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Roof Jokes

168 roof jokes and hilarious roof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about roof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a collection of roof jokes to bring some laughter to you and your friends? Whether you need a good laugh about a leaky roof, a dog on the roof, or a roofless house, this article has a selection of hilarious jokes about one of the most important features of a house - the roof! Read on for some puns and one-liners that will keep you rolling on the floor.

Funniest Roof Short Jokes

Short roof jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The roof humour may include short attic jokes also.

  1. I've started a business selling prayer mats which are also trampolines... Prophets are going through the roof.
  2. I was disappointed to have to pay for my new roof they promised me it would be on the house
  3. I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
  4. Two antennae get married on a roof The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was *amazing*!
  5. Two antenna met on a roof... fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was *excellent*.
  6. My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he's going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution. I told him my door is always open.
  7. What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof? Don't do that, you have so much potential!
  8. A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building... She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"
  9. Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.
  10. Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder what happened to my roof

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Roof One Liners

Which roof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with roof? I can suggest the ones about repair and rocket.

  1. A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. Oof
  2. What's the cheapest part of a house? The roof tiles, because they're on the house.
  3. You think gas prices are expensive, have you seen chimney? They're through the roof.
  4. My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
  5. I started a boat business in the attic. The sails are going through the roof
  6. How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.
  7. How did the guy in roblox die? He fell through the r-OOF
  8. I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery... Now I'm in a world of pain.
  9. How do you get a blonde on a roof? Tell her drinks are on the house.
  10. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them.
  11. Why do blondes prefer to buy cars with sun roof? Because there's more leg room.
  12. Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory. There's de Brie everywhere
  13. I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school. I got suspended
  14. I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. Where the HECK is my roof?!
  15. Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first? One with the smaller mew.

House Roof Jokes

Here is a list of funny house roof jokes and even better house roof puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My roofing business is having a great promotion right now... If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.
  • Why did the blonde climb the roof of the pub? The drinks were on the house.
  • How much does a roof cost? Nothing! It's on the house...
  • Why was the blonde girl sitting on the roof? Someone told her drinks were on the house.
  • How do you get an Irishman on your roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house!
  • Want to hear a roof joke? This one's on the house.
  • What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house? I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.
  • A dog is helping construct my house He specializes in roofing
  • What does a roof cost? nothing. it's on the house
  • Jewish house on Christmas You know if a house is Jewish on Christmas if there's a parking meter on the roof.

Dog On Roof Jokes

Here is a list of funny dog on roof jokes and even better dog on roof puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • what's a dogs favorite part of the house? The roof!
  • What's the loudest park of a dog house? The ROOF
  • if a dog was a contractor, what would his specialty be? roofing
  • Why was the dog wearing a construction hat? His speciality is roofing.
  • What job is best suited for a dog?

    Roofing.
  • What kind of home repairs are dogs good at? Roofing.
  • What did the dog say to the ceiling roof
  • I think my dog wants to be a carpenter. He likes roofing.
  • I bought a dog from a construction worker today... ...I had a rough idea what it would've been like, but this dog raised the roof.
  • A dog hires a construction worker to build a house. The construction worker asks the dog what he would like to be built first. What does the dog say? Roof.
Roof joke, A dog hires a construction worker to build a house. The construction worker asks the dog what he wou

Falling Off Roof Jokes

Here is a list of funny falling off roof jokes and even better falling off roof puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two antennas fall in love with each other on a roof and decide to get married The wedding was awful but the reception was great.
  • Two antennas sat next to each other on a roof for years They fall in love and decide to get married.
    The ceremony was not very good.
    The reception was *fantastic*.
  • Two aerials (antennas) meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
  • Two antennas meet on a roof and fall in love... They date for awhile, get engaged, and then get married. The wedding ceremony itself wasn't that great, but the reception was amazing!
  • I like my women how I like my coffee... ...not forgotten about on top of my car and falling off the roof when i drive away
  • An egg sits perfectly balanced on the apex of a roof, the wind blows south, which way does the egg fall? Down. The egg falls down.
  • Two kittens are sitting on a sloped tin roof and start to slide down at the same time. Which kitten falls off the roof first? The one with the smaller μ (pronounced mew).
  • Two Antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, and decide to get married The ceremony wasn't much. But the the RECEPTION was amazing!
  • If the human body can survive a 50 ft fall Then why did my girlfriend scream when I pushed her off the roof?
  • Why did the dumb cat slip and fall from the roof? Because μ = 0

Roof Shingle Jokes

Here is a list of funny roof shingle jokes and even better roof shingle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed? He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."
  • How does a man put on a roof by himself? Shingle-handedly
  • Elon's opening speech for the Tesla Solar Roof really got my attention... Who knew there were thousands of hot shingles in my area?
  • What do you use to build a roof out of cheese? Kraft Shingles
  • TIL: Roofing in the Summer heat can be dangerous WARNING: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA
  • Did you hear Beyonce now owns an all female roofing company? It's called "All The Shingle Ladies".
  • What kind of ads does the roof of the house get? Hot shingles in your area
  • How many black people does it take to shingle a roof?? One....but you gotta slice him reeeeeaaaalllllll thinnnnnnnnnnnnn.....
  • Why can't a Roof get chickenpox? It already has the shingles.
  • Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert others... HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA
Roof joke, Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert other

Fun-Filled Roof Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about roof you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shell jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make roof pranks.

Do you know why, all around the world, parlaments' roof are built as a dome?

Have you ever seen a circus with a flat roof?

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...

...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"

Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...

A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

Two satellite dishes met on a roof...

They hit it off and decided to get married. The ceremony was boring but the reception was great!

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

So I just started my own indoor ship production company.

Production was great, until sales started going through the roof.

Still the best blonde joke to date..

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

A man goes into a casting agents office

with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"

An Englishman starts his own business in Afganistan

He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! He is doing quite well! Profits are going through the roof!

A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"

A British engineer just opened a buisness in Afganistan.

He is selling landmines that look like prayer mats. When asked how buisness was going he said that prophets are going through the roof.

My physics teacher told me I had potential.

Then he threw me off the roof.

A joke my mate told me after an after-hours lesson.

Why i love redheads?

Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.

A lady is about to jump from the roof of her building....

As she readies herself a homeless man wonders over "Before you jump, would you do me a favour and have s**... with me?"
Disgusted, the woman tells him to go away. As he leaves he looks back "Fine, I will just wait for you at the bottom."

A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.

Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....

Two antennas get married on a roof...

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was great!

SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

A Joke by my Physics Teacher

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.
Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan..

making land mines that look like prayer mats. He's doing very well, business is booming and Prophets are going through the roof.

A man has started a business in Afghanistan. He's selling landmines that look like prayer mats...

Prophets are going through the roof.

A vegan buddhist...

...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.

So I recently opened a s**... bomb shop in Syria, and it's doing great!

Prophets are going through the roof.

I started a business putting explosives in prayer mats

Prophets are though the roof.

I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats...

Prophets are through the roof

Your cat died

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.

Have you heard the one about a roof?

I heard it just goes over peoples heads.

I made explosive praying rugs

Prophets are through the roof!

My new invention has made me rich!!!

exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof

2 antennas met on a roof.

They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!

I'm running a boat making company from my attic.

The sails are through the roof.

I started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats

Prophets are going through the roof.
(Yes it's old, but I still love it)

Have you heard about the new landmines?

They're disguised as prayer mats and prophets have gone through the roof

I just opened an explosive prayer mat business.

Prophets are through the roof.

A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof

The physicist shouts Don't jump, you have so much potential!

[OC]A man walks into a hardware store

Man: Hello, I'm doing some work on my house exterior and need to get to the siding and onto the roof.
Employee: Well, we have a wide range of ladders that will do the trick. There's a 3-step ladder that will be perfect for the siding, and an extending ladder that will get you up on the roof. Do you want them both?
Man: I'll take the former now and the latter ladder later.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*c**... is my roof?

A woman's on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."

There is a boy that went to school after 3 weeks of absence...

The teacher asks him:
-Why didn't you come to school in your first week of absence?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandma and we had to burry her.
Teacher:But second week?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandpa and we had to burry him.
Teacher:And the last week?
Boy:A brick fell on my dad and we had to burry him.
Teacher:But what were you doing all this time??
Boy:I was on the roof of my house playing with bricks.

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?

Guy A calls guy B

Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"

I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rugs in the middle east

He told me prophets were going through the roof

3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers

The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."
While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "
The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "
The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"
He replied:"under the overpass of course! "

My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets have been going through the roof.

So they finally made an affordable and functional jetpack

The sales are through the roof

A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!

The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .

Three kittens are on a sloping roof...

Which one slides down the slowest?
The one with the highest μ

I've started my own buisness building model yachts in my attic during lockdown.

Sales are going through the roof.
(I'll take my things and leave now..)

I started a company..

I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!

A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger, downs it in a few bites, pulls out a gun and shoots two bullets into the roof.

On his way to the door the waiter exclaims why the f*c**... did you do that?!
To which the tired looking panda rolls his eyes and tosses a torn up wildlife manual across the counter, i'm a panda, look it up... before casually walking out the exit
After finding the relevant chapter the waiter reads:
Panda: Large black and white bear-like mammal; eats, shoots and leaves.

I had a big wasps nest under the eve of my roof so I went to the hardware store to find some wasp spray. I found a can and asked a worker if this was good for wasps?

He says No, it kills them.

Sometimes I lay awake In bed and stare up at the sky then think

Where the h**... did my roof go?

I used to own a business, where I sold landmines disguised as prayer mats..

The prophets are going through the roof

i threw my phone from the roof, and it broke...

i guess airplane mode isn't working

A Mexican man visits his cousin in the US

He wants to watch a baseball game; an integral part of American culture, he has heard. Unable to purchase a ticket, he scales the stadium facade and watches while clinging to the roof.
Afterwards, his cousin enquires about his experience.
It was great! He says. Americans are so considerate! Before the game began they asked me: Jose, can you see?

Jesus crucified on the cross yelled out Peter's name

Peter! Peter! Peter!
Peter wasn't allowed to go near the cross by the soldiers, so with great difficulty he fought them all off.
With tears in his eyes eventually he reached the cross and joined both his hands,
"What is it my lord?"
"Peter, i can see the roof of your house."

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

Roof joke, Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both de

jokes about roof