The Best 86 Ruin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ruin jokes. There are some ruin upcoming jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ruin fave puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Ruin Jokes and Puns

I went to a party with my girlfriend.

I got quite upset because everyone called me a pedo because I was thirty and she was twenty. So finally,I said "That's it baby, we're leaving. I'm not going to let them ruin our tenth anniversary."

Joey the altar boy goes to confession and says...

‎'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

They should name hurricanes after black people:

It only takes one to ruin the neighborhood.

Ruin joke, They should name hurricanes after black people:

A kid goes to church to confess...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

This will ruin some of your childhoods. How did Reggie Rocket's brother die?

Otto Rocket Asphyxiation


I hate Japanese books.

They always ruin the ending.

They say Gay marriage will ruin the fabric of society...

...which is ridiculous, a gay man would never ruin fabric.

Ruin joke, They say Gay marriage will ruin the fabric of society...

My Friends Call Me A Pedophile

Because she's 18 and I'm 30, but I'll be damned if I let them ruin our seven year anniversary.

My sex life is ruined

Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my sex life forever.

Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!

It's much worse than that!

I've got arthritis in my hands!

How did the guy with a foot fetish ruin his date with an amputee?

He got off on the wrong foot

A lot of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first one says "I'll have a pint."

The second says "I'll have half a pint."

Bartender replies "We don't serve half pints."

All the remaining mathematicians moan "Way to ruin the joke!"

You can explore ruin undermine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ruin entomologist dad jokes. There are also ruin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Ruin a date in 5 words...

Does this smell like chloroform?

Why should you never bring a fat person to see a dramatic movie?

They will ruin the suspension.

The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin?

Detroit

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

I walked up to a girl and said, "If you were a drug, I would overdose!"

She said, "Thanks."

I said, "Then you wouldn't be able to ruin my life any more."

Ruin joke, I walked up to a girl and said, "If you were a drug, I would overdose!"

My gf is one of those people who ruin films by asking silly questions when you're trying to concentrate...

Last night we were watching *Schindler's List* when she leant over and whispered in my ear "why are you fapping?"

How do you ruin a date with Princess Leia?

By saying Alderaan things.

Q: How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke?

A: You mean nerd, not geek. And not joke, but riddle. Proceed.


The Priest and the Altar Boy

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'

What do black people and a tornado have in common?

It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood.

How do you ruin a joke?

By explaining it.
Because you know, jokes are supposed to be understood implicitly, without you having to say the reason behind why the punchline is funny.

What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common?

They will both ruin your meat.

How do you ruin someones peaceful thoughts?

Puppymonkeybaby

I needed to clean my FleshLight, i heard they were dishwasher safe.

But that would Just ruin the load.

Add a word to ruin a movie:

- Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard Sale
- Charlottes Web Cam.

Would you be offended if I said...

Would you be offended if I said that I'm not voting for that white, elitist, pompous, corrupt, egomaniac that's going to ruin our country?

...or would you even know which candidate I'm talking about?

So I ruined the employee barbecue yesterday.

My boss wouldn't stop grilling me about it.

How to ruin a movie with one word...

**Batman Begins** College

**The Longest Yard** Sale

**Charlotte's Web** Cam

Add your own in the comments!

Star Trek Discovery is going to have a female lead which will ruin the series.

The male captains wandered around aimlessly getting into trouble.

She will just ask for directions and head straight to the destination.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945

What's does a black man have in common with a tornado?

It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood

Me "I love this song, nothing can ruin it"

Kidz bop "challenge accepted"

What's more annoying than a monkey trying to steal your banana?

Working at a Tesco supermarket in Produce, putting out loose bananas on display, and while trying to do so, customers keep barging their way in to you and remove the lovely bananas you just put there and leave with a remark on the lines of, "Sorry, I'm just going to ruin your display, HA HA".

You know what ruins a rape?

Consent

Nothing ruins a Friday more...

...than realizing that today is Tuesday.

Tonight, I watched someone ruin over 20 years of sobriety. It was a shitshow.

But, in her defense, you only turn 21 once.

Three words to ruin a man's ego...?

Is it in?

Give a man some jam and he can enjoy a nice piece of toast

Teach a man to jam and his Phish cover band will ruin your wedding

We always teach people not to do drugs because they ruin your life.

Yet we celebrate marriage.

Don't ruin your meal by combining eggs and chicken.

It's impossible to know which to eat first.

How are a black man and a tornado similar

It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood

UK vs USA

The UK and the US are having a battle to see who can ruin their country the fastest.
We were winning with Brexit but the US had a Trump card.
However Thereisa chance we May yet still win.

Easily offended people are literally like snowflakes.

Alone, they are harmless. Together, however, they ruin everything good and bad in their way.

Some things just ruin your day...

The old woman was about to die so she calls her husband to her side. With some difficulty she says, "Dear, I have but one final request. Please let my mother ride in the first car with you at my funeral. It will give a good impression.

The husband things for a bit and responds, "All right, but it'll spoil my whole day."

A man walks into a store that has a broken neon sign

A man walks into a store and says,"hey, you should fix your neon sign out front, the letter E is burnt out".
The storekeeper replies, "I can't replace the letter, it would ruin the joke!"
"What joke?" Asks the man.
"Stop me if you've heard it before," says the shopkeep, "because it's an old E, but it's a good E."

How did the pasta chef ruin his career?

He couldn't stop hitting the sauce.

Three Words to Ruin a Guy's Ego

Girl: Is it in??

What's the surest way to ruin a friendship?

Homicide

My friend started counting geodes three months ago, and now he's living under a highway overpass.

It's crazy how quickly crystal math can ruin your life.

A sad day for a doctor

After 7 years of study, training and hard work, a member of the medical profession has been fired after one minor lack of judgment. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

What a waste of time, effort, training and money. This shows that one minor mistake can ruin your career. Praying for him and his family. He was a genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant veterinarian.

Drugs don't ruin your career

Drug tests do

There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...

The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!

Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone

I thought that I couldn't ruin my life on my own.

So I got myself a girlfriend.

What is 6.9?

69 ruined by a period.

A high-end lawyer is leaving his car when he gets sideswiped by a passing truck.

He calls the cops and he start complaining to them about how the truck had ruin his beautiful Roles Royce. The cop looks at him and sneers, you lawyers, always so concerned about your money. You are so busy worrying about your car that you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing.

The lawyer looks at his missing arm in horror and screams, oh no, my Rolex!!

A:"You are my drug"

B: "Aww because you can't get enough of me?"

A: "No you ruin my life and you cost too much."

Why did Punctuation ruin Santa's marriage?

Because a comma seperates two clauses

Local police have reported finding a body in the river. They say it's hideous, bloated and the smell is indescribable. It's ruin of a face is reportedly the stuff of nightmares. Obviously I'm really worried.

Just drop me a text and let me know you're okay.

Three Words

Three words to ruin a man's ego...
"Is it in?"

Three words to ruin a woman's ego...
"I don't know"

How Putin ruined the ego of swingers everywhere

Vladimir Putin: Some people say that group sex is better than sex as a pair - because I guess, like with any teamwork, one can dodge being good at it.

I've decided to start a pie delivery service from my car.

Apple pie is $3.75 / slice, cherry is $4.25, and banana cream pie is $4.75. Those are the pie rates of the car-I-be-in.

---------

There, did I manage to ruin both jokes?

Sticks and stones can break my bones

But words can be made into legislation and ruin lives

You know what really ruins my day?

Waking up in the morning.

say the punchline first

how to ruin a joke

Best way to ruine a friendship ?

Ask her out.

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.

Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

Tell the Punchline first.

How do you ruin a joke?

You know what ruins a meme?

A miner spelling error.

How do you ruin a good joke's punchline?

You repost it hundreds of times.

The stock market is like a guy with IBS

All it takes is one fart to ruin the day.

What are 4 words that can ruin a man's self esteem?

"Is it in yet?"

Have you ever had a leg cramp ruin sex?

I'm sitting on the chair when my cramps up and I Yelp so loud that my wife and her boyfriend stop having sex. They look at me and say "how long have you been there?" And I say "The whole time! I'm the one making this video."

What's the difference between a lawyer and a journalist?

A lawyer will ruin someone's life for $400/hour. A journalist will do it for free.

Why did the hippie driver refuse heartburn medication?

Because anti-acid would ruin the trip

Ruined a brand new pair of shoes.

It's raining cats and dogs out and I stepped in a poodle.

My career's in ruins!

A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.

He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, What's the occasion?

My career's in ruins! the lad cackles.

The man, shocked, replies, Then why the hell are you celebrating?

I've just completed my PhD in archaeology!

How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?

Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.

Nothing ruins sex with a monkey faster than...

Remembering you work in an AIDS research lab.

Because it ruins the joke.

Why should you never put a punchline in the title?

Scientists Invent Machine That Can Ruin Any Pizza

It's called a microwave.

"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!

Eh?"

What's the only thing that can ruin your perfect relationship with your crush?

The alarm clock

Don't let anyone else ruin your day.

It's YOUR day.

Ruin it yourself.

A 10 year old protestant boy and a 10 year old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.

The girl says, "my mom will be really angry if my shoes get wet"
And so they both agree to remove their shoes prior to entering the water.

They wade into the water and it starts getting deeper. The boy "says well my mom will hate me if I ruin my new pants"
And so they remove their pants.

Once they ensure that every item of cloths is out of harms way... they take a good look at each other.

"Strange", the girl says, "I didn't think protestants and catholics were THAT different!"

What ruined Tiger Woods' golf career?

His driving game.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ruin destructive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ruin demolish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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