Ruff Jokes

Make your dog chuckle with a selection of hilarious ruff jokes! From barks about dachshunds in the doghouse to puns the vets will love, get some tail-wagging laughs with these canine-themed jokes.

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Ruff Jokes and Friends

My dog is into some wild stuff

Every time we have sex she says "ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff"
I guess it's never enough

How do dogs save for retirement?

With a Ruff IRA.

Did you hear the one about the dog who was into S&M?

He liked it ruff.

What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper?


jokes about ruff

Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper?


The life of a dog living on the street is...


Ruff joke, The life of a dog living on the street is...

What kind of papers do dogs write?

A ruff draft.

Have you heard of the dog friendly bar?

I recommend avoiding it. It a ruff joint.

My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked.

There was a diamond in the ruff.

What did the dog say after a hard day at work ?

"Today sure was ruff"

Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit , thought i'd share it :P

You can explore ruff doghouse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ruff snoop dad jokes. There are also ruff puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

As a bootleg vet, I get asked to turn cats into dogs

it's a ruff job.

A dog walks into a bar...

Bartender nods and says, "Hey dog, haven't seen you in a while, how are things going?"

Dog looks at him sadly and replies, "Ruff."

What did the dog say about the United Airlines Employee?


Why is my wife like a chihuahua in bed?

Because she's a little ruff

How do dogs play?


Ruff joke, How do dogs play?

Did you hear about the dog from Compton?

He lives in a ruff neighborhood.

I wish I could speak to dogs...

but it's okay because all I would get is a ruff translation

I tried to have a conversation with my dog

It was ruff.

What does a dog call an unpaved road?


I asked my dog how he likes to have sex. His response?

Ruff. What else would he say

So 2018 is the Chinese year of the dog...

Looks like it's gonna be ruff

What did the service dog say after a long tiring day

It was a RUFF day!

What should you do if you wanna talk to a Ruff Ryder on the internet?


I make a living by sending my talking dog out to the streets to beg for change.

Today, he's come home empty handed. I asked why, but all he says is, "ruff ruff, grrrRRrRrrrr".

I don't get it, he was talking when I sent him out this morning and now he makes no cents.

I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog

Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.

Ruff joke, I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog

I can always hear my roomate bark while having sex

He likes it ruff

Why did the sailors dog hide below deck?

Because it was afraid if ruff seas.

I'm editting my manuscript on dog languages...

it's a ruff draft.

I tried to start a doggy day care, but it failed within the first couple days.

I only had a ruff idea of what I was doing.

I enrolled into dog university...

but i quit because the course was really ruff

A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!

The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .

My dog got in a fight today

It was quite ruff

How do dogs like their sex?


I'm so sorry.

How many times a day does a dog bark?

About 100, but that's just a ruff estimate.

Three mice

Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"

Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem?

Because solving problems are ruff.

My dog ate my homework

It was a ruff draft.

My dog always came back bruised and beaten after having sexy time with his girlfriend. I finally asked him about how it went.

He said: "ruff".

I was slightly surprised to learn that dogs' tongues are smooth

I thought they'd be ruff

I tried to teach my old dog a new trick.

It was really ruff.

You know why you should never ask a dog for an estimate on something?

Because it's always ruff...

Our dog accidentally swallowed my wife's wedding ring.

Now we have a diamond in the ruff.

Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...


Ruff Policy

My dog, Case, swallowed my proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in Case.

In Tribute

Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk

Man: you're on

Boy: how does sandpaper feel?

Dog: Ruff!

Boy: what's on top of a house?

Dog: Roof!

Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?

Dog: Ruth!

Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of here!

* Boy and dog walk away *

Dog to boy: should I have said Hank Aaron?

What do you call a group of dogs that never laugh at jokes?

A ruff crowd

Having puppies

**Three dogs are at the vet's. Talking dog talk.**

Rover, "Why are you guys here?"

Sparky, "I been peeing all over the house. I'm going to get my nuts cut off." Ruff.

Barky, "I growl at everything. I'm going to get my nuts cut off. Ruff.

How about you Rover?"

Rover, "Well, my mistress was getting out of the shower yesterday, I love her *sooo* much. *Ah-Rooo*. Seeing her naked, bent over drying her foot, well, I jumped on. "

The other two - "So you're getting you nuts cut off too?"

Rover, "Hell no! I'm getting my nails trimmed."

What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper?

Ruff ruff

No matter how good you treat your dog

They will always say they have it ruff

Did you hear about the dog that writes books?

Probably not, he's never been published.

He only does ruff drafts.

What sort of dog stops you from hearing?

Ear pugs.
They work ok but they go in a bit ruff.

From my 9YO and 7YO: What did one dog say to the other?

I've had a ruff day.

A man and a dog walk into a bar

Both get up on stools and the bartender says "sorry no dogs"

"But my dog can talk"

Bartender: "Prove it"

"Fido, what is the top part of a house called"

Dog: "Roof, roof"

Bartender (annoyed): "You're going to have to do better than that"

"Fido, what is the high grassy part of a golf course called?"

Dog: "Ruff, ruff"

Bartender (more annoyed): "I'll give you one last chance before I throw you out"

"Fido, who is the greatest baseball player of all time"

Dog: "Ruth, ruth"

Bartender throws the both of them out into the street.

Dog: "Maybe I should have said Dimaggio"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ruff dog puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ruff dog ruff piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes