Runner Up Jokes
142 runner up jokes and hilarious runner up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about runner up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Runner Up Short Jokes
Short runner up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The runner up humour may include short 2nd place jokes also.
- If you want to impress a girl... ...try complimenting her. For instance, "Wow, you're a fast runner! You nearly got away!"
- What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland? Russian to Finnish.
- I realized why Scandanavians are the fastest runners in the world... ...all their races start near the Finnish line.
- Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games? All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.
- Did you hear about the runner who pooped his pants during a race? He didn't win, but he did finish number two.
- What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race? Josh Duggar at a family reunion.
- [gun goes off] [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway - Did you know that most nuns are very good runners? It's because they're always being chaste.
- My teacher told me to take out my number two pencil. Lady, I don't have a favorite pencil, let alone a runner up.
- Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because all their good runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America
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Runner Up One Liners
Which runner up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with runner up? I can suggest the ones about 3rd place and second born.
- How do you agitate an achy feminist runner? massage a knee
- What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs? An arms race.
- Who's the fastest runner in the chinese olympic team? Mr. Do Ping
- What do you find between Godzilla's toes? Slow runners.
- Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
- A runner walks into a bar The bartender says: why the long pace?
- Why do runners rarely retire? It's hard to finish a 401k!
- What do you call an athlete doing drugs ? A Speed runner
- Why did the marathon runner end up in jail? For resisting a rest.
- What do runners eat before a race? Fast food.
- I've made an infinite runner game for old people... Its called the elder scrolls
- Why does Finland have the best runner's in the world? Because they Finnish first
- There is a running joke among marathon runners ... ... that has even won some medals.
- Where Did The Crazy Distance Runner Go To Run? The Psycho-Path.
- What do an artist and a runner have in common? They both have masterPACEs
Runner Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about runner up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean first place jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make runner up pranks.
Q: Why did the runner stop listing to music?
A: Because she broke too many records.
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
What is a runner's favourite subject in school? Jog-raphy!
What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time?
A line of marathon runners
My favorite racist joke is more funny than it is offensive -
On the elementary school playground, there was a group of boys that liked to play basketball. Tyrone, a fourth grader, was the only black boy in the school, and far outperformed his peers in most athletic contests. He could run faster and jump higher than any other student at the school. He could easily outrun and out jump even the fastest and tallest fifth and sixth grade boys. When they played basketball, Tyrone's team could only play three players at a time to be fair, and he was still always picked first.
"You're the best at basketball because you're black, Tyrone," the other boys would say. Tyrone would wonder about this. His mama always told him not to think he was any different than any of those white boys. Being black didn't mean he was any better or any worse than anyone else. But he was obviously better at basketball than any of the white kids at his elementary school, so what else could it be?
Tyrone got home from school one day and asked his mama, "Mama, I can jump higher and run faster than any of the other kids at the school. Even the fifth and sixth graders. Is it a 'cause I'm black?"
"Naw," Mama said, "you's the fastest runner and highest jumper 'coz you's the only one who's twenty two."
Marathon Boston
So I heard the runners at the marathon had a blast.
A Boston Marathon runner was asked about his experience.
He said it was a blast.
I met a guy recently who was a really good runner, but could only win races in wet weather.
They call him the Raining Champion.
Two people have a race...
and the runner that comes last says to the other ''at least I came 2nd''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics?
Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fowl Play
A rooster, A chicken, and a crow walk into a bar. The crow orders a goose island, the Chicken a cocktail, and the rooster a shot of wild turkey. The rooster takes a sip and then tells a joke about a chicken crossing the road. The chicken looks at him in disgust and slams down the cocktail grabs the rooster by the t**... and says you c**... s**... you think that's funny? The rooster tries to crow but can't. The chicken murders the rooster and the crow being to chicken to do anything flys out of the bar. The Chicken goes after the crow but as he is trying to cross the road he hears a loud "Beep, Beep!" and gets hit by a roadrunner instantly dies. The road runner distraught from hitting the chicken goes to the bar and orders a wild coyote, plays angry birds on his iphone and thinks to himself "What a dumb mother clucker".
What do you call a corn cob on a track team?
A maize runner.
Credit goes to my girlfriend.
What did the bull-runner say to the upset door?
What's the matador?
---
This has to be the greatest joke I have ever written.
What's the difference between The Kite Runner and The Maze Runner?
I don't know, I haven't seen either.
I don't think I'll watch the Maze Runner movie.
It seems too corny
What do you call a Paraplegic runner?
A Boston Marathon Victim.
What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics
In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance
(I realise this joke is now three years too late)
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg.
I thought: 'This could be interesting'.
What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?
A joggernaut.
NASA's New Horizons probe has shown that Pluto is a remote, hostile, and barren planet...
this means it's now the front-runner to be awarded the next Fifa World Cup.
Did you see the Maze Runner?
It was A-MAZE-ZING!
There was a runner...
He was the fastest man in the world, and promised to all the chefs in the world that if they could bring him his favorite kind of hot dog while he was on his daily jog, then he would give them free running lessons.
Hundreds of chefs attempted to give him the best recipe after catching him, yet they all failed.
Finally, a humble chef from New York decided to try out. He made his hot dog for this runner and caught up to him.
As soon as the runner took a bite, he was amazed. It WAS the best dog he'd ever eaten. He then asked the chef how he knew the recipe and was able to catch up to him.
The chef was surprised, thinking it was obvious and responded, "Well, I just took my thyme and mustard the energy to ketchup!"
What did the runner say to the tomato sauce?
Ketchup!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why are black people fast runners?
They have 3 long strong legs.
Why does Harrison Ford run from Wesley Snipes?
Because he's the Blade Runner.
A reality TV mogul, a woman, and a Jew are running for president...
And that's just the front runners!
How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction?
There both just honestly happy to finish
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My favorite part of a marathon is...
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of v**....
What's the title of the Blade Runner sequel?
Blade Runner 2: Do Androids Dream of Electric Boogaloo?
Sister Mary Francis won the contest but I was runner-up...
Technically, I'm second to nun.
What do you call a Mexican who has immigrated to Canada?
a runner with a lot of stamina
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THATS IT! I cant stand marathon runners ANYMORE....
This time they've gone TOO FAR
What did a runner say to another runner at the end of a race?
GOOD JOG!!
Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?
He didn't know he had it in him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A vegan, a runner, and a s**... walked into a bar
They all told me in the first minute.
How can you tell the black British Olympic long distance runner from the Kenyans?
The British one is Mo' Farah.
How do you know the fastest runners are all doping?
They're always rushin.
Some people say they get runner's high...
I just get runner's OH GOD MY CHEST IS COLLAPSING I FEEL LIKE DEATH
What's a marathon runner doing at the Scandinavian Queueing Championships?
He's trying to get to the Finnish line.
Last week I ran my first marathon
Everything went smoothly and the runners had a great time
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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New US dollar announced today...
They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe v**...'.
The runner up was 'Oh God It's Trump'
Imagine a runner cutting his 20 second record in half
That would be in10s
Chris Brown dressed as Deadpool for Halloween and won a costume contest.
The runner up was a girl dressed like Rihanna, but he beat her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President...
Steve Harvey.
"I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"
*DEEP INHALE*
"***WRONG***"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between h**... and a marathon runner?
The marathon runner can successfully finish a race
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do h**... and a boston marathon runner have in common
The inability to finish a race
What do a Boston Marathon runner and Jesus have in common?
Nails in their hands and feet
What do you call a runner who hates every event but his own?
A raceist
What do you call it when Usain Bolt is standing next to your mom?
A runner in scoring position.
Blade Runner 2049 isn't a sequel
It's the 2049^th version of the original movie.
Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.
Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.
Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.
"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.
"You may have won," replied Vlad, "but I beat you to the Finnish line."
I'm participating in a marathon this year.
I'm the guy that pours cups of water for the runners.
Congratulations to all the runners in the Boston Marathon.
You survived
A Runner
A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Did you hear about the white supremacist marathon runner?
He's a real racist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why doesn't Mexico ever do well at the Olympics?
Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers made it into America.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why isn't Mexico entered in the Olympics?
Because all their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are across the border.
I used to be a big runner
but then I kept running
A runner is running a 5k
A runner is running a 5k, when another runner comes up to him. He asks him, "Are you running the 10k race?"
He replies, "Did you just assume my race?"
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I believe that marathons are bad. They are an excess; a p**... of healthy running. Running anything more than a few miles puts serious wear and tear on the joints without any benefit. Runners should be limited to no more than a 5k at the most, and marathons should be banned.
… and don't tell me that I'm just being racist.
What do you call a bigoted marathon runner?
A racist
What did the Olympic runner say at the end of his career?
I had a good run.
What do sneeze attacks and runners both have?
Tennis shoes
I really want to watch Blade Runner 2049 but...
I think I don't have the time to watch all 2048 movies before it to understand the plot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Blade Runner Joke: What does officer K call the p**... that sleeps with him?
A blade rubber
What do you call Bruce Jenners' transition from a runner to a woman?
A step in the right Derection
Blade Runner 2049 and Drive... [SPOILERS]
Why does France have lots of track athletes?
Because they are good runners.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I'm surprised North Korea has an Olympic team
Their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers have already defected
A man and his friend were being chased by a bunch of thugs
The man ran into a circular building so that he could distract them from his friend who was a slow runner, he was alone in the circular building and had to fight them alone.
5 minutes later he came out unscathed.
His friend asked, "How did you get out of there alive?"
"They couldn't corner me."
What kind of underwear do long distance runners wear?
Marathongs