JokoJokes

Runs Jokes

141 runs jokes and hilarious runs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about runs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this collection of hilarious jokes about running! These jokes are sure to make you laugh as they reference running, taking walks, innings, and more. Get ready to chuckle while reading these jokes about running!

Funniest Runs Short Jokes

Short runs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The runs humour may include short running jokes also.

  1. Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't. It's my longest running joke of the year.
  2. If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
  3. I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, Wow! That could have been me! Then I remembered I can't drive a bus.
  4. 2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
    Both started running away.
  5. We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by king.. Now we have countries..
  6. What's the difference between a lobster and a chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
  7. I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel
  8. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
  9. I wish my college was run by EA At least I'd get a sense of pride and accomplishment for my money
  10. After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
    I said "Why not?"
    He said "You have to cremate him first!"

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Runs One Liners

Which runs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with runs? I can suggest the ones about runner and loads.

  1. is your refrigerator running? If so, I may vote for it.
  2. Doctor: sorry sir but your body has run out of magnesium Me: 0mg
  3. What do you call a mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein? No Whey José.
  4. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket You can hide but you can't run
  5. Is your refrigerator running? Because I'd vote for it.
  6. How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.
  7. Jesus may have walked on water... But Stephen Hawking can run on batteries
  8. How come ants don't get sick? ...because they have lil' anty-bodies
    *runs away*
  9. What do you call it when two giraffes run into each other? A giraffic jam
  10. Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.
  11. What kind of running means walking? Running out of gas!
  12. Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl When she noticed me, we went for a run
  13. What do you call a pizza joint run by epileptic midgets? Little Seizure's
  14. You can't run through a camp ground. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
  15. Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.

The Runs Jokes

Here is a list of funny the runs jokes and even better the runs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A guy was screaming at the TV Run idiot, run! His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape
  • To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
  • Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."
    Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
  • I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
    Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
    Now the whole system is corrupt.
  • In 2017, i didn't jog. In 2018 i didn't jog. In 2019 i didn't jog. In 2020 i didn't jog. This is a running joke
  • It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting it's a boy it's a boy with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
  • "It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.
  • My mum suffers with short term memory loss Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too
  • Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.
  • What's NNN? Never gonna give you up
    Never gonna let you down
    Never gonna run around and desert you
Runs joke, What's NNN?

Unearthly Funniest Runs Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about runs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rolls jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make runs pranks.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"
"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.

A recent study revealed that diarrhea is genetic...

.....It runs in the genes.

A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...

...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"

The Sheepdog and the Farmer

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."

Little Johnny and his ball.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."

Three old ladies

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a f**... runs up and opens his trench coat in front of them.
The first old lady has a s**....
The second old lady has a s**....
The third old lady can't reach that far.

A man runs into a doctors office screaming: "You've gotta help me doc! I'm shrinking!"

The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll have to be a little patient."

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests...

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"

My doctor said diarrhea is hereditary.

I guess it runs in your genes

Most of my family has diarrhea

it runs in our jeans

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

 
A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
 
"What?" said her Grandpa.
 
"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!
 

Dramatic Arts

Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room...

When she stumbles upon an s**... magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband.
"Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!"
The husband eyes the magazine and ponders.
"...Well we can't s**... him."

I made this joke!

One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."

A little girl asks her father how she got her name

"well honey a rose petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named you rose."
his younger daughter runs up to him "and how did i get my name daddy?"
"well honey a lily petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named you lily."
his son comes runnign up to him and yells "huuuuuuuuuuur flugerr dhuuuur"
"shut up cinder block"

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

A comfortably old joke

A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results.
"I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease"
The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer."

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests.

He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says "no son you're not." The drunk turns to the other priest, "I'm jesus Christ" to which the second priest replies "no son you're not." So the drunk says "Look I'll show you." So he walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says "Jesus Christ you're here again?"

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!

What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him?

Shoots him 8 times in the black.

To determine a rabbit's s**... from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy.

If *she* runs, it's a girl.

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

A Jewish man is in a car accident.

A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?"
The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."

A man walking in the street sees a coffin bouncing toward him

Terrified, he runs away, between cars, through front yards, nothing works
Finally, he runs into a pharmacy, and out of desperation throws a bottle of cough syrup at it
Only then does the coffin' stop

What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.

A man runs home after winning the lottery

"Honey honey! We won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
"Oh my god that's amazing! Where are we going?!"
"I don't care, just get out!"

What do you call a r**... v**...?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.

I walk into a bar...

... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except o**......

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''
Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you c**...''

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

A man wins the lottery...

A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"

The little black jewish boy...

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!

Mum, father hanged himself!

A little boy runs to his mum crying: "Mum, Mum", he screams, "Father hanged himself!"
"Where is he hanging?", his mum asks.
"In the attic!", the boy says.
So the mum and her son go to the attic but nobody's there.
"But he isn't there", says the mum in relief.
Then her son says: "April Fool! He's hanging in the basement!"

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."

Have you heard about the girl with a hereditary disease that gives her diarrhea?

It runs in her jeans.

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek

While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"

Which horse runs the city?

The mare, of course

I painted my computer black last night

Now it runs much faster

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

The kid runs up to a policeman

"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"

So I found out today that my diarrhea is hereditary

It runs in my jeans
Credit to /u/jdabarber

I have chronic diarrhea. My dad also has chronic diarrhea, and his dad had it too...

It runs in our jeans.

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors?

s**... with the runs

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.
Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."
Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"

TIL that diarrhea is hereditary.

It runs in the jeans.

A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy

The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"
The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"

Two guys were walking though the Sahara

They suddenly see a tiger approaching .
o**... throws sand in the tiger's eyes and he runs away.
The other guy keeps standing still.
"RUN MAN, WHY ARE YOU STANDING STILL??"
"Well I didn't throw the sand at him"

A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs

A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'

A blonde was walking down the street carrying a bag..

When another blonde rounds a corner and runs into her.
"My apologies! But what is in the bag, may I ask?"
"Oh, just carrying home some chickens for dinner for me and my husband!"
"If I guess how many chickens are in there, may I have one?"
"Hah ! If you can guess how many chickens I have in my bag, you can have *both* of them!" chuckles the blonde
"Umm.. seven?"

Which runs faster, hot or cold?

Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.

My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain

He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.

Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

9 is enough.

Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest.
He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house."
"Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air."
"Yes," says the priest, "your legs."

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your most expensive Scotch."

The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.
"Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender.
"Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," the man says.
"Oh my gosh," the bartender says, "What do you have?"
The man replies "50 cents."

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

Whats worse than running with scissors?

s**... with the runs.

Diarrhea is genetic

It runs in your jeans

A guy walks into a bar and says, "O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please."

The bartender tells him, "I used to have a stutter too. Then one day, my wife gave me head, and from that point on I was cured!" The guy gets really excited and runs out the door without ever getting his beer.
The next day, the guy walks back into the bar and says, "O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please."
The bartender asks him, "It didn't work, huh?"
The guy says, "N-n-nope. B-but y-your h-h-house is r-r-really n-n-nice."

A guy visits his favorite d**...

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.
She makes him s**... and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.
She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.
Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!
She says This sub really loves reposts.

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.

Did you know that Diarrhea is genetic?

It runs in the jeans

Three old ladies are sitting on a bench

A f**... runs up and opens his coat.
The first woman immediately had a s**....
The second had one only a moment later.
The third didn't because she couldn't reach.

One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"

The other boy said, "How?"
"Tell people you know their secret"
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"
The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15"
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

A beta tester walks into a bar

A beta tester runs into a bar
A beta tester crawls into a bar
A beta tester moonwalks into a bar
A beta tester jumps into a bar
A beta tester sneaks into a bar
A beta tester orders 1 beer
A beta tester orders 2 beers
A beta tester orders 0 beers
A beta tester orders 999999999 beers
A beta tester orders -1 beers
A beta tester orders qwertyuip beers
A beta tester orders a lizard in a cup
A regular user walks into the bar and asks if he can use their toilet
The bar erupts into flames and burns to the ground.

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"

A husband died

A few years later the wife died.
As she got to heaven, she sees her husband and runs up to him with tears in her eyes "Oh darling, how I've missed you."
The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him "Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

Two cowboys are lost in the desert.

No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.
Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham bush

Simba runs pretty slow

He needs to Mufasa

A man takes off his shirt in the gym.

A blonde comes up to him and says, wow what a great chest you have! The man replies, Thats one hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes off his pants. The blonde says, Wow! What great calf's you have! The man then replies, that's two hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes of his underwear. The blonde runs off screaming in fear. When the man catches up to her he asks, Why did you run away? The blonde replies, I didn't wanna be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!

A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man stammered, "Yes."
Bang!  The robber shoots him.
He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"

A drunk man

A drunk man stumbles out of bar and runs into 2 priest. The drunk man looks at the 1st priest and says,
"Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."
The 1st priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."

Then the man turns to the 2nd priest and says the same thing. "Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."
The 2nd priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."
The drunk man tells the priests that he can prove it. So he takes the 2 priests into the bar and the bartender says,
"Jesus Christ. You're back again?"

Runs joke, A drunk man

jokes about runs