Running Away Jokes
87 running away jokes and hilarious running away puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about running away that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Running Away Short Jokes
Short running away jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The running away humour may include short going away jokes also.
- 2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away. - Go away bee, don't bother me. A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
- Why is the number of black priests so small? Most of them run away after being called father once or twice
- My girlfriend said to me... "If one day, you want to run away, just let me know..."
Turns out she meant together. - Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one? Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
- What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him? Shoots him 8 times in the black.
- Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?… She kept running away from the ball!…
(This has probably already been posted on here, but I don't really know, so I'm just going to post it…) - I would rather hug an erupting volcano than run away from it. 'cause I' m a lava, not a hata'!
- A King says to 3 of his most esteemed Knights - Sir Brand! Kiss my hand.
- Sir Amit! Kiss my feet.
- Sir Hancock! Sir Hancock? Why are you running away from me? - Modern art is easy to understand. If you take a dump on someone's door mat, ring the bell and run away - it's an installation. If you ring the bell and then take a dump - it's a performance.
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Running Away One Liners
Which running away one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with running away? I can suggest the ones about moving away and fugitive.
- How come ants don't get sick? ...because they have lil' anty-bodies
*runs away* - Why is Stephen hawking successful? He can't run away from his responsibilities.
- Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball
- why don't melons run away to get married? because they cantaloupe
- Why did the moo run away? Because it's a cow word
- Why did the Little Mermaid run away with the fisherman? He had allure.
- I thought I would say 'I love you!' to my problems Maybe they would run away too
- Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter? They were cantaloupe farmers.
- What do you call two ants that run away to get married? Antelopes
- Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.
- My son is currently studying how to run away from home. He'll go far, that kid.
- I'm not the kind to walk away from responsibility I run
- Why do the Scots wear kilts? Sheep run away when they hear a zipper.
- What's the opposite of running away and getting married? Anteloping.
- What were the polite Egyptians running away from? DaRUDE Sandstorm
Running Away Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about running away you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make running away pranks.
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.
She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.
She started running, so I started running.
She started screaming, so I started screaming.
I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.
Three men died and as soon as they arrive in heaven they meet Jesus
'To enter heaven you must do what I say' said Jesus
He goes to the first man:
'Fernand, kiss my hand, and you're free to go.'
the man kisses Jesus hand and enters the paradise
'Pete, kiss my feet and you're free to go.'
the man kisses Jesus feet and got into the golden gate
When Jesus goes to talk to the third one, he sees the man running away
'Hey Brock, why are you running?'
Kid runs away from home
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.
'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.
'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.
'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jimmy and Joey (never seen this here so sorry if repost)
One day Jimmy and Joey were walking through their neighborhood looking for something to do.
Jimmy then shouted, " JOEY LOOK A n**... LADY"
Joey looked and sure enough there was a woman sunbathing by her pool n**....
Joey then screamed very loudly and ran away in a panic.
Jimmy was very puzzled at why Joey ran, so he chased down Joey to see what happened.
He catches Joey and asks him, "Why are you running away? We finally got to see a n**... lady."
Joey responded, "My mamma always told me that if I ever saw a person n**... I would turn to stone, and back there I felt something get hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on the train having a p**....
When the ticket inspector knocked on the toilet door and said, "Ticket please."
"There you go," I replied, passing it under the door.
"Thanks for the free ticket." replied the voice, running away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to attract women:
My friend keeps complaining that he can't attract women. I told him "Why don't you try a s**... look...like lowering your eyelids and biting your lip?"
My friend takes the advice and runs off. He comes back complaining "I TRIED YOUR SUGGESTION AND THE GIRLS KEPT RUNNING AWAY SCREAMING!"
"Hmmm... can you show me what you were doing?"
Friend bites his lip and squints his eyes.
"AH! I see the problem...next time try biting your LOWER lip..."
Our grandpa was running away from the operation theater ...
We stopped him and asked what was wrong.
He replied that the nurses in the operation theater were saying "Don't worry, everything will be alright, we are all with you" and that made him uncomfortable.
We said "They were trying to calm you down. This is common. They probably say this to all the patients before the surgery"
Our grandpa took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said "They were telling that to the surgeon"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**... went to the beach
The younger of the two said "This s**..., man! None of the girls are even noticing me!"
His older friend said "I tell you what- maybe if you put a sock in your swim trunks, that would help get you some more attention."
So the younger boy went to the changing room and adjusted his swimwear. They met up again about an hour later and the boy said "Man, that didn't help at all! Now they're just running away from me!"
And the older r**... said "You d**...- you're supposed to put the sock in the FRONT!"
As a 39 old guy, I felt proud for coming up with this joke. (My 8-yr old ugggghhhhh'ed at it)
Q: Why did fifteen (15) started running away?
A: Coz he heard "thirteen fa(u)rtin.."
^(PS: You have to say it) *^(just)* ^(right)
What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?
"Sir, you dropped your receipt!"
What did the bird army say when running away?
Retweet
Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them.
The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.
Soccer is a strange game.
Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
My buddy Mark stole my dictionary once
As he was running away I yelled Mark my words!
A dog is running awa
A dog is running away from a farm.
The pig asks him why?
The dog replies, "this family doesn't want me man, I'm out"
The pig says what do you mean, the humans always pet you, they take you in walks, you have free reign over the farm. To which the dog replies, "not even pig, all I get for food are left overs, you get corn, and fruits, look how fat you are. I even overheard Papa say he was going to make you Ham for Christmas!!"
A Mexican man has been running away from the cops for 3 days...
The authorities stated that he is a Juan-ted man
We changed our dog's name to Dad.
Because he kept running away
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a stampede of mexicans running away from a snake?
**Hiss**-panic
Did you hear about the fruit that was forbidden from running away with its lover?
Canteloupe
If video games were really bad for you, then the entire Pac-man generation would be eating pills and running away from their problems
Oh wait.
Why does animal hate fast food?
Because It keeps running away from them
In USA being -on the lamb- means:
:Running away from the Police, because they committed a crime.
In Wales it means...well, something else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a problem with running away from relationships after s**....
I just nut and bolt.
My friend, Ath, had his mom kidnapped.
The man, while running away was seen coughing severely.
A Witness at the scene said: he's got Ath's ma!
A foreigner was walking around Italy
When suddenly a thief grabbed her purse and started running away
The woman shouted "Hey! It's my purse!"
The thief shouted back "It's my job!"
What does a criminal need after running away from the police?
Arrest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man with wide open arms
One evening a woman was coming back home when she saw a man at the end of the street moving towards her with wide open arms and a vacant stare , she panicked ,picked up a rock and threw at him while running away .The man stood up shaking his head and exclaimed "g**... ,it's the 4th window this hour, my boss is going to kill me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a grizzly bear and a police officer?
The bear will m**... you in cold blood BEFORE you can start running away from it.
A criminal was running away and a policeman was trying to draw his gun to shoot him.
However, he could not find a writing utensil.
Running away from your problems never helps...
Unless you're overweight
What did Antony say when he saw Cleopatra running away?
Seize her!
Season 3 of stranger things is going to be kids running aways from...
Kevin Spacy
In every soap opera we've ever watched, we are taught that running away and leaving doesn't solve our problems
Didn't stop the Brits from trying
What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with?
"None of your beeswax!"
The Universe is not expanding.
It's running away from Chuck Norris.
Why did Karen cross the road?
Because she was running away with his kids
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a blind homeless man sleeping in the street?
Nothing. You silently take his only belongings before k**... him in the shins and running away
Trump's boss was running away after reporters were asking him tough questions...
They were chasing, and he was Russian
Why do dogs chase after cars ?
Their toilets are running away!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
b**... are excellent at sports like cricket, baseball etc.
Because they're good at hitting and running away.
What did Anikan say when running away from the teacher who saw his juul?
Now this is pod racing!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am aware of the effect I have on women
The running away you get used to, but the screaming is hard on the ears.
What did the Roman Emperor say to his guards when he saw his wife running away?
Julius seize-her!
Bob is walking down the street when suddenly his phone is grabbed out of his hands
The thief starts running away after grabbing Bob's phone
Bob: GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK OR IM CALLING THE COPS!!
What do you call running away from a Vampire?
Alucardio.
What do you call a budhist running away from a battle?
A mediation retreat.
Everyone jokes about running away and joining the circus. But I hear they have a great 401K program and competitive benefits.
Too bad the pay is peanuts.
Why wasn't the police surprised when he saw a kidnapper kidnapping a kid and running away?
Because it was a running gag.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are b**... so fit?
From running away from fatherhood.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is no point of running away form a s**.... You will die from exhaustion.
What can you say to both a fat guy running away and a regular customer ?
W^(^(hale))elcome back .
A CEO, a priest, and two lawyers are at a bar.
The older lawyer is mentoring the younger one. A guy on the left asks for a flaming shot, but the bartender trips, and lights the bar on fire. Everyone is running away, when a wooden bar collapses on them.
When everyone comes too, the CEO, the priest, and the older lawyer are all trapped under rubble.
The young lawyer says "I only have time to save one of you, so let's have a bidding war."
The CEO calculates the lowest safe bet and says "Ten Million!"
The Priest says "God will not forget this!"
The older lawyer cries, wipes his face, and says "I have never been so proud in my life!"
An old man got his wallet stolen while on a bus
When he realized, he started warning everyone:
"Whoever stole my wallet should return it. Otherwise what happened in 1983 will be repeated."
The old man kept ranting this warning every minute until the bus got to the next city. A young man alighted from the bus, threw the wallet into the bus and started running away. The old man picked the wallet.
Stunned by the incidence, a small kid walked to the man and asked,
"What happened in 1983, please."
The old man responded,
"In 1983, someone stole my wallet and I had to go hungry for three days."
A rabbit escapes a laboratory
Upon running away he stumbles across a group of rabbits in a field. The leader welcomes him and says 'the outside world isn't like the lab, you can do what you want here, try some of the grass'. The grass tasted like nothing the rabbit had tasted before, it was so refreshing and tasty. He then went around mating with all the female rabbits all day. At the end of the day the leader saw the rabbit running back to the lab and he said 'what are you doing? I thought you loved it here', the rabbit said 'yes I do, but I'm dying for a cigarette'.
A woman decides to try online dating
Setting up her new profile she starts looking for the exact opposite of her ex-husband who used to beat her before running away with another woman.
She states her new man must 1) Never hit her 2) Never run away and 3) Be great in bed.
A few days later the doorbell rings. When she answers there is a man with no arms and no legs. He says "I'm here to take you on a date, as you can see I've got no arms to hit you and no legs to run away"
Intrigued she replies "But what about number 3? Are you great in bed?"
He says "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Le Parkour
The French art of running away.
Why did the French invent Parkour?
It's based around running away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A quote from a WWII veteran...
If you see a group of soldiers but don't know where they're from fire a stray bullet in their direction and see how they react.
If they respond with precise rifle fire they're British.
If they respond with a frenzy of machine gun fire they're German.
If they try running away they're Italian.
If they throw their guns on the ground and surrender they're French.
If nothing happens at first but five minutes later the area you shot the bullet from is bombarded with airstrikes and mortars they're American.
A Calculus joke
Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:
e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's a differential operator. If it acts on me, I'll disappear." e^x says "I'm e^x, I don't have anything to worry about," and keeps walking. When he reaches the differential operator, he says "Hi, I'm e^x."
The differential operator responds, "Hi, I'm d/dy."
Need help finding the punchline to a joke!!
So i remember reading this joke (or antijoke) where 100 nuns are travelling and decide to stop at the inn for the night. The clerk says they only have room for 50 so the nuns say "its okay, 50 will sleep inside and 50 will sleep outside". The next morning, the 50 nuns that slept outside are all dead, blood everywhere and theres a crazy monk running away with a chainsaw. The nuns decide to carry on and stop at the next inn. The clerk tells them they only have room for 25 so the nuns say "its okay, 25 will sleep inside and 25 will sleep outside". The next morning.......and the joke goes on like that until there's only 2 nuns left and I CAN'T REMEMBER THE PUNCHLINE UGHHH!! Someone please help, it's driving me nuts!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
French Jokes
What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.
What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.
Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.
An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly s**... charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized b**... strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.
For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.
What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.
Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.
What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.
Why is eleven running away from seven?
Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven.
Seven Ate Nine Then Eleven.
A cop sees a boy in Miami walking down the street alone...
So the cop asks him where he is going. The little boy tells the cop that he is running away because his parents have split up. The cop says, "Come on, get in my car and I'll take you home to your mom."
The little boy cries out, "Oh no, please don't! My mom beats me!"
The cop then says, "Alright, I'll take you to your dad then.
Once again, the little boy refuses, "No, my dad beats me too!"
The cop is at a loss of what to do so he asks the boy, "Alright, well where should I take you then?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and then replies, "Take me to Dolphin Statium, I know they don't beat anybody!"