Roof Jokes
161 roof jokes and hilarious roof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about roof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a collection of roof jokes to bring some laughter to you and your friends? Whether you need a good laugh about a leaky roof, a dog on the roof, or a roofless house, this article has a selection of hilarious jokes about one of the most important features of a house - the roof! Read on for some puns and one-liners that will keep you rolling on the floor.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Roof Short Jokes
Short roof jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The roof humour may include short attic jokes also.
- I've started a business selling prayer mats which are also trampolines... Prophets are going through the roof.
- I was disappointed to have to pay for my new roof they promised me it would be on the house
- I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
- Two antennae get married on a roof The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was *amazing*!
- Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.
- Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder what happened to my roof
- Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins? Society
- I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats... Prophets are through the roof
- My new invention has made me rich!!! exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof
- 2 antennas met on a roof. They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!
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Roof One Liners
Which roof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with roof? I can suggest the ones about repair and rocket.
- A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. Oof
- What's the cheapest part of a house? The roof tiles, because they're on the house.
- You think gas prices are expensive, have you seen chimney? They're through the roof.
- My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
- I started a boat business in the attic. The sails are going through the roof
- How did the guy in roblox die? He fell through the r-OOF
- I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery... Now I'm in a world of pain.
- How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them.
- Why do blondes prefer to buy cars with sun roof? Because there's more leg room.
- Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory. There's de Brie everywhere
- I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school. I got suspended
- I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. Where the HECK is my roof?!
- Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first? One with the smaller mew.
- Why i love redheads? Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.
- My wife just found out I swapped our bed for a trampoline… She hit the roof.
House Roof Jokes
Here is a list of funny house roof jokes and even better house roof puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My roofing business is having a great promotion right now... If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.
- Why did the blonde climb the roof of the pub? The drinks were on the house.
- How much does a roof cost? Nothing! It's on the house...
- How do you get an Irishman on your roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house!
- Want to hear a roof joke? This one's on the house.
- What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house? I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.
- A dog is helping construct my house He specializes in roofing
- I really want to charge you guys for a roof joke But I can't cause it's on the house
- Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house Cold and wind don't dare to come in
- How much did the Fiddler on the Roof charge for a performance? Nothing. It was on the house.
Dog On Roof Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog on roof jokes and even better dog on roof puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what's a dogs favorite part of the house? The roof!
- What's the loudest park of a dog house? The ROOF
- if a dog was a contractor, what would his specialty be? roofing
- Why was the dog wearing a construction hat? His speciality is roofing.
- What job is best suited for a dog?
Roofing. - What kind of home repairs are dogs good at? Roofing.
- What did the dog say to the ceiling roof
- I think my dog wants to be a carpenter. He likes roofing.
- I bought a dog from a construction worker today... ...I had a rough idea what it would've been like, but this dog raised the roof.
- A dog hires a construction worker to build a house. The construction worker asks the dog what he would like to be built first. What does the dog say? Roof.
Roof Shingle Jokes
Here is a list of funny roof shingle jokes and even better roof shingle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed? He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."
- How does a man put on a roof by himself? Shingle-handedly
- Elon's opening speech for the Tesla Solar Roof really got my attention... Who knew there were thousands of hot shingles in my area?
- What do you use to build a roof out of cheese? Kraft Shingles
- TIL: Roofing in the Summer heat can be dangerous WARNING: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA
- Did you hear Beyonce now owns an all female roofing company? It's called "All The Shingle Ladies".
- What kind of ads does the roof of the house get? Hot shingles in your area
- Why can't a Roof get chickenpox? It already has the shingles.
- Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert others... HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA
- I got a pop up ad for a locally owned Sean Connery roofing supply company It said, shingles in your area .
Raise The Roof Jokes
Here is a list of funny raise the roof jokes and even better raise the roof puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
- What did the architect do at the nightclub? He raised the roof.
- Have you ever been to an Amish party? Those guys really raise the roof!
- Did you hear about the builder who could clap very loudly? They always got him to raise the roof.
- Raise the Roof Don't Shoot
Fun-Filled Roof Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about roof you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shell jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make roof pranks.
Why was Spider-Man found sleeping on the roof of an old rundown power station?
No power, no responsibility.
Do you know why, all around the world, parlaments' roof are built as a dome?
Have you ever seen a circus with a flat roof?
51 Danes and 50 Norwegians were on a plane...
With no floor, and the passengers were hanging on a strap attached to the roof. The captain yelled: "The plane is too heavy! One of you have to fall to your death!" A Dane raised his hand and said: "I'll do it". Then all the Norwegians clapped their hands.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
Two satellite dishes met on a roof...
They hit it off and decided to get married. The ceremony was boring but the reception was great!
Drunk people are always fascinating
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "
So I just started my own indoor ship production company.
Production was great, until sales started going through the roof.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house?
There's a parking meter on the roof.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Still the best blonde joke to date..
A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
A man goes into a casting agents office
with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"
Why should you never bbq on your roof?
The steaks are too high.
^I'll ^see ^myself ^out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jewish house on Christmas
You know if a house is Jewish on Christmas if there's a parking meter on the roof.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
An Irish mother comes home from holiday
Mother to her son: "Where's your brother jimmy?"
Son: " Oh, He died."
Mother: "Jesus christ! Don't just come out with something like that, at least give me a warning of some sorts, like say he was on the roof and he fell off it or something!"
Son: "Oh ok, sorry mother"
Mother: "Never mind about that, where's your father?"
Son: "Well, He was on the roof..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried the whole Peanut Butter-and-d**... thing with my dog
...but the Peanut Butter just kept sticking to the roof of my mouth.
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
Explosive Opportunity
A British engineer started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says that prophets are going through the roof.
SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended.
He was charged with impersonating a police officer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isis have just started making explosive prayer mats
In their first quarterly report they said that prophets were going through the roof.
(Corny)-What do you call a mermaid on a roof?
Aerial
People keep telling me that I have no idea what it's like to have no roof above my head
I don't think so, I really like the new Porsche convertible.
A religious old lady prayed everyday for wealth...
She had lived a life free of sin and had suffered greatly through no fault of her own. Every day she went to her local church and prayed:
"God, i have been all my life, please, let me win the lottery"
Every day for many years she did this, until one day, the church roof split open and a booming voice commanded:
"WELL AT LEAST MEET ME HALFWAY AND BUY A TICKET!"
Your cat died
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
Have you heard the one about a roof?
I heard it just goes over peoples heads.
I used to be a roofer....
back when I was shingle.
I made explosive praying rugs
Prophets are through the roof!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking by a house the other day that was being worked on and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little w**....
In Morse Code.
They say bringing your bike to work is better for the enviorment
Why not
I have a roof rack anyways
I really like having a roof over my head.
I guess you could say I'm a ceiling fan.
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
Have you heard about the new landmines?
They're disguised as prayer mats and prophets have gone through the roof
I just opened an explosive prayer mat business.
Prophets are through the roof.
[OC]A man walks into a hardware store
Man: Hello, I'm doing some work on my house exterior and need to get to the siding and onto the roof.
Employee: Well, we have a wide range of ladders that will do the trick. There's a 3-step ladder that will be perfect for the siding, and an extending ladder that will get you up on the roof. Do you want them both?
Man: I'll take the former now and the latter ladder later.
A woman's on vacation and calls home
She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."
There is a boy that went to school after 3 weeks of absence...
The teacher asks him:
-Why didn't you come to school in your first week of absence?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandma and we had to burry her.
Teacher:But second week?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandpa and we had to burry him.
Teacher:And the last week?
Boy:A brick fell on my dad and we had to burry him.
Teacher:But what were you doing all this time??
Boy:I was on the roof of my house playing with bricks.
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?
Guy A calls guy B
Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a roof addicted to m**...
A drug attic
Somebody must have roofied my drink last night.
I woke up at 4:00 this morning with an irresistible urge to go hammer some shingles.
I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rugs in the middle east
He told me prophets were going through the roof
3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers
The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."
While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "
The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "
The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"
He replied:"under the overpass of course! "
My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets have been going through the roof.
So they finally made an affordable and functional jetpack
The sales are through the roof
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
I live in a rough neighborhood
There are lots of gangs here, so it's pretty scary at times.
In fact, my neighbor used to be a blood.
Then he fell off the roof. Now he's a crip.
2 of my friends were arguing about who's house was the most expensive....
"Well, my house is worth 8 million dollars!" One of them said "Ha! Mine is worth 11 million!" The other said so I chimed in "You guys must be poor, my roof in itself is worth 200 million!"
Puzzled, they both asked me "Woah! Where do you even live? How can you afford all that?!" When I told them where I lived they were left dumbfounded. They just couldn't believe I lived under an overpass!
Three kittens are on a sloping roof...
Which one slides down the slowest?
The one with the highest μ
Google really does spy on us
This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.
I've started my own buisness building model yachts in my attic during lockdown.
Sales are going through the roof.
(I'll take my things and leave now..)
I've started disguising landmines as temple doormats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
i threw my phone from the roof, and it broke...
i guess airplane mode isn't working
Jesus crucified on the cross yelled out Peter's name
Peter! Peter! Peter!
Peter wasn't allowed to go near the cross by the soldiers, so with great difficulty he fought them all off.
With tears in his eyes eventually he reached the cross and joined both his hands,
"What is it my lord?"
"Peter, i can see the roof of your house."
I once had an uncle who fell off the roof of a castle.
He didn't die, though. He got de-moat-ed.
My neighbour
My neighbour started a new business making boats in his attic.
The sails are through the roof.
In Tribute
Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk
Man: you're on
Boy: how does sandpaper feel?
Dog: Ruff!
Boy: what's on top of a house?
Dog: Roof!
Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?
Dog: Ruth!
Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of here!
* Boy and dog walk away *
Dog to boy: should I have said Hank Aaron?
Homeless man tells the tale
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
Oh no, nothing like that, he said, because of Coronavirus, I was unexpectedly paroled.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got back from the f**... of my 82 year old neighbour who died after falling off his roof when fixing his TV antenna.
The f**... was sad, but the reception was excellent.
