Rough Jokes
148 rough jokes and hilarious rough puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rough that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you feeling really rough? Want a laugh? Look no further than this collection of rough jokes, from the rough pub to the rough endoplasmic reticulum. Find plenty of hard-hitting and lighthearted jokes, plus some thought-provoking grit. Get ready to laugh and lift your spirits, no matter how rough the end of the day is.
Quick Jump To
- Short Rough Jokes
- Rough One Liners
- Rough As Jokes
- Really Rough Jokes
- Feeling Rough Jokes
- Rough Area Jokes
- Rough Pub Jokes
- More Rough Jokes
Funniest Rough Short Jokes
Short rough jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rough humour may include short tough jokes also.
- Kim and Kanye's divorce is rough on their son, North West. It's like he's getting pulled in two different directions.
- Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.
- I've been charged with killing a man with sandpaper To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit
- My wife thinks the dog can talk to her and that every bark is a word. My family asked what it was like and I said: It's rough
- So they made a documentary on Netflix about Madeline McCann.... 8 episodes, roughly 8 hours, and if you watched it you watched her more than her parents did.
- I've run out of toilet paper and started to use old newspaper instead. The Times are rough
- I don't know why most people think a dogs life is so easy. Everytime I come home from work I ask my dog how his day went and he always says rough.
- When I was a kid, my family was very poor. My dad had to get a second job in the sandpaper factory. Those were rough times.
^(Made that myself. I'm rather proud.) - I grew up in a rough part of town... The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.
- My wife bought a toilet brush. I tried it. Too rough. I'm going back to using toilet paper.
Share These Rough Jokes With Friends
Rough One Liners
Which rough one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rough? I can suggest the ones about grim and gross.
- I ran out of toilet paper so I started using old newspapers The Times are rough
- Obama looks rough after the last 8 years in office. Still better than JFK after 2.
- I am really glad that No Nut November is over. A whole month without cashews was rough.
- Yesterday I lost 100 sheets of sandpaper... But I have a rough idea where they are
- She told me she likes it rough So I proceeded to tell her all about my childhood.
- Why do pirates play in C flat? Because they can't play when the C is rough
- What do you call a rough Italian neighbourhood? A spaghetto
- I used to be a rough-and-tumble bacterium. But then I got cultured.
- What is the world record for the most Chinese food eaten in one sitting? Roughly wonton.
- I've had a rough morning. I woke up and tripped over my wife's bra; it was a booby trap.
- 2020 was rough... But a special shout out to dogs who had to experience it seven times.
- I ran out of toilet paper, so I used newspaper instead... The Times are rough.
- Why Is C++ Such A Rough Language To Learn? Because it has a bunch of std's...
- Confucius say... Confucius say man with beard face rough time!
- What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Rough
Rough As Jokes
Here is a list of funny rough as jokes and even better rough as puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The police are saying I "assaulted" some guy with a sheet of sandpaper. But I only roughed him up a bit.
- Women are responsible for roughly 45% of car accidents Which is pretty high, considering the steering wheel isn't even on their side.
- I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision I only had regular vision
- My mother always said that she didn't have a favourite child.. Which is pretty rough, because I have no siblings.
- Trumps first few months in office have been pretty rough. His all-in-one printer broke down, so he's had to use some alternative fax.
- "My relationship with golf is starting to suffer" "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah.. We're going through a rough patch" - A rough, hard drinking baseball umpire was upset because he couldn't get his little boy to sit on his lap and talk to him.
After all, the son never sits on the brutish umpire. - I saw a man crying while mowing his lawn I asked him: "Is everything OK"?
He replied: "I'm just going through a rough patch". - I've been charged with murdering a man with sandpaper. But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
- You know you teach in a rough neighborhood when... You ask the class what comes after a sentence and they say, "you make an appeal."
Really Rough Jokes
Here is a list of funny really rough jokes and even better really rough puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend and I are fighting over my recent hair loss... I really hope it's just a rough patch
- These times are really rough for my midget friend He's struggling to put food on the table.
- My CAD guy was having a rough day at work... So I told him to just fillet the whole model. It really takes the edge off.
- I ate dog meat for the first time today. It was really rough.
- Yesterday my supply of toilet paper was exhausted. Times are really rough.
- It's been a really rough year. Can't wait for 2020.
- My dog got hit by a car And lost 3 of his legs. He's looking really rough, I think he's on his last limb.
- The campers had a really rough night last night... It was really in tents.
- My roommates were having loud, rough s**... for the 18th time this week... I really need to move out of my parents home.
Feeling Rough Jokes
Here is a list of funny feeling rough jokes and even better feeling rough puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- when I was growing up the winters were rough, my dad made us huddle round only a single candle. if he was feeling generous he would even light it.
- Women are like the wind Sometimes you just get blown and it feels great. Other times things get rough and you lose your house.
- I feel bad for the people that mow the edges of golf courses. They have a rough job.
- My girlfriend requested we got some ice cream after a rough s**... session Because she was feeling a sorbet
Rough Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny rough area jokes and even better rough area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Growing up in a rough area I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head
Life was tough in the Gateau. - I live in a pretty rough area. The priest at our church had to leave because of a child a**... scandal. He was r**... by three kids.
Rough Pub Jokes
Here is a list of funny rough pub jokes and even better rough pub puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My local's rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night-First question was What the f*c**... are you looking at?
Witty Rough Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about rough you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rude jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rough pranks.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
What's the roughest part about being a 7-year-old in Liberia?
The mid-life crisis.
I've been dating a muslim girl. She gave me a h**... yesterday but it was a bit rough so I've nicknamed her...
...the t**... wrist.
A man goes into a casting agents office
with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"
Gladiator's Monday
A gladiator was having a rough Monday at the arena.
His opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he fought on, k**... and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both of his feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up.
He was now both unarmed and defeated.
A Texas Salesman
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"
"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
"One."
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
"$79,237.64."
His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday
We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.
"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...
...wasn't the captains fault,
...definitely wasn't my fault,
...it was the asphalt."
The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.
Mother superior is doing the orientation ...
of the new nun. The neighbourhood is rough and so she thought she would put some hypotheticals. "What would you do if you were walking alone at night and got cornered by a man on who demanded to have s**... with you?"
"Well, I would ask him to drop his pants." replied the new nun coolly
Flabbergasted the Mother pressed "And what then?"
"Well, then I would hike up my habit above my knees." replied the nun, still calm.
Aghast at this the Mother could not but ask "And what then?"
"Well, I would start running. I can run a lot faster with my habit hiked up than the man whose trousers are at his ankles."
My ex girlfriend and I had a safe word...
So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.
My dog can speak English.
My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"
A man is staring into his whiskey
The barkeep asks if something's the matter.
"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."
"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.
"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."
Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood...
Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood when someone jumps out from behind a car, pulls out a p**..., and demands, "Give me your wallets, NOW!"
The guys, pretty much expecting this, sigh and pull out their wallets. o**... opens his wallet and shows the thief that he had no cash and no credit cards.
The other guy opens his and grabs a bill, handing it to his friend. "Oh, hey, here's the $20 I owe you."
So I was having really rough s**... with my girlfriend the other day and she started bleeding...
And I told her that she'd better get used to it, because in a couple of years she's going to be bleeding every month.
Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Rough translation from Spanish:
Child:Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Mother: With how drunk I was that night it's a miracle you don't bark!
I think I need to put my dog on antidepressants
I ask him how his day was. His answer is always "Rough"
What do you get when you have rough s**... in an ice cream parlour?
A sore bae.
I like my s**... how I like my endoplasmic reticulum...
Rough
Sandpaper
I've been charged with m**... for killing a man with sandpaper.
Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit.
I'm living in a rough neighbourhood...
Some t**... tore the front and back pages of my dictionary out!
It just goes from Bad to Worse
Guy walks into a bar.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender notices the guy and says "are you okay? You look terrible!" The guy says "yeah, i had kind of a rough night last night. I drank way too much and blew chunks." "Well that doesn't sound so bad" says the bartender. And then the guy says "no you don't understand. Chunks is my dog."
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender
"Give me two beers. Rough day at work."
And the bartender says, "Oh? what do you do?"
The guy says, "I take care of the Corgis - you know, the dogs that the royal family owns."
The bartender says, "Tough job, huh?"
The guy says, "Well, all that in-breeding has led to low intelligence
and bad temperament. And the dogs aren't that smart either."
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the man immediately downs them one after another. The bartender says " are you ok, I've never seen anyone drink like that." The man replied "if you had what I have you would drink like that too." The bartender asks "that's rough, what do you have?"
The man replies "about $.50".
How do you know your waitress is having a rough night?
She's got a t**... behind her ear and she can't find her pen.
There are three things that I absolutely hated when I was 5 that I love now that I'm an adult.
Green vegetables, reading and rough s**....
A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician all go hunting.
After sitting quietly on a hillside for a few hours, they spot a buck in the field below.
The mathematician measures up his shot and does some rough calculations on bullet drop, then fires. He misses about 5 feet to the left.
The physicist says "you forgot to account for wind!" He lines up his shot, and over-corrects, missing by about 5 feet to the right.
They both look over at the statistician, who proclaims: "We hit him!"
Ten reasons why hockey is better than women
1: In hockey, everyone likes rough.
2: You only get 5 minutes for fighting.
3: Puck is not a dirty word.
4: You don't have to play in the neutral zone.
5: It is possible to score a few times a night.
6: When you "pull the goalie," nobody gets pregnant.
7: Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring.
8: You can always get new wood if your stick breaks.
9: The Zamboni cleans up your mess.
10: Periods last twenty minutes!
I was dating a math textbook for a while. Things have been kind of rough lately, and last night I decided to break it off.
There were just too many problems.
A man with a black eye
Walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says 'Wow, rough night?.' The man replies back, 'no my dads a panda.'
The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...
Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
My son saw me slumped over our lawn mower, bawling my eyes out...
He screamed, "Dad! What's wrong!? Are you ok?!"
I said, "Don't worry son, I'll be fine. I was just going through a rough patch..."
My friend was showing me his new golf ball.
He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"
"Found it"
FOBs will understand.
3 new men - an Irish man, an English man and a Samoan - arrive at the army camp. The next day, the colonel, salt of the earth, rough as guts type fellow, decides to go psych the newbies up.
He calls them to line up and approaches the Irish man...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR YES SIR!! I CAME HERE TO DIE!"
"Good."
He walks over to the English man...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR YES SIR!! I CAME HERE TO DIE!"
"Good man."
Then he approaches the Samoan...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR NO SIR!!"
"What??"
"I CAME HERE YESTER-DIE!"
I pick my women like I pick my watermelon.
A little rough with a discolored bottom and heavier than the appear.
I live in a rough neighborhood
There are lots of gangs here, so it's pretty scary at times.
In fact, my neighbor used to be a blood.
Then he fell off the roof. Now he's a crip.
My wife and I decided we don't want to have children
So far the kids are taking it pretty rough.
Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his studio
The burglar got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.
A cat goes to the doctor to get diagnosed
He goes to his office and says:
Cat:"Doc, the last few weeks have been really rough, My head is starting to hurt a lot and my tummy hurts"
Doctor:"Well, those are common symptoms for...d**... it I forgot what's its called!"
Cat:"C'mon doc, I'm dying from curiosity"
Doctor:"yeah that's the one!"
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having s**... with kids, m**... being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.
Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.
Smokey the bear said he's had a rough time finding a girlfriend.
He's just afraid to use tinder.
Two friends meet up, one of them has bandages over his ears
-Hey, man, what happened?
-Well, I was still sleepy when I was ironing my clothes in the morning, I heard my phone ringing and put the iron against my ear!
-Oh man, that's rough. Hold on, you burned your ear, but why is the other one also bandaged?
-I immediately called an ambulance!
My Brother-in-law was addicted to the Hokey Pokey.
It was a rough couple of years but he eventually turned himself around.
I lead a nation, It called my imagi-nation
I don't know if that's original or not, But I just want to make y'all to atleast smile while this rough time.
I grew up in a rough neighborhood. As a Child, people would cover me in chocolate, cream, and then put a cherry on top.
It's was tough in the Gateau
A couple goes into a bar
They rub their hands on the rough table surface and fire came up.
I guess they were a match.
Time, of course, doesn't exist. There's no past, no present, no future. Just one constant pulsating moment.
And that point, the guy said to me, "Just give me a rough idea of the time, mate."
Mugging
A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell . Utterly distraught he was taken to the local police station where the inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants .
No - it all happened so quickly
A Piece Of String Walks Into A Bar...
He quickly notices a sign that says, "No String Allowed, We do not serve pieces of String."
Before anyone notices, he rushes to the bathroom and hides in a stall.
He messes himself up, makes himself look rough and tattered. Then he contorts his body into a twisted and uncomfortable position.
He proceeds to the bar where he asks the barkeep for a drink.
Looking at the string suspiciously the barkeep asks,
"Hey... are you a piece of string??"
To which the string replies,
"No, I'm a frayed knot.".
(Shamelessly farming Karma on my cake day)
We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory.
It was rough.
After 3 weeks at sea, the captain speaks to the oarmen. "I know its been rough seas, and tough rowing, but I've got some good news and bad news for you. The good news is you all get to change underwear....
...the bad news is, George you change with Bob. James, you change with Bill. John, you change with Ed, Rob you change.........."
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
I think most dogs have a hard time
every time I ask one how their day is going, they always say "rough".
On a bitter cold day, Hank visited Lou
"I had a rough time getting here", said Hank, "for every step forward forward I slid back two!"
"But if you slid back two steps for every step you took forward, how'd you get here?", asked Lou.
"I almost didn't, but then I said to myself 'forget it', and turned around and started back home"
I looked out of the window and my dad was slumped over the lawnmower
crying his eyes out. I said to my mum "what's up with him?"
She said "he's just going through a rough patch here".
I couldn't remember what the brown rough stuff was on the outside layer of tree trunks...
I asked my cat and she said, "Meow". No help.
I asked my bird and he said, "Tweet". Useless.
I asked my dog and they said "Rhytidome, you buffoon."
A lady brought her car into my shop the other day
It had a rough idle. I adjusted and cleaned the carburetor. Called the lady to come pick it up, and when she got there she asked what was going on. I said "s**... in the carb". She said "how often do I need to do that?"
A blonde takes her car to her mechanic and tells him it's running rough.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just c**... in the carburator," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
