run Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious run puns

A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed."

A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I'm Dave. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no feet so I won't run away."

"What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman retorts.

Dave replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

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If you run in front of a car you'll get tired...

But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted

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I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, Wow! That could have been me!

Then I remembered I can't drive a bus.

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We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by kings..

Now we have countries..

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What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

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I wish my college was run by EA

At least I'd get a sense of pride and accomplishment for my money

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A guy was screaming at the TV Run idiot, run!

His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape

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To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run.

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My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

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When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

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To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket,

You can hide, but you can't run.

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Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

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I painted my computer black so it would run faster.

Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

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How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

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My mum suffers with short term memory loss

Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too

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Jesus may have walked on water...

But Stephen Hawking can run on batteries

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The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana".

It's hard on your joints.

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A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

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An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never run out of flesh to sever. Your eyes will-"

"Are there printers?" The man interjects.

"....Printers? Um no, not that I know of, but-"

"Okay this place sounds fine, let's go."

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Is it okay to hate a certain race?

I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

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Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster...

Now it just doesn't work.

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Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl

When she noticed me, we went for a run

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What do you call a pizza joint run by epileptic midgets?

Little Seizure's

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Old Soviet joke.

Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon.

Reagan won.

Next day US newspapers: Reagan won. Gorgachev lost .

Soviet newspapers: Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last .

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You can't run through a camp ground.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

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Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."

The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."

The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

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I before E

Except when you run a weird heist on a feisty foreign overweight neighbor wearing beige.

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I'm starting to think this country really is run by Jews

But it's still only my first week in Israel.

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I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars.

But nature is only out a buck.

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Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

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Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets?

So they can run their hands through their hair.

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What do you call a bodybuilding Mexican who's run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

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Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank

Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

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What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.

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Slip of the Tongue

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"

Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."

Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"

Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"

Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of fuckin' one?"

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What are the most funny Run jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Run? Well, here are the best Run dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Run pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes