Royal Jokes
124 royal jokes and hilarious royal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about royal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These royal jokes will have you laughing your crowned head off!
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Funniest Royal Short Jokes
Short royal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The royal humour may include short imperial jokes also.
- I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family. They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.
I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment. - I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.
- I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
- In America you call people who marry their cousins hillbillys In Europe we call them Royals
- My mom told me that Jesus died when his Royal Caribbean ship sank, but my priest said he actually died on the cross. So...was that cruise a fiction?
- Today I found out that King Charles is a gamer, and mostly plays Nintendo games. He knows how to properly use the Royal Wii.
- What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal? Darth Vader.
- After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the royal family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income. He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.
- What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding? A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.
- I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother All my genes are hand-me-downs
*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness
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Royal One Liners
Which royal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with royal? I can suggest the ones about majestic and crown.
- What do they call the hunger games in France? Battle Royale with Cheese.
- The Royal baby weighed in at almost 9 pounds Which is just under $15 US
- So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds. That's awfully cheap for a human baby.
- Don't eat royal sausage in vietnamese noodle soup Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst
- At a renaissance fair, a Royal Entertainer held a door open for me. It was a nice jester.
- How did the Royal Navy attract so many recruits? They were impressive!
- The Mistress of the King was caught with him in bed. Now she's royally screwed.
- What do you call a royal pig that is falling asleep? Prince Nodding Ham
- The royal baby only farts neon; It's a noble gas.
- Let's play Clue: Royal Edition I'm guessing Charles, with a pillow, in the bedroom.
- Did you hear about the prince who plays poker on the toilet? He always has a royal flush
- Who is the heaviest member of the British royal family? It's Diana, Princess of Whales.
- What do you call Fortnite with cows? A cattle royale.
- What do you call a king on the toilet? A royal flush
- I've never seen a royal flush. Then again, I've never been in the Queen's bathroom.
Royal Flush Jokes
Here is a list of funny royal flush jokes and even better royal flush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What happens when the Queen is done visiting the toilet? A Royal Flush.
- Every party should start with the Queen to take a dump. The royal flush is higher than the full house.
- It's happening in Las Vegas and it's happening after the queen of England has taken a dump. It's a Royal straight flush.
- What does a poker player do in the washroom? Do the royal flush
- Why did the king go to the toilet in the middle of the poker game?.... Because he had to do the royal flush.
- What comes after the royal we? A royal flush
- Chuck Norris can make you fold a Royal Flush.
- Why did Prince Charles stick his head down the toilet? He was looking for a royal flush.
- whatd the princess do after she finished a do-it-yourself abortion royal flush
- why do queens play poker in the bathroom? so they'll always get a royal flush
Royal Family Jokes
Here is a list of funny royal family jokes and even better royal family puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does the royal family hate deli meats? Because they're in bread
- the weather here is like the Royal family Minus 1
- The Royal Family are going to send prince andrew to see what public opinion is like Just putting the feeler out
- If life was a RPG and inbreeding was a skill set The royal family would be at the top of the tier
- What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight? Put up your Dukes!
I'll just let myself out... - What was Midieval rulers' favorite game? Royal Family Feuds
- Prince Harry will skip the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan's love of animals Said the Queen, "You misunderstood, we're shooting peasants."
- I was so mad when I heard the 45th US President was rude to the Royal Family! Then my friend reminded me what the 1st US President did to them.
- Did you know the Arch-Bishop of Canterbury practises dentistry in his spare time? The Royal Family go to him for all their crowns.
- The royal family got a new pet this weekend... I think I heard they named her Beggin' Barkle
Royal Baby Jokes
Here is a list of funny royal baby jokes and even better royal baby puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How can you tell the royal baby is coming? The crowning...
- Royal baby name finally revealed What sort of name is "finally revealed"?
- What did Benji and Joel Madden say when they met the new royal baby? Good Charlotte.
- Prince Harry and Megan are having a baby! The first royal jaffa!
- I hope the new Royal baby girl doesn't follow in her grandmother's tire tracks .
- I think the royal baby will be called Diana She'll be crashing into our lives any minute now.
Royal Highness Jokes
Here is a list of funny royal highness jokes and even better royal highness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Royal Drug Dealer? Your Highness.
- A good relationship means true equality between the man ... and her royal highness
Crown Royal Jokes
Here is a list of funny crown royal jokes and even better crown royal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have been telling lots of monarchy jokes lately, and it may be my crowning achievement.
(Sorry for being a royal pain). - I am so royal... even my tooth has a crown.
*I will show myself out*
Laughable Royal Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about royal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean palace jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make royal pranks.
Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate's stocking?
To go to the grand opening.
Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams' trousers?
To get to the royal ball.
the papal visit
the pope visited Glasgow during his visit he went to the Royal infirmary. He went to the ward where seriously ill patients were cared for. The first patient could not walk, the pope blessed him and he got up and walked, the second patient could not see after the blessing his sight was restored, the third patient shrunk back in horror. He shouted get back don't touch me I'm on motability.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
English Weather
I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are royal families always marrying distant cousins?
Because you can't spell PrINCE or PrINCESs without a bit of i**...
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The King of Slaveria fancied himself quite the Casanova
He was renowned throughout the lands for his voracious s**... appetite, and never travelled anywhere without at least a half a dozen concubines in his royal entourage. It so happened that on a voyage to survey his lands across the sea that his royal ship ran into a hurricane and sank. All were lost save the King and his Royal Jester who managed to make it to a small desert island. Well, it wasn't long before the King was at his wit's end.....
What Do The Royal Subjects Call the King of Toilet Paper?
Your plyness
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a king with a w**... addiction?
Your royal highness.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Queen Elizabeth and dolly parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a d**... bottle and douches herself.
St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.
St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.
A German airman on the air forces during WW2
If you see a white plane, it's American; if it's black it's RAF (Royal Air Force). If you see no planes at all, that's the Luftwaffe.
The Queen takes the Bishop, leaving the Knight in a vulnerable position.
This royal wedding is taking an unexpected turn.
How much in royalties did 50 Cent get paid by Republicans?
It's obviously a cover of Get Rich or Die Tryin'
A king was walking in the city
A king was walking in the city when he saw a man that looked exactly like him.
He went to him and asked: Did your mother work in the royal palace.
The man replied: No, but my father did.
Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.
He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."
There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders
I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.
A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention
He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"
A Fairy Tale
After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.
"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"
"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"
What does the Queen of England drink?
Royal tea.
What do you call the King of the Noses?
His Royal Sinus
So Mehgan's father won't be at the royal wedding...
Neither will Harry's.
The Royal Wedding is like my upcoming dentist appointment.
I'll be happier when it's over.
The evening after they were married, Harry set Meghan to work, polishing his set of Royal plate mail.
Well, she did say she always wanted a night in, shining armour.
I must be from Saudi Arabia.
I didn't even know about the royal wedding.
Apparently, I spent my whole life living under Iraq.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call s**... within the royal family?
Princest.
In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.
He had a royal straight flush.
A Royal Dentist Joke
Two peasants are having a chat and one says "Why did the king go to the dentist's?"
The other peasant, confused, says "no I don't, please tell me"
The first peasant then hits him with "to get his teeth crowned!"
What do they call a Royal With Cheese in America?
A State Dinner
If Lil Wayne was a Royal What would he be doing on the weekends?
I don't know, but I'm sure it would involve Wayneking.
What does a queen do when she burps?
Issues a royal pardon!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like to think of the act of p**... like a game of poker
You go all in with a royal flush.
Anyone who's last name is King has royal blood pumping through their veins including me...
I am Joe King.
Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?
Because it's last person standing wins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Royals
Q: What did Queen Isabelle say to an artistic nobleman?
A: "Jacque, paint me like one of your French churls."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I married a real princess!
Her mother is a royal pain.
Duchess
It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:
A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?
The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.
On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.
A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain
While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".
What is the Tactical Division of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police called?
The Special Horses.
The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt
One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.
After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meghan may face some akward times with the Royal Family at the f**... of Prince Philip
But luckily, black is generally accepted at funerals.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a royal s**...
Your Highness.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are fuckups, there are royal fuckups, and then there was NASA crashing a spaceship because they confused pounds and kilos.
That was an *Imperial* f**....
Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia
The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"
What do you call gossip about kings and queens?
Royal tea
Check your emails more often
Turns out my DNA ancestry results came back 100% Nigerian and I've been neglecting my royal prince cousin for years
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife came home from Walmart complaining about the cashier being a royal b**....
I asked her if she was at the self checkout and that Mr Officer is how I got the black eye
What does Royalty wear during stormy weather?
A Reign Coat.
What do you call it when you let your opponent attack both your king and queen in chess?
A royal fork-up
King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.
It will be called "The Changing of the Locks"
(with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.
**Henry**
**George**
**Charles**
**Burger.**
