Ruby Jokes
8 ruby jokes and hilarious ruby puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ruby that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with some of the funniest Ruby jokes. From Max and Ruby to Ruby on Rails, we have jokes about everything from the Ruby name to the Ruby Gem. We even have funny jokes about Ruby weddings and Silk bracelets with Pyrite. Read on for some hilarious Ruby jokes!
Share These Ruby Jokes With Friends
Heartwarming Ruby Jokes that Make You Laugh
What is a good ruby joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A jewel
Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.
But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things.
True enough, said Mrs. Whembleton. If I should predecease my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!
Two old ladies Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren.
Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I never hear from them... never receive a thank you message."
Ruby replies, "I too send my grandchildren a very generous check. I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."
"Wow! How come ? remarked Dolly.
"Very simple solution... I don't sign the check!"
It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...
and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a p**... and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"
"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"
A Bad Original Joke
One day, a farmer walked up to a fisherman, and said, "Oi, I found this 'ere red thing glimmerin' at the river over yonder. Issa worth much?"
The fisherman takes a look at what the farmer caught. After inspecting it for quite some time, he frowns and says, "I'm afraid it's worthless, sir.
The farmer frowns. "I'm not sure what you're talking about. It's glimmerin', and it looks like a ruby if I've ever seen one!"
"I'm sorry sir. I'm afraid this is just a red herring."
What kind of cancer do gnomes get?
Mela-gnome-a
Written by Ruby, age 7 (almost 8). Surprisingly dark.
Getting a portrait painted.
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.
But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist.
I know, she said. It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.
A Gem Joke that Rocks
Diamond: Hey, Ruby, did you hear that I'm getting embedded into a statue next Tuesday?
Ruby: But we were going fishing on Tuesday! You sure you can't change the date?
Diamond: Sorry Ruby, it's set in stone.
It's weird how people from the ghetto name their kids things they don't have or can't afford.
Mercedes, Crystal, Lexus, Diamond, Ruby, Love, Harmony, Hope...
Share These Ruby Jokes With Friends