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Royal Jokes

129 royal jokes and hilarious royal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about royal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These royal jokes will have you laughing your crowned head off!

Funniest Royal Short Jokes

Short royal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The royal humour may include short imperial jokes also.

  1. I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family. They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.
    I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment.
  2. I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.
  3. I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
  4. In America you call people who marry their cousins hillbillys In Europe we call them Royals
  5. My mom told me that Jesus died when his Royal Caribbean ship sank, but my priest said he actually died on the cross. So...was that cruise a fiction?
  6. Today I found out that King Charles is a gamer, and mostly plays Nintendo games. He knows how to properly use the Royal Wii.
  7. What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal? Darth Vader.
  8. Two nuns are cycling down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh.... "One says, "I've never come this way before."
    The other says, "Me neither. It must be the cobblestones."
  9. After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the royal family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income. He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.
  10. What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding? A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.

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Royal One Liners

Which royal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with royal? I can suggest the ones about kings and majestic.

  1. What do they call the hunger games in France? Battle Royale with Cheese.
  2. The Royal baby weighed in at almost 9 pounds Which is just under $15 US
  3. So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds. That's awfully cheap for a human baby.
  4. Don't eat royal sausage in vietnamese noodle soup Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst
  5. You know what they call Squid Game in France? A Battle Royale with Cheese.
  6. At a renaissance fair, a Royal Entertainer held a door open for me. It was a nice jester.
  7. How did the Royal Navy attract so many recruits? They were impressive!
  8. The Mistress of the King was caught with him in bed. Now she's royally screwed.
  9. What do you call a royal pig that is falling asleep? Prince Nodding Ham
  10. The royal baby only farts neon; It's a noble gas.
  11. I married a real princess! Her mother is a royal pain.
  12. Let's play Clue: Royal Edition I'm guessing Charles, with a pillow, in the bedroom.
  13. Did you hear about the prince who plays poker on the toilet? He always has a royal flush
  14. Who is the heaviest member of the British royal family? It's Diana, Princess of Whales.
  15. What do you call Fortnite with cows? A cattle royale.

Royal Flush Jokes

Here is a list of funny royal flush jokes and even better royal flush puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a king on the toilet? A royal flush
  • I've never seen a royal flush. Then again, I've never been in the Queen's bathroom.
  • What happens when the Queen is done visiting the toilet? A Royal Flush.
  • What happens when the king uses a toilet? He gives it a royal flush
  • Why does Queen Elizabeth's toilet do so well in poker games? Because it's got a royal flush.
  • What happens after the queen visits the toilet? A royal flush
  • Every party should start with the Queen to take a dump. The royal flush is higher than the full house.
  • It's happening in Las Vegas and it's happening after the queen of England has taken a dump. It's a Royal straight flush.
  • What do you call it when a king uses the toilet? A royal flush
  • Why does Queen Elizabeth play poker on the toilet? So she always gets a Royal Flush.

Royal Family Jokes

Here is a list of funny royal family jokes and even better royal family puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why does the royal family hate deli meats? Because they're in bread
  • the weather here is like the Royal family Minus 1
  • The Royal Family are going to send prince andrew to see what public opinion is like Just putting the feeler out
  • If life was a RPG and inbreeding was a skill set The royal family would be at the top of the tier
  • What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight? Put up your Dukes!
    I'll just let myself out...
  • What was Midieval rulers' favorite game? Royal Family Feuds
  • Prince Harry will skip the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan's love of animals Said the Queen, "You misunderstood, we're shooting peasants."
  • I was so mad when I heard the 45th US President was rude to the Royal Family! Then my friend reminded me what the 1st US President did to them.
  • Did you know the Arch-Bishop of Canterbury practises dentistry in his spare time? The Royal Family go to him for all their crowns.
  • The royal family got a new pet this weekend... I think I heard they named her Beggin' Barkle
Royal joke, The royal family got a new pet this weekend...

Royal Baby Jokes

Here is a list of funny royal baby jokes and even better royal baby puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There was a royal baby... The royal baby was born 8 pounds, 6 ounces. With the exchange rate, that's like 12.50, American.
  • How can you tell the royal baby is coming? The crowning...
  • Royal baby name finally revealed What sort of name is "finally revealed"?
  • What did Benji and Joel Madden say when they met the new royal baby? Good Charlotte.
  • Prince Harry and Megan are having a baby! The first royal jaffa!
  • I hope the new Royal baby girl doesn't follow in her grandmother's tire tracks .
  • I think the royal baby will be called Diana She'll be crashing into our lives any minute now.

Royal Highness Jokes

Here is a list of funny royal highness jokes and even better royal highness puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a Royal Drug Dealer? Your Highness.
  • Old one but, your royal highness: What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?

    Killed in a tunnel
  • A good relationship means true equality between the man ... and her royal highness
  • What do you call a royal s**... Your Highness.
  • What do you call a king with a w**... addiction? Your royal highness.
  • What do you call a princess that likes getting s**...????? Her royal High-ness.

Crown Royal Jokes

Here is a list of funny crown royal jokes and even better crown royal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have been telling lots of monarchy jokes lately, and it may be my crowning achievement.

    (Sorry for being a royal pain).
  • I am so royal... even my tooth has a crown.
    *I will show myself out*
Royal joke, I am so royal...

Laughable Royal Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about royal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crown jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make royal pranks.

My mom told me Jesus died on a Royal caribbean ship. But my priest insists he died on the cross.

Was that cruise a fiction?

Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate's stocking?

To go to the grand opening.
Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams' trousers?
To get to the royal ball.

the papal visit

the pope visited Glasgow during his visit he went to the Royal infirmary. He went to the ward where seriously ill patients were cared for. The first patient could not walk, the pope blessed him and he got up and walked, the second patient could not see after the blessing his sight was restored, the third patient shrunk back in horror. He shouted get back don't touch me I'm on motability.

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.

List of the shortest books

1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender

"Give me two beers. Rough day at work."
And the bartender says, "Oh? what do you do?"
The guy says, "I take care of the Corgis - you know, the dogs that the royal family owns."
The bartender says, "Tough job, huh?"
The guy says, "Well, all that in-breeding has led to low intelligence
and bad temperament. And the dogs aren't that smart either."

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a d**... bottle and douches herself.
St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.
St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.

How much in royalties did 50 Cent get paid by Republicans?

It's obviously a cover of Get Rich or Die Tryin'

A king was walking in the city

A king was walking in the city when he saw a man that looked exactly like him.
He went to him and asked: Did your mother work in the royal palace.
The man replied: No, but my father did.

Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.

He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."

There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders

I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.

A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention

He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"

A Fairy Tale

After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.
"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"
"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"

What does the Queen of England drink?

Royal tea.

A pirate captain is about to pillage a Royal Navy ship.

He calls to his aide, "Bring me my red coat!" When the aide asks why, he says, "If I get shot, the men won't see it and will keep on fighting." The aide praises the captain's intelligence and fetches the jacket. Then, as soon as they are about to attack, a lookout yells, "Captain, we just realized that there are in fact 20 ships!" The captain suddenly goes very pale and calls, "Bring me my brown pants."

The evening after they were married, Harry set Meghan to work, polishing his set of Royal plate mail.

Well, she did say she always wanted a night in, shining armour.

I must be from Saudi Arabia.

I didn't even know about the royal wedding.
Apparently, I spent my whole life living under Iraq.

What do you call s**... within the royal family?

Princest.

In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.

He had a royal straight flush.

I went to see a concert performance by the Royal Bermuda Philharmonic orchestra...

Half way through the first symphony, the triangle player vanished...

A Royal Dentist Joke

Two peasants are having a chat and one says "Why did the king go to the dentist's?"
The other peasant, confused, says "no I don't, please tell me"
The first peasant then hits him with "to get his teeth crowned!"

What does a queen do when she burps?

Issues a royal pardon!

I like to think of the act of p**... like a game of poker

You go all in with a royal flush.

Anyone who's last name is King has royal blood pumping through their veins including me...

I am Joe King.

Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?

Because it's last person standing wins.

Duchess

It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:
A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?
The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.
On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.

A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain

While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".

What is the Tactical Division of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police called?

The Special Horses.

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.
After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM

I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother

All my genes are hand-me-downs
*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness

Meghan may face some akward times with the Royal Family at the f**... of Prince Philip

But luckily, black is generally accepted at funerals.

There are fuckups, there are royal fuckups, and then there was NASA crashing a spaceship because they confused pounds and kilos.

That was an *Imperial* f**....

Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia

The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"

What do you call gossip about kings and queens?

Royal tea

Boris Johnson and the Queen are riding in the horse-drawn Royal carriage along the Royal Mile...

Suddenly, the horse lets out a long, godalmighty f**..., the kind that sounds like it could s**... paint.
The Queen, embarrassed, leans to Boris and says "I'm sorry about that".
And Boris replies "That's quite alright, ma'am, I thought it was the horse."

Check your emails more often

Turns out my DNA ancestry results came back 100% Nigerian and I've been neglecting my royal prince cousin for years

The French Ambassador was on a visit to the U.K.

During one stage of the visit, he was travelling in the Royal Carriage with Her Majesty the Queen.
Suddenly, one of the horses let out a tremendously loud and powerful f**....
"Oh dear, one can only apologise!" Said the Queen.
The French Ambassador was shocked. "I thought it was the horse!"

My wife came home from Walmart complaining about the cashier being a royal b**....

I asked her if she was at the self checkout and that Mr Officer is how I got the black eye

What does Royalty wear during stormy weather?

A Reign Coat.

What do you call it when you let your opponent attack both your king and queen in chess?

A royal fork-up

King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.

It will be called "The Changing of the Locks"

(with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)

My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

**Henry**
**George**
**Charles**
**Burger.**

Royal joke, My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

jokes about royal