The Best 77 Rubber Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rubber jokes. There are some rubber stick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rubber rubber duck puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rubber Jokes and Puns

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

My friend had some random guy come up to him in LAX and tell him this joke. No context, and no conversation afterwards. Just ten words and then gone. It's pretty much become my favorite joke because of that.

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!

Rubber joke, What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A rubberball company went broke...

But they bounced back

How are Bungee jumping and visiting a prostitute a like?

If the rubber breaks, you're dead.


Ketchup and rubber buns

DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".

KID: Gotcha.

DAD: what did you buy at the store?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What did you have for dinner?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What do you do when an old lady crosses the street?

KID: Ketchup and rub....... HEY!

My rubberband gun was confiscated in Algebra class

It was a weapon of math disruption!

Rubber joke, My rubberband gun was confiscated in Algebra class

What does having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common?

If the rubber brakes, you're screwed.

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Ruberto.

WHAT KIND OF BAND PLAYS SNAPPY MUSIC?

A RUBBER BAND.

What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

You can explore rubber tarp reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rubber rubber gloves dad jokes. There are also rubber puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A farmer has a new handsome assistant

A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had sex with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"

The Engineer and the Red Rubber Ball

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.

The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Always been a family favourite.

I asked this girl in my class for a rubber...

forgot that in the U.S. they call it an eraser

I would never bungee jump...

I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out cause of one.

Rubber joke, I would never bungee jump...

Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead.

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Whats the resemblance between a prostitute and bungee jumping?

You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps.


What's the resemblance between a bungeejump and a african whorehouse?

If the rubber blows, you're dead

how is bungee jumping like having sex?

a life depends on whether or not the rubber breaks

Why are rubber tires black?

So the police know what to shoot at during a chase

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me...

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me and I finally snapped, "Why dad!" he replied "the first rubber I used didn't get rid of my mistake, maybe this one will"

My brother lost his job at the rubber factory

... but I think he'll bounce back.

A hispanic man with a rubber toe

His name...was Roberto

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer...

...were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.

bungee jumping

A kid walks up to his mom and asks, Mom, can I go bungee jumping?

The mom says No, you were born from broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!

Have you heard of the musical condoms?

They started a rubber band.

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.

**

Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar?

You're screwed if the rubber breaks.

What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?

A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any genitals. A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber genital without any body.

Sex is kinda like pizza...

It tastes better without rubber.

How is Bungee jumping similar to hanging hanging out with a prostitute?

If the rubber breaks, your dead

I have a pun about rubber bands...

But it's a bit of a stretch.

An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...

Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.

The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.

The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"

The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"

If Mr. Spock uses a condom...

...does that make it vulcanized rubber?

What do you call a bunch of musical condoms?

A rubber band

Why is bungee jumping, and a prostitute similar?

You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!

What type of tree doesn't need to worry about birth control?

A rubber tree.

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping...

I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.

As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump...

I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out because of one...

Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks

Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella

Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!

Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!

What sound does a rubber airplane make?

Boeing

Hello, have one of you guys lost a pile of cash with a rubber band around it?

Because I got the rubberband

What do a woman and a pencil have in common?

Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...

Last night, I think I was raped by the Michelin Man

But hey, at least he used a rubber.

A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.

No one expected the Spandex intermission.

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.

"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.

"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.

"It was a dictatorship."

Has anyone lost a large roll of 20-dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because we found the rubber band

What do you call rubber clothing?

Attire

I removed the rubber from the wheels on my car

It is now working tirelessly

How is having sex with a hooker and Bungie Jumping similar?

They both cost around 100 dollars and if the rubber breaks you're screwed

I'm never going bungee jumping.

A piece of broken rubber brought me into this world and it ain't gonna take me out.

I will never go Bungee jumping.

A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isnt taking me out

There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?

The one without the rubber.

What's similar between casual sex and bungee jumping?

Somebody dies if the rubber breaks.

WHY DOES THE ROCK NOT DIE IN MOVIES?

Because they use rubber bullets instead of paper ones.

How is having sex with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

Because if the rubber breaks your screwed

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...

The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"

The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."

The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"

The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger."

The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."

I refuse to go bungie jumping

I came into this world because or a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one.

I'm never going bungee jumping.

Broken rubber brought me into the world. It's not going to take me out.

So I thought I'd start my own rock band

I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.

But I thought that was a bit of a stretch.

A man is asked by his colleagues why he never goes on their annual bungee-jumping trips.

He says, "A broken rubber brought me into this world. I'm not letting one take me out of it."

Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.

We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.


We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?



Roberto.

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.

The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.

The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

There were two farmers who each had a horse in the same field

In order to tell them apart they had a little rubber band tied round one of the horse's tails. every day they would come to the field and feel up and down the horses' tails until they found the rubber band.

One day they lost the rubber band and didn't know what to do. Then one farmer said to the other, "I know what we'll do. I'll take the black horse and you take the white one."

I've designed an aeroplane made entirely from rubber, so if it crashed, it would bounce

It's a boing 747

What do you call a group of condoms who make music.

A Rubber Band.

Doctor's consultation.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"

\- Alissa (21 y.o.) panics and runs into bathroom

\- Alfred (24) needs new tires

\-Lara (27) now has no pony-tail

\- Ben (28) holds his mask to his face

\-David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump

I asked my physician why he hits people on the knee with that little rubber headed hammer

He said "just for kicks"

A man is at a barber's shop getting his facial hair shaved...

The barber gives him a piece of rubber ball to put between his teeth and inside of lower lip so he can give him a cleaner shave. While getting the shave, the customer asks, "what if I accidentally swallow the rubber ball?"

"You can return it tomorrow" answers the barber. "Like everyone else does".

Pregnant girlfriend

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.

Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

If you recycle rubber enough times…

Eventually it gets retired.

Grandpa just got us

My wife asked what his favorite band was.
He answered "rubber".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rubber rubber band jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rubber rubber chicken piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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