Rotten Jokes

What are some Rotten jokes?

Marvel's greatest villain is Thanos. DC's greatest villain

is Rotten Tomatoes.

Why was the necrophiliac depressed?

His rotten girlfriend split on him.

I like my women like I like my apples...

Rotten to the core and easy to smash

Why shouldn't you hang out with zombies?

They make rotten friends

There are these two homeless guys drinking cooking sherry in an alleyway........

when one says to the other. "Man I'm starving. There's a rotten frozen dead cat in the alley back there. I've gonna go eat it. You want in on this?"

The second guy says "No way am I going to eat a rotten frozen dead cat. That's nasty." So his buddy says "Suit yourself." And goes to town eating the rotten frozen dead cat.

He comes back about a half an hour later and says "Man, I don't feel so good. I shouldn't have eaten that rotten frozen dead cat." And proceeds to puke and the ground.

The other guy starts licking his lips and says "That's what I'm talking about, a hot meal!"

A Comparison of the Different Languages

**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"

**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"

**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"

**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.

**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.

I managed to get a butler who works for free

I normally have really rotten luck, but I managed to get a butler who works for free. However, when I saw him, I realised he has lost his left arm;


Serves me right...

Tomato

Not sure if this translates well from my Albanian origins

So their was a farmer woman and she is tending her crops and notices her tomatoes are brown and rotten. She looks over to her neighbors and they were bright red and juicy.

So one day she sees her neighbor and asks him.

Her what's your secret? My tomatoes will never get like yours and I water them every day

Farmer says My secret is at night I water them naked and they get embarrassed and blush

So she goes out at night and gets naked and waters the tomatoes.

2 weeks go by and the neighbor sees her and asks how her tomatoes are doing.

She responds tomatoes are still brown and rotten but the cucumbers are long hard juicy and thick

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas.

Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table.
Maybe, she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The croupier replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!

Why is the number 288 like a rotten corpse?

It's two gross.

What do you call 144 rotten eggs?

Gross.

A German went to the store to pick up some eggs. But all the eggs at the store were rotten.

I guess you could say it was a bad yolk.

I tried singing for my supper today.

Looks like I'm having rotten tomato soup tonight.

The iPhone 7 and later models don't have a 3.5mm headphone jack. What do you call them?

ROTTEN APPLES!!

Undefined illness

Who said that health care in Canada was not up to par???

A Muslim immigrant in Toronto goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."

The doctor examines him and then says:

"You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage.

Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."

The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says "I feel wonderful! what was wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "You were homesick."

What do you call a rotten lamb chop?

Food gone ba-a-a-a-a-ad.

Hotel Rwanda got a 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes...

But their rating on Yelp was terrible.

The teacher was quizzing the bible students...

and she asked "Who parted the Red Sea?"
Just then, rotten little Johnny poked Suzy with a pin, causing her to exclaim "Holy Moses!"
The teacher said "Very good, Suzy!"
Then the teacher asked "Who turned water into wine?"
Johnny pokes Suzy with the pin again, who hollers "Jesus Christ!"
The teacher can't contain herself, and asks Suzy "What did King Davids wife say to him as they retired for the night?"
Johnny pokes Suzy yet again, bringing forth the exclaimation "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'm gonna break it off!"

What do you call a rotten gourd?

A squishy squash.

What did Robbie Rotten say when he hacked into the Pentagon?

*Look at this net, that I just found.*

A botfly larva enters a bar..

.. and says "I'll have a shot of whisky and a lump of rotten meat please".
"Are you sure you want rotten meat?"
"Want it? I encyst on it!"

Stand up comedy is a lot of hit and miss.

That's why the back wall of the stage sometimes ends up covered in rotten tomatoes.

Why was the planet made of 99% organic material considered evil?

It was rotten to the core.

How to make Rotten jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Rotten to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Rotten? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Rotten pick up lines to share with friends.

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