Running Nose Jokes
85 running nose jokes and hilarious running nose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about running nose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Running Nose Short Jokes
Short running nose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The running nose humour may include short broken nose jokes also.
- Everybody knows Rudolph the Red Nose leads Santa's sled team... ...but few know that Bruno the Brown Nose is the second in line.
He can run as fast as Rudolph, but he isn't as quick to stop. - A Jew wakes up with morning wood and runs right into a wall. What does he say? Ouch, my nose!
- Noses are meant to smell and feet are meant to run, but irl… Noses run and feet smell instead… they switch rolls
Sadly - How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Six - one to try and reach the socket, and the other five to stand around saying that its too high for her.
- What is a man's ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!
- I wish I was just like my nose And all it takes is spicy food to get me to run.
- I guess my nose is training for a marathon It's been running since morning..
- Why did the nose run? It did snot want to be late
- Why do people keep saying that my nose running? It's not!
- I know a man built upside down His nose is running and his feet are smelling.
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Running Nose One Liners
Which running nose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with running nose? I can suggest the ones about blowing nose and runny nose.
- Yo mama's so fat Her nose can't even run
Came up with this myself and was quite proud - My grandpa said he was built upside down He said his nose runs and his feet smell.
- If your nose runs and your feet smell..... You're built upside-down.
- You know if you smell feet and your nose is running Then you just might be upside down
- It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running, I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.
- Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
- What did the snot say to the nose? I gotta run.
- How can you tell if you're upside down? Your nose is running and you're feet smell
- Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
- I was born upside down My nose runs and my feet smell
- My brother was born backwards... His nose runs and his feet smell.
- I wouldn't say I never exercise... Occasionally, my nose runs.
- My daughter said her nose is running. So I made a finish line by the door.
- My nose is tired It has been running all day
- My nose is a coward. As soon as it sees any allergens it runs!
Running Nose Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about running nose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nosed reindeer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make running nose pranks.
A: Why does your nose run?
B: Because it can't walk.
Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
Two guys always catch the train to work together;
one is French, the other Italian.
Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!"
He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?"
The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day.
The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!"
Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"
A guy admired the hair of three girls.
He walked by one and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair"
Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, "It's natural."
The guy walked by the second girl and asked, "How'd you get such pretty brown hair?"
Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural."
Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get such cool green hair?"
Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, "It's natural."
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon.
They get n**... and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do.
Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together.
After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together.
Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.
Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom.
After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared.
"What happened?" asks his bride.
"I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my u**...!"
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top.
She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel.
Then a little girl came running up to her.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
A husband and wife are headed to a dinner party.
As they're driving, the husband accidentally runs over a skunk. The wife, all concerned, makes him stop to see if the skunk is okay.
"Honey, it's still alive! We can't just leave it here," the wife says.
"Dear, it's only a skunk. Let's go."
"No. We have to take it to the vet."
"Fine. We'll go after the dinner party. When we get to the party, just keep it under your dress to keep it warm."
"But what about the smell?"
"I don't know. Just hold its nose."
Bell Ringer Wanted
A beautiful, old church with a tall steeple and bell tower was in need of someone to ring the bell every hour as the priest was getting too old to climb the stairs.
He put out a sign asking for someone to fill the position, and an hour later he hears 3 slow thuds on the front door. The priest opens the door to find a man standing there with no arms. He says, "I am here about the open position, it has always been my dream to ring the bell in this church".
Hesitant, the priest figures he will let the man audition, so they walk all the way to the top of the steeple where the large bell resides. The priest tells the man to go ahead and ring the bell, not sure how he will be able to pull the cord without any arms.
The man takes a few steps back, then runs and jumps face first at the bell, and it let out the most amazing ring causing the entire town to stop in awe. The man however, was bleeding from the nose after hitting his face, and the priest said, "that was the most beautiful sound the bell has ever made, but I cannot allow you do that to yourself every hour".
Distraught, the man throws himself from the top of the bell tower to the streets below. Two men walking by see the man fall, and stop near the body. One says to the other, "he looks familiar, do you know his name". The other man replies, "no, but his face rings a bell".
What's the definition of Embarrassing?
Running into a wall with a e**... and your nose touches the wall first.
2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...
It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.
Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'
His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'
Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.
'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'
'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'
The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...
BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere
The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds
Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'
With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...
'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
Pearly Gates
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a giant group of k**... Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of them torturing this girl. Infuriated, I got out
of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the k**... Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."
There once was a big, strong bull...
There once was this big, strong bull. Had a ring in his nose, big horns and he went by the name of Hannibal. He had a field to himself with green grass, small dandelions and a fence. One day, the farmer brings some pretty cute cows and puts them in the field next to Hannibal.
So the bull walks up to the barbed wire and checks out the pretty ladies on the other side. He knows that he would like to get to know them a bit better - if you know what I mean - , but there is this fence between them. So he waits until the farmer leaves, takes a long run and jumps over the fence into the other field.
The cows look all startled and giggle: "O my, Hannibal... how did you get in here?"
He winks: "Just call me Hanni, honey... The rest I left hanging in the barbed wire."
- Sorry for the English, it is not my first language.
An old married couple are driving down the road.
They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."
A guy goes to a brothel with only $2
He goes up to the madam and asks if any prostitutes would be available for $2. She thinks for a minute and says, "There's a dead h**... in the last room on the left. You can have her for an hour for $2."
The man agrees and heads to the room. About an hour goes by and he reemerges. He comes back to the madam to pay and she asks how it was.
"I had a pretty good time," he responded, "but her nose kept running."
Madam: "Oh, she must be full."
What happens to an Asian guy when they run into a wall with a full e**...?
They break their nose!
What is difference between your nose and a black man?
Your nose is not shot in back for running...
Why do noses run and feet smell?
A man walks into a brothel looking for something cheap...
...and the owner tells him, "One of our best prostitutes died a week ago. She's still in her room and I can let you have your way with her for only $2." The man is hesitant at first but ultimately decides to do it because of his lack of funds for anything else. He hands the owner his money and walks into her room.
After an hour or so the man comes back excited and tells the owner, "That was some of the best s**... I have ever had! There was no awkwardness whatsoever, she didn't complain in any way, the smell wasn't too unbearable, and she was still warm and juicy. Everything was perfect except for the fact that her nose kept running."
The owner chuckled a little bit and said, "Her nose was running? Don't worry, she's just full."
The badger
A husband and wife are driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold.
The husband says,"Put it between your legs to warm it up."
The Wife replies "But it's all wet and it stinks!"
Husband says "Well, hold its nose!".
A n**... Jew with an e**... running at full speed hits a wall
He breaks his nose.
A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.
"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.
"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.
"No, they all have different last names."
Why was the nose running?
Cuz it's a running nose
I told Jim he is upside-down
His nose runs and his feet smell.
What happens when a man of jewish descent runs into a wall with an e**...?
He breaks his nose.
What does a Jewish man get when he runs into a wall with an e**...?
a broken nose.
What happens when a Jewish man
runs into a wall face first with an e**...?
He hits his nose.
The first rule of winter s**...
The one who has a running nose has to be under the other.
One day I got this huge e**.... I started running and hit a wall. You know what broke?
My nose
A guy walks into a w**......
A guy walks into a w**... with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead h**... upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.
Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.
"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."
"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."
If your nose is running..
...you better go catch it.
Did you ever notice noses run...
...and feet smell
Did you know:
Your Feet Run and your Nose Smells...
But!
Your Nose also Runs
Your Feet also Smell
What does your nose run,
And your feet smell?
I have the Usain Bolt of noses
You should see this baby run
What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?
Running into a wall while e**... and breaking your nose.
A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,
But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.
The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!
After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.
My nose is having a marathon today.
It can't stop running.
A dude with an e**... runs into a wall. What breaks first?
His nose.
If your nose is running...and your feet smell...
Then you must be built upside down.
I've recently had a bad cold
The other day I thought I had gushes of blood running out my nose so I ran to the doctor. Apparently it snot.
What is a man's ultimate shame?
When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first !
(it's true it happens to me all the time)
My nose is exhausted
It's been running all day.
Thanks Dad.
On Sunday, I walked into the weapons store one day and noticed a banner advertising sarin gas.
I went up to the cashier and asked, "Isn't this stuff i**...?"
The cashier replied, "This isn't your ordinary sarin. This type helps you lose weight," gesturing towards another banner claiming that inhaling a whiff of it every day would help me lose 50 kilos by the end of the week.
Feeling curious, I bought it and tried a whiff. My nose instantly started running and my eyes watered, but determined, I repeated it each day until the end of the week.
By Saturday I felt like I was going to die, but sure enough, I had lost over 70 kilos.
Truly a weapon of mass destruction.
True Story: I found a note on my doorstep today.
Opening it, I was excited to see a riddle!
It read:
"What dog has legs
But cannot run.
A tail,
It cannot wag,
A mouth,
But cannot bark,
A nose,
But cannot smell?"
I love riddles. Before reading the answer, I sat down with my wife and we spent a while pondering the possible answers.
Eventually, curiosity overcame us. We turned over the note to see the answer.
It read:
"Your dog.
I'm really sorry.
I ran it over."
I hate riddles.