Ruined Jokes
99 ruined jokes and hilarious ruined puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ruined that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ruined Short Jokes
Short ruined jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ruined humour may include short ruining jokes also.
- Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!' and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
- Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
- I helped my neighbour with something this morning and she said, ''I could marry you!'', I couldn't believe it You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return
- One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
- Wife: Stop pretending your life is a youtube video!! It's ruining our marriage! Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!
- My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space... It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
- They currently think the person who ruined the Tour de France might have been German. Well, she did try to take down a whole race...
- I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
- My wife accused me of ruining her birthday, but that's impossible I didn't even know it was her birthday!
- One of my friends told me I make people uncomfortable by often invading people's personal space I found this really hurtful, it completely ruined our bath
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Ruined One Liners
Which ruined one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ruined? I can suggest the ones about destroyed and messed up.
- Coronavirus ruining your plan for 2020? Save them for 2022! Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
- Why is the archaeologist sad? Because his career is in ruins.
- My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
- What's a 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
- My friend decided to become an archeologist ...now his life is in ruins.
- Tell the Punchline first. How do you ruin a joke?
- Ever since I became an archeologist My career has been in ruins
- What ruined tiger Woods' golf career? His driving game.
- What is a 6.9? A good thing ruined by a period.
- What's a 6.9? A good time ruined by a period.
- The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit
- My career is in ruins. It's great being an archaeologist.
- Drugs don't ruin your career Drug tests do
- Do you know what a 6.9 is? It's a good time ruined by a period.
- What's 6.9? A perfectly good 69 ruined by a period
Great Ruined Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about ruined you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wreck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ruined pranks.
If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation s**......
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
Technology has ruined our kids
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "
I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene...
Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.
Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...
Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".
Went to the pub with my girlfriend and everyone was calling me a p**... because she is 21 and I'm 65...
Totally ruined our tenth anniversary.
What is Six Point Nine?
A good time ruined by a period.
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
Wet Mail
A man one morning walks out to his mailbox to get his mail. He opens the door, reaches in, and he can feel that the mail is all wet. He gets very upset that his mail is soggy and ruined. He flags down the mailman who has not made it very far and asks..
"Whats the deal with the wet mail?!"
The mailman stone faced looks back at the man and says
"It's because there is Postage Dew."
I was expelled from school for m**... in the showers
The teachers said I ruined the trip to auschwitz
A man is staring into his whiskey
The barkeep asks if something's the matter.
"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."
"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.
"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."
I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. We were at a bar tonight and people kept giving us dirty looks.
Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
My wife is like a drug to me
She ruined my life.
If I got a dollar everytime someone over 40 told me my generation s**......
I'd have enough money to buy a house in the economy they ruined.
I hate being the only drunk person at the party
It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!
I walked past the pub the other day with my girlfriend, and they wouldn't stop calling me a paodophile just cause I'm 30 and she's 20
They completely ruined our 10th anniversary.
What did the chef say when he ruined the soup with too many herbs?
"Well, this was a waste of Thyme."
So I'm 30 and Charlotte is 21. Went out last night and we kept getting funny looks like I was some sort of peadophile. Does anyone else think that age is just a number?
It's completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
If this Hillary case blows up...
It will be the second time a w**... has ruined the presidency for a Clinton
What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common?
They were both ruined by weiners.
If I had a dollar every time a baby boomer insulted me...
I could afford a house in the economy they ruined
They say w**... with a dead arm is the best
But apparently I ruined that f**...
What is a 6.9
Another amazing thing ruined by a period
A Chinese family's dog ran away one night
...Thanksgiving was ruined.
I'm 36, and last night when I was out with my 19 year old girlfriend someone yelled "p**...!"
That really ruined our 10 year anniversary.
What is 6.9?
Something wonderful ruined by a period
My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"
She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.
AdBlock ruined my s**... life
There are no more hot singles near me
A man goes to the doctor
The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news"
The man replies "Give me the good news first, doc."
The doctor says "The good news is we currently have that raccoon in our supply closet. The bad news is you ruined the punchline by asking for the good news first."
My girlfriend said I ruined her birthday...
but that's not possible, I don't even know when it is!
One moment everything's fine, the next you've ruined everything.
You're like a boolean china shop.
I think t**... is a bad name for a c**... brand...
...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...
What is 6.9?
69 ruined by a period.
I am disgusted by the youth of today....
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.
"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"
Apparently not.
Does anyone know how to avoid clicking jokes that have been ruined by putting the punchline in the title?
My girlfriend called me a peedo
I was having dinner with my girlfriend, and she called me a peedo. Sure, she's 18 and I'm 31, but that's not a big age gap right? Totally ruined our 10 year anniversary...
Two men on a train both have black eyes.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful b**... girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you s**... b**...'."
My wife told me I ruined our vacation.
How's that possible when we never even went on vacation? I lost all the money gambling.
My wife isn't speaking to me anymore because apparently I ruined her birthday. I'm not sure how I did it.
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
A hurricane walks into a bar
The owner doesn't have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.
Do you know what's 6.9?
A great thing ruined by a period.
My 33 year old friend is dating a 19 year old.
They went out to dinner and kept getting harassed by the locals.
They we're shouting 'Peado' and 'Cradle snatcher' and all sorts of horrible names.
It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.
This one time, people completely overused a word and ruined it forever.
It was epic.
"You don't look a day over fifty!" I told the mother-in-law on her birthday.
Slightly ruined her 38th.
My 35 year old friend and his 22 year old girlfriend had their meal out completely ruined by strangers judging them for their age gap.
It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.
An audio technician becomes a comedian
An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.
He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.
At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.
That was the last night he ever did comedy.
The feedback ruined it.
R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.
They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.
An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp
Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."
My friend Doug shocked and hurt me.
He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a horrible thing to say to a friend? It totally ruined our bath.
I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"
But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You s**... cow. You've completely ruined my life."
Yo Mamma so ugly...
Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.
Yesterday, one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say, and quite frankly, it completely ruined our bath.
Yo mama so ugly
Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask
I told my friend that I never knew that Rage Against the Machine was so political, and that it really ruined the music for me.
He looked at me deadpan and asked, "What machine did you think they were r**... against, the dishwasher?
whats a 6.9?
just another great thing ruined by a period.
A fortune teller told me that someone is going to post this again tomorrow
So I proved her wrong and posted it today lol sorry man I ruined your joke
"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!
Eh?"
Chameleons are supposed to blend well,
but I think it's ruined this smoothie.
6.9 is my worst and least favorite number
That is because it is 69 that was ruined by a period
I left a bottle a whiskey outside last night and it got rained on.
It's not ruined but my spirits are dampened.
I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf h**....
She said, "It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people, shares the same birthday as Adolf h**...."
This year my wife was struggling for ideas on what to get me for my birthday.
I said that for my birthday, I would like a t**.... I've never had one before, and I would feel like less of a creep if she organized it.
She was surprisingly on-board. She said that she had a friend from college who would probably be up for it.
But I think I ruined the night when I asked her who she had in mind for the third person.
My wife isn't talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday.
I don't even know when her birthday is!
Doctor's news
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: I'll take the bad news first.
Doctor: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but there was an error in your chart and I'm afraid we cut off the wrong leg.
Patient: WHAT THE HECK?!? That's not bad news. That's TERRIBLE news. What incompetent fools! You've ruined my life!!!
Doctor: Now hold on. You haven't heard the good news. I'm pleased to tell you that upon further study it turns out your other leg's going to be okay!
A guy walks into a bar
Totally ruined the limbo contest
How many twitter people does it take to change a light bulb
Twelve million and one. One to change the lightbulb and twelve million to complain about how that one person ruined light bulbs forever
What I meant to say…
A man arrived at work, visibly frustrated and irritated. His colleague asked what's wrong.
The man said, Uggghhh, my wife got super mad at me because I misspoke.
The colleague asked what happened.
The man said, So my wife and I were eating breakfast. What I *meant* to say was 'Good morning, honey, would you please pass the syrup?
Instead, I accidentally said, You've ruined my life, you miserable Crone.
my wife told me i ruined her birthday.
l don't know how i did it because i didn't even know it was her birthday.
My friend said that I make people uncomfortable by invading their personal space.
It was a very hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
Millennials being the first generation to grow up online should have been called Gen-E
But Forrest Gump ruined it for us
