ropes Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious ropes puns

A rope walked into a bar...

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."


TIL: Ropes can pass through themselves

Ohh wait they can knot.


A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "get out, we don't serve ropes here." So the rope leaves, loosens up its end bits, and ties its self up. The rope then walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "aren't you the same rope I just told to get out of here?" And the rope says, "nope, I'm a frayed knot."


A rope walks into a bar...

And orders and drink. The bartender says," We don't serve ropes here." So the rope goes outside, frays his ends, and ties himself into a knot. He comes back in and once again orders a drink. The bartender says,"Aren't you that rope I just turned down?" To which the rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."


I was being trained as a caller in a suicide prevention hotline...

...On my first day of training, my manager said;

"Let me show you the ropes!"


[NSFW] A prostitute is beginning her first night of work...

She has another lady of the night showing her the ropes of the new corner.

New girl asks: "girl have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?"

"No, but I have been swung around by the titties!"


The president is visiting a school

The president was doing a tour of the nation campaigning and one day he stopped at a school to give a presentation to the kids. After finishing the presentation, he took questions from the kids. One little girl raised he hand and asked, "What is a tradgedy?"
"That's a very good question." The president said. "Can anybody answer it.
Another little girl raised her hand. "If a group of kids were clmbing down a cliff, and their ropes broke, and they fell and died, that would be a tradgedy."
"No," replied the president, "that would be a horrible accident. Would anyone else like to guess what a tradgedy is?"
A boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "If a bus full of students slipped on a banana peel and fell off a cliff, that would be a tradgedy."
"No," replied the president, "that would be a great loss. Does anyone else have a guess."
An older boy raised his hand. "Mr. President," he said, "if you were flying and your plane crashed and you died, that would be a tradgedy."
"Yes," said the president. "Can you tell me why that would be a tradgedy?"
"Because," said the boy, "it wouldn't be a great loss, and it sure as hell wouldn't be an accident."


A cowboy rides in to town

A cowboy rides in to town on his horse and ropes it in front of a canteen. After a few hours of drinking he walks out and finds that his horse is missing. The cowboy turns around and bursts in to the canteen. Seeing the cowboy pissed as Hell the place goes quiet. The cowboy looks around and with a deadly calm says, "I'm going to count to three. If I get to three, I'm going to do what I did in the Winter of 76'." The whole bar freezes in terror at the cowboy.


No one moves a muscle.


Everyone's extremely nervous at this point.

"**READY OR NOT.... THR--**"

All of a sudden someone in the back stands up and says, "Hold on buddy! It was just a joke! your horse is in the back alley!" The cowboy smiles and starts to leave the canteen. The same guy who stood up calls out, "Hey! I just gotta know, what happened in the Winter of '76???" The cowboy turns around and says to him, "I had to walk home."


The version I know of a classic

These two guys are hiking through the woods and come across a ravine. Wanting to cross, they look around for materials and see a pile of old ropes. They decide the best way to cross would be to build a rope bridge.
One guy turns to the other and says, "Start tying the ropes together, I'm going to go take a poop."
"What?!!?" his friend says, "You're going to leave me to do all the work??"
"Just trust me," the guy says, "This'll work. I shit, you knot."


A peice of rope walks into a bar...

the rope asks for a drink and the bartender says "Didn't you read the sign? We don't serve rope here" The rope then walks out of the bar and finds a random man. The rope says to the man "Tie me in a knot" so the man ties the rope into a knot. The rope then says "Fray my ends" and so the man frays the ropes ends. The rope walks back into the bar and the bartender says "Hey aren't you that peice of rope that was just in here?"

The rope then says "No, I'm a frayed knot"


A rope walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Get out of here! We don't serve ropes here!"

So the rope heads around the block, walks up to a stranger and says "Hey, can you tie me in a knot?" Stranger shrugs and does it.

The rope hangs out a little longer, till a lady walks by and he asks "Hey, could you fray my ends a bit?" Woman thinks it's weird, but does it anyway.

So the rope goes back into the bar. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you the rope I just kicked out of here?"

"No," answers the rope. "I'm a frayed knot."


A rope walks into a bar..

A rope walks into a bar, and the bartender says we don't serve ropes here. So the
rope goes outside and tangles himself all up and does his hair all funny, and walks back inside. And the bartender says "Aren't you the rope I just kicked out a moment ago?" And the rope says, " No I'm a frayed knot."


Two hobos ran into each other in a train yard...

One said to the other, "Man you won't believe what happened last night. I was walking down the tracks drinking my wine and there was a woman tied to the tracks, like in the old movies! So she's yelling and I'm struggling to get the ropes untied, all the while I can hear the train getting closer. Soon everything started to get all bright so I knew that the train was pretty much on top of us! Finally, I got her loose right as the train zoomed by. I was just so happy to be alive that I told her I knew a nice quiet place in the woods where we could be alone, and she didn't have any objections. So I took her to the spot and we fucked all night long!"

The other hobo says, "Holy shit! That's amazing. When you guys were fucking in the woods did she give you a blowjob?"

"Nah," said the first hobo, "I never could find her head."


A rope walked into a bar

The rope asked the bartender: "can I get a
Bud Lite?"

The bartender responded: "Sir, we don't serve ropes"

The rope went into the bathroom with a knife and frayed himself, then went back to the bar

The rope asked again: "Can I get a Bud Lite?"

The bartender responded: "weren't you that guy who was here earlier?"

The rope responded: "I'm afrayed not sir"


A rope orders a drink...

But the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes here."

The rope goes outside, ties himself up, unravels one end, and goes back inside.

"Hey, aren't you that rope?" Says the bartender.

The rope shakes his head, "I'm frayed knot."


My dominatrix is busy training a new assistant...

I guess she's showing her the ropes.


I asked the owner of a bondage parlor if I can have a tour of the place...

...He said he was tied up at the moment. He had to show the new girl the ropes.


A rope walks into a bar,

Has a seat and the bartender says to it, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."

The rope, upset, ties itself into a knot and separates its strands.

The bartender says, 'What are you doing? I told you we don't serve ropes here. You'll have to leave."

"I don't think so," says the rope, "I'm a frayed knot."


[Bonus: A giraffe walks into a bar and yells, "The high balls are on me!"]


Two pieces of rope are trying to get into a bar.

Two pieces of rope are trying to get into a bar. One rope turns to the other rope and says, "It's no use, the bartender hates ropes. He won't serve us."

The other rope decides to try to go into the bar anyways.

The piece of rope goes into the bar, orders a drink, and tries to look nonchalant. The bartender looks at him and says angrily, "You're a damn piece of rope, aren't you?! Get out of my bar right now!"

The rope runs out of the bar. The piece of rope tries it again but with the same results. Finally, the piece of rope has an idea. He shakes himself and then proceeds to tie himself. The piece of rope then enters the bar.

As the bartender is about to give a drink to the piece of rope, the bartender pauses for a second and asks, "Wait, are you a piece of rope?"

The piece of rope looks around and says, "Who me? I'm a frayed knot."


Did you hear about the guy that kept trying to commit suicide?

I think he was learning the ropes, but couldn't get the hang of it...


Time to pun-ish you all!

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender looked at it and said, "Hey! No ropes in here!" So the rope walked out. Once outside, it twisted upon itself a number of times, then rubbed it's short free end until it was just a bunch of fibers without any organization. Upon completion of this, the rope walked back into the bar. The bartender looked at it and asked, "Are you a rope?" The rope responded, "I am a frayed knot."

A man walked into Denny's shortly before christmas. He was seated and ordered eggs benedict. He was surprised when the waiter brought his food out on a shiny, new hubcap. When he inquired as to why, the waiter responded, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."


A man loved to tie knots

It was his favorite hobby. He spent all of his time tying knots in string and rope, and inventing new, stronger, or more interesting ways to tie knots. He tried to show his ropes and strings to his friends but nobody cared. He wasn't very talented at anything else, because he had spent his entire life tying knots. Everyone was disapointed in him, and he got depressed. He was depressed for months, and then he got fired from his job at a restaurant. That was the final thread. He couldn't take it anymore. He hung himself later that day. At least he died doing what he loved.


Oogaly Boogaly

A white man, Chinese man and a black man were in Africa doing research when they were captured by a tribe. First, they were tied to stakes. The chief then walked up to the white man and asked, death or oogaly boogaly. The white man thought, I don't want to die, I'll take oogaly boogaly. So the chief loosened his ropes, took him to the edge of the forest, within sight of the other two and all of the tribesmen raped him. The chief then asked the Chinese man, death or oogaly boogaly? the Chinese man thought, remembered the screems of the white man, but didn't want to die. So he said, 'oogaly boogaly'. So the chief loosened his ropes, took him to the edge of the forest and all of the tribesmen raped him. Then the chief walked up to the black man and asked 'death, or oogaly boogaly?' The black man said, naw man, just give me death.' The chief said 'OK, death, by oogaly boogaly!


a rope walks into a bar

and immediately the bartender yells at him to get out, "We don't serve your kind here!". Flustered, the rope walks out. After some time, he figures he'll give it another shot a different night, hoping for a different bartender. "We don't serve ropes here!" a different bartender thundered as soon as he opened to door to the bar. Embarrassed and angry, he turns around and leaves.
before setting off for home, the rope gets an idea. He ties himself into a knot, and messes his hair up really bad, and walks back into the bar.
once the bartender sees him, he gets a confused look on his face and asks the rope, "hey - aren't you a rope?!"
"Nope!", replied the rope. "I'm afraid not"


Why can't anxious people walk on tight ropes?

Because they're too high-strung.

Corny I know, but I wrote it myself and had to put it out there.


I really want to get into BDSM

I just need someone to show me the ropes


I asked a girl in a bar if she wanted to go home with me.

She said, Do you have cable?

I said, I think the ropes will be strong enough.

(I wish I could remember the name of the comedian who said this, live in a bar, circa 1993.)


What did Christian Grey say to Anastasia before they sex for the first time?

Don't worry, I'll show you the ropes.


My colleagues wanted to do a team building activity, and someone suggested a ropes course.

A few folks were hesitant, but I'm happy to say everyone came. I've never experience such fantastic bondage.


Unemployment rates at bondage studios are high.

Most candidates are unwilling to learn the ropes.


Autoerotic Asphyxiation....

How do you even get into something like that? Do you just jump in head first or do you have someone show you the ropes?


We don't serve ropes in here...

A 6 ft long piece of rope walks into the bar, and sits down.. The bartender says "We don't serve ropes in here.."

Annoyed, the rope takes off, quietly complaining under his breath.

After a week, the rope tries to get into the same bar (hoping a different bartender will be on duty).. The rope sits down, and the bartender says (yet again) "Hey, I told you, we don't serve ropes in here.. Get out!"

Now,. the rope is really ticked off. He leaves, but is so angry as he stews over the bars no-rope policy, he begins to twist himself into coils and tangles. Needless to say, his 'hair' gets mussed up, and disheveled, and he's worked himself into a ball of twists, and coils.

He decides to give the bar one more try, now that he's a little more "incognito"

...The rope sits down at the bar, and the bartender turns to him and says "Hey.. Aren't you a rope?"

The rope replies: " No, I'm a frayed knot.."


Ya know you're from Tacoma when...

Your niece sees velvet ropes and says "Ooh , that's some really nice police tape"!


Unemployment rates in bondage studios are low.

Most candidates are unwilling to learn the ropes.


So there is a rookie cop out on his first day on patrol...

He is partnered with a veteran cop to show him the ropes. They pull over a blond for speeding. The veteran cop says
"I want you to go up to the window and undo your fly."
"Why would I do that?!" exclaims the rookie.
"Just trust me, do it." assures the veteran.
So the rookie cop walks up to the blonds car window, and as she rolls it down he undoes his zipper. She looks up at him with a shocked face and says
"OH NO! Not another breathalyzer test..."


What are the most funny Ropes jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ropes? Well, here are the best Ropes dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ropes pick up lines to share with friends.

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