Rubber Jokes
177 rubber jokes and hilarious rubber puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rubber that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some silly rubber jokes? This article has it all! From rubber duckies to rubber chickens, to rubber dolls, rubber toes, rubber gloves, rubber tires and rubber boots, you're sure to find something to make you laugh. We've also got jokes involving rubber bands, glue, loafers and tarps. Come read all of these rubber jokes and get ready to giggle!
Quick Jump To
- Short Rubber Jokes
- Rubber One Liners
- Rubber Band Jokes
- Rubber Toe Jokes
- Burning Rubber Jokes
- Rubber Tire Jokes
- Rubber Duck Jokes
- More Rubber Jokes
Funniest Rubber Short Jokes
Short rubber jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rubber humour may include short plastic jokes also.
- As a doctor I often get asked why I use that rubber hammer to tap patient's knees. I dunno. I just get a kick out of it.
- I've designed an aeroplane made entirely from rubber, so if it crashed, it would bounce It's a boing 747
- I asked my physician why he hits people on the knee with that little rubber headed hammer He said "just for kicks"
- After reading about the dangers of bungee jumping, I decided not to go. I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I ain't going out cause of one.
- I will never go Bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isnt taking me out
- My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping... I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.
- I would never bungee jump... I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out cause of one.
- I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key.. Stayed stationary.
- As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump... I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out because of one...
- Two lobsters were in a tank.
The one said to the other, "It sure would be easier driving this thing without rubber bands on our claws."
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Rubber One Liners
Which rubber one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rubber? I can suggest the ones about tire and leather.
- What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto
- Have you heard of the musical condoms? They started a rubber band.
- I designed a rubber airplane that is crashproof. It's called the Boing 747
- What sound does a rubber airplane make? Boeing
- Why are rubber tires black? So the police know what to shoot at during a chase
- What do you with 365 used rubbers? Turn it into a tire and call it a goodyear.
- What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto. - WHAT KIND OF BAND PLAYS SNAPPY MUSIC? A RUBBER BAND.
- What do you call a group of condoms who make music. A Rubber Band.
- My brother lost his job at the rubber factory ... but I think he'll bounce back.
- What do you call rubber clothing? Attire
- I have a pun about rubber bands... But it's a bit of a stretch.
- What type of tree doesn't need to worry about birth control? A rubber tree.
- Heard of the rubber airplane? It was a Boing 747.
Rubber Band Jokes
Here is a list of funny rubber band jokes and even better rubber band puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I thought I'd start my own rock band I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.
But I thought that was a bit of a stretch. - Has anyone lost a large roll of 20-dollar bills in a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band
- Hello, have one of you guys lost a pile of cash with a rubber band around it? Because I got the rubberband
- What do you call a bunch of musical condoms? A rubber band
- Grandpa just got us My wife asked what his favorite band was.
He answered "rubber". - A boy was snapping rubber bands on his friends arm He kept doing it in the same spot every second, over and over again until the friend eventually said, "Ouch, that one Hertz."
- What do you do with a rubber trumpet? Join an elastic band.
- What do you call a musical group made of rubber? An elastic band.
- Yesterday I saw the most famous rubber band in the world It was the center of a-tension
- What do you call four condoms who play music together? A rubber band.
Rubber Toe Jokes
Here is a list of funny rubber toe jokes and even better rubber toe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Ruberto. - What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto
- What do you call a guy with a rubber toe Roberto
- A hispanic man with a rubber toe His name...was Roberto
- What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto!
You call him Roberto.... - What do you call a guy with a prosthetic rubber toe Roberto.
- What do you call a Japanese guy with a rubber toe? Mr.Roboto.....
- What do you call a Latino with a rubber toe? Roberto
- Met a mexican mutant with a rubber toe his name was roberto.
- What do you call a person with a rubber toe? Roberto
Burning Rubber Jokes
Here is a list of funny burning rubber jokes and even better burning rubber puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo' Mama is like a race car: she burns through four rubbers a night.
- Your mama's like a race car driver because she burns through a lot of rubber.
- Why does Smokey the Bear hate condoms? He doesn't like people burning rubber.
- I hate using condoms. They smell like burning rubber Or maybe that's just me?
- What do you call a couple having s**... in a moving car? Burning rubber
Rubber Tire Jokes
Here is a list of funny rubber tire jokes and even better rubber tire puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- We need to stop making jokes about common uses for rubber. It's a tired subject.
- What's the difference between your mom and a tire? Not much, they both stink like rubber and leave skidmarks.
- What do you call a gang of tires? A rubber band
- February 7, 1938: Harvey Firestone, founder of Firestone Tire and Rubber Company, dies Leaving his family feeling deflated
- What is, aside from being rubber, the similarity between an old car tire and 365 used condoms? It was a Good Year...
Rubber Duck Jokes
Here is a list of funny rubber duck jokes and even better rubber duck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you heard about the sober rubber duck? He's been squeaky clean for 8 months
- At the mall today I saw a toddler gnawing on a small rubber duck. I asked him if it tasted like quackers.
- What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to? Rub-a-dubstep!
- I submitted a couple puns to a programmer's joke contest If any won, I'd get golden rubber duck. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did
- What did the soap say to the rubber duck? We are so in sink
- I came home to find my bathtub full of dead babies. I was devastated. Forgot my rubber duck.
- What do you call a rubber duck that is bathing with Kendall Jenner? A lucky duck
Comical Rubber Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about rubber you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vinyl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rubber pranks.
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
My friend had some random guy come up to him in LAX and tell him this joke. No context, and no conversation afterwards. Just ten words and then gone. It's pretty much become my favorite joke because of that.
What does bungee jumping and h**... have in common?
Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're s**...!
A rubberball company went broke...
But they bounced back
How are Bungee jumping and visiting a p**... a like?
If the rubber breaks, you're dead.
Ketchup and rubber buns
DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".
KID: Gotcha.
DAD: what did you buy at the store?
KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.
DAD: What did you have for dinner?
KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.
DAD: What do you do when an old lady crosses the street?
KID: Ketchup and rub....... HEY!
My rubberband gun was confiscated in Algebra class
It was a weapon of math disruption!
What does having s**... with a h**... and bungee jumping have in common?
If the rubber brakes, you're s**....
A n**... man...
... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.
The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.
With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"
The Chief, confused asked how that would help...
The new guy says, "Windex prevents streaking..."
What do you call two Mexicans...
Q: What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan-on-Juan
Q: What do you call 4 Mexicans standing in quicksand?
A: Quatro cinco
Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto
A farmer has a new handsome assistant
A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had s**... with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"
The Engineer and the Red Rubber Ball
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
A rubber band p**... was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
Always been a family favourite.
I asked this girl in my class for a rubber...
forgot that in the U.S. they call it an eraser
After being at sea for six months
After being at sea for six months the working man heads to the local cat house. He picks the woman he wants & they go into a room.
As she is getting undressed the man starts stuffing cotton in his nose & ears.
She asks him, "What is all that cotton for?"
He replies, "There is 2 things I can't stand. That is the smell of burning rubber & the sound of a screaming woman."
A scientist is sat at the bar when a scruffy hobo sits down next to him...
"Hey buddy, are you that scientist feller?"
"... Yes I am. Is there something I can do for you?"
The hobo pulls something out of his pocket.
"I've found this marvelous material that's tough like plastic, stretchy like rubber and sticky like glue."
He hands it to the scientist.
"Why, yes!" says the scientist "This is quite a remarkable material. Wherever did you find it?"
"My nose."
Why I will never bungee jump...
I came into this world from a broken rubber and I'm certainly not going out that way.
Why is having fun with a p**... like bungee jumping?
Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
What type of c**... does Spock use?
Vulcanized rubber!
Whats the resemblance between a p**... and bungee jumping?
You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps.
What's the resemblance between a bungeejump and a african w**...?
If the rubber blows, you're dead
how is bungee jumping like having s**...?
a life depends on whether or not the rubber breaks
My dad keeps throwing erasers at me...
My dad keeps throwing erasers at me and I finally snapped, "Why dad!" he replied "the first rubber I used didn't get rid of my mistake, maybe this one will"
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer...
...were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.
bungee jumping
A kid walks up to his mom and asks, Mom, can I go bungee jumping?
The mom says No, you were born from broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!
I'm never going bungee jumping.
I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be d**... if I leave because of it.
**
Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar?
You're s**... if the rubber breaks.
What did the rubber ball say when he left the yo-yo's late night house party?
You better get some sleep - I'm gonna bounce!
What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?
A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any g**.... A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber g**... without any body.
s**... is kinda like pizza...
It tastes better without rubber.
What's common between a bungee jumper and a h**...?
If the rubber snaps, you're s**...
How is Bungee jumping similar to hanging hanging out with a p**...?
If the rubber breaks, your dead
Confucius say,
Man who pull out too fast, leaves rubber behind.
An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...
Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.
The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.
The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"
The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"
If Mr. Spock uses a c**......
...does that make it vulcanized rubber?
How do you escape from a windowless bunker with a sealed vault door using only a rubber band and a puddle of water?
1).Look into the puddle and see what you saw.
2). Pick up the saw and cut the rubber band in half
3).Pick up the 2 halves of the rubber band.
4). 1 half plus 1 half equals 1 whole.
5). Use the whole on the door and escape.
Why is bungee jumping, and a p**... similar?
You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!
What do you call a Mexican gang that steals office supplies?
Rubber Banditos
The native american boy asked his father why...
His brother was named dancing cloud.
it because when he was conceived a cloud danced by, said the father. Do you understand now, broken rubber?
An old lady told me this
You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?
How come pencils are unable to have children?
It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]
Why are the wheels of the trains made with iron and not rubber?
Because if they were made with rubber, they would erase the line.
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks
Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!
Q: What is vulcanized rubber?
A: Spock's birth control.
Girlfriend broke up with me because I snorted a c**....
She said I rubber the wrong way.
Whats the difference between s**... and writing?
When having s**... you need the rubber before you make the mistake
In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive.
Just a handy tip.
A elastic band is thrown into a t**... chamber,
A man comes up to him grabs him and stretches the elastic band out until he is just about to break,
The man stares the rubber band in the eyes,
You have so much potential
What do a bungee jump and a h**... have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much s**....
What do a woman and a pencil have in common?
Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...
Last night, I think I was r**... by the Michelin Man
But hey, at least he used a rubber.
A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...
They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and b**...-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.
No one expected the Spandex intermission.
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a rubber band sandwich ...
He says And make it snappy
Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the s**... club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.
"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.
"Then...what are you here for?"
With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."
What do you call a man who has a rubber foot
Roberto
I removed the rubber from the wheels on my car
It is now working tirelessly
