Roof Jokes

Following is our collection of window humor and roofer one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Roof puns for adults, dirty ledge jokes or clean mew gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ruth jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 56 funniest jokes on roof. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any roofing nails witze you can hear about roof.

The Best jokes about Roof

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof

What's the cheapest part of a house?

The roof tiles, because they're on the house.

My physics teacher told me I had potential.

Then he threw me off the roof.

I started a boat business in the attic.

The sails are going through the roof

A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:

"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"


3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers

The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."

While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "

The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "

The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"

He replied:"under the overpass of course! "

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

I was disappointed to have to pay for my new roof

they promised me it would be on the house

I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house?

There's a parking meter on the roof.

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.

On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?

The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?


Two antenna met on a roof...

fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was *excellent*.

Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...

A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof?

Don't do that, you have so much potential!

I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

How do you get a blonde on a roof?

Tell her drinks are on the house.

A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building...

She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"

Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof

He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.

Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder

what happened to my roof


How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

A vegan buddhist...

...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

I started a company..

I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!

I started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats

Prophets are going through the roof.

(Yes it's old, but I still love it)

A man has started a business in Afghanistan. He's selling landmines that look like prayer mats...

Prophets are going through the roof.

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.

There's de Brie everywhere

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think..

Where the HECK is my roof?!

A British engineer just opened a buisness in Afganistan.

He is selling landmines that look like prayer mats. When asked how buisness was going he said that prophets are going through the roof.

A Joke by my Physics Teacher

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.

Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats...

Prophets are through the roof

A woman's on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"

The husband says, "The cat's dead."

The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."

"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."

The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"

The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."

Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first?

One with the smaller mew.

So I recently opened a suicide bomb shop in Syria, and it's doing great!

Prophets are going through the roof.

A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof

The physicist shouts Don't jump, you have so much potential!

My new invention has made me rich!!!

exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof

Guy A calls guy B

Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l

The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof

The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"

The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home

Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"

Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"

2 antennas met on a roof.

They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!

My roofing business is having a great promotion right now...

If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.

Why i love redheads?

Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.

My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets have been going through the roof.

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...

...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.

The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."

Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"

In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."

Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"

A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.

Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."








I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....

Still the best blonde joke to date..

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"

The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.

"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"

"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

I started a business putting explosives in prayer mats

Prophets are though the roof.

Your cat died

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

Her husband said: The cat just died.

She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?

Husband: She is playing on the roof.

A man goes on vacation...

And has his brother watch his beloved cat while he's away.

He calls his brother when he lands and asks about the cat his brother says "oh the cat died."

Devastated the man says "well next time couldn't you lighten the blow a bit?"

His brother asks how

He says "well maybe the first day I call you could say the cat got on the roof. Then the second day you could say like the fire fighters couldn't get him down. And then on the third day you could tell me."

The brother says "okay I'll keep that in mind."

The man asks" so how's mom?"

"She's on the roof"

I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rugs in the middle east

He told me prophets were going through the roof

A man was mending his roof.

A man was mending his roof, when suddenly an elderly messy man showed up on his lawn, yelling to him "Sir, would you get down please". The man, not wanting to have to climb down and up the ladder again, yelled back, "What's the matter, sir?" The old man replied, "Just get down here first!" The man thought for a second, and being the polite man he is, climbed down the ladder and asked the old guy. The old guy replied, "Can you please spare me some money?" The man, after thinking for some moment, said, "Come with me." He climbed up the ladder, with the old man following him. When both of them were already up on the roof, the man said to the old man, "No."

Cat Joke

A man goes on a business trip and has his best friend watch his cat. In the middle of his trip, he calls to check on things, but his friend says, "Yeah, your cat died."

So the man gets upset. "You can't just say that! You should have broke it to me slowly. Like, this time, you could have said, 'she's on the roof, but the fire department is getting her down'. Next time I called, you could say 'the fireman dropped her and they took her to the vet'. Third time, 'sorry man, they did all they could, but Fluffy passed away'."

His friend says. "Alright, I'll remember that."

The man sighs. "So how's my mother doing?"

"Oh, she's on the roof, but the fire department is getting her down."

The talking dog....

A guy goes into a bar with his dog. The bartender immediately tells him that dogs aren't allowed inside. The man protests "but this is a special dog, he talks."

The bartender is suspicious, so the man asks the dog "How would you describe sand paper?"

"Ruff" says the dog.

"What is on top of a house?"

"Roof" says the dog.

The bartender is getting annoyed, so the man begs to let him ask one more question.

"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Roof" says the dog.

With that, the bartender halls the man and his dog out onto the street. The man is dejected. The dog sees this, looks up at his master and says, "Maybe I should have said Dimaggio?"

So I just started my own indoor ship production company.

Production was great, until sales started going through the roof.

Two brothers lived together

with their grandmother and her cat. The first brother went on a business trip, and when he arrived at his destination, he checked into his hotel, and called his brother at home. "I made it safe and sound" he said. "How is everything?"

"Bad" said the second brother. "The cat is dead."

"WHAT?!? How could you be so insensitive to tell me like that?" The first brother exclaimed. "You could have broken it to me slowly by saying the cat is on the roof, but you've called the fire department and they were trying to get her down. Later you could have called me and told me that the fire department got the cat down but she has a broken leg, so you are taking her to the veterinarian. Tomorrow you could have called me and told me despite the veterinarian's best efforts, the cat died."

"Sorry", said the second brother. "I'll remember that next time."

"Good", said the first brother. "By the way, how is Grandma?"

The second brother replied, "Oh, Grandma is on the roof."


Three kittens are on a sloping roof...

Which one slides down the slowest?

The one with the highest ΞΌ

A guy takes his talking dog to a talent scout.

This dog can speak English, he claims to the unimpressed agent. Okay, Sport, the guys says to the dog, what's on the top of a house?

Roof! the dog replies.

Oh, come on… the talent agent responds. All dogs go 'roof'.

No, wait, the guy says. He asks the dog, What does sandpaper feel like?

Rough! the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. No, hang on, the guy says. This one will amaze you. He turns and asks the dog, Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?

Ruth! goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.

The dog turns to the guy and says, Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?

SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes