Ruin Jokes
121 ruin jokes and hilarious ruin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ruin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the hilarious side of life's biggest pitfalls with a collection of ruin jokes. Get ready to laugh as ruin takes on a whole new meaning with amazing jokes about greek ruin, ancient ruin, ruining your life, downfall, devastate, and undermine. Start your day off with a few ruin jokes and let the laughter begin.
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Funniest Ruin Short Jokes
Short ruin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ruin humour may include short wreck jokes also.
- Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!' and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
- Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
- I helped my neighbour with something this morning and she said, ''I could marry you!'', I couldn't believe it You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return
- One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
- Wife: Stop pretending your life is a youtube video!! It's ruining our marriage! Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!
- They currently think the person who ruined the Tour de France might have been German. Well, she did try to take down a whole race...
- I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
- My wife accused me of ruining her birthday, but that's impossible I didn't even know it was her birthday!
- People say gambling ruins lives, but it brought our family closer. We now live in a one bedroom unit.
- my wife told me i ruined her birthday. l don't know how i did it because i didn't even know it was her birthday.
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Ruin One Liners
Which ruin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ruin? I can suggest the ones about rubble and rotten.
- Coronavirus ruining your plan for 2020? Save them for 2022! Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
- Why is the archaeologist sad? Because his career is in ruins.
- My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
- What's a 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
- My friend decided to become an archeologist ...now his life is in ruins.
- Tell the Punchline first. How do you ruin a joke?
- Ever since I became an archeologist My career has been in ruins
- What ruined tiger Woods' golf career? His driving game.
- What is a 6.9? A good thing ruined by a period.
- The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit
- Drugs don't ruin your career Drug tests do
- Why was Lara Croft sad? Because her career was in ruins
- Why do archaeologist lead sad lives? Because their career lies in ruins.
- How do you ruin a date with Princess Leia? By saying Alderaan things.
- So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night... NOTSONINJA
Ruin Your Life Jokes
Here is a list of funny ruin your life jokes and even better ruin your life puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I said to my wife You are my drug She said: Oh wow is it because you can't get enough of me?
I replied: No because you cost so much money and you're ruining my life - What's the difference between a lawyer and a journalist? A lawyer will ruin someone's life for $400/hour. A journalist will do it for free.
- My wife is like a drug to me She ruined my life.
- There are three certainties in life: Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.
- A hurricane walks into a bar The owner doesn't have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.
- I walked up to a girl and said, "If you were a drug, I would overdose!" She said, "Thanks."
I said, "Then you wouldn't be able to ruin my life any more." - I sacrificed everything to pursue my dream of being an archeologist... And now my life is in ruins.
- I just invented a new drinking game! Every time one of my family mentions It's ruining your life I take a shot.
- Videogames ruined my life... ...but at least i have two more
- Never become an archaeologist... your life will be in ruins.
Greek Ruin Jokes
Here is a list of funny greek ruin jokes and even better greek ruin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend said she wanted to go visit the Greek ruins I told her we better wait for them to cool off first.
Ancient Ruin Jokes
Here is a list of funny ancient ruin jokes and even better ancient ruin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Archaeologists just excavated an ancient bank It put them in financial ruin
Comical Ruin Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about ruin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean waste jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ruin pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a party with my girlfriend.
I got quite upset because everyone called me a p**... because I was thirty and she was twenty. So finally,I said "That's it baby, we're leaving. I'm not going to let them ruin our tenth anniversary."
Joey the altar boy goes to confession and says...
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
A kid goes to church to confess...
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
What do juggalos and police officers have in common?
They both go "whoop whoop" and ruin your day.
This will ruin some of your childhoods. How did Reggie Rocket's brother die?
Otto Rocket Asphyxiation
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What am I?
I am everything but the sun I am not
The radiance of my glow will not warm you up
My heat will not burn but will ruin your life
You cannot eat me but I am edible
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate Japanese books.
They always ruin the ending.
What do women and pine trees have in common?
Every time you try to get on one, they ruin it by getting sappy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Friends Call Me A p**...
Because she's 18 and I'm 30, but I'll be d**... if I let them ruin our seven year anniversary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**... life is ruined
Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my s**... life forever.
Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!
It's much worse than that!
I've got arthritis in my hands!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the guy with a f**... ruin his date with an amputee?
He got off on the wrong foot
Ruin a date in 5 words...
Does this smell like chloroform?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why should you never bring a fat person to see a dramatic movie?
They will ruin the suspension.
Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?
It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My gf is one of those people who ruin films by asking silly questions when you're trying to concentrate...
Last night we were watching *Schindler's List* when she leant over and whispered in my ear "why are you fapping?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke?
A: You mean nerd, not geek. And not joke, but riddle. Proceed.
The Priest and the Altar Boy
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'
How do you ruin a joke?
By explaining it.
Because you know, jokes are supposed to be understood implicitly, without you having to say the reason behind why the punchline is funny.
What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common?
They will both ruin your meat.
How do you ruin someones peaceful thoughts?
Puppymonkeybaby
I needed to clean my FleshLight, i heard they were dishwasher safe.
But that would Just ruin the load.
Add a word to ruin a movie:
- Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard sale
- Charlottes Web Cam.
So I ruined the employee barbecue yesterday.
My boss wouldn't stop grilling me about it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Star Trek Discovery is going to have a female lead which will ruin the series.
The male captains wandered around aimlessly getting into trouble.
She will just ask for directions and head straight to the destination.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf h**..., 1945
What's does a black man have in common with a tornado?
It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood
Me "I love this song, nothing can ruin it"
Kidz bop "challenge accepted"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what ruins a r**...?
Consent
Nothing ruins a Friday more...
...than realizing that today is Tuesday.
The problem with protests...
Is that once things start to get lit, the cops show up and ruin it.
Tonight, I watched someone ruin over 20 years of sobriety. It was a shitshow.
But, in her defense, you only turn 21 once.
Three words to ruin a man's ego...?
Is it in?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Calling tech support for s**... advice might not end well.
Turning someone off then on again can ruin your night.
Give a man some jam and he can enjoy a nice piece of toast
Teach a man to jam and his Phish cover band will ruin your wedding
We always teach people not to do drugs because they ruin your life.
Yet we celebrate marriage.
Don't ruin your meal by combining eggs and chicken.
It's impossible to know which to eat first.
A man does and goes to heaven
He meets god and asks him
"What is the meaning of life?"
"Well, if I told you, it'll ruin the joke"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
UK vs USA
The UK and the US are having a battle to see who can ruin their country the fastest.
We were winning with Brexit but the US had a Trump card.
However Thereisa chance we May yet still win.
I don't get why they make Green Arrow so violent.
It's like they want to ruin Oliver favorite superheroes
Easily offended people are literally like snowflakes.
Alone, they are harmless. Together, however, they ruin everything good and bad in their way.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some things just ruin your day...
The old woman was about to die so she calls her husband to her side. With some difficulty she says, "Dear, I have but one final request. Please let my mother ride in the first car with you at my f**.... It will give a good impression.
The husband things for a bit and responds, "All right, but it'll spoil my whole day."
A man walks into a store that has a broken neon sign
A man walks into a store and says,"hey, you should fix your neon sign out front, the letter E is burnt out".
The storekeeper replies, "I can't replace the letter, it would ruin the joke!"
"What joke?" Asks the man.
"Stop me if you've heard it before," says the shopkeep, "because it's an old E, but it's a good E."
How did the pasta chef ruin his career?
He couldn't stop hitting the sauce.
She said I ruined her Birthday...
-I don't know how. I didn't say anything about it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the surest way to ruin a friendship?
h**...
My friend started counting geodes three months ago, and now he's living under a highway overpass.
It's crazy how quickly crystal math can ruin your life.
There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...
The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!
Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone
I thought that I couldn't ruin my life on my own.
So I got myself a girlfriend.
What is 6.9?
69 ruined by a period.
People with one syllable names...
...really ruin the Happy Birthday Song.
I am not in favour of polygamy.
One marriage is enough to ruin me.
jenga teaches children a valuable life lesson.
That if you work hard and spend a lot of time on something, some idiot will come along and ruin it all for you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A:"You are my drug"
B: "Aww because you can't get enough of me?"
A: "No you ruin my life and you cost too much."
This 4th of July, remember: Alcohol and Fireworks do NOT mix
Spilling even a little beer on a fuse can ruin fireworks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ruined my best friend's father's f**... the other day...
Should NOT have told that dad joke out loud.
Why did Punctuation ruin Santa's marriage?
Because a comma seperates two clauses
You say I have a drinking problem...
But I won't let you ruin my Tuesday morning buzz.
Local police have reported finding a body in the river. They say it's hideous, bloated and the smell is indescribable. It's ruin of a face is reportedly the stuff of nightmares. Obviously I'm really worried.
Just drop me a text and let me know you're okay.
What do people hate most about Winter?
Snowflakes,
They ruin everything...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How Putin ruined the ego of swingers everywhere
Vladimir Putin: Some people say that group s**... is better than s**... as a pair - because I guess, like with any teamwork, one can dodge being good at it.
I've decided to start a pie delivery service from my car.
Apple pie is $3.75 / slice, cherry is $4.25, and banana cream pie is $4.75. Those are the pie rates of the car-I-be-in.
---------
There, did I manage to ruin both jokes?
Sticks and stones can break my bones
But words can be made into legislation and ruin lives
You know what really ruins my day?
Waking up in the morning.
Best way to ruine a friendship ?
Ask her out.
For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...
My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.
Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.
A priest, a rabbi, and a hipster walk into a bar...
The hipster says "man, this set-up is soooo played-out. I'm not gonna ruin my cred by staying, so I'm outie 5000." He then gets on his fixed-gear bicycle and rides it home to his loft that he pays for with money from his trust fund. He reads Bukowski by tap light in his futon until he falls asleep. And he lived ironically ever after.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Look out, it's the Spoiler! He's gonna ruin every joke on the sub!"
"The milkman was the real father!"
"**Nooooooooo!**"
You know what ruins a meme?
A miner spelling error.
How do you ruin a good joke's punchline?
You repost it hundreds of times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The stock market is like a guy with IBS
All it takes is one f**... to ruin the day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever had a leg cramp ruin s**...?
I'm sitting on the chair when my cramps up and I Yelp so loud that my wife and her boyfriend stop having s**.... They look at me and say "how long have you been there?" And I say "The whole time! I'm the one making this video."
Why did the hippie driver refuse heartburn medication?
Because anti-acid would ruin the trip
Ruined a brand new pair of shoes.
It's raining cats and dogs out and I stepped in a poodle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My career's in ruins!
A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.
He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, What's the occasion?
My career's in ruins! the lad cackles.
The man, shocked, replies, Then why the h**... are you celebrating?
I've just completed my PhD in archaeology!
How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?
Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nothing ruins s**... with a monkey faster than...
Remembering you work in an AIDS research lab.
