Ruler Jokes
106 ruler jokes and hilarious ruler puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ruler that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ruler Short Jokes
Short ruler jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ruler humour may include short rider jokes also.
- Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
- What did kate middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long
- In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.
Tough measures. - I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponge. We called him Martin Loofah King.
- Why is North Korea so accurate at measuring microscopic distances? They have a supreme ruler
- TIL: Units of measurement like feet and inches were originally based on the current monarch's sizes That's why they were called rulers.
- I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key.. Stayed stationary.
- I hated the girls at my school They used to hit me with a ruler.. Slap me in the face. Basically did everything they could just to defend themselves.
- I swore at a nun the other day... She hit me with her ruler,
It was a measured response. - Did you hear about the ruler factory that went out of business? They just couldn't measure up to the competition.
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Ruler One Liners
Which ruler one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ruler? I can suggest the ones about commander and reign.
- Why do North Koreans draw line so well? They have a Supreme Ruler.
- Down with the metric system No more foreign rulers!
- There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
- Why is North Korea so good at geometry? Because they have a supreme ruler!
- Got a really nice 3 foot ruler today... I bought it at a Yard sale.
- What is the king of all tools? The Ruler.
- what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips? Sultan vinegar.
- Give a man an inch, and right away he thinks he's a ruler.
- I bought a 32ft ruler. For extreme measures.
- Whom do the inches follow? Their ruler.
- I may be a thief, but I would never steal a ruler... That's where I draw the line.
- What do rulers smell like? A foot
- Who's in charge in the land of geometry? The rulers.
- Have you guys heard of the king that was only a foot tall? He was a 12 inch ruler.
- What is the king of all school supplies? The Ruler
Silly & Ridiculous Ruler Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about ruler you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean planner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ruler pranks.
A friend of mine sent me a ruler exactly 30.48 centimeters long
That's when I realized, something was afoot
why did the computer go to the cafe?, and who is the king of the classroom?
to get a byte, and
the ruler!!!
my one sub teacher tells absolutely terrible jokes everytime we have her!
So I entered a race where we had to sprint the length of a 12 inch ruler
It was a foot race
What is the most noble office supply?
The ruler!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, "I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"
So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler.
Do you know which End she was talking about?
My teacher pointed me with her ruler and declared that at the end of her ruler is an idiot.
I was suspended for a week for just asking which end!
I lost my ruler and my work after drawing a graph...
I think they were plotting something.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the guy get an e**... when he saw a ruler?
He had a f**....
Why is the Queen only 30cm Tall
She is a Ruler...
Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him?
To see how long he slept.
...
...
...
...
I'll let myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Gay Dictator?
A bendy ruler.
A customer came into a shop and told the shop assistant that he wanted to buy a Kim Jong-il
Assistant: Excuse me, a what?
Customer: Oh sorry, I have trouble remembering the names of items, so I use word association. I want to buy a short ruler.
Assistant: Oh, a Nicolas Sarkozy. Why didn't you say so?
Why's Prince George great at measuring out 6 inches?
Because he's a little ruler.
Why are you prodding me with that ruler?
"Im measuring your patience"
Who is the king of stationary?
The ruler.
I put a ruler under my bed every night...
so that I can measure how long I slept for
What do you call an snobbish Mongolian ruler going down the stairs?
A condescending Khan descending.
What did saitama draw with a pen and a ruler
One punchline
If we had a break up letter there for every gender there was...
We'd have "Dear John", "Dear Jane", and "Dear Xir, Ruler of Omicron Persei 8"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At school today, the teacher pointed to me with a ruler,
The teacher said "There is in idiot at the end of this ruler!"
So i asked "Which end?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Could I borrow a ruler?
Sure man, how long do you need it?
About 10 minutes
10...Minutes?
Yeah 10 minutes, d**...
A kid pokes his dad with a ruler several times.
Angrily, the dad asks him what he is doing.
The boy says, "measuring your patience."
My teacher pointed at me with......
My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said at the end of this ruler is and idiot!
I got detention after I asked him which end he was referring to.
I just read a post about Queen Elizabeth II, and something struck me as odd...
After spending 65 years on the throne, I suppose she's the most constipated ruler ever.
I gave my wife the scales for the St. Valentine's day
She gave me a ruler.
Why did the string theorist put a ruler in his pants?
He needed the pocket dimensions.
Now let's get something straight here...
go get me a ruler.
What do you call a slim ruler who's considering something?
Thin-king
Which country has the most expensive stationary?
North Korea, they have a supreme ruler.
What conquers math?
A ruler.
What did the time-traveling ruler say when it broke in half?
Disparate times call for disparate measures!
I took an economics quiz
Apparently when it asked what are the margins half inch on sides and inch on top is not correct. Brought my ruler out and everything.
Did I ever tell you guys about king yardstick?
He was a ruler
What did the Roman ruler say when a female criminal ran from him?
Ceasar!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: Honey, we are having dinner tonight with a medieval ruler of Germany.
Her: F*c**.... Not Burger King again!!
Why was the king only ten inches tall?
He wasn't a very good ruler.
What 4th century ruler never wanted to grow up?
Constantine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the onion kingdom, the red onions ruled over all other onions. The red onion King was a well respected ruler. However, one fateful day, the spring onions rebelled.
As the red onion King was thrown from his dais, he turned to the leader of the rebellion. "You'll never truly be King! You're nothing but a shallot-on!"
Off to France tomorrow
....for the world ruler twanging on the edge of the desk competition.
...In the Dordogne
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.
It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.
Why did the lonely clock call the lonely ruler?
Cause desperate times call for desperate measures.
What do you call a fascist t-Rex?
A tyrannical ruler
Kim Jong Un spends his spare time helping his citizens measure all sorts of things
He was quite a ruler.
How do you call an australian who is a spiritual leader and a ruler in mongolia ?
A Khan Guru
Why did the ruler of egypt have an iron rod?
Because iron is ferromagnetic.
Whats do a ruler and thirteen year old memer have in common?
They are both straight and edgy
What do you call it when two donkeys take down the president and become the new ruler of a country?
Assassination
What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia?
A biking
My 3 greatest strengths are:
The calculator, the ruler and the eraser.
Somebody stole my ruler.
My disappointment is immeasurable.
My teacher pointed towards me with his ruler and said "At the end of this ruler, there's an idiot."
I got detention after asking which end.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me he had a f**......
So I just started hitting him with my 30cm ruler while he moaned.
Teacher arrested on airplane after bag was searched
A protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. He was charged with possessing implements of math instruction
What do you call a gay ruler?
Fruit by the foot
I really tried hard and got Straight A's
all I needed was to use a ruler
What did the clock do to the ruler during the apocalypse?
Desperate times called for desperate measures.
A man was stopped in LAX for carrying a protractor, a compass, and a ruler...
He was charged with carrying instruments of math instruction.
Did you know that the queen is only a foot tall?
She's a ruler.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Classic joke from India
Ajay comes crying to his father after school. His father noticed he is covered in bruises, just completely beaten black and blue. So he asked his sone what happened. Ajay tells him the teacher pointed pointed a ruler at me and said At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
So His dad said
So I said which side
If you were the ruler for a day! What would you do?
Measure stuff!
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!
Because he is the supreme ruler.
A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in procession of weapons of math instruction!"
Why are fire trucks red?
Because they have eight wheels and four people, and eight plus four is twelve. Twelve inches is a foot, and a foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler, but queen Elizabeth is also a ship, and ships sail the seas, and seas have fish, and fish have fins, and the Fins fought the Russians, Russians are red, and fire trucks are always russhing around
Why did blonde put a ruler under her pillow?
She wanted to see how long she slept.
Do you know why the unit of feet was once based on the foot of king Henry the 1st?
Cause he was the absolute ruler.
