ruined Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious ruined puns

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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Hitler, Salin, and EA were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

EA says "NONSENSE! I've ruined dozens of game franchises. I am the most hated!"

Hitler said "Why don't we hold a vote in hell and see who is the most hated of all?"

The group agreed and Hitler left to go make the vote. After counting the ballots, Hitler returns and asks:

"Who the fuck is Ajit Pai!?"

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If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 40 told me my generation sucks....

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

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My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

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What's the best part of a car?

Damn, ruined the punchline.

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old...

It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two.

Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

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I'm 36, and last night when I was out with my 19 year old girlfriend someone yelled "Paedophile!"

That really ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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The Lawyer's Car

A lawyer had just bought a fancy new car, and was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, "MY BENTLEY DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!"

"You're a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman.

"Yes, I am, but what does that have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked.

"HA! You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed, "MY ROLEX!"

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My girlfriend's father called me a pedophile just because she's 22 and I'm 36.

Completely ruined our 10-year anniversary.

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You know, if I had a dollar for every time someone over fifty told me my generation sucks...

Then I would be able to afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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What's a 6.9?

A great thing ruined by a period.

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My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space...

It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

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I am disgusted by the youth of today....

Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of abuse I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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Everyone called me a pedophile

My girlfriend and I walked into a local bar last night and everyone started calling me a pedophile and a criminal only because i'm 43 and she's 20. It completely ruined our 10th anniversary

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Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.

-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

-The rest of the world is in shock.

-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

-Latin American countries are sending clothing.

-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

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My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I "ruined" her birthday...

..I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fucking birthday.

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What's 6.9

Something great, ruined by a period

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What is a 6.9?

A great thing ruined by a period.

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I think Trojan is a bad name for a condom brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

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Two men on a train both have black eyes.

Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"

Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"

Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."

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I went to a bar with my girlfriend last night and people kept calling me a pedophile, just because I'm 53 and she is 22...

...totally ruined our 10th anniversary.

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I am 38, last night i was out with my 19 y.o. girlfriend and someone yelled "paedophile!" ...

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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What is a 6.9?

A good thing ruined by a period.

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AdBlock ruined my sex life

There are no more hot singles near me

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What's a 6.9?

A good time ruined by a period.

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I had a really good joke...

but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime

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The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin?

Detroit

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Went to dinner with my girlfriend tonight and got called a pedophile because I'm 30 and she's 19.

Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.

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NSFW At the restaurant, everyone kept calling me a pedophile just because I'm 52 and my wife is 22......

It completely ruined our ten year anniversary dinner.

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Google Chrome's new AdBlock ruined my sex life

There aren't any hot singles near me anymore

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If I had a dollar for every person over 40 that told me my generation sucks

I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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A smoker, an alcoholic, and a gay guy go see a psychiatrist...

The smoker says, "This filthy habit is ruining my life. My wife hates it, my kids hate it, my grandpa died from it, I just want to quit!"
The alcoholic says,"Alcohol has ruined every relationship I have ever had, I can't even hold down a job, I need to get off the bottle."
The gay guy says, "Ever since I came out, I have lost so many friends, even my family treats me differently. I just want things to back the way they were."
The psychiatrist hands each of them a pill telling them that it is an instant cure, they each gobble them down without thinking twice.
The psychiatrist then says, "The only thing is, if you ever has a smoke again, or if you have another drink again, or if you have any sexual contact with another man again, you will drop dead."
Afterwards, the three of them went to a restaurant, chilled by what the psychiatrist had just told them.
"I can't take this anymore, I need a drink!" The alcoholic goes up to the bar and slams down a shot. Drops dead.
The smoker and the gay guy look at each other in shock. The smoker says, "Oh God this is real, I need some fresh air." They go outside and on the table there is an ashtray which has half of a cigarette, still smoldering. The gay guy looks at the smoker and says, "If you bend over to pick up that cigarette, we're both dead.

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I had a really funny joke...

but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime

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My wife isn't speaking to me anymore because apparently I ruined her birthday. I'm not sure how I did it.

I didn't even know it was her birthday!

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A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

Latin American countries are sending clothing.

New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

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What's a 6.9?

Another great thing ruined by a period

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One of my buddies...

One of my buddies told me that I often make people feel uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

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My girlfriend's dad called me a pedophile just because I'm 34 and she's 23...

...he totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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Went to the pub with my girlfriend and everyone was calling me a pedo because she is 21 and I'm 65...

Totally ruined our tenth anniversary.

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A big earthquake hits the Middle East...

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East. Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The USA is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending Supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops. The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the Infrastructure. Canada is sending medical teams And supplies.

GREAT BRITAIN, not to be outdone, Is sending two million replacement Muslims.

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What's 6.9?

A perfectly good 69 ruined by a period

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I was expelled from school for masturbating in the showers

The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz

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My girlfriend called me a peedo

I was having dinner with my girlfriend, and she called me a peedo. Sure, she's 18 and I'm 31, but that's not a big age gap right? Totally ruined our 10 year anniversary...

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My girlfriend said I ruined her birthday...

but that's not possible, I don't even know when it is!

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What is 6.9?

One great thing ruined by a period

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Technology has ruined our kids

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "

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My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.

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My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"

She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

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I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

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What was ruined because too many people started doing it?

Sex with my girlfriend.

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What is a 6.9?

A great thing, ruined by a period

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What is a 6.9

Another amazing thing ruined by a period

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i took my 19 year old girlfriend to dinner and people called me pedophile...

completely ruined our 10th anniversary

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Little Johnny lost his eye in a tragic accident

But being from a very poor family, he was unable to get a glass replacement. Instead, he was fitted with a wooden eye, which ruined what there was of his high school social life. No one would talk to him, and he had no friends. Finally senior year rolled around, and he found himself alone in the corner at senior prom. Scanning the room, he saw Susan, another loner, shunned by her peers because she had a rather unsightly hare lip. Gathering up his courage, he crossed the room and caught her attention.

"Susan, I was just wondering, since you're all alone, if maybe you would like to dance with me?" he asked.

"Would I!!" she replied.

"Fuck you, hare lip"

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If I got a dollar everytime someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

I'd have enough money to buy a house in the economy they ruined.

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Ever heard of a 6.9?

It's just another great thing ruined by a period.

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If I had a dollar every time a baby boomer insulted me...

I could afford a house in the economy they ruined

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One moment everything's fine, the next you've ruined everything.

You're like a boolean china shop.

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A Defendant in a Lawsuit . . .

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"

Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But I did send them.", replied the man.

"What?" shouted the lawyer.

"I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."

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What's 6.9?

A good thing ruined by a period.

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One of my mates told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space,

Which was an incredibly unnecessary and hurtful thing to say, it ruined our bath.

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What is 6.9?

Something wonderful ruined by a period

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I went to the bar with my 21 year old girlfriend...

They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. We were at a bar tonight and people kept giving us dirty looks.

Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.

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What is 6.9?

A good thing ruined by a period.

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What is 6.9?

A great thing ruined by a period.

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What is 6.9?

A wonderful thing ruined by a period

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6.9

what is 6.9? a really great thing ruined by a period

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Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman

Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman are walking along the beach together, when they come upon a lamp in the sand. Being familiar with such clichΓ©s, they picked up the lamp, rubbed it, and lo and behold a genie appeared before them.

"For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you both one wish each."

Paddy Englishman goes first, and thinks silently for a moment:

"Well, genie, I love my country, and I'm sick of it being ruined by lazy immigrants who do nothing but live off of state benefits and handouts. I wish all the immigrants were gone from my country, and that it was just us English that lived there. Furthermore, I want a giant wall built around the coast and borders of England so nobody else can get in."

"Done" says the genie, and **poof** Paddy Englishman is back in England with the rest of his compatriots

"Genie," says Paddy Irishman, "tell me more of this giant wall surrounding England"

"Well, it's over a mile high and half a mile thick. Nothing can get in or out." the genie replied

Paddy Irishman thought for a moment, then looked to the genie and said:

"Fill it with water."

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They say wanking with a dead arm is the best

But apparently I ruined that funeral

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What's a 6.9

A good time ruined by the period?

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A magician performed aboard a cruise liner...

...and his act kept getting ruined by the captain's pet parrot.

The parrot kept going, " *squawk* It's up his sleeve!" or, " *squawk* It's under his hat!"

One day the parrot did his usual nonsense. " *squawk* He's hiding it in his coat!" The magician whipped out a gun and tried to shoot the bird, but he missed and ended up hitting a fuel tank instead. The tank ruptured and exploded, causing the cruise liner to sink.

The only survivors were the parrot and the magician. After floating around for a while, the parrot broke the silence.

"All right, I give up. Where's the damn ship?"

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A Chinese family's dog ran away one night

...Thanksgiving was ruined.

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Dork Ruined Joke Then Deleted It Because He Couldn't Stand The Downvotes: Reposted Right

An American gentleman arranged a liaison with a Japanese lady. As they were indulging in sexual intercourse, she repeatedly shouted a Japanese word which he did not understand but took to mean "Wonderful" or something similar which increased his ardor, his efforts with the lady, and his enjoyment, as well as her apparent enjoyment because she kept shouting that word.

The next day, he played golf with some Japanese business associates and hit a hole in one. In elation, he shouted out the same word his poule de nuit had been shouting the night before. One of the Japanese gentlemen present, perplexed, asked, "What do you mean "'wrong hole'"?

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My wife is like a drug to me

She ruined my life.

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Apparently not.

Does anyone know how to avoid clicking jokes that have been ruined by putting the punchline in the title?

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A man is staring into his whiskey

The barkeep asks if something's the matter.

"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."

"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.

"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."

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What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common?

They were both ruined by weiners.

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So I'm 30 and Charlotte is 21. Went out last night and we kept getting funny looks like I was some sort of peadophile. Does anyone else think that age is just a number?

It's completely ruined our 10 year anniversary

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me this generation sucks

Then I could afford a house in this economy which they've ruined

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One of my friends told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space...

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

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What did the chef say when he ruined the soup with too many herbs?

"Well, this was a waste of Thyme."

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My wife told me I ruined our vacation.

How's that possible when we never even went on vacation? I lost all the money gambling.

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I walked past the pub the other day with my girlfriend, and they wouldn't stop calling me a paodophile just cause I'm 30 and she's 20

They completely ruined our 10th anniversary.

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What is Six Point Nine?

A good time ruined by a period.

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I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene...

Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.

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If this Hillary case blows up...

It will be the second time a weiner has ruined the presidency for a Clinton

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I hate being the only drunk person at the party

It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!

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There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks

. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:

"IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!"or

"IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!"or

"IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!"

The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.

Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.

The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said,

"OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"

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What is 6.9?

69 ruined by a period.

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A hurricane walks into a bar

The owner doesn't have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.

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Two psychology professors have lunch together...

One said: "Oh boy, something really embarassing happened to me today - I had a Freudian slip today in lecture. I wanted to tell my students 'read chapter 14 on Ivan Pavlov'. Instead I accidentally said 'read chapter 14 on Ivan Fuckloaf'"

"Oh well", said the other, "that's nothing. I was having breakfast with my wife this morning and had a Freudian slip as well. Instead of saying 'Honey, could you pass me the butter?', I said 'You stupid bitch, you ruined my life'".

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A man goes to the doctor

The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news"

The man replies "Give me the good news first, doc."

The doctor says "The good news is we currently have that raccoon in our supply closet. The bad news is you ruined the punchline by asking for the good news first."

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What's a 6.9?

A really great thing ruined by a period.

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A man talks to his friend about dyslexia...

Man1: "Hey man I think I'm turning dyslexic."
Man2: "What do you mean?"
Man1: "The other day I was eating breakfast with my wife and instead of saying 'pass the butter', I said 'bass the putter.'"
Man2: "I'm going through the same thing! The other day I'm eating with my wife and instead of saying 'salt and pepper' I said, 'You ruined my life you fucking cunt.'"

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I think I ruined a friendship with this one.

I texted my friend:

Me: "Just found out I'm terrified of elevators"

Him: "Why? Did you get stuck?

Me: "No, but I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them"

Him: "Fuck. God damn it. Fucking fuck."

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Wet Mail

A man one morning walks out to his mailbox to get his mail. He opens the door, reaches in, and he can feel that the mail is all wet. He gets very upset that his mail is soggy and ruined. He flags down the mailman who has not made it very far and asks..

"Whats the deal with the wet mail?!"

The mailman stone faced looks back at the man and says

"It's because there is Postage Dew."

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A man goes away for his vacation...

A man goes on vacation and leaves his cousin in charge of the house. One day he calls his cousin to ask how everyone is doing...his cousin says that everyone is fine but the cat died. The man clearly upset tells him "why did you tell me that! you ruined the rest of my vacation...you should've said something like the cat is on the roof!"

2 years later he goes on vacation again on when he calls his cousin to know how everyone is doing he tells him "everybody is fine but your mom is on the roof!"

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My best friend got mad at me for sniffing his sisters panties

I'm not sure if it was because his family was around or the were still on her, but whatever it was, it really ruined the funeral

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Videogames ruined my life...

...but at least i have two more

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then i could afford a house in the economy they ruined

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My girlfriend's dad accused me of being a pedophile just because she's 18 and I'm 32.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

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If I had a dollar note for every time a baby boomer said my generation sucks...

I would have enough money to get a mortgage in the ruined economy they made.

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I pee on the side of the bowl to make less noise.

My sister wasn't happy that I ruined her cereal.

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"I definitely have the biggest penis in this room," I announced drunkenly at the party.

Slightly ruined my son's 13th.

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 says my generation sucks...

I would be able to afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...

Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".

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A man is getting into his Porsche...

...Hand on the handle, when a motorcycle comes flying down the road. He jumps out of the way and the motorcycle crashes into the open door, tearing it off the vehicle along with the man's hand which was still grasping the handle.

The guy screams: OMG, my Porsche, it's ruined!

A passerby witnesses the accident and exclaims: Gotta love a Porsche guy, so materialistic, he doesn't even realize his arm is ripped off.

The man looks down, realizes he's missing his arm and screams: OMG, my Rolex!

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My sex life is ruined

Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my sex life forever.

Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!

It's much worse than that!

I've got arthritis in my hands!

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Me and my coworker was having sex, until we got caught...

It really ruined the family buisness

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So I went to the bar with my wife and...

people were calling me "freak" and "pedo" because I'm 29 and she's 18.

Really ruined our 10th anniversary.

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What do you call a 6.9?

A good thing ruined by a period

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I gave my girlfriend a titty twister that ruined her bra...

Now whose tired of hearing about the whirled cup?

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Did you hear about the cow that jumped over the picket fence?

It was an udder disaster!

Edit . Ruined the joke - udder

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What do a walrus and a ziplock bag have in common?

They both like a tight seal.

In honor of the guy on the front page that ruined his dick by putting it in a bottle.

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The sperm is swimming towards the egg...

The breakfast is ruined!

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Having sex with my girlfriend is sometimes closer to a 6.9

A wonderful thing, ruined by a period.

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A man rolls up in the workshop with his car

The mechanic asks:
"Woa there, what did you do with that? The Bumper is ruined!"
The man replies:
"Yeah, I kinda ran over a frenchman"
The mechanic replies:
"What? I mean all the mud there, I don't see any blood"
The man replies:
"Not my fault he ran into the field to escape!"

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If i had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me that my generation sucks,

I would be able to afford a house in the economy they ruined

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Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

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Folks in my hometown are so judgmental!

I(40) tried to take my wife(19) out for a nice dinner and everyone kept staring and calling me a paedophile! It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary!

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I was making fancy French cheese...

I tried to make the rind but it didn't work. Turns out I had used penicillin instead of *Penicillium*...

Just one more food ruined by antibrieotics...

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Whats 6.9?

Something great ruined by a period.

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My town has gone to shit

When I was a kid, the town I lived in was great. Business was booming, everyone was happy, and it was safe at all times of the day. The area outside of town was a little bit sketchy (especially at night), but it never made it in to our small town.

That was, until some changes in the local government ruined everything.

In less than a decade, our town turned into a shithole. All the rich people moved to the next town over, and the streets became dangerous at all times of day. All the businesses shut down and you could only find work at one of those "sell your soul" type places.




Man I miss the old Hyrule Castle Town.

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What is 6.9?

A damn good thing ruined by a period.

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2 jokes for 1 post

Please bear with me, the second one makes more sense with the context that the first joke exists.

Two Cannibals are eating a Clown.
One looks over at the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two Clowns are eating a Cannibal.
One looks over at the other and says "I think we ruined this joke."

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I got in trouble for masturbating in the showers

Apparently it ruined the school trip to auschwitz

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Doctor, I messed up.

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You fat cow, you have completely ruined my life!"

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What is 6.9?

A great think ruined by a period.

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A left handed man was arrested the other day...

They say his smear campaign ruined a number of decent characters.

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voting

Voting is compulsory in Australia. But sometimes politicians complain when people mess up their ballot papers.

Last time I wrote "you fuckers ruined the country" on mine.

Not sure which party will honestly try to claim that vote.

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There was a carpenter that was quite a ladies' man, who accidentally ruined one of his eyes in an accident one day

So he made himself a wooden eye, but unfortunately his good looks were spoiled because he couldn't get it to fully resemble his remaining eye, and his days of womanizing were done. The fact that women were repulsed by his eye made him grow to have trouble even talking to women, which only compounded his problems, making his love life hit quite a slump. When he finally mustered the courage to attend a county ball, nobody would so much as dance with him. But then off to the side he saw a woman with a harelip, and he figured he might as well give her a shot. When he asked her to dance, she excitedly replied, "would I, would I!" "Well screw you harelip," he replied!

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I fix ruined hospital rooms for a living.

It's a rewarding job.

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Everyone was calling me a Pedo

I'm 47 and she's 20, but the people in the restaurant really ruined our tenth anniversary

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What do 6.9 and 69 have in common?

Both are great things ruined by periods

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My collection has been ruined ... happens every Christmas.

I collect them in the basement (the Man Cave, of course). But she routinely trades my Muntjac deer (not easy to find in the US, mind you) and Chinese deer and replaces them with garden-variety reindeer every Christmas. I've asked her and asked her.

I am tired of her common deering my Man Cave.

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You either see The Dark Knight..

or live long enough to have all the good quotes ruined for you.

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I heard somewhere that wanking with a dead arm feels better...

Totally ruined that funeral.

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What is 6.9?

A really great thing ruined by a period.

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Donald Trump, Logan Paul and Hitler are having a discussion.

Hitler: Which one of us do you guys think is the most hated?

Logan: I've ruined vine and YouTube and made an ass out of not only myself but my fans as well!

Trump: I've trolled an entire nation to get to this place and now only half of America loves me!

Hitler: Alright why not I make a visit to the real world and take a vote?

After counting the ballots, Hitler returns, What's up with the Zucc thing?

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I just found out that my blood type is B negative.

That's the worst one. My day is ruined.

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Three best friends get together at the bar.

All three get crazy drunk and then head home. The next weekend they meet up again.

Guy #1: "Guys, my life is ruined. I got so drunk last week that I was pulled over driving home and got a DUI. I'm probably going to have to go to jail."

Guy #2: "Damn, that sucks. But my night was worse. I went to have a cigarette before bed and dropped the cigarette. I burned my house down and now I have nowhere to live."

Guy #3: "Guys, both of your stories are bad, but my night was by far worse. I was so drunk that I went home and blew chunks."

The first two guys look at the third a little puzzled, then ask what was so bad about throwing up.

Guy #3 replies "no, you guys don't get it. Chunks is my dog."

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So I ruined the employee barbecue yesterday.

My boss wouldn't stop grilling me about it.

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10th anniversary

So my girlfriends dad just accused me of pedophilia, she is 18 and I am 32. It ruined our 10th anniversary

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A friend of mine got caught masturbating in the showers.

It completely ruined our class trip to Auschwitz.

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My friend got caught having a wank in the showers on a school trip

It completely ruined our visit to Auschwitz

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I had a Freudian slip the other day.

What I *meant* to say was "Mom, would you pass me the hot cross buns?"

But instead, what came out was "You bitch, you ruined my life!"

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My girlfriend and I had to leave the restaurant early today due to insensitive people calling me a nonce and peadophile all because I'm 33 and my missus is 16.

It totally ruined our 10yr anniversary.

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Commercials that never made it to air

Here's my entry:

"Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault and has ruined your life? Next time, use Durex".

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What are the best Ruined puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Ruined? Well, here are the best jokes about Ruined to have fun with.

Joko Jokes