Playful Room Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present.
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?
Pun enters a room, kills 10 people
Pun in, 10 dead
A man was arrested and taken to an interrogation room
He says to the police officer, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."
"You are the lawyer," says the policeman.
"Exactly, so where's my present?"
Son, I found a c**... in your room.
Gee thanks, Grandpa!
Why are you calling me Grandpa?
Because I couldn't find it yesterday.
If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...
**Algorithms.**
Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.
Robin Williams' Favorite Joke
Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
Late one night at the insane asylum one patient shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
A person in another room said, "How do you know?" The first patient said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted,
"I did not!"
My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.
She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"
Burglars are getting very clever these days..
Last night, my wife woke me up..
*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*
So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.
Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.
An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...
Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON s**...!"
Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"
You can explore room tells reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean room minutes dad jokes. There are also room puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...
Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist s**.... Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.
I walked into a room full of men m**...
They all looked shocked when I didn't stop
I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said thank you. I said don't mention it.
A woman is in the hospital in a coma...
and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her c**..., her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes o**... s**... will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers.
We are maid for each other.
I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...
Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...
I put a black hole in my living room.
It's great. Really pulls the room together.
I went to the Atlanta Falcons locker room to get some change for a dollar...
But they only gave me 3 quarters.
My roommates get mad when I steal their kitchen utensils.
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
I gave my friend an elephant for his room.
He told me "thank you."
I said "don't mention it."
A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"
He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
"It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room.
And never visited Bangkok again.
Two introverts walk into a room...
One leaves
A shy cowboy goes into a bar
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking c**... sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car
The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street
A woman gets home from work and hears her husband call out from the bedroom...
Husband: can you come here and help me with this clock?
The woman walks in the room and sees her husband sitting at the edge of their bed with a r**... hard-on
Wife: thats not a clock
Husband: it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.
My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she's never...
...playing Scrabble with me again.
I was in bed with this r**... girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...
....and boy was he mad.
How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?
Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights
A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?
The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
I had s**... for 3 hours last night...
We roleplayed as doctor and patient, and I was in the waiting room for 2 hours and 58 minutes.
n**... painting
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t**.... Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
I was having s**... with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate, Jones, entered the room
Im indiana Jones, Get out
m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"
It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting it's a boy it's a boy with tears streaming down his face.
We never went back to Thailand.
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.
His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself...
my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
My roommate is into auto-e**... asphyxiation, but he's also suicidal.
I can never tell if he's coming or going.
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
Bill Cosby enters in a bar ...
... i don't know what happens next because I suddenly woke up in a motel's room.
A proud father has six children.
He always calls his wife "Mother of Six," to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mother of six, we're leaving now."
She replies, "Be right with you, father of four."
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!
What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two.
One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
a joke we tell in Ukraine
A russian, a Ukrainian and an African American guys are sitting in the waiting room while their wives give birth.
The nurse comes out with 3 babies and says "sorry guys, they've got mixed up..let's see whose is whose".
The Ukrainian takes a black kid and runs.
They yell "hold on dude!!! That kid is obviously not yours!"
the Ukrainian replied "I don't care I dont want a russian!!!"
I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and e**... vegetables.
Turns out I was on the mothership.
I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.
She said "Carl, I.. can't see you anymore"... That was weird. I was like- "Babe, I'm standing right here." then she said "No, you don't understand... I'm seeing someone else" which was really bizarre because it was just the two of us in the room. I had to break it off after that.
A guy sees a lamp, rubs it, and a Genie comes out. The genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish. The guy thinks about it and says "I want to be a powerful man in the world, and have a beautiful wife"
The next morning the guy awake in a unfamiliar room, and a beautiful woman said to him
"Wake up John, it's a busy day, we have a car tour in Dallas"
How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
How to help your local politician qualify for a mental asylum
A politician is visiting the local mental asylum, and asks "How do you decide whether someone should be admitted here?"
"Well," says the director, "We fill up a bath with water, then give the patient a teaspoon, a mug, and a bucket, and ask them to empty the bath as quickly as possible."
"I see," says the politician, "and if he's got any sense he'll choose the bucket."
"No," says the director, "If he's got any sense he'll pull the plug out. Would you like a room with a view?"
My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries..
Totally ruined our bath.
A guy walks into a bar waving a p**...
He yells I've got a 7 round magazine and one in the chamber, now I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!
A guy from the back of the room calls out you're gonna need more ammo!
My son asked me, Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge? I smiled and said, Sure..."
"But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.
What did the Russian billionaire say when checking in at a hotel?
I'd like a room on the first floor, please.
My wife was just in a minor accident. She's told the police that the man she hit was on his phone and drinking a Coke at the time
But they keep going on about how he can do what he wants in his own living room.
A couple is waiting in line with other guests to register at a busy hotel, and eventually are told that the only available room has twin beds.
The husband looks disappointed and says, "We've been sharing a bed for 44 years. I don't know about that."
The wife says, "Can we at least put the beds close together?"
The other guests in line smile, and one even quips, "How sweet!"
The wife then explains, "It's just that if he snores, I want to be able to elbow him."
A patient walks into a therapist's room
Patient: I'm scared of single letters.
Therapist: Oh? Why?
Patient: *screams*
Therapist: Oh. Oh, I see.
Patient: *screaming intensifies*
A man walks into a hotels lobby and asks
"Excuse me, can you remind me which room am I in?"
"Most certainly sir! You are in the lobby sir"
Four Catholic women are talking about their sons while having coffee together
The first woman says My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father.'
The second says My sons is a bishop. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Grace.'
The third says My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence.'
The fourth just quietly sips her coffee, and the other three give her a well, what about you? type look.
The fourth woman finally says My son is a handsome, 7-foot-tall firefighter. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Oh. My. God.'
An Easter joke.
A priest was arguing with a rabbi.
"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"
The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he become the Almighty?"
"Certainly not!", responds the priest, "what a sacrilegious thought! No mere mortal man can aspire to become the Almighty!"
The rabbi retorts: "One of our boys made it!"
A man takes his grandfather clock in to be repaired….
The repair person in the clock shop is an old German. The man says my grandfather clock only goes tik tik tik tik. They take the clock to the back room of the shop and tie it to a chair. The old man then lights up a cigarette, take a big drag, and blows the smoke in the clocks face. He sets the cigarette aside, looks at the clock and says……….Ve haf vays to make you tock.
About Language...
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."
My five year old's joke: What do you call a sausage in a room with a hungry wolf?
A wolf.
