Running Race Jokes
96 running race jokes and hilarious running race puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about running race that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Running Race Short Jokes
Short running race jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The running race humour may include short running marathon jokes also.
- I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
- My wife and I keep on collecting 5k race t-shirts, without actually participating in the races. It's our running joke
- Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks
- A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.
- A new Zealand joke Why do New zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep - My friend invited me to go drag racing with him and I thought yeah that sounds fun Turns out it is really freaking hard to run in the heels
- You're running a race in Norway. How do you know if you've passed the last Lap? When you reach the Finnish line...
- My cousins asked me to sponsor them in a charity race. Boy did they give me a run for my money.
- When they told me the longest race ever had taken nearly 5 hours, I chuckled. I've been running from my responsibilities for 19 years now.
- Saw a guy come racing out of our local flower shop, arms full of random product. Then the shop owner rushed out after him. I couldn't help, so I just yelled encouragement to her: "Run, florist! Run!"
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Running Race One Liners
Which running race one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with running race? I can suggest the ones about running track and race track.
- When is the best time for Muslims to run a race? Ramadan. They fast during Ramadan.
- is your refrigerator running? Good, mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.
- I'm not racist I love all races Except marathons I hate running
- I went to a drag race yesterday It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.
- [OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race? Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.
- What's the hardest part about drag racing? Running in heels.
- I lost all my money betting on horse races. Turns out they can run WAY faster than I can.
- Drag racing is my favorite sport I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.
- I tried drag racing the other day. It's incredibly hard to run in heels.
- What's the deal with racism? You're not running a race.
- Why do gazelles always lose races? Cause they're running against cheetahs
- Why was the cat banned from running the race? Because he was a cheetah.
- Which race is the most profitable to run? A 401K
- What is a White Supremacist's favorite race to run in? The 3K!
- When a local Savings & Loan sponsors a foot race is it called a "Bank Run?"
Running Race Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about running race you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean street racing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make running race pranks.
Once chuck norris and time had race.
Result: The time is still running.
What race is never run? A swimming race.
The pope was visiting New York
His visit in the states had lasted for days and he had become tired of being chauffeured around from one event to another the whole time.
"Tell you what. I really miss driving" he said to his driver and they agreed to swap seats so the pope would drive and the driver would sit in the back.
The pope had not driven a car for ages and the limousine had a powerful engine so he raced through the streets of New York running red lights and breaking the speed limit. This had to draw a lot of attention and soon he was pulled over by a traffic cop.
As the pope rolled down the window the cop could see that this was not an ordinary speeding case. He went back to his car to call his superiors on the radio.
"I've pulled someone over and I'm not sure what to do. I can tell it's a VIP but I'm not sure who it is"
"A VIP? Don't tell me it's the police commissioner again!"
"No. It's not him. It's someone more important."
"More important? Is it the mayor?"
"No. It's not him either. It's someone more important than the mayor"
"More important than the mayor? Are you telling me you've pulled over the president?"
"No. Not the president either. I's someone more important"
"More important? Who can be more important than the president?"
"I don't know! I just know he's so important that he's got the pope as his driver!"
Quasimodo wanted to go on vacation.
He sends out an ad in the newspaper to get someone to ring the bell in his place. Unfortunately, no one responds, but just as he leaves, a man with no arms is at the door. Quasimodo asks why he's there. The man says, I want the job. Quasimodo counters this, saying that he couldn't possibly ring the bell with no arms. The man says, just watch. So, Quasimodo decides to give him a chance. He brings him up the tower to three bells. Quasimodo says, alright, ring the short bell. The man takes a few steps back, prepares himself, and runs right at the bell, jumping at the bell and ringing it! Quasimodo is extremely impressed with this display. Alright, try the medium bell, Quasimodo says. The man takes a few more steps, runs at the bell, jumps, and rings it! Quasimodo is more than impressed. Okay, you've done great. Now I just need you to ring the high bell, and you've got the job, he says. The man walks all the way to the back, runs at the bell, and jumps right out the window! Quasimodo races down the stairs, and by the time he gets to the bottom, the police are on the scene. Quasimodo, do you know this man? The officer demands. After thinking for a little, Quasimodo responds, no, but his face rings a bell.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a bunch of l**... are running in a race...
So a bunch of l**... are running in a race, and a bunch of gay guys are running in a race, Who's winning?
The l**...; they're all running lickity split, and the gay guys are poking behind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the spirit of a TIL that made it to the front page.
I'm sitting on this plane and the pilot comes on the PA system to tell the passengers that we are now flying at cruising altitude and all that nonsense but when he put the phone down he missed the hang up. All the passengers could still hear the pilot as he turns to to copilot and says, "You know I could really go for a a cup of coffee and a b**... right now." The flight attendant went running up the aisle to tell the pilot he didn't hang up and as she races by my seat the guy behind me shouts, "Hey, honey! Don't forget that cup of coffee!"
A man is driving his new mustang
home from work one day. He spots an incredibly obese man sitting on the curb next to a bicycle, breathing heavily. He stops and asks the man what's wrong. The man said that his doctor told him he needed to excersise and lose some weight. As he could barely run he decided to ride his bike. However, on his first day out he had ridden to far from home and couldn't make it back.
The man has time before he needs to be home so he says"I have a rope in my car I can pull you home. If I get going to fast ring this bell and I will slow down."
When they have only gone a little ways down the road a camaro pulls up next to the mustang. As camaros and mustangs are wont to do they race. A police officer spots them and radios to his partner "I've got a mustang racing a camaro" to which his partner replies alright I'll stop them." The first officer replies"its not them I'm worried about its the three hundred pound guy on a bike ringing a bell to get them to pull over so he can pass that has me concerned."
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was Well, I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step .
Canadian Blonde Joke.
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
Two hunters are out hunting
Suddenly, they see a bear racing towards them. They start running, but all of a sudden one of them stops and starts to take off his hunting boots and put on running shoes.
The other hunters says to him: "What are you doing? Those will not make you run faster than the bear."
The first hunter replies calmly: "No, but they will make run faster than you."
The starship Enterprise encountered an alien race...
Kirk asks "What is your method of reproduction?"
A pair of aliens, happy to oblige, touched their antennae together, and soon a bud formed on the side of one. It slowly grew into a small replica of the alien, then fell off and started running around the room.
The aliens ask "How do you reproduce?", so Kirk grabs Uhura and proceeds to demonstrate.
"Where's the baby?" the aliens ask. Kirk replies, "Well, with any luck, it'll be along in about nine months or so."
"Nine months!" the alien exclaims. "If it takes nine months, why were you in such a hurry at the end?"
A religious horse
So, a man decides that he wants to buy a fine horse to get around with and race. He looks around town but can't find one for sale anywhere. At last, he finds an underground shop with a beautiful white horse.
He negotiates the price for the fine steed, but the owner warns him, "This is a special, religious horse. To get her to go, say 'praise the lord!' instead of giddy up. To get her to stop, say "Amen"
So he buys the horse and tests it. He gets on it and forgets what the man said. Then he remembers and says, "Praise the lord!" and it takes off. It runs and runs till he's at the edge of a cliff. He panics and says, "Halt! Stop! " but then remembers and says, "Amen!" and it stops, right on the edge. He says, "Oh, praise the lord..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys named Bob are walking by a nuclear reactor.
Bob starts talking about how his great uncle twice removed worked at a nuclear plant and grew an extra arm.
Other Bob says, "well that would be awesome, I could use an extra arm."
Bob says, "oh, I think it could only happen to me, it's in my genetics."
Other Bob gets mad. "b**..., I could grow an extra arm before you could!"
So they both hop the fence and start running around the reactor. The security guard chases them, but he's 83 years old. Bob dives in the cooling tank, while other Bob licks the giant tower. Other Bob swallows a spent fuel pellet, while Bob rolls around in some yellow powder. Suddenly, and simultaneously, third arms sprout out of both of their chests. They look at each other. "God d**..., a tie?"
At this point the old security guard hobbles up. "When will your generation learn," he wheezes. "There are never any winners in a nuclear arms race."
I was watching my brother run a race when I saw his shoe come off.
I could smell defeat In the air.
An economist was given the choice between participating in a marathon and just a quick race.
He preferred the long run over the short run.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Cats in a Triathalon
So, there are three cats competing in a triathlon. One is an English cat, named "One Two Three", one is German and named "Eins Zwei Drei", and the last is French and named "Un Deuz t**...". They're all very dedicated and have been training for this event since they were kittens.
When the race starts Un Deuz t**... leaps out front. He is sleek and nimble and leads for the running portion of the event. However, when they get on bicycles Eins Zwei Drei finishes first due to superior German engineering.
When they reach the pool for the swimming portion all cats jump in without hesitation. One Two Three finishes first, as he had been practicing swimming in the English Channel. Eins Zwei Drei comes out second. Hours pass, and the French Cat never exits.
Un Deuz t**... Quatre Cinq.
All of the countries in the world run a race. Who wins?
Finland. He's the first to Finnish.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a race car and a woman?
One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.
What does a Persistent Jedi do when he gets destroyed in a race?
An all day run
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the m**... addict lose the race?
He was running on fumes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... stripper runs for governor
After a controversial ballot, the stripper wins despite never having a lead the whole race. Many people suspect they rigged the e**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw a guy running a race and m**... at the same time.
I wonder what place he'll come in.
(time tarvellers only please) Who remembers the 2016 presidential race?
Nobody expected that late run from Gonzalez, did they?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a snail win a race?
It runs against Hillary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is it wrong to hate a certain race?
Because I really don't like running the 400M dash.
I heard Kevin O'Leary was running in a leadership race
I'm just not sure if it's in Canada or the US
Is it wrong to hate a certain race?
I love running 5ks but my friend got me to run a 10k race with him and I just really don't like them.
Q: If a man and a cheetah were to run a race, who would win?
A: The man. Everyone knows that cheetahs never win.
What do you call it when a black man, a white man, an Asian man and an Indian man are all running alongside each other?
The Human race
Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau run a 100-meter race...
Trudeau easily overtakes Trump and wins.
Minutes later, the White House tweets a press note:
"President Trump won prestigious silver in US-Canada race. The Canadian showed up second-to-last."
A Runner
A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?
A 401K is a really long foot race that people spend years building up for.
To run a 5K is mere child's play.
The Race "Bound 2" Fail
Why did Kanye West's daughter run the opposite direction at her race?
-When the race began her parents shouted "GO NORTH WEST!!!"
What do you call a race between eggs?
A running yoke
A runner is running a 5k
A runner is running a 5k, when another runner comes up to him. He asks him, "Are you running the 10k race?"
He replies, "Did you just assume my race?"
How did the snail win the running race with pencil and rubber ?
Pencil and rubber are stationery
Steve came first in a running race.
He got a catastrophe.
The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey.
"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"
"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."
In a 100 meters race...
Referee : 1,2,3 Go!
Everybody started running except Jack.
Referee : Why are you not running?
Jack : My number is 4..
Why did Obama win the presidential race?
Because Kenyan's usually win in the long run.
Race for mobile phone.
Person 1 : Hey nice mobile phone. How much you bought it for?
Person 2: I won it in a race.
Person 1: Race? What kind of race? How many people were running?
Person 2: Well, the mobile shop owner, 3 cops and I.
If you are running in a race and pass the second place person, what place are you in?
Second place.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An athlete is about to start the four hundred metre race. He sets himself ready at the starting blocks and the starter p**... fires.
As he's half way through the race he peaks around to see how his apponents are doing.
To his suprise, they're all miles behind.
Bizzarly, one seems to be actually running backwards. One is walking on his hands, making slow progress. Two are piggy backing each other, taking turns, and another is simply standing on the starting line.
He reaches the finish line and claims first place. He approaches the race official and asks, "what's going on? I thought this would be competitive."
"Oh, the real race is later today", the race official replies, "that was the d**... run".
A guy named Miles gets lost during a marathon in India...
"Surely I should be at the finish line by now!" he thinks.
Shortly he comes upon a group of Punjabi people, practically a score of them. "Excuse me," he asks, "Have you all seen anyone running a race around here? I'm not sure how long this thing is supposed to be. If so, can you point them out to me?"
Twenty Sikhs point to Miles.
What did Anikan say when running away from the teacher who saw his juul?
Now this is pod racing!
I bought a new pair of running shoes.
I can hardly catch up to them!
Whenever I race them, I never lose, but I never win either.
I always tie my shoes.
Why did the runner drop out of the race?
They had the runs.
Why did the queen lose the drag race?
It was tough to run in heels.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to run a race with empty two-liters as shoes?
Yeah... He was soda feeted.
As a gesture of good faith, Trump and some of his former staff known to be white nationalists are trying to raise money for victims of the Charlottesville march by running in a charity race.
It's a 3K.
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.
The big race
It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!
People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly, Usain Bolt came out victorious!!!
Because...cheetah's never win.
So a snail goes to a car dealership
and requests the fastest sports car the dealer has to offer. The car dealer points him to a brand new red race car, fastest in the market. The snail is ecstatic and buys it, telling the car dealer he'll be back tomorrow to pick it up.
"But before I do pick it up," says the snail, "I'd like a big 'S' painted on each side!"
The car dealer obliges, paints a big 'S' on each side of the car, and waits until the next day for the snail to return. Well, the snail returns, hops into his car, and speeds off through the wall into the oncoming traffic, driving off. The car dealer's boss runs up to the car dealer and exclaims,
"Wow! Look at that S car go!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know I'm gonna get hate for saying this, but there are some races that I just don't like.
For instance, anything with an obstacle in it. Like if I'm running 10k, don't make me climb over a wall halfway through it.
Is your refrigerator running?
A man walks into a bar and is about to order a beer when he's interrupted by the bar phone ringing. The bartender answers. A voice asks, "Is your refrigerator running?" The bartender replies with a sigh. "Yes" The voice replies,"Good. Mine too. I'll see you at the refrigerator races tomorrow."
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of red wine. The bartender's therapy dog leaps to his feet, races across the room, runs down the stairs to the wine cellar and within moments returns with a lovely bottle of cabernet savignon in his jaws which he drops gently at the bartender's feet. "Wow, that dog is amazing," the guy says. "What kind is it?" "Oh, he's nothing special," the bartender replies. "Just a bordeaux collie."