked like she was fixin' to show a hog !

Heaviest Lunch

This is a really old story my grandfather told me years ago.
When he was in elementary school in his tiny rural town, they pretty much ate what they grew or killed. Well he was going on a couple weeks of having nothing to eat for lunch at school beside mustard greens and a biscuit. He got tired of eating that, so one day he snuck into the classroom early and swapped his lunch with the heaviest lunch bag he could find.
When lunch time came, he grabbed his new lunch and sat down at the table to eat it. He opened the bag only to find two pecans and a ball peen hammer!

Why was the department of alcohol tobacco and firearms created?

To regulate the 3 leading causes of death in rural America.

Young Bill

Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch.
One evening, as they sat on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prized stallion h**... one of his mares.
He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the move on Mabel.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to do what that stallion is doing."
Mabel whispered back, "Go ahead. She's your mare!"

A guy is driving through a rural area

when he sees a farmer holding a pig up to a tree so the pig can eat apples.
He stops his car and shouts to the farmer, 'Isn't that a waste of time?'
'Shoot'. says the farmer, 'what's time to a pig?'

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

Tried translating a joke from Latvian.

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.
"Well, I saw a giraffe."
"What's a giraffe?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck."
"Okay, what else?"
"Zebra."
"Zebra?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but with stripes."
"Okay, what else then?"
"I saw a hippo. "
"What's that?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a horse, but big and fat."
"Hm. Okay. Anything else?"
"Yes... a crocodile."
"What's a crocodile?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing like one."

A politician visited a small remote rural town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

"We have two big needs," said the Town Mayor. "First, we have a clinic but no doctors."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, "I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cell phone reception at all in our town.

A wake for my mother-in-law

Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"
"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"
"Oh, No!" says the first man. "So were the people there to pay their final respects?"
"No," says the second man. "Once news started to spread about the incident, men from all over the county started coming over asking if they could borrow my mule."

Politicians these days.

A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
We have two big needs, said the village headman. First, we have a hospital but no doctor.
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?
We have no cellphone reception at all in our village.

Dating in rural towns is strange.

When a girl says daddy it's hard to tell if it's a f**... thing or if she's thinking about her ex.

"I'll do whatever I can for my constituents"

A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the village headman. "First, we have a hospital but no doctor."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while, and then said, "I have it sorted out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cellphone reception at all in our village."

Driving in Georgia

I was driving through rural Georgia one day. I came to a stop sign. Being from the big city, I just did a kind of rolling stop through the sign.
A Georgia Highway Patrol spotted me and pulled me over. He came up to the window and said, "Boy, you know why I pulled you over"?
I said, "No. Why did you pull me over"?
He said," You see that stop sign back there? You didn't stop. You just slowed down".
I said," Slow down, Stop. What's the difference"?
He took out his nightstick and started whacking me with it!
As he did so, he said, " Now, you want me to slow down, or you want me to stop"?

My physics teacher in rural Iowa said I'd pass his class when pigs fly, because I wasn't applying myself.

Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own.

A man in rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his prelimnary hearing.

"What is the charge, counsel?" The judge asks.
"Bigotry, your honor," the prosecutor replies. "This man has three wives."
"You idiot," the judge says. "That ain't bigotry, it's trigonometry."

Opposites

A theology professor at a rural community college started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said another. "And how about the opposite of woe?"
A r**... in the back of the class stood up from his seat and said, "I reckon that would be giddy up, mister."

I grew up in a really rural environment and my dad always wanted me to embrace eating wild game. His strongest argument was how much money could be saved by eating deer rather than beef, especially deer t**....

They're the cheapest meat you can find, boy. You can always find them under a buck.

An American asked a Russian guy about their cars:

\- For what did you make the ZAZ, a copy of the Fiat 500?
\- For rural roads ...
\- What did you make the Moskvich for, a copy of Ford?
"For country roads!"
\- Then what is Lada for, a copy of another Fiat?
\- For city roads!
\- The for what did you invent the Volga for?
\- For the good intercity roads!
\- And what do you go abroad with?
\- We do not go abroad!
"And yet, if necessary?"
\- If necessary - with tanks!

A rural country man is visiting a prestigious college in the big city for the first time.

He's a little lost, so he flags down a passing student and asks, "'Scuse me, could y'all tell me where the library's at?"
The student draws himself up in a huff, and answers haughtily, "I'll have you know that I am an English major with a 4.0 GPA, and I absolutely refuse to answer a question that ends in a preposition!"
The country man thinks for a moment. "OK, then. Could y'all tell me where the library's at, *a**...?"*

A personal injury lawyer was on vacation in a small rural town. While walking through the streets, he spotted a car that had just been involved in an accident. As expected, a large crowd gathered

Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn't get near the car. Being very clever, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey. 

Rural joke, Where I live, I have poor cell phone coverage. I also have to drive several miles to get decent food

jokes about rural