Root Jokes

What are some Root jokes?

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

If the number 666 is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred

She's a perfect ten but imaginary

My girlfriend is the square root of -100

Perfect 10, but imaginary

My friends laughed at me

when I told them I have a girlfriend. They said she was like the square root of -100, a solid 10 but imaginary.

Well, joke is on them. They are also imaginary.

For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?

How about -

>"A dozen, a gross, and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

My Valentine is like the square root of -100...

A 10, but imaginary

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

How do you make a human corpse float?

Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.


Why did 7 eat 9?

Because you need 3 squared meals a day.


The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?

Because 3 was the root of the problem.

If 666 is the mark of the beast...

... and the beast is pure evil wouldn't 25.8069758011278803 technically be the root of all evil?

A mathematician walks into a bar

A mathematician walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.


The bartender says, "Sorry but we've run out of beer. We have only root beer for today."


"No problem", replies the mathematician. "Just serve me in a square glass."

Girls are evil...

(Saw this about 10 years ago)

If you have a girlfriend, then you know they cost time and money. Therefore:

Girls = time Γ— money
But:
time = money
So:
Girls = money x money
Which means:
Girls = money^2

Now we all know that money is the root of all evil. So:
Money = sq.root(evil)

And now:
Girls = (sq.root (evil))^2

Which means:
Girls = Evil

Why are dentists really good hackers?

Because they always get root access.

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

"Doctor, I have an ear ache."


2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

What do you get when you square root a Muslim?

Radical Islam.

A developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden...

...but he didn't have root access.

If 666 is evil...

then 25.806975801127 is the root of all evil

My girlfriend is like the square root of 2

She's very real, but completely irrational.

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...

So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's *i* before *e* **except** after c!

Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....

Officer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

What do I get when I pour my Root Beer into a square mug?

Just Beer.

If you don't get it, think mathematically.

I have a phobia of the square root of 2

It's just one of my irrational fears

What is ISIS's favorite mathematical operation?

Square Root.
Anything it is applied to becomes radicalized.

A mathematical limerick

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.

What's the square root of 69?

Eight somethin'

What's the Square Root of 69?

Ate something.

My GPA..

My GPA is the square root of -16.
An imaginary 4.0

What's a trees favorite drink?

Root beer.

whats a math teachers favorite soda

root beer

A group of 8 year old kids mysteriously get drunk at a slumber party

A boy has 5 of his friends over for a slumber party. His friends mom buys the kids two 2 liter bottles of Root Beer and begins serving it to the kids. Before the kids get through the first bottle they begin to act drunk, and the parents begin to notice that they smell like alcohol. One of the kids then throws up and the parents confirm that the kid has thrown up an alcoholic beverage. The parents set aside the rest of the Root Beer and call the police. The police arrive and inspect the rest of the Root Beer in the bottle from which the kids were being served. They find absolutely no trace of alcohol in the Root Beer, and are at first stumped, until one of the officers notices the glasses in which the parents were serving the Root Beer. The officer then looks at the parents and says "Here's the problem right here." Both parents look at each other, baffled. The officer concludes: "You served the kids Root Beer in square glasses."

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

She's a ten, but on the other hand, she doesn't exist.

What did the square say to the root?

"Radical"

Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.

> Sent from my iPhone 7

I couldn't figure out why my data wasn't coming out like my classmate's, until I realized I dropped a square root in the formula.

I put it back in and re-plotted the data. I saw a radical change.

I would say my girlfriend is about the square root of -100 probably

10, but also imaginary

Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia for his root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A man visits a dentist

He has horrible pain in his mouth.

The dentist examines him, and says, "There is extensive damage in here, what is your diet like?"
The man says, "Hollandaise sauce. Morning, noon and night. I eat it on everything."
"Well, the damage seems very extensive, but I think I can fix it. You will need several root canals, and then I will install a chrome plate."
"A chrome plate? That seems really severe."
"Don't worry, you will be able to eat anything you want. No problems."
"Even hollandaise? I really love that sauce."
"Why sure, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10 but non-existent

My girlfriend is like the square root of 99

I don't know that either

A man is captured by pirates...

The pirates tell the man that they will throw him over the ship into the ocean but tell him he can have one last meal before he goes

He tells them he wants nothing but root beer, although confused, the pirates grant him his one last request

The man drinks the root beer until he feels fit to burst, and he tells the pirates he's ready to be thrown over

They toss him into the water and to their surprise, he doesn't sink!!

The man then yells to the pirates
"Silly pirates, don't you know. Root beer floats!!"

He then laughs as he floats away to safety

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

I came home to my wife yelling "The square root of pi!" angrily.

I told her she was being irrational.

My girlfriend is like the square root of negative one hundred.

Definitely a ten, but also completely imaginary.

I used to hate the square root of -1

but then I realized I was just imagining things.

A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel?

I am Root.

Why didn't the buddhist accept the Nitrous Oxide for his root canal?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

What is the number 25.80697580113 also known as?

The root of all evil.

Did you hear about the Buddhist that refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication

What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer!


I need help

What's the square root of optimus prime?

I'm not sure, but it's more than meets the eye.

My friends are like the square root of -1

They're imaginary.

How do you make a dead baby float?

Easy!

Just add Root beer and Ice Cream!

My atheist, mathematician friend insists religion is negative...

Because at it's root, it's imaginary!

Women are time and money

Women = time β€’ money

Time is money

Women = money^2

Money is the root of all evil

Therefore

Women = Evil

How do you make an elephant float?

Take a cup and add root beer, two scoops of ice cream, and an elephant

What is a Mathematician's favorite thing to drink?

Root beer.

(tbh: found on a Laffy taffy wrapper)

What is the square root of Pai?

"To access your calculator's premium features like sine, square and square root, and logarithm, please call to have a contractor install the software"

An Imam preaching against the alcohol outside a bar....

Outside a Bar, Imam Abdul was preaching: Drinking is Bad,it is the root of all evils.

Man: Have you tried it?
Imam: No, Never.
Man: Ok, you try once, if you don't like it, I'll give up Drinking.

Imam : Ok, but bring it in Tea cup, I don't want people seeing me drinking.

Man goes to the bartender and says: Give me two Shots of Rum in Tea-Cup...

Bartender: Hey!Is that Imam Abdul here Again??

If money is the root of all evil.

Why do churches ask for it?

What happens when you throw root beer in the ocean?

Root Beer Floats!

A monk refused to use anesthesia during a root canal...

Apparently he wanted to transcend dental medication.

the square root of a depressed X

is complex

Why are gardeners better problem solvers than politicians

Because gardeners really get to the root of the problem.

My waifu is the square root of -100

She's a perfect 10, but imaginary.

To find a women you need time and money

To find a women you need time and money; therefore *Women=Time+Money*

But "Time is Money", therefore: Time=Money and so *Women=Money*Money* or Money^2

But "Money is the root of all Problems", therefore: *Money=√All_Problems*

using those two absolutes we can say that
Women=(√All_Problems)^2

**Women=All_Problems**

What do root vegetables do at tha club?

Turnip

I planted some root vegetables in my yard.

We'll see what turnips.

So a dentist just finished his first root canal...

I guess you could say it was his crowning achievement.

Are you tired of only having imaginary friends?

Just multiply them by the square root of negative one. Then you'll have real friends!

The Patriots had to re-sod their field.

Even the grass wont root for them.

How to make Root jokes?

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