Rots Jokes
45 rots jokes and hilarious rots puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rots that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Rots Short Jokes
Short rots jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rots humour may include short jokes also.
- A hyena walks up to the check in counter in an airport... ... and throws a rotting gazelle onto the desk. The counter person shouts "what is this?" and the hyena says "it's my carrion".
- A buzzard gets on a plane with a rotting rabbit carcass. The flight attendant says "You can't bring that dead animal on the plane."
The buzzard replies "It's OK. That just my carrion." - Two corpses are lying in a grave and one turns to the other and says, Dude, why are you rotting? The other turns to him and says, I decay.
- What did Matthew McConaughey say when he was turned into a zombie? Yes, of course:
"I'll rot, I'll rot, I'll rot!"
Happy Halloween! - A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse. The flight attendant screams, You cannot bring that on this plane. The vulture says, It's just my carrion.
- If living on my own has taught me anything It's that when life gives you lemons, you put them in your refrigerator and forgot about them until they rot
- I'm a fan of efficiency. I wish I could put a small pile of cash in the back of my fridge that would smell like rotting chicken... ... so my I could cut out the middleman at the grocery store.
- My Wife was dead and rotting for a week... ..and i thought she was just having her periods.
- What did daddy vulture say when he caught the baby vulture eating a rotting warthog? Carry on.
- I can build and fix small engines using only v**..., f**... and rotted animals. Due to my g**... motor skills.
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Rots One Liners
Which rots one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rots? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What's Orange and Lies Constantly? A rotting clementine, but I like where your head's at.
- What does a rotting corpse say? idk
- Why is rust on a car orange? Because its true car-rot
- Old zombies never die... they just rot away.
- What do you call three Trumpies? Drei rot.
- Q: What did the zombie girl say to the zombie boy?
A: "Are you going to kiss me or rot?" - Throw your rotting pumpkins at pretty people. It is a sure way of calling them Gourdeous.
- Why can't bugs bunny drive anymore? Because he's got car rot.
- Q: What did the zombie girl say to the zombie boy?
A: "Are you going to kiss me or rot?" - What do corpses do on the 4th of July? They rot.
- What did the perfume say when it started rotting? Decaying why?!
- I have the body of a 16 years old, she did not rot yet.
- I like my women like I like my apples. Green, rotting, and filled with maggots.
Rots Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about rots you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rots pranks.
I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it...
Apparently, she left me two days ago...
I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...
Apparently she left me two days ago.
An old Soviet joke..
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too
kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"
mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"
kid:"then why do you add carrots?"
mom:"because it makes it tastier"
How do you make gold soup ?
Put 24 carrots in it
A man is walking his pet carrot
As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.
The Mathematician and the Waiter
A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'
Pets are like countries.
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
Two Snowmen are in a field...
...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."
My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion.
Struggles of passwords
Struggles of passwords
"Set password:"
carrot
"Password must be at least 8 characters."
boiled carrot
"Password must contain at least 1 number."
1 boiled carrot
"Password cannot contain spaces."
50boiledcarrots
"Password must contain at least 1 capital."
50FUCKINGBoiledcarrots
"Password cannot contain multiple consecutive capitals."
50FuckingBoiledCarrots
"Password cannot contain swear words"
IfYouDoNotAcceptThisPasswordThenYouCanStickThose50BoiledCarrotsUpYourButt
"This password is already in use."
I spent an hour looking for that thing that peels the potatoes and carrots.
Then I realised she's at work.
how do you make gold soup?
put 14 carrots in it.
I'll show myself out.
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
2 parrots
A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!
I keep reading about all these patriots, draped in bright colors and repeating exactly what is said to them, though without any real understanding.
Did they maybe mean to write "parrots?"
Woman buys parrot
A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"
I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine
A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".
"$500? Why is it so expensive?"
"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"
"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"
"$2000!"
"$2000?"
"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"
"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"
"The third one costs $200,000".
"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"
"absolute nothing."
"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"
"because the other two parrots call him boss".
Two carrots are walking together down the street,
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
Two parrots were sitting on a perch
One says to the other... Do you smell fish?
What's the square root of Minecraft?
There's three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit Farts
One of my favorite Reagan jokes:
A Soviet Diplomat goes to one of the farms in Russia, and approaches the farmer.
How are the carrots doing? Said the Diplomat.
Oh, the carrots are as big and orange as ever! Replies the farmer.
I see, and how are the beets?
Oh, sir, if Gorbachev saw these beets, he would cry with joy!
And what about the potatoes?
Sir, if we stacked the potatoes, they would be high enough to reach God!
The diplomat stares for a minute. But comrade, we don't believe in god.
Oh, good. Says the farmer. Because there are no potatoes.
I saw my sister m**... with a carrot......
I said, Come on, d**..., I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?
Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...
No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.
One snowman says to the other snowman,
"do you smell carrots?"
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots in the fridge? He was trying to find his nose!
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
A woman is shopping at a grocery store.
She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
Two rabbits are eating carrots
...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."
Ok, dad joke time.
A doctor goes to see a patient, the patient has carrots coming out of his nose and broccoli out of his ears. The doctor takes one look at the patient and says, I can tell right away you're not eating right.
A man flashes a woman at the grocery store
She says " Oh my gosh ! Thank you ! I almost forgot to get baby carrots
I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!
I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.