Routine Jokes
115 routine jokes and hilarious routine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about routine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest jokes about daily routines! This article explores how comedy can transform an ordinary, uneventful skincare routine into a healthy dose of laughter. Get ready to giggle at the mundane moments of everyday life.
Funniest Routine Short Jokes
Short routine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The routine humour may include short tools jokes also.
- I once tried to create a comedy routine based on the myth of Orpheus. Looking back, it was a bad idea.
- A comedian was getting attacked for his routine being too sexist So, he replaced the word "women" with "white, rich, republican women". The audience stopped complaining.
- I was at a comedy club in Russia last month and saw a decent stand up routine making fun of Putin. I didn't love the guy's jokes, but he had a great execution.
- I decided to donate my body to science For the time being, I'm following a routine to preserve it with ethanol until they need it.
- I asked my wife for suggestions for a new exercise routine. She said, Why don't you try lunges? I said, That sounds ....like a big step.
- A joke Alexa told me during my morning routine Happy international Left Handers day
On the other hand if you don't want to celebrate that's all right - After failing miserably at a standup routine I told my girlfriend I was going to try physical comedy. She said... "You can't pull your pants down in public."
- I started a new exercise routine this week I do 100 crunches in the morning and again in the evening
My favourites are doritos cheese supreme and Lays original - What did the clock say to the metronome after his stand-up routine? The jokes need some work, but your timing is impeccable
- What's the one thing Tupac needed to work on? His ab routine. If he had a good ab routine, he would have been called Sixpac.
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Routine One Liners
Which routine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with routine? I can suggest the ones about habit and procedure.
- What do you call a pickle that always has the same routine Typickle!
- No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.
- I did my first stand up routine in Chernobyl last night I got glowing reviews
- What workout routine did Jesus stick to best? Crossfit
- Did you see the ROC figure skating routine in the Olympics? It was dope
- What is a lazy persons favourite exercise routine? Diddly squat.
- What is Jesus' favorite exercise routine? Crossfit.
- What is the head of the Russian empire's comedic routine called Tsarcasm
- A daily exercise routine.. ..is like a drug. I avoid drugs.
- I've been working on my comedy routine and I think it's a real hoot... Owl see myself out
- What do you call the electronic process of making a sandwich? A sub routine.
- What do you call Jesus' exercise routine? Crossfit.
- A guy did squats at a talent show... He called it a stand up routine.
- Yesterday I did my comedy routine on the toilet It was a real shitshow
- How do you make a buff guy talk to you for hours? ask about his routine.
Comedy Routine Jokes
Here is a list of funny comedy routine jokes and even better comedy routine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to the gym to practice my comedy routine but nobody found it funny. It was a tough crowd.
- What did Rudolph the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine? This will sleigh you.
- Stand Up Comedy Yes, I actually did some stand up comedy, but I didn't like it... every time I would get up on stage to do my routine, all people ever did was laugh at me...
- What did the organic chemist say at the start of his stand-up comedy routine? Enjoy the show, I've got alkynes of jokes for you!
- Why did everyone disregard the midget's stand up routine? Because puns are the lowest form of comedy.
- I have given up on my stand up comedy routines. Everybody just keeps laughing at me.
Cheerful Fun Routine Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about routine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean helper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make routine pranks.
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
A guy went to the doctor for routine physical and the Dr. I noticed that he had 5 p**.... The doctor said, wow that's amazing, how do your pants fit?
The guy said, like a glove!
During a routine physical the Doctor said, "You've got to stop m**...."
"Why?" asked the patient.
"Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"
[Best joke I've heard recently] A man walks into a doctors office,...
...unzips his fly and places his considerable member on the doctors table.
Unfazed, the doctor puts on his gloves and gives the man's member a routine medical examination. After some time, the doctor, puzzled says
"I... I can't seem to find anything wrong with this...?"
To which the man replies with his hands on his hips "
No, magnificent isn't it?"
A Man is sinking at sea...
In the state of emergency, he follows routine and calls the local coastguard:
''Help, I'm sinking! I'm sinking!''
The German on the other side quickly replies:
''Yes yes, but vat are you sinking about?!''
Two strippers at a night club had a routine together...
...but their dance moves and styles were so off, they often got complaints from the patrons. After being confronted by their manager, one stripper said to the other, "We just gotta get our act right. We gotta learn t'werk together."
Two explorers are surrounded by cannibals
The first explorer makes a run for it, but is quickly caught. The second calmly starts doing the old "trapped in a glass box" routine while his comrade watches on, bewildered. Visibly disgusted, the cannibals wave him away.
Just before they lead their captive off to the s**..., he asks the second explorer why they spared him. "A mime is a terrible thing to taste."
What did the police officer say to Tom Brady during a routine traffic stop?
Your tires are low.
What do you call a work out routine done by a s**... robot?
An erector set. I'll see myself out.
Jesus decided to try a new exercise routine
Apparently CrossFit didnt work out
I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...
When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."
"Silent farts that don't stink..."
An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."
I did a stand up routine on fonts, but nobody laughed
I'm a Comic, Sans the humor.
A man is at the doctor for a routine checkup
After examining the man for a few minutes the doctor sighs and says
"Look, there's no easy way to say this but you need to stop m**...."
"What? Why, doc?"
"Because I'm trying to do an examination on you for gods sake"
I'm working on a fitness routine for insects.
It's going well, but I'm still trying to work out the bugs.
A driver gets pulled over . . .
A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.
The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.
He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"
"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"
A clown was arrested for strangling spectators.
In his defense, the clown argued that he was doing a gag routine.
My 13 year old daughter just tried to prank me with the "Daddy I'm pregnant" routine.
As if I'd fall for that one, I always use protection.
Ever heard of the comedian who died gasping for air after his routine?
He joked to death.
Not going back to that one
A woman came home and said to her husband, "I don't like Dr. Farnsworth and I'm never going back there again. He make me take off all my clothes for the examination."
Her husband said, "Well, what's wrong with that, isn't it routine?"
She replied, "I don't think so, none of my other dentists ever did it."
Finally got in to an exercise routine and I've lost over 100 pounds!!
I'm from England, and exercise equipment is pretty expensive.
My doctor recommended I quit my fitness routine.
Fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
A lady came in for a routine physical at the doctor's office.
Here , said the nurse, handing her a u**... specimen container. The bathroom is over there on your right.
The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.
A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face.
Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn't need this after all!
What do you get when a white boy has a seizure in the middle of a dance routine?
An improvement.
George Carlin came back to life and his new stand up routine is incredible.
It's called The Seven Words the CDC Can't Say on TV.
Why do Nuns like to stick to their routine?
They don't need to change their Habits that way.
During a routine checkup a patient asks their doctor if diarrhea is hereditary.
Theo doctor responds, absolutely, sometimes it runs in the jeans!
A guy is getting his routine checkup.
The doctor is doing the usual, checking his ears, checking his nervous responses, going over his records, etc. Over time, the doctor looks increasingly grave. Eventually, he stops his examination, takes off his glasses, and says: "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
The man is shocked. "Why?" He asks, flummoxed and concerned. The doctor replies:
"Because I'm trying to examine you."
Why did Houdini start using trap doors in his routine?
It was just a stage he was going through.
Q: How many members of a cultural, religious or social outgroup does it take to accomplish a routine task?
A: An arbitrary number: One or more to actually perform the task, and the remainder to behave in an absurd fashion consistent with perceived humorous stereotypes!
Dad peels banana...
When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first s**... of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second s**......
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....
A lady goes to a gynecologist for a routine exam
She gets into the gown and positions herself into the stirrups. When the doctor comes in, he tells her that the exam may be painful and asked if she would like to be numbed. Afraid of the pain, she replies, please. The doctor says okay, this will just take a minute . The doctor puts on his gloves, lifts up her gown, begins to put his head between her legs and goes numb numb numb numb...
My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?
I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"
And now we wait.
(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)
New routine
Recently my mate started doing his morning workout on the 5:30 service from Norwich to London liverpool Street.
I asked him why.
He said, "no train, no gain".
A husband and his wife...
Were eating going through their morning routine, when the wife turns to her husband and says "You know, I've always liked beards... But then it grew on me..."
Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris is finished with his workout routine at the gym, the gym needs a break.
So I was doing a stand-up bit in the terminal ward...
I don't remember the routine I did, but it must have been pretty good- the crowd was dying.
What is Saitama's morning exercise routine?
ONE CRUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!!!!!!
A recent accident has left me wheelchair bound. I'm a burden to my family and my morning bathroom routine is t**......
I can't stand to look at myself.
Being healthy is all about getting into a routine, so today is chest and legs day.
- My order at KFC
I'm writing a stand up routine about my favourite spice...
It's a cinnamon shtick
My stand-up routine about one-legged men trying to drink each other's warm v**... was never successful
Too many lame gags
What is the first thing a depressed person does when they wake up?
Their mourning routine. :-(
I like to work out by picking up all the trash in the neighborhood and throwing it away.
It's my favorite discardio routine.
An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard, and German
all head down the street when they notice a crowd huddled around a street preformer. His juggling routine is the best the town has ever seen.
Before he begins his grand finale, he notices the stragglers in the back and asks "does everybody have a good view?"
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"
John goes to the doctor for his routine annual physical, along with another person.
Doctor : have you stopped drinking?
John : Yes doc, i have stopped drinking. However if someone "really, really" insists, i do have a drink.
Doctor : it's fine. I am glad you made progress. Who is this person? A dear friend of yours?
John : he is the guy I have hired, to keep on "really really" insisting!!
How did the Jewish man shake up his morning routine?
He brew some coffee.
Jazz hands
Worker one: why does j**... the maintenance guy always do jazz hands after hes finished looking inside the copy machine?
Worker two: is part of his routine maintenance
(I wanted to do this joke as a picture but im lazy and bad at drawing, also sorry for the bad joke)
There once was a washing machine that loved washing stuff he found...
He would find ANYTHING on the ground, forcefully shove it inside him, clean it, and take it out. One day he found some money on the ground and did his usual routine before being apprehended by the FBI. He was arrested for Money Laundering.
My girlfriend told me that she has lost all her patients with my morning routine making her late to work. I told her that maybe...
she should be a better doctor
Years ago I won a tony for my work in the theatre, but year after year went by and my dull attempts to win another were in vain. Then, one day I wrote a play about how I changed my routine and began to lead an exciting life. For this I won another award.
You could say I've broken out of monotony
A man is sitting at a bar...
Orders a shot, pulls a picture out of his shirt pocket, looks at it, takes a shot. Same routine repeats 6 more times. Bartender asks: "Hey buddy, next round is on the house, if you tell me what your routine is all about".
"Ok", says patron, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and I look at it before I drink. When she starts to look hot, I know it's time for me to go home"
Just wanted to let you guys know
that my mom think's im smoking in the toilet and that i maybe an addict.
im furious she thinks i do such a sinful thing. i only go to the toilet because i had to complete my daily routine of m**... for the 4th time today.
A man with 5 p**... went in for a routine check up with his doctor.
During the exam, the doctor asked, Have you been practicing safe s**...?
The man responds, Yes, although it can be cumbersome at times.
The doctor then asks the man, How do you use a c**... with 5 p**...?
The man says, Fits like a glove.
Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?
During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it", said doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."
The patient said, " I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your a**...."
My girlfriend thinks my bedtime routine is perverted
I mean, I hit the sack, and then I got to bed. What's the problem?
A man went to the doctor for a routine checkup
He was generally well, just thought it was a good idea to check in. The doctor, however, immediately reached for the covid swab.
"I'm going to test you for Covid19" the Doctor said.
"But I'm well, no complaints, why would you do that?" Replied the man.
"Well..." The doctor started, his gaze narrowing. "Loss of taste is a known symptom of the virus, and you're wearing Crocs."
A Korean immigrant was beaten up by police after they asked for his name and registration papers during a routine traffic stop.
"I never have received seen such bad behaviour by cops" said Mr Fuuk Yu.
