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Rooms Jokes

104 rooms jokes and hilarious rooms puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rooms that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Rooms Short Jokes

Short rooms jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rooms humour may include short paces jokes also.

  1. A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You are the lawyer.
    Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?
  2. I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
  3. How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
  4. I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by... Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...
  5. I bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said thank you. I said don't mention it.
  6. How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Two.
    One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
  7. How do you make a room full of epileptics go nut? Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights
  8. My son asked me, Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge? I smiled and said, Sure..." "But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.
  9. It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting it's a boy it's a boy with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
  10. "It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.

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Rooms One Liners

Which rooms one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rooms? I can suggest the ones about floor and walls.

  1. Pun enters a room, kills 10 people Pun in, 10 dead
  2. I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together.
  3. Two introverts walk into a room... One leaves
  4. Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other.
  5. From my 7-year-old: What room are zombie not allowed in? The living room.
  6. If there is an elephant in the room and nobody notices is it irrelephant?
  7. Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room? You're not alone.
  8. My five year old's joke: What do you call a sausage in a room with a hungry wolf? A wolf.
  9. What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common? No *ball*room
  10. What room doesn't have ghosts? Living room.
  11. A pun walks into a room and kills ten people Pun in, ten dead
  12. What's Obama say to Biden when he leaves the room after a argument? Good bi-den
  13. Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
  14. Chuck Norris had a nightmare The nightmare ran into its moms room crying
  15. I hate One Direction fans... Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.

Rooms joke, I hate One Direction fans...

Silly Rooms Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about rooms you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean space jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rooms pranks.

What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?

A maid man.

Caught Short

Two dwarfs have just won the lottery, so they go out and hire two prostitutes and two hotel rooms. The first dwarf tries desperately all night to get an e**..., but all he can hear from the next room is, 'One, two, three, huh!'. This goes on all night.
The next morning, the second dwarf asks, 'So how did it go?'. The first dwarf replies, 'Shit, I couldn't get an e**.... How was your night?'. The second dwarf turns round and replies, 'Even worse, I couldn't even get on the bed.'

So a man goes to a monastery...

To become a friar. The man is welcomed warmly into the brotherhood, and a fellow friar takes him on a tour of the place. He shows him the chapel, sleeping quarters, gardens, prayer rooms, library... It goes on and on, and the mans eyes grow bigger at every turn.
And so the tour is concluded, and the friar asks if the man has any other questions. The man then reluctantly asks "well, how do you guys cope with the urges of the flesh? You know, s**...?"
The friar smiles and says " I knew you would ask that! Come, follow me." The man follows the friar to the stables, where they stop at an ordinary barrel. "you see that hole?" asked the friar, pointing at a hole in the barrels side, "stick your junk in there and you'll get the pleasing you desire!". "Oh man, sweet!" answers the man, "How often can I use this?"
"Everyday except Tuesday." "Why not Tuesday?" the man asks.
The friar looks at him and says "Because then it's your turn to get in the barrel!"

What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

The Jewish way

As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".

Three guys in a bed....

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a h**...!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

My landlord throws a conniption fit for no reason whenever he sees the inside of mine or one of my co-tenants rooms.

My landlord throws a conniption fit for no reason whenever he sees the inside of mine or one of my co-tenants rooms.
I think he might have an apartment complex.

Women are Never Happy

A woman and her girlfriends are staying at a ladies only hotel for the bachelorette party when the male manager of the hotel says: "if you'd like ladies, you may go to each floor, see what they have to offer, and choose your rooms accordingly. Just remember, you can only go up a floor, not back to an old one."
When the get to the first floor the sign says: full of short, fat, unattractive, s**... men. "let's go to the next floor up."
The second floor sign says: Full of short, buff, attractive, dumb men. "let's go to the next floor".
The third floor sign says: full of tall, unattractive, smart men. "Let's see what's on the next floor" the bride to be says.
On the fourth floor the sign read: full of tall, attractive, smart men for all your personal desires. The ladies decide they want to stay on the fourth floor until they see that the elevator will take them to a fifth floor. "Let's see what kind of hunky men are on the fifth floor".
The fifth floor sign reads: this hotel proves that no matter what the circumstances, women are never satisfied with what's in front of them.

o**......

One young boy asks his grandfather "What is s**...?"
Grandpa replies "This is something elders do in the bed"
Young boy asks, "How many times to do it?"
Grandpa replies "In young age you feel like doing it all the day, when middle age one time a day or even once in a week."
Then the young boy ask grandpa, "What is about old age."
Grandpa replies "We do o**... s**..."
Then young boy asks, "How they can do it since they sleep in seperate rooms."
Grandpa replies, "I say f...u" from my room and your granny says "f...u" from other room."

Computer games don't affect kids.

If, say, Pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetetive music.

Every hotel room was taken.

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

Two drunks are looking to get laid

After a hard night drinking so they make their way to a nearby brothel. The madam, noticing the extent of their intoxication, puts them up in two attic rooms with a couple of blow up dolls. When they meet again afterwards, one says to the other " I think my woman was dead beause she just did not move and was stone cold." The other one said " I think mine was a witch... as soon as I bit her n**..., shelets out a big f**... and flies out of the window"

Ski Lodge

Three guys go to a ski lodge, unfortunately there isnt enough rooms so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night one of the guys wakes up and says "I just had an amazing dream that I was getting a h**...!"
The one on the opposite side responds "really? So did I!"
The guy in the middle groggily says "I was just dreaming that I was skiing."

A boy in kindergarten has to use the restroom, but the men's room is locked...

So his mother tells her son that it's alright to use the women's room this once, because they are single rooms that lock from the inside. The boy comes out a minute later and asks his mother for a quarter. The mother asks what he needs a quarter for, to which he replies:
"Apparently, mom, napkins cost 25 cents in women's restrooms."

Making a sandwhich

So one day a family are checking into a hotel. There is a lack of rooms so they have to make do with one with a bunkbed. The mum and dad are on the top bunk and their son, the bottom
So late at night, the son wakes up to his parents saying things. They had code words for s**... and the mum said tomato for faster and lettuce for slower. Eventually the boy shouts up to his parents
"mum dad, stop making sandwichs, you're getting mayonnaise all over me"^(I'm Sorry)

A man bursts into a doctor's office...

...and is frantically looking for the doctor. Finally he finds him in one of the rooms but he is with someone. Still, the man shouts out, "Doctor! Doctor, you have to help me. I think I'm shrinking!"
And the doctor says, "Now, now. You'll just have to be a little patient."

Our doctor's office painted their examination rooms the color 'Bran Muffin'.

They hope to keep our attendance more regular.

The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating.

So, to no one's surprise, Russians are pretty racist. My Belorussian girlfriend just told me this one, and insists that it's funny.
The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating. They lock a Russian, a Ukrainian, a Belorussian and a "Chukcha" (Inuit) in different rooms, and tell them to call on the phone when they get hungry. One day passes and the Russian calls, two days go by and the Belarussian calls, three days gone and the Ukrainian calls. Then four, five, six days pass, and still no call from the Chukcha. The authorities go and see how he's doing, and they find an emaciated man barely clinging to life, calling out "phone, phone."
For the Russian speakers, he calls out - "телефона телефона, чукча кушать хочет."

What's thinner than the ice that my incredibly s**... active roommate is on?

The wall between our rooms.

Every Hotel Room Was Taken

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

Guy: I want a room

Receptionist: Sorry no rooms available
G: My name is improvement
R: So what?
G: there is always a room for improvement !!!

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist s**.... Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

Parenting 101

1. Pour milk on floor.
2. Ask which kid did it.
3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it.
4. Enjoy peaceful evening.

Three men go to a ski resort...

there aren't enough rooms left so they all share one room which only has one bed. In the morning the three men wake up, the one on the left says "I just had the most amazing dream" The man on the right replies "Really what happened?" "Well I just had the best dream h**..." "No way! I just had the same dream." To which the man in the middle responds "Hmm that's weird, I had a dream about skiing."

Homosexuals must be having a hard time in locker rooms.

3 friends go to a ski lodge

There aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
The next day when they wake up, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this dream of getting a h**...!"
The guy on the left exclaims he had the same dream.
The guy in the middle wakes up and says "I had a dream I was skiing

Two midgets go into a bar...

Two midgets go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first midget, however, is unable to get an e**.... His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of Here I come again … ONE, TWO, THREE…UUH! all night long.
In the morning, the second midget asks the first, How did it go?
The first mutters, It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a e**....
The second midget shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? …. I couldn't even get on the bed!

If 50 cent is broke and struggling for somewhere to live

He should ask Roger Miller as he has rooms to let 50 cent

Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy?

They didn't want their rooms covered with s**....

What item is forgotten more than any other in hotel rooms?

The tip.

Three guys decide to go to a ski lodge...

There isn't enough rooms so they end up having to share a bed. In the middle of the night the guy on the left wakes up and says "I just had a dream and in it I was getting a h**...!" The guy on the right gets up and says "Really? I had the exact same dream." Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says "That's weird, in my dream I was skiing."

I work in a hospital.

The neonatal intensive care unit is one of the toughest places to work. Rooms full of babies who were born too early and/or far too sick. It's really sad what you see.
One of the worst cases I ever saw, a baby was born with no eyelids. A very rare case that happens to 1 in every 500,000 kids. It took days for doctors to figure out what to do.
Finally, they decided to transfer f**... to the face to act as eye lids. Amazingly, it worked.
The kid turned out just fine, he's just a little c**...-eyed.

The guests in the hotel room I'm cleaning are always stealing all the soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms...

Dirty b**...!

A hole has appeared in the ladies' changing rooms at the downtown sports club.

Police are looking into it.

Christians only

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Sikh." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Buddhism."
Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Hipsterian New Age thingy."
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Christians are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

I hate when people use candles to light up their rooms

It's not the brightest idea

A woman walks by a clothes shop, and spots a nice red dress in the window.

She goes inside to inquire:
Woman: Hi. I want to try on that red dress in the window.
Employee: Well, as you wish, but we have changing rooms too.

The chicken and the egg are in their rooms m**...

I'll let you know which one comes first

There were three men staying at a ski lodge

They ran out of rooms so all three had a to share a bed
The guy on the right said "I had a really weird drama that I was getting a h**..."
The guy on the left says "I had that exact same dream as well"
Then the guy in the middle said "You perverts, I was dreaming that I was skiing"

A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"

What do you call a guy who's always hanging around ball rooms?

Sean de Lir

Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico.

The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.

Three guys go on a skiing trip together.

When they get to the ski lodge there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a h**...."
The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up, and says that he's had the same dream, too.
The guy in the middle says, "Wow that's funny, I dreamed I was skiing."

Netherland police found a little hole in the wall of women's changing rooms

Policemen are looking into it now.

If a hospital runs out of rooms, don't worry

There's an emergency room

I changed all my light switches to carbon fiber ones

They make the rooms lighter

Tom Hanks walks into WB studios

Tom Hanks walks into the WB studios and enters one of the many conference rooms.
As he sits down for the read -through, he notices his fellow peers sitting at the table Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill's mustache, Gal Gadot and a couple of other people he was he was only vaguely familiar with. He picks up the script, looks at the first page and throws it back down on the table.
He throws his hands up and says, "I'd like a word with the director please. "
At this point, Zak Snyder steps out with him and asks, "What's the problem,Tom?".
Tom just looks at him and says, " I can't be in a movie with these guys, they're in a league of their own."

I went around to my neighbour's house when he was out, and lit joss sticks in all the rooms.

He was incensed!

I guess the reason they could never find Matt Lauer is because...

there are no cameras in the girls locker rooms.

I fix ruined hospital rooms for a living.

It's a rewarding job.

A mans walks into a bra...

And is escorted from the changing rooms.

Joseph: No rooms? Dude she's about to give a birth to humanity savior

Inkeeper: Sorry we get really busy around Christmas time
Joseph: Around what time?

An exasperated and weary Joseph asked the innkeeper, "Do you have any rooms?"

The innkeeper shook his head and replied, "No, we're all full."
Joseph pleaded, "Listen, my wife is pregnant..."
The innkeeper retorted, "Hey, that's not my fault!"
Joseph shouted, "It's not mine, either!!"

A man wanted to became a monk...

So he spoke to the Abbot.
He was told he must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.
The man agreed and after the first three years the Abbot asked him what his two words were.
"Food's cold" he replied.
3 years went by and the Abbot asked him again what his two words were.
"Dirty rooms" he replied.
3 more years went by in the Abbot ask him what his words were.
"I quit!" He replied
The Abbot responded "Well, I'm not surprised. All you've done is complain since you got here."

A group of Cytologists are arrested...

and are thrown into jail. Since these are privileged folks, they're put into a special jail where they live a single common living space, without separate rooms.
The cytologists start submitting complaints immediately to the state. Because without cells, it doesn't meet living conditions.

n**... old men in locker rooms...

I was going to make a joke about this, but it's such low hanging fruit.

I went to one of those escape rooms and got out in only 3 hours

It's called Ikea

I landed a pretty sweet contract designing a server farm in Canada!

But I'm confused why they requested heaters in their server rooms...

Dracula checks into a hotel in New York City, calls rooms service and asks for an Italian busboy to bring him a pizza. The busboy arrives, Dracula bites him in the neck, s**... every last drop of blood out of him and throws him out of the window...

The corpse of the busboy hits a homeless guy, who is sleeping in the alley below.
When Dracula does this two more times, the man finally gets fed up, goes to the police and when they ask him what his complaint is, he screams, "Drained wops keep falling on my head!"

Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work

and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies
"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."

Computer games are said to be a bad influence on kids.

Nonsense - my generation grew up playing Pac-Man, but did we end up dashing around dark rooms and swallowing white dots while listening to electronic music?

A blond, brunette and redhead are sitting in the gynaes rooms

So the blond asks the redhead. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl.
To which the redhead replied. Yes it's a boy.
Confused, the blond asked why. Because when we conceived we were doing it m**... style .
So, she asked the brunette. Do you know what baby you are expecting ? She replied yes it's a girl because when we conceived I was on top
To which the blond immediately started crying and saying
My God, I am getting puppies

My wife likes to talk after s**......

She's always calling me from hotel rooms. No respect...

Doctor's waiting rooms should be called gyms

After all, those guys do a lot of wait training

What'd I say to my introvert friends who were jerking off alone in separate rooms?

"C'mon, pull yourselves together!"

What kind If rooms do ghosts avoid

Living Room

Why don't Democrats mind staying in hotel rooms with no windows?

Because they couldn't care less about other people's views.

TIL size doesn't matter.

Chicks will always scream through their lungs no matter how big the cockroach in their rooms is.

So what's up with changing rooms at Victoria's Secret?

You actually telling me those are used underwear?

Yo mama so fat...

She tried one of those escape rooms, but couldn't figure out how to get in.

What do a child and a taxidermist have in common?

They both have rooms of stuffed animals.
Ba dum-tsssss

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are each in their own rooms, who is the hottest?

Whoever forgot to turn on the air conditioner.

New Cologne

My son told me this.
Tesla is offering a sample of their new cologne when you go to their show rooms.
It is called Elon Musk

Me: My wife and I are now sleeping in different rooms.

Friend: What do you do if you want s**...?
Me: I whistle.
Friend: What if your wife wants s**...?
Me: She comes to my door and asks me if I whistled.

Statistically speaking, ten percent of women cry in shop fitting rooms.

Guess they weren't expecting to see me there.

A girl wants to do a sleepover at her friend's house.

Her mom: you'll be sleeping in different rooms right?
Daughter: Mom! I'm 12.
Mother: and I'm 24

On his first day at a resort in Greece, George and his wife went down to the beach.

Later when he went back to his room to get something to drink, he found the chambermaid making their bed. He grabbed his cooler and was on his way back out when he stopped at the door and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"
"Sure." she replied. "Let me finish the rest of the rooms first."

A mother decides to do something about her noisy children.

A mother is raising several children. The problem is, at least one of them is always being loud and the others want things quiet.
She has two rooms at the end of the hallway of her house; one on the left side and one on the right side. She decides to designate one room for being noisy, and the other for complete quiet.
Which room can her children be noisy in?
.
.
.
.
.
The left room, because they have the right to remain silent.

My wife work remotely from our bedroom. My kids study remotely from their rooms. I work remotely from basement...

I just realized that I'm the only one who has to commute to work

Guy dies and goes to h**....

Satan meets him and tells him he's got to pick between 2 rooms. They go into the first room, and it's full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. He takes him to the second room, and it's full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of s**..., drinking coffee. Guy figures that he likes coffee, and he'll get used to the smell, so he chooses the second room. He gets a cup of coffee, sits down and takes a sip. At that moment, Satan sticks his head back in the room and calls out Ok, everybody. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!

4 kids are at a party on sunday night

They wake up on Monday morning, and knowing they wouldn't be back in time to take a test, they emailed the professor and told him that they had a flat tire. The professor responded ok, you can take the test tomorrow
The next day the kids are at school. The professor says you all have to take the test in separate rooms
Fair the kids responded.
The first question was worth 5 points and said what is 5+5 .
Easy enough said one of the kids in their test room.
The second question was worth 95 points. It said which tire was flat

A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.

During the tour the director takes him to one of their newly designed test rooms, claiming its foolproof.
"We fill up this bathtub to the brim see? Then we hand to the inmate a spoon and a cup and ask him to empty the tub" Says the director
The inspector nods and replies with a smile "Ah, i see. And the inmate, if sane will choose the cup because it's the biggest."
The director then looks at the inspector and raises a brow "No, the sane one will just open the drain"

Rooms joke, A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.

jokes about rooms