Rubber Jokes

What are some Rubber jokes?

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.

**

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.

"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.

"It was a dictatorship."

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Have you heard of the musical condoms?

They started a rubber band.

how is bungee jumping like having sex?

a life depends on whether or not the rubber breaks

What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?

A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any genitals. A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber genital without any body.

What sound does a rubber airplane make?

Boeing

Why are rubber tires black?

So the police know what to shoot at during a chase

A farmer has a new handsome assistant

A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had sex with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"

My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping...

I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.

I would never bungee jump...

I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out cause of one.

Why is bungee jumping, and a prostitute similar?

You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks

Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella

Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!

Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!

As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump...

I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out because of one...

What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!

What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

[Long] A couple and their 9 kids are waiting for a bus...

A couple and their 9 kids are waiting for a bus along with a blind man. As the bus arrived they found it nearly full so only the woman and kids were able to get on. As the bus drove off the husband and blind man started walking. After a while the husband, irritated by the constant sound of the cane, asked the blind man could he put a rubber tip on the end of his stick. The blind man smiled, replying, "Well, if you had put a rubber tip on the end of your stick we'd both be on the bus right now."

What does having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common?

If the rubber brakes, you're screwed.

Car Keys

Tom and Barney got out and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key from the ignition.

Realizing their mistake, Tom asked, "Why don't we use a coat hanger to open it?"

"No, that won't work," answered Barney. "People will think we're trying to break in."

So Tom suggested, "What if we use a pocketknife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in, and pull up the lock?"

"No," said Barney. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger."

"Well," sighed Tom, "we'd better thing of something quick. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

My friend had some random guy come up to him in LAX and tell him this joke. No context, and no conversation afterwards. Just ten words and then gone. It's pretty much become my favorite joke because of that.

Whats the resemblance between a prostitute and bungee jumping?

You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps.

Another Blonde Joke

Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.

We need to get in there, says the first blonde. Why don't we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?

No, says the second. People'd think we're trying to steal the car.

I have a pair of scissors, says the first. We could use it to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock."

No, they'd just say we're too stupid to use a coat hanger.

Well, we'd better think of something fast, sighed the first blonde. It's starting to rain and all the car windows are open.

An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...

Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.

The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.

The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"

The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"

The Engineer and the Red Rubber Ball

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.

The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Ruberto.

WHAT KIND OF BAND PLAYS SNAPPY MUSIC?

A RUBBER BAND.

What's the resemblance between a bungeejump and a african whorehouse?

If the rubber blows, you're dead

How are Bungee jumping and visiting a prostitute a like?

If the rubber breaks, you're dead.

Some people were taking a tour of a rubber factory

On the tour they stop by where the factory made baby bottles caps. Everyone could hear the machine working: "Shh, pop, shh, pop, shh, pop". One of the tourists asked the guide what the noises were.
"well you see, the shhing sound is the rubber filling the moulds and the popping is the machine poking a hole where the liquid will come out"
Everyone thought that made sense and moved along the tour. Later on, the group came to where the factory made condoms. This time they heard, "Shh, shh, pop, shh, shh, pop". And again someone asked what the noises were.
The tour guide answers, "well its the same noises as the baby bottle caps. The shhing is the filling of the condom mould and the popping is the machine poking a hole in every other condom"
One man interjects, "well that can't be too good for the condom business!"
The tour guide then replies, "yea but it's great for the baby bottle cap business!"

My brother lost his job at the rubber factory

... but I think he'll bounce back.

Has anyone lost a large roll of 20-dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because we found the rubber band

A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.

No one expected the Spandex intermission.

What do a woman and a pencil have in common?

Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...

I asked this girl in my class for a rubber...

forgot that in the U.S. they call it an eraser

Burning Rubber

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age difference.

On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch erection, and he was carrying ear plugs and a pair of nose plugs.

Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, What are those for?

The old man replied, There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming… and the smell of burning rubber!

Sex is kinda like pizza...

It tastes better without rubber.

What do you call rubber clothing?

Attire

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer...

...were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.

Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar?

You're screwed if the rubber breaks.

I have a pun about rubber bands...

But it's a bit of a stretch.

Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead.

Hello, have one of you guys lost a pile of cash with a rubber band around it?

Because I got the rubberband

What type of tree doesn't need to worry about birth control?

A rubber tree.

What do you call a bunch of musical condoms?

A rubber band

Three rubber ducks..

Three rubber ducks head down to the nearby pond after dinner. The sun sets and it becomes passed their curfew. Feeling rebellious, the three ducks decide to stay out. An hour passes and a police offer shows up. He charges the three ducks with trespassing; their court hearing is scheduled in two weeks.
At the hearing the judge questions the first duck,
"What were you doing so late at the pond?"
"I was just blowing bubbles," responds the first duck.
The judge thinks to himself it's a sarcastic response but disregards it. He moves on to the second duck, repeating the question.
The second duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles."
Alright, now the judge is ruffled. He gives the group another try and says to the third duck,
"Lemme guess, you were just blowing bubbles too, right?"
The third duck smiles and replies, "No, I am Bubbles."

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me...

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me and I finally snapped, "Why dad!" he replied "the first rubber I used didn't get rid of my mistake, maybe this one will"

How is having sex with a hooker and Bungie Jumping similar?

They both cost around 100 dollars and if the rubber breaks you're screwed

How is Bungee jumping similar to hanging hanging out with a prostitute?

If the rubber breaks, your dead

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Last night, I think I was raped by the Michelin Man

But hey, at least he used a rubber.

If Mr. Spock uses a condom...

...does that make it vulcanized rubber?

My rubberband gun was confiscated in Algebra class

It was a weapon of math disruption!

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Always been a family favourite.

A rubberball company went broke...

But they bounced back

I removed the rubber from the wheels on my car

It is now working tirelessly

bungee jumping

A kid walks up to his mom and asks, Mom, can I go bungee jumping?


The mom says No, you were born from broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!

A hispanic man with a rubber toe

His name...was Roberto

A elastic band is thrown into a torture chamber,

A man comes up to him grabs him and stretches the elastic band out until he is just about to break,

The man stares the rubber band in the eyes,
You have so much potential

An old lady told me this

You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.


Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?

How do you escape from a windowless bunker with a sealed vault door using only a rubber band and a puddle of water?

1).Look into the puddle and see what you saw.

2). Pick up the saw and cut the rubber band in half

3).Pick up the 2 halves of the rubber band.

4). 1 half plus 1 half equals 1 whole.

5). Use the whole on the door and escape.

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty muchΒ screwed.

A boy was snapping rubber bands on his friends arm

He kept doing it in the same spot every second, over and over again until the friend eventually said, "Ouch, that one Hertz."

What do you call two Mexicans...

Q: What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan-on-Juan

Q: What do you call 4 Mexicans standing in quicksand?
A: Quatro cinco

Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto

Girlfriend broke up with me because I snorted a condom.

She said I rubber the wrong way.

What do you do with a rubber trumpet?

Join an elastic band.

Have you heard about the sober rubber duck?

He's been squeaky clean for 8 months

Whats the difference between sex and writing?

When having sex you need the rubber before you make the mistake

After being at sea for six months

After being at sea for six months the working man heads to the local cat house. He picks the woman he wants & they go into a room.
As she is getting undressed the man starts stuffing cotton in his nose & ears.

She asks him, "What is all that cotton for?"

He replies, "There is 2 things I can't stand. That is the smell of burning rubber & the sound of a screaming woman."

A naked man...

... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.

The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.

With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"

The Chief, confused asked how that would help...

The new guy says, "Windex prevents streaking..."

What do you call a musical group made of rubber?

An elastic band.

Q: What is vulcanized rubber?

A: Spock's birth control.

What do you call four condoms who play music together?

A rubber band.

Yesterday I saw the most famous rubber band in the world

It was the center of a-tension

How to make Rubber jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Rubber to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Rubber? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Rubber pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes