Rule Jokes
150 rule jokes and hilarious rule puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rule that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud over this collection of funny rule jokes from a 20-year old golden rule to offside rule and chain rule. Find out why old guys always rule and why anaesthetists rely on an unspoken rule. Discover the underlying sarcasm in the 5 second rule.
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Funniest Rule Short Jokes
Short rule jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rule humour may include short policy jokes also.
- I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. My lighthouse, my rules.
- The First Rule of Fight Club... ... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on. - fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting
- Fight Club was awesome! Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
- Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.
- What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system? Rename uranus to Ouranus
- My father taught me the first rule of theatre "Always leave them wanting more"
A great man. Terrible anaesthetist. - I don't mind following rules at work, but when my boss told me to stop impersonating flamingos... I had to put my foot down.
- There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life. 1. Not revealing everything you know.
- If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect. - Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7
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Rule One Liners
Which rule one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rule? I can suggest the ones about line and command.
- 10 unwritten rules of this subreddit: 1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10: - The three unwritten rules of life 1.
2.
3. - I have two unwritten rules. 1.
2. - The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- Rule #1 for learning english Their our know rules!
- First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.
- What are the unspoken rules of sign language? All of them
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- First rule of English grammar, Double negatives are a no no.
- The first rule of Paradox Club is not the first rule of Paradox Club.
- Nice canned meat you got there Too bad it isn't allowed here, rule 3.
- What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention? Don't get carried away.
- What do you call two pint of strict rules? A quart of law
- If only the first rule of Vegan club Was not to talk about Vegan club
- The first rule of Assumption Club is ...well, we all know what it is, don't we?
Golden Rule Jokes
Here is a list of funny golden rule jokes and even better golden rule puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say that Republicans no longer embody the Christian values they preach... That's a little unfair if you ask me. They follow the golden rule perfectly. Whoever has the gold, rules.
- What is the golden rule for cows?
Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you. - Some very important people need to remember the Golden Rule. Tweet others the way you would want to be tweeted.
- [OC] You should try and live by the golden rule, treat others how you wish to be treated. With your WORDS Antony, not actual touching.
- As Halloween Approaches, it's Important to Remember the 'Golden Rule' of Being a Ghost: Boo unto others as you would have them boo unto you.
- What is the golden rule of hide and seek in Ethiopia? no more than 10 behind the same tree
Rule Thumb Jokes
Here is a list of funny rule thumb jokes and even better rule thumb puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A good rule of thumb is It's opposable.
5 Second Rule Jokes
Here is a list of funny 5 second rule jokes and even better 5 second rule puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you're ever being chased by a bear or a cougar, quickly lay on the ground for 5 seconds. Have you ever heard of the 5 second rule?
- When it comes to dropping food on the floor, I use the 5 second rule. Only problem is I have 2 second dogs.
Hilarious Rule Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about rule you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean routine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rule pranks.
Frodo collected the keys to Macy's, JCPenney, McDonald's, etc. and put them on a single key ring
It was one ring to rule the mall.
Three women and ducks
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
A good rule to live by
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
The first rule of thesaurus club is...
You do not talk, speak, communicate, orate, or converse about thesaurus club
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
The 4 rules of marriage.
A father was explaining to his son the secrets of marriage,
"Son you there are only a few things you need in a marriage:
A woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman who can satisfy you in the bedroom, and lastly you need to make sure none of these women ever meet."
Ducks
Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'
Helen Keller in court
Helen Keller was in court. Why didn't the jury rule in her favor?
They thought her argument was senseless.
During the communist rule
in the USSR a big assembly was held and members of the communist party were giving speeches to the general public. The highest ranking official was making his speech and he proclaimed "soon we will live even better!". This was followed by a voice from the audience "and what about us?!"
How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?
You switch sides at half time.
Being a vegan is like the opposite of fight club
the first rule about being vegan is to tell everyone that you are vegan
The first rule of flight club is..
..turn the airplane on. & you should probably learn how to read.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I have a strict no s**... before marriage rule...
...imposed on me due to my stunning ugliness.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irishman and an Englishman are sitting in a bar.
The Irishman raises his shotglass and announces, "If it weren't for whisky, the Irish would rule all the world!"
The Englishman raises his glass and replies, "If it weren't for whisky, the Irish would rule all of Ireland."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I hear there is a rule about not ending sentences with a preposition.
A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern belle sat down next to her.
'Where y'all goin' to?' asked the Southern belle.
Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied 'I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions'.
The Southern belle thought a moment, and tried again. 'Where y'all goin' to, b**...?'
The three rules about procrastination.
1.
2.
Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants:
1. Weigh less than the animals they represent
2.
3.
What's the first rule of tautology club?
The first rule of tautology club.
Surgeon's joke.
There used to be a rule that in order to get into anesthesia, applicants had to have an IQ greater than their body temp. For a while they couldn't get any new anesthesia trainees because nobody would pass.
Then they decided to switch from farenheit to celsius, and now there's a lot of them.
"Have you heard about the new rule in boxing?"
... James asked his friend Jake. Jake hadn't.
- Basically, to reduce the number of blows under the belt that boxers deliver and receive, their outfits will feature a line just above the waist that they must aim for with every hit.
- What? That's ridiculous! Is there something written on it?
- Of course! __This is the punchline__."
China has revised its on child per family rule. It will now allow parents to have two children.
Chinese parents were so excited, they let their kids have the day off work.
Welcome back to /u/JokeExplainBot
I banned on a rule that we had enforced in the past. However, we talked the issue over and were able to reach common ground. Sorry for any trouble this caused.
/u/ElderCunningham
Antique shop owners in the middle east have one rule
Dubreak, Dubai.
Does the five-second rule apply to soup? Please hurry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The first rule of winter s**...
The one who has a running nose has to be under the other.
So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:
Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet
I'm looking for a "rule of three" type joke for some German friends
I hear they like drei humour
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Can somebody please find Ja Rule?
I need help in making sense of just what happened
I got kicked out of a brothel for breaking the "no pets" rule...
I was just trying to get more bang for my buck.
What is the first rule of Woman`s fight club?
Never tell anyone what are you so mad about
I have a "One dollar, one inch" rule with the ladies: you give me a dollar, you get an inch.
You give me three dollars, you get it all.
What is the number 1 rule at a computer bar?
Always tip your server.
The first rule of Alzheimers club,
Is don't talk about chess club
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO LIVE HAPPY LIFE!
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other
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simple rule
Lady 1: "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?"
Lady 2: "I made a simple rule: s**... will begin at 9pm sharp, whether he is there or not."
The first rule of innuendo club:
come in the back door so you don't dirty up my front passage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and "smooth it out.".....
Screw that, enjoy the peace, leave them there as long as possible. Just get a staple gun and staple the blanket down.
A little boy with no arms wanted some chocolate
He walks into the kitchen and asks his mom,
"Mom, may I please have a piece of chocolate?"
"You know the rule: No arms, no chocolate." She replies.
As the boy begins to cry the mother says,
"Oh, I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"
My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.
Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.
What do you call a Spanish king in Africa?
Juan man to rule Jamal.
My dad had a strict rule where I couldn't go on dates if my age was on the clock...
I can't wait to be 61.
LPT: Remember, besides blueberries, anything blue in the wild is poisonous and not fit for consumption....
The same rule applies to video game cartridges.
How can you prove that the " 'i' before an 'e', except after 'c' " rule doesn't always apply?
Through science.
What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?
Thyme is money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to e**... new recruits to the mess hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them
"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
If you overthrow the government in exactly seventeen syllables...
... is it a Hai-coup?
Technically a bilingual pun, hope that's not violating rule 8...
The first rule about Thesaurus club is
that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
The first rule of psychic club.
Don't think about psychic club.
What is the first rule of CrossFit?
Always talk about CrossFit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I before E, except after C.
We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.
Trump meets the Queen
So Donald asks the Queen how you get to be king or a duke or other Royalty.
Queen:' Look Donald, an Emperor rules an Empire, a king rules a kingdom, a prince ruled a principality, a duke rules a duchy and so on'
Donald:' I rule the USA, what does that make me'
Queen: that's a country, that makes you a ....
What is the first rule of OCD club?
To have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
There are two rules to remember in the entertainment industry.
The first is to always leave the audience wanting more. And the second
I trust anyone who can pick me up
It's not a good rule, but it's carried me this far
Did you hear that "I before E except after C" rule is obsolete?
It's been proven wrong by science.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First rule of Fast Food management:
Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-through.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a h**... believer in the i before e except after c rule
It's science.
The first rule of Fight Club is...
Just try your best guys, and have fun. Also, when it's your turn to bring snacks be mindful of others' allergies.
I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.
I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.
What's the first rule of tailoring club?
Britches get stitches.
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
Why does Rule #2 say "Behave like you would in real life"
But all the other rules prohibit that? :D
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Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth.
And then you'll all be sorry.
The first rule of deaf club
Nyou nu not nalk amout nef glub
First rule of 2021
Never talk about 2020
Apparently the police have been going to a load of house parties as lockdown rules are getting implemented.
Ridiculous, one rule for us and another for them.
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A basic rule of comedy is that if you possess a trait, you can joke about it. Like if you're fat, you can joke about fat people. If you're black, you can joke about black people
So, a 25-year old v**... walks into a bar..
