The Best 63 Roof Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Roof jokes. There are some roof roofer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these roof mew puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Roof Jokes and Puns

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...

...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.

The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."

Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"

In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."

Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"

Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...

A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

Roof joke, Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

So I just started my own indoor ship production company.

Production was great, until sales started going through the roof.


How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house?

There's a parking meter on the roof.

Still the best blonde joke to date..

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"

The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.

"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"

"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

Roof joke, Still the best blonde joke to date..

Two antenna met on a roof...

fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was *excellent*.

A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:

"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"

My physics teacher told me I had potential.

Then he threw me off the roof.

My roofing business is having a great promotion right now...

If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.

You can explore roof window reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean roof ledge dad jokes. There are also roof puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A British engineer just opened a buisness in Afganistan.

He is selling landmines that look like prayer mats. When asked how buisness was going he said that prophets are going through the roof.

Why i love redheads?

Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.

How do you get a blonde on a roof?

Tell her drinks are on the house.

A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.

Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."

I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think..

Where the HECK is my roof?!

Roof joke, I sat back looking at the stars and began to think..

I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

A Joke by my Physics Teacher

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.

Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

A man has started a business in Afghanistan. He's selling landmines that look like prayer mats...

Prophets are going through the roof.


Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder

what happened to my roof

A vegan buddhist...

...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.

I was disappointed to have to pay for my new roof

they promised me it would be on the house

So I recently opened a suicide bomb shop in Syria, and it's doing great!

Prophets are going through the roof.

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

I started a business putting explosives in prayer mats

Prophets are though the roof.

I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats...

Prophets are through the roof

Your cat died

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

Her husband said: The cat just died.

She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?

Husband: She is playing on the roof.

Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first?

One with the smaller mew.

I started a boat business in the attic.

The sails are going through the roof

I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

My new invention has made me rich!!!

exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof

What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof?

Don't do that, you have so much potential!

2 antennas met on a roof.

They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.

There's de Brie everywhere

I started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats

Prophets are going through the roof.

(Yes it's old, but I still love it)

Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof

He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.

How did the guy in Roblox die?

He fell through the r-OOF

A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof

The physicist shouts Don't jump, you have so much potential!

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myselfโ€ฆ

Where the f*ck is my roof?

A woman's on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"

The husband says, "The cat's dead."

The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."

"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."

The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"

The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.

On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?

The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?

Guy A calls guy B

Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l

The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof

The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"

The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home

Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"

Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"

I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rugs in the middle east

He told me prophets were going through the roof

3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers

The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."

While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "

The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "

The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"

He replied:"under the overpass of course! "

My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets have been going through the roof.

Three kittens are on a sloping roof...

Which one slides down the slowest?

The one with the highest ฮผ

A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building...

She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"

What's the cheapest part of a house?

The roof tiles, because they're on the house.

I started a company..

I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!

i threw my phone from the roof, and it broke...

i guess airplane mode isn't working

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

Two antennae get married on a roof

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was *amazing*!

In Tribute

Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk

Man: you're on

Boy: how does sandpaper feel?

Dog: Ruff!

Boy: what's on top of a house?

Dog: Roof!

Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?

Dog: Ruth!

Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of here!

* Boy and dog walk away *

Dog to boy: should I have said Hank Aaron?

What does a tornado and a wife have in common?

They both start with alot of sucking and blowing, then you end up without a roof over your head.

I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.

We walked through the door and I handed him our card:

"Barney. Talking dog."

The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Alright, show me what you got."

"Hey Barn, how was work this week?"

"Rough."

"What goes on top of a house?"

"Roof."

"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth."

Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.

Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.

"Knew I should have said Hank Aaron."

Want to hear a roof joke?

The first ones on the house

How much does a roof cost?

it's on the house!

A man walks into a bar with a talking dog

He tells the bartender my dog can talk!

The bartender says Oh yeah? Let's hear him!

He asks the dog what is on top of a house?

The dog says roof!

The bartender is not buying it, so the guy says what is the outer covering of a tree called?

The dog says bark!

The bartender gets really mad and kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar.

Sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the guy and says what was that all about?

My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he's going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution.

I told him my door is always open.

Sir, the numbers are in and I'm pleased to report that chimney sales are through the roof.

But our kindling branch is up in smoke.

Corny joke from a warehouse worker.

Was loading semi trailers and it was raining like hell. Asked my team lead to step inside a trailer with me.

"Hey Billy, I keep hearing a weird noise every time I step in a trailer."

"What's it sound like?"

(While pointing at the roof) "It sounds like autotune."

"Autotune?"

"Yeah, it's just a Lil Wayne."

Want to hear a roof joke?

This one's on the house.

Old joke

Two mental patients were planning their escape from the psych ward.

1st guy: "Once we get to the roof, I'll turn on the flashlight, and you can slide down the beam of light."

2nd guy: "I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid! How do I know you won't turn the flashlight off?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the roof ruth jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working roof roofing nails piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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