Rope Jokes
155 rope jokes and hilarious rope puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rope that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Brighten up your day with these funny rope jokes! From jumping rope, rope climbing to rope knots and more, you'll have a chuckle at these puns and one-liners about ropes! Don't forget to try out some of the leash and lasso jokes.
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Funniest Rope Short Jokes
Short rope jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rope humour may include short rodeo jokes also.
- An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.
- There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.
- A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him. His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?" - If I had to choose between a rope or the inclined set of steps.... I would opt for the latter.
- A rope walks into a bar And sees someone sitting at the bar reposting this joke. The rope hangs the reposter.
- Doctor: Can you describe the snake that bit you? Patient: Yes. It looked like an angry rope.
- If your life is awful, get a rope and a stool ...and find the next tree. Throw the rope over a branch and attach the stool to the rope.
Now you've got a swing. - A journalist is sentenced to die at the gallows, but they run out of rope He says: "I guess no noose is good news"
- Chatting at the gym… While at the gym a good looking woman approached me and asked me, have you tried skipping?
I replied, like with a rope? She replied, no like skipping a meal. - What did the condemned prisoner say when he was informed that the hangman forgot the rope? No noose is good noose.
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Rope One Liners
Which rope one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rope? I can suggest the ones about noose and leash.
- What end of the rope did Aaron Hernandez hang himself with? The tight end.
- You can't hang a man with a wooden leg, You need a rope.
- TIL: Ropes can pass through themselves Ohh wait they can knot.
- How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? You cut the rope
- What do you call a tangled rope in space? Astro-knot.
- Why didn't the rope get any presents this year? He was very knotty.
- What do you call a Sikh on a tight rope Balan Singh.
- How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
- What did the mother rope say to her child? Don't be knotty.
- I only had enough money to buy either a ladder or a rope... I chose the latter.
- I was going to tell you a story about a rope But I'll leave you hanging
- Some people just need a hug... Around the neck...with a rope
- How do pirates measure rope? In yarr'ds.
- I gave an annoying boy scout two ropes and asked him "Can you knot?"
- What do you call a tangled rope on International Space Station? Astroknot
Rope Knot Jokes
Here is a list of funny rope knot jokes and even better rope knot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A beekeeper said he wanted to train his hives to work with stitching and rope. I asked him if he really thought that would work, and he nodded and said May bee sew, may bee knot
- Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose.
- One man asked another, "Do you often work with rope?" The second man replied, "I confess, I do knot."
- If I needed to climb something and I had to choose between a rope with knots in it or some parallel boards with spaced rungs... I'd choose the latter.
- What did the shoelace say to the annoying rope? Can you knot?
- Did the depressed rope maker succeed? Sadly, he did knot.
- Built a robot to tie rope together... But it does knot work.
- I want to tie a rope into the shape of the letter Y. Why you ask?
Y knot. - My friend asked me if I could tie a rope... I awnser him "No, i can knot"
- What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage? "Let's knot."
Tight Rope Jokes
Here is a list of funny tight rope jokes and even better tight rope puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a tight-rope walker eat for breakfast? A Balanced Diet!
- Why can't anxious people walk on tight ropes? Because they're too high-strung.
Corny I know, but I wrote it myself and had to put it out there. - Why dont Egyptian Chefs do well in the circus? They always fal-afel off the tight rope.
- What do you call an orange on a tight rope? "A very stable genius"
- A midget falls of a tight rope... His life was short.
- What do you call a Russian tight-rope walker? An acroblyat.
Jump Rope Jokes
Here is a list of funny jump rope jokes and even better jump rope puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake? A jump rope.
- An emo and a leaf jump off a tree. Which one falls first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo
- "I swear to god, if you get any closer I'm going to jump!" Said the man to the jump rope.
- Have you heard the one about the jump rope never mind, just skip it.
- I was gonna make a jump rope joke But decided to skip it. It's not good
- How does a sloth hang itself? By trying to jump rope.
- What's an something that would make you jump even if you knew it was coming? A jump rope.
- Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.
- What do mechanics skip rope with? Jump leads...
Rope Climbing Jokes
Here is a list of funny rope climbing jokes and even better rope climbing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
I though to myself, that's a little con descending - A midget is in prison plotting escape He waits til night, and throws a rope over the wall and climbs over. As he's climbing down, a guard notices and thinks, That's a little condescending.
- What do Icelandic baseball players climb in high school gym? Frozen Ropes.
Heartwarming Rope Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about rope you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hose jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rope pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently found out that s**... by rope typically uses a running knot.
That's noose to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A tale of two young men
There is a young man walking a tight rope between two high rise buildings. In the same city, at the same time, there is another young man receiving o**... s**... from from a 80 year old woman. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. What could it be?
DO NOT LOOK DOWN!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Fireman See's a Little Girl
that has her own homemade firetruck with her dog and a red wagon.He says to the little girl, "That's a nice looking firetruck little missy!" She then says, "Thank You!" He keeps checking it out when he notices that the rope that's tied to the wagon is tied to the dogs t**....He tells the little girl, "Sweetie, I think your firetruck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied to the dogs neck." She replies, "Oh I know that Sir!But then it wouldn't have a siren!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.
The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.
"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.
"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."
"Do you really think I'm that s**...?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"
Guy walking down the street...
...sees a bloke coming towards him pulling a rope. It looks about 20 feet long, there doesn't seem to be anything tied to the end of it. As they pass each other he says, "G'day mate, mind if I ask why you're pulling that rope?"
The other bloke replies, "Come off it! Have you ever tried to push a rope?!"
I try to tell this joke in english :]
There's a young boy, with no arms, nor legs called Lumpi.
Lumpi plays in front of his house in the sandbox, then a window opens on the 4th floor and Lumpi's mother yells at him "Lumpi time to eat!" and she throws down a rope.
As Lumpi sees the rope hanging out of his window, he starts to rob to the rope and bite's it! He trained hard to hold himself on the rope with his teeth. Lumpi is very hungry and starts to pull himself up only with his teeth. Lumpi pulls and pulls, he's on the 1st floor, the window opens and a young Lady smiles at him, Lumpi smiles back, then pulls again...and again, 2nd floor the window opens and an old man sees him and waves at him, Lumpi shakes his head to greet back, then he start's to pull himself up again. Lumpi, all sweaty and hungry now on the the 3rd floor, near his own window on the 4th floor. The window on the 3rd floor opens and a Lady sees him, then she says "Hi Lumpi! What are you going to eat now?" and Lumpi replies " Pizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!...."
Sry for my bad english, I just tried to tell a joke in english that I know in my own language. :)
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat . . .
A Republican sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws the man a 25 foot rope, and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws him a 100 foot rope. Then lets of of his end.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
A rope walked into a bar...
A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favorite blonde joke.
A blonde was tired of all the a**... she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the a**... anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."
I wanted to rope down this mountain...
but I found it quite rappelent.
The tightrope walker fell off the rope when his phone lost the internet connection.
He couldn't get back online.
*sorry*
So this piece of rope walks into a bar...
...and he tries to order a drink, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind roun' here!" The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself in half a couple times, rubs himself in the dirt and drags his edges. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! Ain't you that same piece of rope?!" The piece of rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I accidentally fell onto the rope connecting my two pigs...
I tore my hamstring.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man sees a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down a jail from a rope...
...he looks at him for a second, and says,"Well, that's a little condescending."
A blonde and a brunette decide to rob a bank...
The brunette is the getaway driver. She told the plan to the blonde, told her to be back in less than 5 minutes, and dropped her off at the front door of the bank.
10 minutes goes by.... No sight of the blonde...
20 minutes goes by... No sight of the blonde...
Finally, after a half hour the blonde comes running out of the bank, dragging the safe by a long rope. As soon as the blonde gets into the car, the brunette sees the guard running as fast as he can towards them, with his pants at his ankles...
After a few moments of silence, the brunette realizes what happened and screamed to the blonde, " You IDIOT! You were supposed to tie up the guard and blow the safe!!!"
Do you know you can't hang a man with a wooden leg in Maine?
You have to use a rope.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is walking by a prison....
...when he sees a midget climbing out one of the cells at the top of the prison. The midget is climbing down a rope when he turns around and sees the man on the street. The midget flips off the men and continues to climb down the rope.
The man says to himself, "Wow, that's a little condescending."
The priest, laywer, and engineer
By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.
They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.
Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."
Why did the rope go to jail?
Because he was knotty
Wanna hang together?
ill bring the rope
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In Connecticut it is i**......
To hang a man with a wooden leg. You have to use a rope just like everywhere else
A Black Man and a White Man fall out of a tree... Who hits the ground first?
The White Man, of course...
Because the Black man was stopped by the rope.
p.s. Mods, please remove if inappropriate or whatever.
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If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)
What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!
What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!
What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can?
Stopping it with a shovel
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What does walking a tight rope and receiving a b**... from your mother-in-law have in common?
In both cases it is strongly advisable to not look down
Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?
The knife just wasn't cutting it.
I went to the store to buy 50ft of rope.
The guy at the store said "This spool of rope is on clearance for only $2. It's 500ft long."
"Nah man" I said "I hate long good buys."
Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom one morning with a note on his bed reading I can't take the critism anymore.
She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said emotionally my dear…that's NOT how you spell criticism!
The rope joke
A man is walking down the street one day when he notices another man coming towards him, dragging a length of rope. It's about 20 feet long and not tied to anything, so as they pass the first man says, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your rope. May I ask why you're pulling it along?"
The second guy laughs and says, "You really need to ask? Have you ever tried to push a rope!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I take the bus to school
So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.
This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud c**.... I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.
I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf.
I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me observing him. He gave me the stink eye. I thought to myself:
Wow, that's a little condescending.
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
A rope walks into a bar
The bartender says "We don't serve your kind".
So the rope walks out, twists himself up and parts his hair and then walks back in.
The bartender asks "Aren't you the same guy who was here a moment ago?".
The rope replies "I'm a frayed knot."
I started teaching a rope tying class a couple hours before a depression support group
It was incredibly successful but it died out quick
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
A rope walks into a bar
The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here."
The rope leaves and cuts the top of his hair.
He comes back the next day and the bartender says, "are you that rope I kicked outta here yesterday?"
The rope says, "I'm a frayed knot."
Then he gets shot in the face.
A rope orders a drink...
But the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes here."
The rope goes outside, ties himself up, unravels one end, and goes back inside.
"Hey, aren't you that rope?" Says the bartender.
The rope shakes his head, "I'm frayed knot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump gets executed
and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.
"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.
"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At first I suspected foul play in the whole Aaron Hernandez s**... thing.
But I think he was just a guy at the end of his rope.
My boss said to me, "you're the anchor of this company!"
He knows I'm a dead weight at the end of my rope...
There are these two cowboys herding some Bulls,
One of them accidentally drops his lasso. The other picks it up and asks "Is this your rope?" To which the other replied, "No, this is America."
Wife hanging from a rope.
I found my wife hanging from a rope in the attic. There was a note saying, "I really can't stand your criticsm any longer!" I quickly cut the rope and reanimated her. Thankfully I could bring her back to life. As she lay in my arms I could see her eyes slowly open and I said, "Come on, that's not how you spell criticism."
How do emo people support themselves?
With a rope
Me and you are like an emo kid and a rope...
We hung out once and then it all ended.
Jail Time
My daughter hates school.
One weekend she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday.
Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying, and whining built to a crescendo.
At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, Honey, it's a law. If you don't go to school, they'll put Daddy in jail.
She looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, How long would you have to stay?
Why didn't Santa go to the rope tying convention?
Because they're all on the knotty list.
You come across three performing mimes. One is in an invisible box, one is cutting an invisible rope, and one is fighting an invisible man. Which one failed mime school?
The one who won't shut up about it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus Christ saw every sin imaginable...
Meaning he saw some dude blasting rope to Waluigi h**... and still decided to save humanity. What a absolute legend.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What did the b**... rope say?
I'm knotty
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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s**....
I rang a s**... helpline last night, buy a thicker rope wasn't what I was expecting to hear.
In front of a mental clinic, a patient was pulling a rope.
Doctor: why are you pulling that rope?
Patient: what do you want me to do, push it?!
Three men were sentenced to death.
The day of their execution arrives, the first man was hanged but fortunately the rope loosens and he fells into the water below the platform. The same happens with the second man. It was now the turn of the third man, but before reaching to the pole he requests the person in charge, "You better tighten that rope of yours because I don't know how to swim."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...
I thought, that's a little condescending.
Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...
The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.
Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.
Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.
Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?
"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.
Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.
He replies: "Fake noose."
I'm gonna be Sayori for halloween!
Look, I've even got the rope and footstool ready!
Hedgehog was pulling a rope in the forest
The rabbit saw and asked: "Why you are pulling this rope?" "You know... It's very hard to push it"replied hedgehog.
A wife found that her husband had hung himself after she came home one day
She found a note on the bedside table which read, "I'm sorry but I can't take your constant critism anymore."
She then quickly cut the rope, brought him down and somehow managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly became conscious again, she remarked:
"That's NOT how you spell criticism my dear!"
Donald Trump is convicted of treason
His punishment is hanging. On the day of his execution, the rope is tied around his neck as thousands watch. The floor drops, but Trump is unharmed. The noose was fake.
