Runner Jokes

114 runner jokes and hilarious runner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about runner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These runner jokes will have you laughing until you reach the finish line! From road runners and marathon runners to Usain Bolt and his narrow victories, we promise these runner memes and puns will easily pass the finish line. Don't be runner up to the fun, check out these hilarious jokes!

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Funniest Runner Short Jokes

Short runner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The runner humour may include short runs jokes also.

  1. If you want to impress a girl... ...try complimenting her. For instance, "Wow, you're a fast runner! You nearly got away!"
  2. What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland? Russian to Finnish.
  3. I realized why Scandanavians are the fastest runners in the world... ...all their races start near the Finnish line.
  4. Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games? All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.
  5. Why will you never win a race against a runner from Finland? Before you even start, they are already Finnish.
  6. Did you hear about the runner who pooped his pants during a race? He didn't win, but he did finish number two.
  7. Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.
  8. What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race? Josh Duggar at a family reunion.
  9. The best way to get a girl's attention is to compliment her As in "WOW! You're a fast runner, you nearly got away!"
  10. Why does mexico never win the Olympics? because all the fastest runners, jumpers, and swimmers make it to the US.

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Runner One Liners

Which runner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with runner? I can suggest the ones about running and walker.

  1. What do runners eat before a race? Nothing. They fast
  2. How do you agitate an achy feminist runner? massage a knee
  3. What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs? An arms race.
  4. Who's the fastest runner in the chinese olympic team? Mr. Do Ping
  5. What do you find between Godzilla's toes? Slow runners.
  6. Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
  7. A runner walks into a bar The bartender says: why the long pace?
  8. What do Olympic runners eat before running? Nothing cause they fast
  9. What do runners eat before a marathon? Nothing.
    They fast.
  10. Why do runners rarely retire? It's hard to finish a 401k!
  11. What do you call an athlete doing drugs ? A Speed runner
  12. Always compliment a girl "Wow you're a fast runner. You almost got away."
  13. Why did the marathon runner end up in jail? For resisting a rest.
  14. What do runners eat before a race? Fast food.
  15. I've made an infinite runner game for old people... Its called the elder scrolls

Runner Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny runner up jokes and even better runner up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • [gun goes off] [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
    ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
  • Did you know that most nuns are very good runners? It's because they're always being chaste.
  • My teacher told me to take out my number two pencil. Lady, I don't have a favorite pencil, let alone a runner up.
  • Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because all their good runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America
  • A Soldier I was renting a house to did a runner And owes me 6 months rent. He said he was a General but I've since discovered he is a Left Tenant.
  • Some people say they get runner's high... I just get runner's OH GOD MY CHEST IS COLLAPSING I FEEL LIKE DEATH
  • Chris Brown dressed as Deadpool for Halloween and won a costume contest. The runner up was a girl dressed like Rihanna, but he beat her.
  • Why does Finland have the best runner's in the world? Because they Finnish first
  • There is a running joke among marathon runners ... ... that has even won some medals.
  • I met a guy recently who was a really good runner, but could only win races in wet weather. They call him the Raining Champion.

Marathon Runner Jokes

Here is a list of funny marathon runner jokes and even better marathon runner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.
  • Last week I ran my first marathon Everything went smoothly and the runners had a great time
  • What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop? A joggernaut.
  • How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction? There both just honestly happy to finish
  • What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time? A line of marathon runners
  • In the end, all marathon runners in a marathon win a trophy... A hypertrophy
  • What do you call a marathon runner whose Dad is remarried? A step-sister.
  • What do you call a bigoted marathon runner? A racist
  • Congratulations to all the runners in the Boston Marathon. You survived
  • I'm participating in a marathon this year. I'm the guy that pours cups of water for the runners.
Runner joke, I'm participating in a marathon this year.

Olympic Runner Jokes

Here is a list of funny olympic runner jokes and even better olympic runner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why doesn't the Mexican Olympic team win many medals? All their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers live in the United States.
  • Why doesn't Mexico ever do well at the Olympics? Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers made it into America.
  • Why does Mexico not get very many Olympic Medals? cause all the good runners, jumpers and swimmers are already in the US
  • What was the Olympic runner doing in bed? He was fast asleep.
  • What did the Olympic runner say at the end of his career? I had a good run.
  • How can you tell the black British Olympic long distance runner from the Kenyans? The British one is Mo' Farah.
  • I'm surprised North Korea has an Olympic team Their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers have already defected
  • Why isn't Mexico entered in the Olympics? Because all their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are across the border.
  • Why can't Mexico beat the US in the Olympics? Because all their runners, jumpers and swimmers are already here.

Blade Runner Jokes

Here is a list of funny blade runner jokes and even better blade runner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance
    (I realise this joke is now three years too late)
  • I really want to watch Blade Runner 2049 but... I think I don't have the time to watch all 2048 movies before it to understand the plot
  • Blade Runner 2049 and Drive... [SPOILERS]
  • Blade Runner 2049 isn't a sequel It's the 2049^th version of the original movie.
  • What's the title of the Blade Runner sequel? Blade Runner 2: Do Androids Dream of Electric Boogaloo?
  • Why does Harrison Ford run from Wesley Snipes? Because he's the Blade Runner.
  • Blade Runner Joke: What does officer K call the p**... that sleeps with him? A blade rubber
Runner joke, Blade Runner Joke: What does officer K call the p**... that sleeps with him?

Great Runner Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about runner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean athlete jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make runner pranks.

h**... was worst track runner

he couldn't even finish one race

Three boys are bragging about whose dad is the fastest runner...

The first says "My dad is a hunter. He can shoot an arrow, run to where it's gonna land and catch it!"
"That's nothing!" says the second boy "My dad's a police officer. He can shoot a bullet and be at the target before the bullet hits!"
"My dad can run the fastest!" says the third boy. "He's a civil servant. He works till 4 and is always home by 3:30!"

What's the difference between The Kite Runner and The Maze Runner?

I don't know, I haven't seen either.

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg.

I thought: 'This could be interesting'.

What does a runner lose after winning a race?

His breath.

What do you call a Mexican who has immigrated to Canada?

a runner with a lot of stamina

Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?

He didn't know he had it in him.

A vegan, a runner, and a s**... walked into a bar

They all told me in the first minute.

What's a marathon runner doing at the Scandinavian Queueing Championships?

He's trying to get to the Finnish line.

New US dollar announced today...

They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe v**...'.
The runner up was 'Oh God It's Trump'

What's the difference between h**... and a marathon runner?

The marathon runner can successfully finish a race

What do h**... and a boston marathon runner have in common

The inability to finish a race

What do you call it when Usain Bolt is standing next to your mom?

A runner in scoring position.

Where Did The Crazy Distance Runner Go To Run?

The Psycho-Path.

A runner is running a 5k

A runner is running a 5k, when another runner comes up to him. He asks him, "Are you running the 10k race?"
He replies, "Did you just assume my race?"

What's the difference between h**... and a professional marathon runner?

The professional marathon runner finished the race. h**... didn't

A man and his friend were being chased by a bunch of thugs

The man ran into a circular building so that he could distract them from his friend who was a slow runner, he was alone in the circular building and had to fight them alone.
5 minutes later he came out unscathed.
His friend asked, "How did you get out of there alive?"
"They couldn't corner me."

What do you call a Rastafarian who hunts down other Rastafarians?

A Braid Runner.

Safari #1 rule.

Never be the slowest runner in the group.

What does the Jewish track coach do to the female runner?

He Kosher.

What do you call a runner in a straight jacket?

Insane Bolt

Two German soccer players go to a s**... bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"
This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse
"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...

The runner on 2nd base politely asked the pitcher if he could just walk over to third.

The pitcher balked at the idea.

What do an artist and a runner have in common?

They both have masterPACEs

There was a really fast runner who was admitted to an asylum.

He did his time and was released as a "rehabilitated man".
The day he was discharged his father came to pick him up.
His father approached him and asked one question :- "So...Usain?"

It was so much easier to get girls in elementary, just be the fastest runner... you have to outdrive the police too.

What is the band Foreigner's favourite car to drive?

A Toyota 4 -Runner

What do you say if you lost the world's fastest runner?


How did the speed runner beat the world record on hair stylist simulator?

He took a shortcut.

A runner walks into a bar

An ultra runner jogs into a bar and orders a beer. She reaches into her sweaty sports bra and pulls out a sweaty crumpled $5 bill to pay. The bartender gingerly picks up the damp bill with a pair of tongs and dumps it in a bucket. "You realize every time I get money with b**... fluids on them I have to report it to the government," the bartender grumbles. "It's g**... income."

Runner joke, I've made an infinite runner game for old people...

jokes about runner