Route Jokes
90 route jokes and hilarious route puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about route that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a plethora of funny jokes about routes and pathways. From humorous references to Route 66 to jokes about dropping the papers off on your paper route, these jokes are sure to make you laugh. Plus, learn how to find new and creative jokes about routes and pathways.
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Funniest Route Short Jokes
Short route jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The route humour may include short path jokes also.
- I got fired from my mail route today. They said I wasn't picking up people's mail. I should have seen it coming though, there were red flags everywhere.
- What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons
- My wife asked me why I drive all the way to Flagstaff to buy my cereal I told her I get my Kix on Route 66.
- A man is walking with yoda and asked him if they are in the correct route. Yoda then replied "Off course, we are"
- Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke How do you calculate the escape route of a jew?
Chimney Height * Strength of wind - Did you hear about the kidnapping down the road? His mother woke him up for lunch.
Source (Told to me 30 yrs ago by an old farmer on my paper route.) - What's the fastest way to drive through louisiana? Drive the route with Les Miles!
... I'll see myself out. - Why is visiting Taj Mahal before you reach your destination a cure for erectile dysfunction? Coz it forces you to take the via Agra route
- God is obviously a Civil Engineer... ... Only a civil engineer would route a sewage system through a playground.
- With many truck routes blocked from Wildfire, California residents are having beef shipments airdropped to them. The steaks have never been higher.
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Route One Liners
Which route one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with route? I can suggest the ones about roads and navigate.
- I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA! Sorry, wrong bus!
- What do you call a droid that always takes the longest route?
R2 Detour. - Paper boy couldn't finish his paper route He ran out of Times
- Drugs may be that path to nowhere... but at least it's the scenic route.
- What do you call a routed Greek army? A Failanx
- My girlfriend is like the square route of -100
- Julius Caesar bought a Google GPS and said, 'Youtube, route us'.
- Yo mama so fat She was blocking Route 11
- By what route do Germans go to France? Through Belgium!
- Why are sergeants so successful in physical contests? Three stripes, you rout.
- I might drive you crazy, but at least I'll take the scenic route.
- What did the Asian spy say when he was captured? Rhyme frowned route!
- My GPS took me on a bad route It's never fun learning the error of your Waze.
- What did the flower say about the tree heading to the sky? He's on route.
- What street do you put a lesbian restaurant on? Eater Route
Paper Route Jokes
Here is a list of funny paper route jokes and even better paper route puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Does anyone remember that show where Ron Howard was a kid with a paper route? Probably not. Opie delivered.
Silly & Ridiculous Route Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about route you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make route pranks.
The mailman
A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.
He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"
The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"
Math problems for smartypants-s
What is the square route of an EMU?
A RADICAL EMU!!!!!!
What did the router say to the doctor?
It hurts when IP.
Idiots
A wife is sitting at home when a breaking news report appears on the TV stating there is a deranged man driving 100 mph on the freeway against traffic during rush hour. Remembering that this is the same route her husband drives home on a daily basis, the shocked and terrified woman quickly grabs the phone and dials her husband...
"Hello?"
"Honey I just saw on the news that some idiot is flying at 100 mph against the traffic. Please be careful!"
"One idiot?! There are thousands of them!!!!"
The Police and the Penguins
A State Police officer is driving on the highway, doing his usual route, when he spots a suspicious van up ahead. When he approaches it, he notices that the driver has twenty penguins in his van!
The officer pulls over the man, and asks, "where are you coming from with all those penguins?!"
The man responds, "from the zoo."
The officer says, "alright, take them back to the zoo right now!" The man, puzzled, drives the penguins back to the zoo, and the officer follows to make sure he brought them back.
The next day, the officer is doing his usual routine when he sees the same van again... full of penguins, and they're all wearing sunglasses!
He pulls over the man again, and asks, "okay, what's the big idea? I told you to take them back to the zoo yesterday!"
The man responds, "well, yeah. We went to the zoo yesterday, and today we're going to the beach."
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Did you hear the joke about the UPS guy?
So one day a UPS worker, Jim, gets an unusually large box to bring on his daily route. He checks the address, which was not in his assigned area. However, without thinking much of it, he starts driving there. As he pulls up to the curb he sees that the house looks deserted, with boarded up windows and a dead tree in the yard. Despite a little bit of superstitious fear, he manages to get the box to the door.
When he rings the doorbell, he hears a creaking from inside the house. When the door opens, there is no one there.
Timidly he says "H..hello? Is anyone there?"
Just as he finishes saying that a---
No, no, no, I can't say the punchline, I'm not very good at telling jokes.
This one is really all about the delivery.
Mailman's last day on the job
A mailman is on his last day of the job after 20 years delivering the mail on the same route. He is going about his regular routine, when he is greeted at the door by a stunning blonde. She's wearing nothing more than a skimpy robe and beckons him inside. Without a word she leads him up the stairs and into the bedroom and proceeds to give him the best s**... of his life. After they both get dressed, she takes his hand and leads him downstairs. There is a gourmet meal prepared on the table and she pulls out a chair and indicates for him to sit down. Without a word he sits and they eat until they cannot eat another bite. He finishes eating and slumps back in his chair. The woman stands up and walks over to him, slipping a $1 bill in his front pocket. Bewildered the man finally asks "What in the world is all of this for?". The woman responds, "I heard it was your last day and asked my husband what we should do for you. He said 'Fuck him, give him a dollar'. The breakfast was my idea".
The postman's last day
The postman was retiring and on his final day, some people on his route decided to thank him by giving him gifts. On his last house on his route, a beautiful blonde lady comes out and asks if he'd like to come in with her. The postman agrees and he ends up spending the night with her. He wakes up the next morning to see her cooking breakfast for him.
He eats but when he finishes his coffee he sees a dollar bill at the bottom of the cup. He asks her about it and she replies::
"Oh, when I told my husband we should do something for your retirement, he told me f**...'em, give'em a dollar!'."
The blonde turns and smiles to the postman, "Breakfast was my idea!"
A man is lying on his death bed...
And he decides to share his will.
"My daughter, you get the high rises," he says,
"My son, you get everything south of the river," he says,
"And my wife, you get everything else."
Then he dies.
After this, the nurse says to his wife, "Wow, that sure was a lot of properties.
The wife says, "Properties? That was his paper route!"
!!BAD DRIVERS!!
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"
Driving Miss Daisy
A car full of old ladies cruising along Route 30 and they get pulled over by a police officer. "What is the matter officer". "You know its dangerous and an offence to drive too slow" responded the officer. "That is the road sign not the speed limit". Then he glances further into the car to see all the old ladies with their hair standing straight up on their head. "What is the matter with them he asks? "Oh we have just come off Route 189"
two nuns at the vatican...
so these two nuns are riding a bicycle built for two on their daily trip around the vatican... so one day, sister mary decides to take a different route... sister katherine says "why, ive never come this way" to which sister mary relpies "it's the cobblestones"...
A cop sees a car going slowly down the highway...
The cop pulls the car over and sees an old lady at the wheel, and three passengers who look terrified.
"Ma'am, were you aware you were going 34 miles an hour in an 80 zone?"
"I saw it say 34 on the sign"
"Ma'am, that's the route number. Why does everyone in your car look so traumatized?"
One of the passengers says in a shaky voice "We just got off of route 137."
Where do routers go when you throw them away?
A LANfill.
Why are there not more black golfers?
Because the bus route doesn't go to the country club.
A city bus driver is doing his route.
After picking up some passengers, an argument about race broke out. Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of the street. Everyone shuts up. He stands up and shouts at them, "I'm TIRED of this. I'm an old man and I can't bear to listen to this arguing anymore. From now on, there's no black, there's no white, got it? We're all the same color. We're all green. Now everyone sit down, dark green in back, light green in front."
A cop pulls over three elderly woman..
The cop says "M'am, do you realize you were going 15 mph in a 55?"
Old lady driver: " Ooo I must have been mistaken then, that sign over there says 15"
The cop laughs and says "M'am thats route 15; you're on route 15 right now"
Old lady driver: "I am so embarassed! Please forgive me"
The cop: "Well everything seems okay here, just make sure to keep it at the speed limit. I do have one question for you though. Your friend in the back seat seems to be a bit pale and anxious, is everything okay?"
Old lady driver: "Oh yeah she'll be fine....we just got off of route 115"
Two nuns are biking back to their convent
after a long day out nunning about in the community.
They take a different route than normal, and after a while, one says to the other: "You know, I've never come this way before."
The other replies: "Yes, it must be the cobblestones"
Why was h**... late for work?
He tried driving a new route to work, but instead of taking the second left, he took the third r**....
Do you know which route the Indians took to get home after the World Series loss?
The Trail of Tears.
What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?
Recalculating route.
Why was the Router released early from prison?
It had connections.
Why can't Google maps hold down a solid relationship
Because it's always looking for the quickest possible route
A cop pulls over a couple in a convertible for going way below the speed limit on a highway.
Cop: Are you aware that you were going 17 in a 60 zone?
Driver: No officer, the sign says 17 right there.
Cop: Sir, that's the route sign.
At this point the cop notices that the lady in the passenger seat is frozen in fear, staring forward, and her hair is a mess.
Cop: Sir, is your wife alright?
Driver: Oh, you see, we just got off of i87.
Joke is courtesy of my dad.
The router comes to a doctor
Doctor: What is the problem ?
Router: I pee.
The dentist told me I'd have to get braces, or take the alternative route and have surgery.
The price was jaw-dropping.
A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.
"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"
A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway
The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.
Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.
After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling, and says, "I know, it's the cobblestones."
Two Nuns
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through Rome on their way to the Vatican. This time, though, they are taking a different route instead of their usual route.
I've never come this way, one nun says to the other.
It's the cobblestones, says the other nun.
Router?
I hardly know her!
What do you call it when your ride to work insists on driving an alternate route that goes through a tunnel?
Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome
I just rented a car from an auto rental in Berlin and I seem to have a little problem with the satnav
It only shows me the route to Poland.
Words to live by from a great man
"Change cannot be given to you every time. Sometimes you must bring the change"
Who is this great man? He operates the bus route I use to get to work on the daily.
A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.
"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."
"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"
"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."
"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."
A man is riding through the highway listening to the radio...
Suddenly the radio starts booming: Traffic alert. There is a car driving on the wrong side of the road in Route 54. Please avoid entering the highway until further notice.
The man, confused at this alert thinks to himself One car? There are hundreds of them!
An alcoholic is walking in the woods and stumbled upon his wife lying on the floor recently beaten to death. What does he do?
Change his route, he is clearly walking in circles.
An elderly woman is driving 17 mph on a highway
A cop pulls her over and says Ma'am, you should know driving too slow is as much of a risk as driving too fast.
The woman pointed to a sign and said But Officer, I was going exactly the speed limit!
The officer says That's the route number. You're on US-17. He notices another elderly woman passed out in the backseat. Who is your passenger and why is she passed out?
The woman says Oh dear, we just got off State Route 112!
My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town.
About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him.
Me: "Grandpa be careful on I-94 there's a man driving in the wrong direction."
Grandpa: "It's not just one! There are hundreds of them!"
My friend, who's a mathematician ..
Years ago, my friend, who's a mathematician, moved out to the woods to become a musician. I thought it was weird that chose that route but people do what they do, right?
Anyway, i saw him at the grocery store today and asked him what he had been up to.
"Oh you know, just bustin out logarithims."
I used a very roundabout way to get to the White House the other day...
I was told the alt route is the best way to get there these days.
My friend Dave is a creature of habit
He wakes up at the same time, takes the same route to work, has the same breakfast each day, we call him dave ja vu.
I opened Google Maps the other day. At the top of the screen it said "Find the best route".
I clicked it and it took me straight to your mum's house.
Whenever I make lunch plans with a friend I have to pre-plan my route and give myself an extra 30 minutes to get there.
Staying 500 feet away from a school is harder than you think.
A joke my mom told me today
One day Donald Trumps assistant told him, he had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade in Washington, where he (Trump) was celebrated. Millions lined the parade route and cheered when the president came by. Bands played, children threw confetti in the air, there were balloons everywhere. It was the biggest festival Washington had ever seen. Trump was very pleased and said "that's really great, what did I look like in your dream? Was my hair okay?" His assistant said: "I can't say that, the coffin was closed"
After hearing repeated complaints from the schoolkids that the bus driver drove too fast and recklessly, the teachers decide to investigate.
The next morning two of the teachers sit in the bus the bus throughout its entire route, dropping off the kids to school and back. They found that the bus driver actually drove at a reasonable speed, perhaps a bit on the fast side but nothing complaint worthy.
As the last kid is dropped off home from school, she asks, "How come you drove slower today?"
"I lost my glasses," the bus driver replied. "I can't see a thing without them."
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
A penguin is driving along route 66
And notices his car is acting up. So he rolls over to the first garage he finds and asks the mechanic to fix it for him. The mechanic looks at the car and says it may take a few hours to find the problem to which the penguin agrees.
While waiting the penguin decides its very hot and he'd love a refreshment. He sees an ice cream stand a little further down the road and buys himself an ice cream. Now being a penguin with no hands he makes the biggest mess all over himself trying to eat it.
A while later he goes back the mechanic who immediately tells him that it looks like he blew a seal to which the penguin replies, nope its only ice cream.
Two nuns are bicycling to church one morning, as they always do.
They decide to take a different route this time and eventually end up on a cobblestone road. One nun says the other, I've never come this way before. The other nun responds, must be the cobbles.
Two nuns, Sisters Mary and Teresa, are riding their bikes back to the convent from the shops in the old city.
Sister Mary says Up ahead the road is blocked, but if you follow me, I know another route.
Sister Teresa dutifully follows the older Sister as they wind their way through the city streets and down an old lane.
Sister Mary, asks Sister Teresa, do you know this route well?
Aye, says Sister Mary, I take this route often.
I've never come this way before. says Sister Teresa.
It's the cobblestones. replies Sister Mary.
"Dad, what's capitalism?"
"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."
The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.
"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.
"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assistant shrugged his shoulders and the boy left.
The boy barged in through the front door and shouted, "Dad, I just went all that way for you and you didn't give me enough money."
The dad looked him in the eye and said, "Son, that's capitalism."
A router and a modem got married.....
They where pronounced husbandwith and WiFi
A socially awkward loner finally landed a job as a mailman. When the people on his route saw a new face, they instinctively wanted to know who he was and he always gave the same response.
Long time lurker, first time poster.
Man gets lost in the countryside
Drives up a long road to a farmhouse, passing a three legged pig in a field.
Farmer gives him instructions on a route back to the City.
Driver thanks him and before leaving says what's with the three legged pig?
Farmer says bravest pig you're ever gonna see… burglars attacked our house last month.. pig fought them off.
Week later I fell in the river and pig hauled me to safety.
Week after that the pig rescued my horse from a burning stable.
Driver… but why has it only got three legs?
Farmer… well a pig as brave as that.. we're not going to eat it in one go are we!!!!!!l
A driver stops to ask a man for directions
"What's the fastest route to the city," she asks.
"I don't know," the man replies, "but last week I took road 42."
"And that went well?" asks the driver.
"I'd say so, yes."
The driver, happy with the answer, thanks the man and drives on.
A little while later, however, she returns along the same road and finds the man.
"Excuse me," she says. "I can't for the life of me find road 42."
The man looks puzzled. "Of course not," he replies. "I told you: I took it last week. "
