Route Jokes

Following is our collection of avenue puns and drove one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Route jokes for adults, dirty layover jokes and clean way dad gags for kids.

The Best Route Puns

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.** 
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!** 
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"** 
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

Two nuns are biking back to their convent

after a long day out nunning about in the community.

They take a different route than normal, and after a while, one says to the other: "You know, I've never come this way before."

The other replies: "Yes, it must be the cobblestones"

Where do routers go when you throw them away?

A LANfill.

Why was Hitler late for work?

He tried driving a new route to work, but instead of taking the second left, he took the third reich.


Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.

A city bus driver is doing his route.

After picking up some passengers, an argument about race broke out. Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of the street. Everyone shuts up. He stands up and shouts at them, "I'm TIRED of this. I'm an old man and I can't bear to listen to this arguing anymore. From now on, there's no black, there's no white, got it? We're all the same color. We're all green. Now everyone sit down, dark green in back, light green in front."

!!BAD DRIVERS!!

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"

David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"

I got fired from my mail route today.

They said I wasn't picking up people's mail. I should have seen it coming though, there were red flags everywhere.

Why was the Router released early from prison?

It had connections.


I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA!

Sorry, wrong bus!

The mailman

A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.

He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"

The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"

What do you call a droid that always takes the longest route?

R2 Detour.

What did the router say to the doctor?

It hurts when IP.

My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town.

About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him.

Me: "Grandpa be careful on I-94 there's a man driving in the wrong direction."

Grandpa: "It's not just one! There are hundreds of them!"

What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons

A man is riding through the highway listening to the radio...

Suddenly the radio starts booming: Traffic alert. There is a car driving on the wrong side of the road in Route 54. Please avoid entering the highway until further notice.

The man, confused at this alert thinks to himself One car? There are hundreds of them!

My wife asked me why I drive all the way to Flagstaff to buy my cereal

I told her I get my Kix on Route 66.


A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.

"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."

"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"

"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."

"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."

A man is walking with yoda and asked him if they are in the correct route.

Yoda then replied "Off course, we are"

A cop pulls over a couple in a convertible for going way below the speed limit on a highway.

Cop: Are you aware that you were going 17 in a 60 zone?

Driver: No officer, the sign says 17 right there.

Cop: Sir, that's the route sign.

At this point the cop notices that the lady in the passenger seat is frozen in fear, staring forward, and her hair is a mess.

Cop: Sir, is your wife alright?

Driver: Oh, you see, we just got off of i87.

Joke is courtesy of my dad.

A cop sees a car going slowly down the highway...

The cop pulls the car over and sees an old lady at the wheel, and three passengers who look terrified.

"Ma'am, were you aware you were going 34 miles an hour in an 80 zone?"

"I saw it say 34 on the sign"

"Ma'am, that's the route number. Why does everyone in your car look so traumatized?"

One of the passengers says in a shaky voice "We just got off of route 137."

Two nuns are bicycling to church one morning, as they always do.

They decide to take a different route this time and eventually end up on a cobblestone road. One nun says the other, I've never come this way before. The other nun responds, must be the cobbles.

Did you hear about the kidnapping down the road?

His mother woke him up for lunch.



Source (Told to me 30 yrs ago by an old farmer on my paper route.)

Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke

How do you calculate the escape route of a jew?

Chimney Height * Strength of wind

Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.

After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling, and says, "I know, it's the cobblestones."

Drugs may be that path to nowhere...

but at least it's the scenic route.

My friend, who's a mathematician ..

Years ago, my friend, who's a mathematician, moved out to the woods to become a musician. I thought it was weird that chose that route but people do what they do, right?

Anyway, i saw him at the grocery store today and asked him what he had been up to.

"Oh you know, just bustin out logarithims."

Two Nuns

Two nuns are riding their bicycles through Rome on their way to the Vatican. This time, though, they are taking a different route instead of their usual route.

I've never come this way, one nun says to the other.

It's the cobblestones, says the other nun.

God is obviously a Civil Engineer...

... Only a civil engineer would route a sewage system through a playground.

two nuns at the vatican...

so these two nuns are riding a bicycle built for two on their daily trip around the vatican... so one day, sister mary decides to take a different route... sister katherine says "why, ive never come this way" to which sister mary relpies "it's the cobblestones"...

Words to live by from a great man

"Change cannot be given to you every time. Sometimes you must bring the change"

Who is this great man? He operates the bus route I use to get to work on the daily.

Why is visiting Taj Mahal before you reach your destination a cure for erectile dysfunction?

Coz it forces you to take the via Agra route

An elderly woman is driving 17 mph on a highway

A cop pulls her over and says Ma'am, you should know driving too slow is as much of a risk as driving too fast.

The woman pointed to a sign and said But Officer, I was going exactly the speed limit!

The officer says That's the route number. You're on US-17. He notices another elderly woman passed out in the backseat. Who is your passenger and why is she passed out?

The woman says Oh dear, we just got off State Route 112!

The dentist told me I'd have to get braces, or take the alternative route and have surgery.

The price was jaw-dropping.

An alcoholic is walking in the woods and stumbled upon his wife lying on the floor recently beaten to death. What does he do?

Change his route, he is clearly walking in circles.

My girlfriend is like the square route of -100

Why can't Google maps hold down a solid relationship

Because it's always looking for the quickest possible route

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

Does anyone remember that show where Ron Howard was a kid with a paper route?

Probably not. Opie delivered.

Julius Caesar bought a Google GPS

and said, 'Youtube, route us'.

Yo mama so fat

She was blocking Route 11

Whenever I make lunch plans with a friend I have to pre-plan my route and give myself an extra 30 minutes to get there.

Staying 500 feet away from a school is harder than you think.

I just rented a car from an auto rental in Berlin and I seem to have a little problem with the satnav

It only shows me the route to Poland.

The router comes to a doctor

Doctor: What is the problem ?

Router: I pee.

There is an abundance of trail jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 46 funniest jokes and route puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any satnav witze you can hear about route.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes