Roommate Jokes

133 roommate jokes and hilarious roommate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about roommate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Don't be the butt of all the jokes--get the upper hand with some hilarious roommate jokes! Whether it's April Fools' Day or just a random Tuesday, these funny jokes and puns will keep your roomie smiling. From college roommates to next-door neighbors in a dorm, these jokes and puns will have your teammate in stitches.

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jokes about roommate

Best Short Roommate Jokes

Short roommate puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The roommate humour may include short flatmate jokes also.

  1. I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
  2. I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
  3. My roommates get mad when I steal their kitchen utensils. But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
  4. When a girl seductively tells you, "you can stick it wherever you want" Apparently in her roommate is NOT one of the options
  5. My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it. Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.
  6. What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
  7. It's crazy how everyone sleeps differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone.
  8. My roommate just called my clothes gay.. Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet
  9. My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet.
  10. I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint. He is now high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
Roommate joke, I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about roommate can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of roommate puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Roommate One Liners

Which roommate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with roommate? I can suggest the ones about classmate and coworker.

  1. My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
  2. My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
  3. My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia. Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
  4. Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other.
  5. What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
  6. My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
  7. My roommate claims I'm schizophrenic. Joke's on him, I don't have a roommate.
  8. I have my own private jet. The rest of the jaccuzi belongs to my roommate.
  9. According to my roommate's diary, I have boundary issues.
  10. My roommate thinks i'm crazy Jokes on him i don't have a roommate.
  11. My roommate mounted a dart board on the ceiling. It made me throw up.
  12. I had a roommate, but he was ran over by a bus... Now I have a flatmate.
  13. My roommate made fun of me for being fat. But I decided to be the bigger person.
  14. I really want to kill my roommate but I just dont know if I could live with myself.
  15. If I had a nickel for every time my roommate stole from me He would have an extra $50.

College Roommate Jokes

Here is a list of funny college roommate jokes and even better college roommate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In college, my roommates and I were so broke, we couldn't afford to pay the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of our lives.
  • My roommate in college always gave us advice on what drugs to try on different holidays. He was the original trip advisor.
  • When we were in college, my roommates and I were so poor that we couldn't afford to pay our electric bills. It was…the darkest days of our lives.
  • When I was in college my roommate used to clean my room and I used to clean his We were maid for each other
  • When I was in college my roommate accused me of stealing his clothes I was so worried I nearly pooped his pants
  • What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hotdogs Relish today...
    And Ketchup tomorrow
  • I remember when my Welsh roommate in college found out he was dyslexic He brought his girlfriend to a toga party
  • I had a roommate in college who was such a bad cook, his mac and cheese caught fire. What a flaming casserole!
  • My p**... smoking college roommate decided to choose Theology as his major. He's now a high priest.
  • "you have to go to college" **SON:** but why though?
    "to be able get nice things *[shows him my watch]* you see this?"
    **SON:** yeah?
    "I stole this from my roommate, freshman year"

Roommate April Fools Jokes

Here is a list of funny roommate april fools jokes and even better roommate april fools puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In the spirit of Easter, I've hidden eggs around the appartment. In the spirit of April Fools, I'm not telling my roommates.
Roommate joke, In the spirit of Easter, I've hidden eggs around the appartment.

Gather Around for Fun Roommate Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about roommate you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean colleague jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make roommate prank.

Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

The Carnival Date

Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."

Don't b**... Your Mother

Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*

I wasn't sure about having a grizzly for a roommate

But he's bearable.

My former roommate was overweight so he asked me for a diet idea. I told him to stop eating after 8 PM.

He had dinner at 7 PM that day, and died of starvation a few days later.

All the single ladles

Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious.
Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates."
A week later, Julie came to Joe and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't seem to find the gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it on accident, do you?"
Joe agreed that it was a reasonable possibility, and wrote a letter to his mother inquiring about the ladle. It read, "I'm not saying you 'did' take the ladle, nor am I saying you 'did not' take the ladle,' but the fact is it's been missing since you came to dinner last week."
Several weeks later, a reply came.
"I'm not saying you 'do' sleep with Julie, nor am I saying you 'do not' sleep with Julie. The fact is if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now."

My roommate thinks I have schizophrenia

Which is weird because I live alone.

Today I found out my roommate was pansexual...

Needless to say I was pretty shocked when I woke up and found him in bed with all of our kitchenware.

I walked in on my roommate jerking it

He got mad and told me to put it away


Roommate 1: "You think I'm nosy, don't you?!"
Roommate 2: "No, not at all!"
Roommate 1: "Then why'd you write that in your diary?!"

My roommate just told me he tried to walk to Russia from Alaska.

He pulled up short because he couldn't get his Bering Strait.

A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...

He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.
The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"
The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."
The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"

I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.

He was dead Sirius.

Caught my Vegan roommate...

Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!

A man is sobbing into his beer...

It being a slow night, the bartender asks him what's wrong and offers him some sympathy.
The man responds "My roommate says I should quit drinking, last night I came home and I blew chunks all over the living room."
"Harsh," the bartender replies, "But that's hardly a reason to quit drinking."
"No man, I blew chunks in the kitchen, I blew chunks on the stairs, I blew chunks in the bathroom, I blew chunks EVERYWHERE."
"I'd hate to agree with your roommate, seeing as how that means less business for me, but maybe he's got a point. That's an awful lot of v**... to have to mop up..."
"No, no, you don't understand," The man sobbed, "Chunks is my Dog."

Two roommates were arguing...

About who gets to use the microwave first.
Then things started getting heated.

My roommate called the s**... hotline and they put him on hold

They just left him hangin'

My Vietnamese roommate is moving to Vegas (giving me a place to c**... in Vegas), and leaving behind a full bedroom set for free...

This is a real Nguyen-Nguyen situation for me.

My roommate is really dedicated to dental hygiene

just last night I heard her using an electric toothbrush for what seemed like an hour

Ernie's roommate asks him if he wants to go out for ice cream. Ernie refuses and proposes an alternative, but his roommate does not understand the response:


My roommate seemed like he was in denial when I told him I spilled all his protein powder...

...he just kept saying "no whey, no whey"

When I was in college, my roommates would have s**... with anything that moved.

I never felt the need to limit myself that much.

I've been trying to kick my roommates out for months now.

But they keep insisting that I call them my parents.

"Look at this!" I said to my roommate

"What happened?" he replied
"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said
"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"

I ate my roommates 1TB hard drive

Wasn't easy, it took 1000000000000 bytes

I caught my roommate trying to hide his glasses in the fridge today..

He said he was trying to look cool.

I walked in on my roommate m**...

and then I came.

I'm starting a charity for PhD students so they can finally afford to live on their own without the need for roommates...

It's called "Doctors without Boarders."

My Chinese roommate and I decided to give each other homemade christmas gifts this year!

I'm hoping for an iPad!

My roommates were having loud, rough s**... for the 18th time this week...

I really need to move out of my parents home.

While going to sleep, my roommate always says that there is a hideous monster under his bed.

We have a bunk bed.

Dating a girl after a dry spell is like going food shopping when you're hungry

Except my food never banged my roommate while I was at work

My roommate took his dog to the vet this morning and they told him that he was overweight.

And to make it worse, they said the dog is overweight too.

My roommate recently started having much louder s**... with his girlfriend. "What changed?" I asked.

"We've updated our privacy policy."

My roommates a thief. I left a 6 pack of beer in my fridge last night and this morning there's only a couple left.

It's a 4 gone conclusion.

I asked my attractive roommate whether she wanted to be friends with benefits, and she agreed!

This morning, I co-signed her car insurance.

My roommate is spreading rumour that I have multiple personality disorder.

Well, three can play that game!

A girl says to her roommate, "Dirty dishes are like boyfriends."

"How so?" asked the roommate.
"I shouldn't have to do yours."

My roommate hates when I steal his untensils

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take

What's the difference between my girlfriend and a roommate?

Roommates occasionally have s**...

My depressed roommate is into a**... asphyxiation

Every time I see a noose around his head, I don't know if he's coming or going

I was having s**... with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate, Jones, entered the room

Im indiana Jones, Get out

I was f**... my girlfriend while she was on her period...

Suddenly, my roommate walked in on us. I was caught red-handed..

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted m**....

My roommate has been stealing my stuff recently. I did a good job at ignoring it, until he stole the only drinking utensil I had left.

I finally snapped and yelled That's the last straw!

My roommate seems to think that our house is haunted

I've been living here for the past 200 years and haven't noticed anything.

I hate when my roommates throw cigarettes in the toilet for two reasons.

A: it's disgusting and B: they are harder to light.

I caught my roommate m**....

He look at me and says: Shut the door.
I said: Get Inside the house.

My roommate keeps telling me that I have schizophrenia

But jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

Abby's roommate had a blind date.

"How did it go?" Abby asked her.
"Terrible!"she answered. "He showed up in a 1950 Rolls Royce."
"Wow!" remarked Abby. "That's a very expensive car. He must be very rich. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."

My roommate says that our house is haunted.

But i live there for around 700 years and I've never seen anything.

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated

When I told him this, he said, 'Are you kidding me?'.
I said, 'I s**... you not.'

My roommate scratched my non stick frying pan so I had to get rid of it.

Anyone looking for an apartment?

I was going to play a trick on my roommate by filling their room up to the ceiling with ropes, but I didn't have any ropes.

Now it's just a ropeless home antic.

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

Then both of us are in A La mode.

A man comes home from a formal party with two black eyes

His roommate looks at him surprised and asks him how on earth it happened.
The man says there was a beautiful young woman wearing a formal gown at the party, and he noticed that her dress was riding up the crack of her b**....
"Obviously", he said, "that's embarrassing and I don't want her to walk around like that. So I pulled it out of her crack and she punched me in the face for it!"
"Okay, that explains the first black eye." Responds the roommate. "But what about the second one?"
The man says, "well, I figured she liked it there so I tucked it back in!"

My roommate is into auto-e**... asphyxiation, but he's also suicidal.

I can never tell if he's coming or going.

My Roommate told me that my house is haunted.

I've been living there for 200 years and found nothing weird.

Roommate joke, My Roommate told me that my house is haunted.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these roommate jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.