rugby Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious rugby puns

My first school rugby game was a bit like the first time having sex..

I was sore and bloody at the end... But at least my dad came

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An Englishman walks into a bar...

There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.

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How many american rugby fans does it take to change a lightbulb

Both of them

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"wanna hear a blonde joke?"

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm 1.83m tall, 80kg black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 1.88m, weighs 100kg, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 1.97m, pushing 140kg, and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Britons vs. Americans

Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby

Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

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What happens when you win a raffle twice that gave you five for the price of three on rugby tickets?

You won two, three for five six nations tickets

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An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arab met over coffee..

...at a convention.

''I am happily married,'' said the Englishman, ''and have 10 children. One more and I shall have my own football team."

''I am happily married,'' said the Welshman ''and have 14 children. One more and I shall have my own Rugby team."

''I am also happily married,'' said the Arab ''and have 17 wives. One more and I shall have my own Golf course.''

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The Italian Family Dinner

A joke from my rugby coach -- better told in person with the clapping, but try to imagine :)



Sitting at dinner, an Italian father looks at his three grown sons.

He asks the oldest, Mario, "Mario, why are you-a so fat?"

Mario responds, "Papa, Mama's spaghetti is just-a so good, I eat-a way too much!"

Papa spreads his hands vertically and claps them together, and says "Mario, you take-a too big-a bite!"

Papa turns to Antonio, and asks, "Antonio, why are you-a so fat?"

Antonio responds, "Papa, my wife's lasagna is just-a so good, I eat-a way too much!"

Papa claps again and says "Antonio, you take-a too big-a bite!"

Papa turns to Fernando and asks, "Fernando, why are you-a so skinny?"

Fernando says, "Papa, I ONLY eat the pussy!"

Papa responds, "Pussy? But son, pussy tastes-a like shit!"

Fernando claps his hands just like his dad and says, "Papa, you take-a too big-a bite!"

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Why are Jedi so bad at rugby?

Because there is no try.

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Blonde joke in a bar..

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us are blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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A male fairy tale...

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted babes and went rowing and watched rugby and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank Bell's, Castle and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pies and potato chips and baked beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frikin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are drinking in a bar...

-You know - says the Englishman - I have 10 sons. That is almost a soccer team.

-That's nothing. - says the Irishman - I have 14 sons. That is almost a rugby team.

-Well - says the Scotsman - I have 17 daughters. That is almost a golf course.

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My girlfriend is the best hooker in the country

All her fellow rugby players agree.

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My first time having sex was much like my first time playing rugby

I was sore and bloody by the end but at least my dad came

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An Englishman walks into a bar.

There's normally a Scotsman, Welshman and an Irishman too. But they're still at the Rugby World Cup.

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How can you tell a gamer from a rugby player?

Ask them if they play league.

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An Englishman walks into a bar

There's usually an Irishman, Scotsman and Welshman too but they're all still at the Rugby World Cup!

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The first time I played rugby was a lot like the first time I had sex

I was left bruised and bloody, but at least my dad came

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What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team?

A teabag stays in the cup longer...

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Just found a carrier bag with an England rugby shirt in the rubbish bin,

can't believe someone would throw that away! Worth 5p that!

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Once you've seen one rugby joke...

You've seen a maul.

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Just heard 80's singer Enya has bought hew own Rugby Union team.

Their next 3 fixtures are now:
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)

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Australian Rugby

That's it. That's the joke.

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Considering the names of other similar sports...

somebody really dropped the ball when naming rugby.

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Why are Jedi terrible at Rugby?

Because "There is no Try."

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[rugby] Looks like Australia was in trouble there for a while...

But in the end they got off Scot-free.

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Why can't Jesus play rugby?

He won't support the hooker

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"Dad, I'm going to play rugby with my friends ... you know where the ball inflator is?"

Dad: "Go to look for it ... it must be cooking."

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FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS....

It's Mum not Mom
It's crisps not chips
It's chips not fries
It's football not soccer
It's rugby not football
It's school not shooting range!

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Australia beat England in their matchup in the Rugby World Cup.

I guess you could say the prisoners beat the guards.

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People think I have ADHD and I really don't..

To prove it I'll give you 10 reasons why Football is better than rugby

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I broke my collarbone the other day playing rugby.

It was worth a try.

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I met a rugby team that always ingested Viagra before their games.

They were so try hard.

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What rugby position does Stevie Wonder play?

Blindside flanker.

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Do you play rugby?

Because you look like a hooker

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Rugby vs hockey

Soccer is running around for 90 minutes faking an injurie while rugby is running around for 90 minutes ignoring an injury

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My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I say she's not very good at rugby.

I'd like to see her try.

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I've always thought : this is weird that Prince Harry loves rugby that much

I mean, his own mother was killed by a pillar

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I was a little mad today. My flight went all the way across the Andes and all i got was a bag of peanuts to eat...

I heard another flight went only halfway over and they got a whole rugby player

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What's the difference between the English rugby team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer!

(im so sorry ;-;)

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England at the Rugby World Cup

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At least the English rugby team doesn't have a flight home of shame...

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the rugby players without a referee weren't keeping up with the news

they kept asking "whose put-in?"

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Why can't ever ever win when I play Rugby 08?

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Rugby players never score

But they always try.

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Everything England has accomplished has been bettered by other nations - rugby, cricket and now at football...

Even the Russians have better hooligans than us.

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Rugby Joke.

Northern Hemisphere Rugby...

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In college I was always jealous of the women's rugby team.

They got way more pussy than I did.

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An Englishman walks into a bar.

In these stories there is usually an Irishman, Welshman and a Scotsman, but they are still at the rugby.

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Hates Rugby

Yoda Does

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Jedi suck at rugby. . .

Because with them, there is no try.

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So the English rugby team...

Don't you hate it when the punchline is in the title?!

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An insect was playing football on a carpet

You should've seen that rugby

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I broke my collarbone the other day playing rugby.

At least I tried.

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I heard your mom likes rugby...

She's a fan of the All Blacks.

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What are the best Rugby puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Rugby? Well, here are the best jokes about Rugby to have fun with.

Joko Jokes