Round Jokes

158 round jokes and hilarious round puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about round that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh along with the hilarity of various round objects, phrases and concepts in this compilation of “Round Jokes”. From static scenes with a merry-go-round and round heads, to comedic dialogue with "Round Up" and "Round the Horne", you will be entertained by these funny and punny jokes. Not to mention the footwear of round toe boots and the corner hang-out for regulars. Get ready for a good chuckle when testing the circumference of these humorous jokes.

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Short Round Jokes
Round One Liners
Round Golf Jokes
Round Of Drinks Jokes
Merry Go Round Jokes
Perfectly Round Jokes
Round Head Jokes
More Round Jokes

Funniest Round Short Jokes

Short round jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The round humour may include short ring jokes also.

I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.
Happy pi day everyone!
King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army? Squire: 384 my liege

king: Ok, round them up
Squire: 400 my liege
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97 So he rounded them up.
How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern? They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
Why are ships' portholes round? So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.
5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
High fives all round!
A man asked God "God, where can i find the love of my life?"
God answered
"Love can be found on every corner"
And then god made earth round
A farmer asked me for help with his chickens He said "I have 87 chickens, can you help me round them up?"
I said "Sure... 90."
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
The only thing round earthers have to fear... ...is nuclear war. That'll flatten things pretty quickly.

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Round One Liners

Which round one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with round? I can suggest the ones about corner and circle.

How many shots can an irish man handle? about 10 rounds.
Yo momma, she so fat... there's people on the internet who believe she's flat, not round.
A farmer had 196 cows in his field When he rounded them up he had 200
"How many volunteers do we have for the army?" "384 sir"
"okay round them up"
"400 sir"
A man with authority walks into a bar... Orders everyone a round
What do you call a knight encircled in enemies? Sir Rounded
A Farmer asked me to round up his 68 sheep I said 'Sure, seventy'.
Arthur: "That's a nice round table. Who built that?" Knight: "Sir Cumference"
Why did the candle get a round of applause? It was scent-sational
Who build King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference
Who designed King Arthur's Round Table? Sir Cumference.
Who was King Arthur's knight who built the round table? Sir Cumfrence
Which of King Arthur's knights was chosen to make the round table? Sir Cumference
Perfect girls are found at every corner on the Earth. Unfortunately the Earth is round.
Why do people say be there, or be square? Because you wouldn't be a-round

Round Golf Jokes

Here is a list of funny round golf jokes and even better round golf puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Santa played a round of golf on Christmas day to relax and hit a birdie.... It was a partridge on a par 3.
I kept trying to give my caddy a tip after my last round of golf, but he refused. Apparently after watching me play, he only wanted money.
Why is it important to play a round of golf on the morning of your wedding? That way the whole day isn't shot.
Golf joke Golfer decides to have a drink after a solo round of golf and heads in to the clubhouse.
Golfer [panting]: I'm spent. I just played 18 holes.
Gay bartender: Amateur.
Why does it take Helen Keller so long to play a round of golf? She reads every ball
Which actress do you bring for a round of miniature golf? Minnie Driver
As I was finishing a round of golf during a lightning storm, I was suddenly struck ...by how peaceful my game was with no one else on the course. I should do this more often!
Whomever said having a baby is bad for your golf game... ...never realized getting out of the house for 5 hours to play a round is ultimate bliss.
My friend was mad when i beat him at a round of golf. I had told him i was subpar.
Chuck Norris just completed a full round of Golf... In 17 shots.

Round Of Drinks Jokes

Here is a list of funny round of drinks jokes and even better round of drinks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub. The Scotsman says "round of drinks for everyone on me." The next day's newspaper headline read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub."
A keyboard walks into a bar He orders a round of drinks fir everyone. The bartender asks him how he will be paying for the drinks. The keyboard says "just put it on my tab."
A jew buys a round of drinks for the entire bar .
Here's a new drinking Came. It's called Going Irish. You take 10 rounds of shots and then you pass out.

Round joke, Here's a new drinking Came. It's called Going Irish.

Merry Go Round Jokes

Here is a list of funny merry go round jokes and even better merry go round puns that will make you laugh with friends.

You're riding a giraffe and a tiger is chasing you.. What do you do? You get off the merry-go-round
My first dad joke as a new father Fiance: "What's the difference between a carousel and a merry go round?"
Me: "I don't know but they have their ups and downs"
...it begins
What do you call short people on a merry-go-round? A midget spinner
What do you call a person afflicted with cerebral palsy that likes riding on merry-go-rounds? A Fidget Spinner.
The inventor of the ferris wheel never met the inventor of the merry-go-round They moved in different circles.
I was sat on a merry-go-round thinking... I need to start a revolution
How do you call a bunch of dwarfs on a merry-go-round? A midget spinner.
When asian people go on a merry go round... do they become disoriented?
What do you call a merry-go-round with a little person on it? A midget spinner
How do you defeat Polish cavalry? Turn off the merry-go-round

Perfectly Round Jokes

Here is a list of funny perfectly round jokes and even better perfectly round puns that will make you laugh with friends.

God put a perfect woman in every corner of the world. Then he made the earth round.
in the beginning God created Man and said "I have created the perfect woman and wife for you, and put her in all four corners of the globe" then he made the world round and LAUGHED.
What's perfectly round and fits into round holes perfectly well? A square peg in denial.
"There's a perfect guy at every corner" God said and made the world round.
Okay I admit it, I'm pansexual I mean who isn't with their s**... little handles and perfect round insides. And don't even get me started on skillets.

Round Head Jokes

Here is a list of funny round head jokes and even better round head puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
Dad, I really enjoyed pi day! Great! Just too bad it only comes a-round once a year.
Followed by my daughter shaking her head and the wifey groan.
What's black and white and can't turn round in a lift? A nun with a javelin in her head.
What did one earring say to the other? What did one earring say to the other?
You go on a head, i'll just hang round 'ere
Whats round hard and has a head and sits in my pocket? A Quarter
Our heads are round so that... ... our thoughts could easily turn around!
What do you call a woman with a very round head? Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken
I was walking home and somebody threw a mayonnaise jar at my head I turned round and shouted What the h**... man

Round joke, I was walking home and somebody threw a mayonnaise jar at my head

Ridiculous Round Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about round you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wrapper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make round pranks.

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

Golf lessons

A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."

An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...

Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"
"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.
"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."
"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"
The two men drink to their hometown.
"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.
"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."
"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.
A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"
"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

Two kids watch a p**...-bellied man undress in a changing room,

One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the p**...-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"

A man moves into a haunted house

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."

A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.

On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"

Ole and Sven

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"why sure," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "where ya from?"
"Norway," replies the second man.
The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norway too! Let's have another round to Norway."
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Norway are ya from?"
"Bergen," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have another drink to old Bergen."
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "So, where did you live?"
"On a boat, at the fishin' docks," replies the second man.
"Dis is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I lived on a boat at the fishin' docks, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "Ole and his brother Sven are getting drunk again."

A teacher asks her class

to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me a meal.....

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her favourite dishes last night.
"What are these little round things", I asked.
"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.
"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything, but that doesn't answer my question".

Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing

Q: Who made King Arthur's table round?
A: Sir Cumference

Foreign s**...

A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

In honor of Pi Day: Who founded the round table?

Sir Cumference

Stalin appears in Putin's dream...

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.
Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
"Why blue?" Putin asks.
"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf

There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"

Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...

... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."

WARNING: There's an email going round...

...offering Processed Pork, Gelatin, and Salt in a Can.
If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT.
It's spam!

Joe was heading towards the end of a round of golf...

...when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, p**...! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?
Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.
Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.
As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!
Then p**...! she was gone!
After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you?
Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows.
Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING !

Who invented King Arthur's Round Table?

Sir Cumference!

Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's court?

Circumference.

My daughter's boyfriend came round.

"Don't even think about having s**... with her," I told him, while she was in the toilet.
"OK, sir. I understand," he panicked.
"Good," I replied, "I wouldn't want you to be as disappointed as I was."

Wife: Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

The guy who invented the USB connector died...

They lowered the coffin into his grave.
Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again.

A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.

The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."

How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza s**...?

They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!

When it gets cold in Ireland, we all sit round a candle.

And when it gets REALLY cold, we light it.

What happened at the f**... of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

A Viking is arguing with his wife

"It's definitely hail" says Gertha
"No, it's rain!" Says Rudolf
"No, it's round and hard, it's hail!" She retorts.
Getting very flustered now, Rudolf shouts "Look! Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"

Lord of the Bow

So I was telling my friend about my prowess with a bow and arrow yesterday. I said "my best round ever didn't start so well, I only scored 1 point with each of my first two arrows. Got better after that, scored 2 with the next, then 3, then 5. On my 12th and final arrow I managed to score 144."
She was quick to point out that this was impossible, so I had to confess it was a fibbin' archery sequence.

My son wanted me to buy him GTA

When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"
He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.

He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

Which knight did King Arthur leave in charge of constructing the round table?

Sir Cumference

Weight losers

The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.
"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a s**... striptease for you."
Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."

A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:

"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo."
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"

*Joke was translated from Bulgarian*

There's no pleasing my wife sometimes.

She wanted help with the housework so I got my girlfriend to come round and she went mental.

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...

Who was the fattest knight at King Arthur's round table?

Sir Cumference...
He ate too much Pi...

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

When God created women...

He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."
Ironically he made the Earth round.

An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.

The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, "I'm sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we're blown off in the heat of the fight".
The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, "do you think he'll be OK?"
She replies, "Would you be OK if you could never talk again?"

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.

After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.
16 chickens, sir.
Alright, round them up, please.
20 chickens, sir.

My dad just called a family meeting.

Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.
"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.
"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".

Who's Irish and sits outside all year round?

Patty O'Furniture

A piece of string walks into a bar

The bar tender says sorry we don't serve you kind round here
The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar,
The bartender says sorry aren't you the same guy from before
The string replies I'm a frayed knot

God said that all men will find love in every corner of the Earth

Then he made the Earth round and laughed and laughed and laughed.

My best friend is frustrated with dating and says he can't find a good girl. I reassured him that good girls are found in every corner on Earth.

What I didn't bring up is the fact Earth is round...

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was

Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

This is my all time favorite joke

Old man: I love my job
Young boy: all you do is round up sheep
Old man: what did you say to me?
Young boy: you herd

Two men are playing a round of golf when they get stuck behind two women.

Eventually one of the men walks over to ask if they can play through. He scuttles back and says, "When I got closer, I realized it was my wife and mistress; You go and ask them instead."
The other one walks over to the women but hurries back and says, "Small world."

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr^2, cake are round
Bonus:
What do jokesters eat for breakfast?
Pun-cakes.

I don't really care if the earth is round or flat.

Because it's pointless either way.

The only cake joke I could remember for cake day.

What's the difference a cake and a pie?
πr2, cake is round.

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."

A woman was playing a round of golf

A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.
Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.
He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.
He replied "your stance is too wide".

How do we know the earth is round?

Because if it was flat, cats would've pushed everything off the edge by now.

farmer: how many cows got out?

**me:** seventeen
**farmer:** round 'em up
**me:** ok twenty