JokoJokes

Ruler Jokes

106 ruler jokes and hilarious ruler puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ruler that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Ruler Short Jokes

Short ruler jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ruler humour may include short ruled jokes also.

  1. Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
  2. What did kate middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long
  3. Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall... He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
  4. In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.
    Tough measures.
  5. I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponge. We called him Martin Loofah King.
  6. Why is North Korea so accurate at measuring microscopic distances? They have a supreme ruler
  7. TIL: Units of measurement like feet and inches were originally based on the current monarch's sizes That's why they were called rulers.
  8. I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key.. Stayed stationary.
  9. I hated the girls at my school They used to hit me with a ruler.. Slap me in the face. Basically did everything they could just to defend themselves.
  10. I swore at a nun the other day... She hit me with her ruler,
    It was a measured response.

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Ruler One Liners

Which ruler one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ruler? I can suggest the ones about rider and commander.

  1. Why do North Koreans draw line so well? They have a Supreme Ruler.
  2. Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines? Because they have a supreme ruler
  3. Down with the metric system No more foreign rulers!
  4. There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
  5. Why is North Korea so good at geometry? Because they have a supreme ruler!
  6. Got a really nice 3 foot ruler today... I bought it at a Yard sale.
  7. Why are lines in North Korea so straight? Because they have a supreme ruler
  8. Once there was a king only 12 tall. He was a lousy king, but made a great ruler.
  9. What is the king of all tools? The Ruler.
  10. what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips? Sultan vinegar.
  11. Why doesn't the US use the metric system? Because they can't stand foreign rulers.
  12. My girlfriend said "Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!" So I stabbed her with a ruler.
  13. Give a man an inch, and right away he thinks he's a ruler.
  14. I bought a 32ft ruler. For extreme measures.
  15. Whom do the inches follow? Their ruler.

Ruler joke, Whom do the inches follow?

Silly & Ridiculous Ruler Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about ruler you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reign jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ruler pranks.

A friend of mine sent me a ruler exactly 30.48 centimeters long

That's when I realized, something was afoot

Why Are Firetrucks Red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 men.
4 + 8 = 12
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth was a ruler.
There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas.
Fish live in the seas.
Fish have fins.
People from Finland are called Fins.
Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago.
Russia has red on its flag.
And that's why they're red.
Cause they're always *russian* around.

why did the computer go to the cafe?, and who is the king of the classroom?

to get a byte, and
the ruler!!!
my one sub teacher tells absolutely terrible jokes everytime we have her!

So I entered a race where we had to sprint the length of a 12 inch ruler

It was a foot race

What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a c**...?

Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*

A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, "I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"

So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler.

Do you know which End she was talking about?

My teacher pointed me with her ruler and declared that at the end of her ruler is an idiot.
I was suspended for a week for just asking which end!

How do we know Julius Caesar wasn't gay?

Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler

I lost my ruler and my work after drawing a graph...

I think they were plotting something.

Why did the blond take a ruler to bed?

To see how long she slept.

Why did the guy get an e**... when he saw a ruler?

He had a f**....

Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him?

To see how long he slept.
...
...
...
...
I'll let myself out.

Yo' mamma is so dumb....

... She put a ruler on the side of her bed to see how long she slept.

Who is the king of the pencil case?

The Ruler

A customer came into a shop and told the shop assistant that he wanted to buy a Kim Jong-il

Assistant: Excuse me, a what?
Customer: Oh sorry, I have trouble remembering the names of items, so I use word association. I want to buy a short ruler.
Assistant: Oh, a Nicolas Sarkozy. Why didn't you say so?

What do you call an snobbish Mongolian ruler going down the stairs?

A condescending Khan descending.

What did saitama draw with a pen and a ruler

One punchline

If we had a break up letter there for every gender there was...

We'd have "Dear John", "Dear Jane", and "Dear Xir, Ruler of Omicron Persei 8"

At school today, the teacher pointed to me with a ruler,

The teacher said "There is in idiot at the end of this ruler!"
So i asked "Which end?"

A kid pokes his dad with a ruler several times.

Angrily, the dad asks him what he is doing.
The boy says, "measuring your patience."

My teacher pointed at me with......

My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said at the end of this ruler is and idiot!
I got detention after I asked him which end he was referring to.

What is the king of all school supplies?

The Ruler

I gave my wife the scales for the St. Valentine's day

She gave me a ruler.

Now let's get something straight here...

go get me a ruler.

What do you call a slim ruler who's considering something?

Thin-king

Which country has the most expensive stationary?

North Korea, they have a supreme ruler.

What conquers math?

A ruler.

Why did the man sleep with a ruler?

He had a f**...

Why are firetrucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and four plus eight makes twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and there were fish in the seas, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and fire trucks are always Russian" around.

Did I ever tell you guys about king yardstick?

He was a ruler

What did the Roman ruler say when a female criminal ran from him?

Ceasar!

Me: Honey, we are having dinner tonight with a medieval ruler of Germany.

Her: F*c**.... Not Burger King again!!

Have you guys heard of the king that was only a foot tall?

He was a 12 inch ruler.

In the onion kingdom, the red onions ruled over all other onions. The red onion King was a well respected ruler. However, one fateful day, the spring onions rebelled.

As the red onion King was thrown from his dais, he turned to the leader of the rebellion. "You'll never truly be King! You're nothing but a shallot-on!"

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

Why did the lonely clock call the lonely ruler?

Cause desperate times call for desperate measures.

Kim Jong Un spends his spare time helping his citizens measure all sorts of things

He was quite a ruler.

What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia?

A biking

Somebody stole my ruler.

My disappointment is immeasurable.

My teacher pointed towards me with his ruler and said "At the end of this ruler, there's an idiot."

I got detention after asking which end.

My friend told me he had a f**......

So I just started hitting him with my 30cm ruler while he moaned.

Why was the Soviet Union so good at Geometry?

Because they had a Supreme Ruler.

Teacher arrested on airplane after bag was searched

A protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. He was charged with possessing implements of math instruction

I really tried hard and got Straight A's

all I needed was to use a ruler

What did the clock do to the ruler during the apocalypse?

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Did you know that the queen is only a foot tall?

She's a ruler.

I may be a thief, but I would never steal a ruler...

That's where I draw the line.

A Classic joke from India

Ajay comes crying to his father after school. His father noticed he is covered in bruises, just completely beaten black and blue. So he asked his sone what happened. Ajay tells him the teacher pointed pointed a ruler at me and said At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
So His dad said
So I said which side

If you were the ruler for a day! What would you do?

Measure stuff!

Did you hear about the ruler factory that went out of business?

They just couldn't measure up to the competition.

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in procession of weapons of math instruction!"

Why are Fire Trucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and eight plus four is twelve, and there are 12 inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and firetrucks are always russian around.

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the Police on suspicion of terrorism

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the Police on suspicion of terrorism.
The Police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges.
In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in possession of weapons of maths instruction!"

Who's in charge of the pencil case?

The ruler

Why do you take a ruler to bed?

To see how long you sleep!

Once upon a time....

There lived a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king,
but he made a great ruler.......
ill let myself out....

Do you know why firetrucks are red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 people.
4+8=12
There are 12 inches in a ruler
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler
There was a ship named Queen Elizabeth
Ships sail on seas
Seas have fish
Fish have fins
People from Finland are Finns
Finland and Russia border each other
Russians are red
Firetrucks are always Russian around

Why are fire trucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people, and eight plus four is twelve. Twelve inches is a foot, and a foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler, but queen Elizabeth is also a ship, and ships sail the seas, and seas have fish, and fish have fins, and the Fins fought the Russians, Russians are red, and fire trucks are always russhing around

Why did blonde put a ruler under her pillow?

She wanted to see how long she slept.

What do rulers smell like?

A foot

Do you know why the unit of feet was once based on the foot of king Henry the 1st?

Cause he was the absolute ruler.

What do you get charged with if you take a 9 V from the ruler of Oman?

A sultans battery

My math teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a calculator, and a ruler!

The FBI charged her with weapons of math instruction.
They really threw the book at her…

The eraser was crowned "King of Office Supplies" but got overthrown within a day.

He's not a ruler.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a ruler.

Once Upon A Time..

Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler..

Ruler joke, Once Upon A Time..

jokes about ruler