The Best 76 Royal Jokes

These royal jokes will have you laughing your crowned head off!

Top 10 Funniest Royal Jokes and Puns

My mom told me Jesus died on a Royal Caribbean ship. But my priest insists he died on the cross.

Was that cruise a fiction?

Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate's stocking?

To go to the grand opening.

Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams' trousers?

To get to the royal ball.

There was a royal baby...

The royal baby was born 8 pounds, 6 ounces. With the exchange rate, that's like 12.50, American.

So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds.

That's awfully cheap for a human baby.

jokes about royal

How did the Royal Navy attract so many recruits?

They were impressive!


I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

the papal visit

the pope visited Glasgow during his visit he went to the Royal infirmary. He went to the ward where seriously ill patients were cared for. The first patient could not walk, the pope blessed him and he got up and walked, the second patient could not see after the blessing his sight was restored, the third patient shrunk back in horror. He shouted get back don't touch me I'm on motability.

Royal joke, the papal visit

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

Why are royal families always marrying distant cousins?

Because you can't spell PrINCE or PrINCESs without a bit of INCESt

List of the shortest books

1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.

2. Contraception by the Pope.

3. The American Guide to Etiquette.

4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.

5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.

6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.

7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.

8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.

9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.

10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

The Royal baby weighed in at almost 9 pounds

Which is just under $15 US

You can explore royal princess reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean royal monarchy dad jokes. There are also royal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The royal baby only farts neon;

It's a noble gas.

What Do The Royal Subjects Call the King of Toilet Paper?

Your plyness

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

At a renaissance fair, a Royal Entertainer held a door open for me.

It was a nice jester.

What do you call a king with a weed addiction?

Your royal highness.

Royal joke, What do you call a king with a weed addiction?

If life was a RPG and inbreeding was a skill set

The royal family would be at the top of the tier

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender

"Give me two beers. Rough day at work."

And the bartender says, "Oh? what do you do?"

The guy says, "I take care of the Corgis - you know, the dogs that the royal family owns."

The bartender says, "Tough job, huh?"

The guy says, "Well, all that in-breeding has led to low intelligence
and bad temperament. And the dogs aren't that smart either."

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself.

St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.

St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.


Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

The Queen takes the Bishop, leaving the Knight in a vulnerable position.

This royal wedding is taking an unexpected turn.

I've never seen a royal flush.

Then again, I've never been in the Queen's bathroom.

How much in royalties did 50 Cent get paid by Republicans?

It's obviously a cover of Get Rich or Die Tryin'

A king was walking in the city

A king was walking in the city when he saw a man that looked exactly like him.

He went to him and asked: Did your mother work in the royal palace.

The man replied: No, but my father did.

Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.

He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."

There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders

I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.

Royal joke, There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders

What do you call a Royal Drug Dealer?

Your Highness.

A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention

He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.

A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"

A Fairy Tale

After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.

"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"

"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"


What happens after the queen visits the toilet?

A royal flush

What does the Queen of England drink?

Royal tea.

What do you call the King of the Noses?

His Royal Sinus

How can you tell the royal baby is coming?

The crowning...

A pirate captain is about to pillage a Royal Navy ship.

He calls to his aide, "Bring me my red coat!" When the aide asks why, he says, "If I get shot, the men won't see it and will keep on fighting." The aide praises the captain's intelligence and fetches the jacket. Then, as soon as they are about to attack, a lookout yells, "Captain, we just realized that there are in fact 20 ships!" The captain suddenly goes very pale and calls, "Bring me my brown pants."


So Mehgan's father won't be at the royal wedding...

Neither will Harry's.

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding?

A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.

The evening after they were married, Harry set Meghan to work, polishing his set of Royal plate mail.

Well, she did say she always wanted a night in, shining armour.

I must be from Saudi Arabia.

I didn't even know about the royal wedding.

Apparently, I spent my whole life living under Iraq.

What do you call sex within the royal family?

Princest.

In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.

He had a royal straight flush.

Two nuns are cycling down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh....

"One says, "I've never come this way before."

The other says, "Me neither. It must be the cobblestones."

I went to see a concert performance by the Royal Bermuda Philharmonic orchestra...

Half way through the first symphony, the triangle player vanished...

Why does the royal family hate deli meats?

Because they're in bread

A Royal Dentist Joke

Two peasants are having a chat and one says "Why did the king go to the dentist's?"
The other peasant, confused, says "no I don't, please tell me"
The first peasant then hits him with "to get his teeth crowned!"

Why does Queen Elizabeth's toilet do so well in poker games?

Because it's got a royal flush.

If Lil Wayne was a Royal What would he be doing on the weekends?

I don't know, but I'm sure it would involve Wayneking.

What do you call a royal pig that is falling asleep?

Prince Nodding Ham

What does a queen do when she burps?

Issues a royal pardon!

Old one but, your royal highness:

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?



Killed in a tunnel

I like to think of the act of pooping like a game of poker

You go all in with a royal flush.

Anyone who's last name is King has royal blood pumping through their veins including me...

I am Joe King.

Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?

Because it's last person standing wins.

Royals

Q: What did Queen Isabelle say to an artistic nobleman?
A: "Jacque, paint me like one of your French churls."

My mom told me that Jesus died when his Royal Caribbean ship sank, but my priest said he actually died on the cross.

So...was that cruise a fiction?

I married a real princess!

Her mother is a royal pain.

Duchess

It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:

A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?

The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.

On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.

A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain

While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".

What is the Tactical Division of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police called?

The Special Horses.

What happens when the king uses a toilet?

He gives it a royal flush

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.

After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM

After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.

He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.

I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family.

They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.

I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment.

I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother

All my genes are hand-me-downs

*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness

Meghan may face some akward times with the Royal Family at the funeral of Prince Philip

But luckily, black is generally accepted at funerals.

What do you call a royal smoker

Your Highness.

There are fuckups, there are royal fuckups, and then there was NASA crashing a spaceship because they confused pounds and kilos.

That was an *Imperial* fuckup.

Who is the heaviest member of the British royal family?

It's Diana, Princess of Whales.

Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia

The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"

I have been telling lots of monarchy jokes lately,

and it may be my crowning achievement.



(Sorry for being a royal pain).

What do you call gossip about kings and queens?

Royal tea

Did you hear about the prince who plays poker on the toilet?

He always has a royal flush

Boris Johnson and the Queen are riding in the horse-drawn Royal carriage along the Royal Mile...

Suddenly, the horse lets out a long, godalmighty fart, the kind that sounds like it could strip paint.

The Queen, embarrassed, leans to Boris and says "I'm sorry about that".

And Boris replies "That's quite alright, ma'am, I thought it was the horse."

Check your emails more often

Turns out my DNA ancestry results came back 100% Nigerian and I've been neglecting my royal prince cousin for years

The French Ambassador was on a visit to the U.K.

During one stage of the visit, he was travelling in the Royal Carriage with Her Majesty the Queen.

Suddenly, one of the horses let out a tremendously loud and powerful fart.

"Oh dear, one can only apologise!" Said the Queen.

The French Ambassador was shocked. "I thought it was the horse!"

What happens when the Queen is done visiting the toilet?

A Royal Flush.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the royal prince jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working royal imperial piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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