Ronald Jokes

What are some Ronald jokes?

What clown has killed more children than "It"?

Ronald McDonald.

Which clown has killed the most people?

Ronald McDonald

How does Ronald McDonald introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

Chernobyl

Have you ever seen Ronald Reagan's response to the Chernobyl incident?

He thought the Russians were just "overreacting."

How do you find Ronald McDonald in a room full of naked clowns?

The Sesame Seeds on his buns.

(According to my father this is the first joke I ever told, around 5yo.)

Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks

Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''ο»Ώ

Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car

The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.

Guy: I would like to buy a car.

Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.

Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?

Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, itΒ΄s 10 years from now?

Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.

Credit goes to Ronald Reagan

On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... how much do you like kids?...

Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes

Heard this from my History Professor.

Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

So I was watching an interview of Ronald Regan...

...and apparently he heard this joke from Gorbachev.

A Russian man living in the Soviet Union wants to buy a car. He goes through the application process and scrapes together enough cash, and after a few weeks goes to the town hall to pay. He gives the money the clerk tells him to come back and pick up his new car in ten years.
The man replies, "Morning or evening?"
The clerk says, "What difference does it make, it's in ten years!"
The man frowns and says, "Well, the plumber is coming in the morning."

Apologies if this has already been posted.

Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan's doctor comes to him and says,"I'm afraid it's Alzheimer's, Mr. President."

Reagan muses this information over then replies,"Well, I always say 'trust, but verify' so verify it to me doctor."

The doctor goes and has extensive tests done on Reagan's brain and even calls in a second doctor for confirmation. After waiting a few days for the results he visits Reagan again.

"Mr. President, I have conclusive evidence that my prior diagnosis was correct.", the doctor says confidently.

"What diagnosis?", Reagan replies confused.

"The one that said you have Alzheimer's.", the doctor said mouth gaping open.

"Oh, well I always say, 'trust, but verify' so..."

If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave...

roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.

What's the difference between the Joker and Ronald McDonald?

The Joker only killed people in Gotham City.

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."

Communism Joke (apparently it was one of Ronald Reagan's favorites)

A Soviet woman is trying to buy a Lada, one of the cheap automobiles made in the former Soviet Union. The dealer tells her that there is a shortage of these cars, despite their reputation for shoddy quality. Still, the woman insists on placing an order. The dealer gets out a large, dusty ledger and adds the woman's name to the long waiting list. "Come back two years from now on March 17th," he says.

The woman consults her calendar. "Morning or afternoon?" she asks.

"What difference does it make?" the surly dealer replies. "That's two years from now!"

"The plumber is coming that day," she says.

TIL Gerry Rafferty of Stealers Wheel is buried in the same graveyard as Ronald McDonald and Heath Ledger.

He has a clown to the left of him and a joker to the right.

A communist joke often told by Ronald Reagan

Two Russian friends were taking a walk downtown during the height of the Soviet Union. The one looks around at his country and says "is this it? Have we achieved peak Communism?"

The other responds "oh, no my friend, it gets much worse."

Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break?

So it won't get too Messi.

What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?

McRibbed

How do you spot Ronald McDonald at a nudist colony?

He's the one with the sesame seed buns.

How can you recognize Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He's the only one with sesame seed buns!

Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan?

Make America's Weight A Gain.

An American and a Russian get into an argument about their governments

The American said,"In my country I can walk into the oval office, pound the president's desk and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running our country.'"

The Russian said,"I can do that."

The American said,"You can?"

The Russian said,"Yes, I can go into the Kremlin to the General Secretary's office, pound his desk and say,'Mr.Gorbachev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country.'"

Source : Ronald Reagan

How do you identify Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

His sesame seed buns.

(My grandma told me this one)

How can you spot Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

He has sesame seeds on his buns.

How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He's got sesame seed buns

What's Ronald McDonald's favorite sex position?

The Cooter Pounder.

There was a meeting for evil clowns to boast about their evil

First, pennywise stepped up and said,"I've killed millions of children!"
Then the joker stepped up and said," I've killed millions of adults without any super powers!"
Then the last of the group, Ronald Mcdonald, stepped up with a smile.
" I've killed millions of all ages without any super powers AND they paid me for it!!"

What is written on Ronald McDonald's gravestone?

McRIP

Ronald Reagan was a funny guy...

Two Irish ladies were at the wake for their dear friend. "Poor Mollie," said the first woman, looking down at the body, "she had such a hard life. First she married Mike, who gave her five crying children in six years. He beat her and never worked a day in his life. Then Mike up and died, and she married Johnny, who was even worse, giving her seven more children and not a penny of support. He was drunk all the time until he died, too. And now Mollie is gone, worked to death taking care of those 12 kids."

"Well, at least they are together at last," replied the second woman.

"You mean together in Heaven?" asked the first woman. "But is Mollie together with Mike or with Johnny?"

"I was referring to her legs."

Ronald Reagan's Memory

One day a reporter confronted Ronald Reagan about a previous statement he had made. "Mr. President, you said that you would resign if your memory started to fade," the reporter said. Reagan smiled and replied, "I don't remember saying that."

Why was John F. Kennedy secretly a more successful actor than Ronald Reagan?

He always knew how to take the perfect headshot.

Pennywise the clown to Ronald

"you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."

Ronald McDonald: "I've killed more people than you."

Ronaldo and Messi will finally both meet each other during the World Cup...

at an Airport as they return their respective home countries.

What did Ronald McDonald's wife say when she was about to give birth?

Sorry, water machine broke.

[OC, be gentle] Ronald McDonald snuck up on a Happy Meal and said, "Serve fries!!!"

The Happy Meal replied, "Nugget out of my face."

What did Ronald Reagan say when he found out he had cancer and Alzheimers?

Well...at least I don't have cancer!

Where do I put the baby I adopted from the Ronald McDonald Orphanage?

In M'crib.

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

Elmo, Bill Cosby, and Ronald Reagan are told to save the world.

Their solution: Tickle Down Economics

What does Ronald Reagan have that Jimmy Carter doesn't?

A widow.

A man by the name of Ronald Bates came home to find his butler being arrested...

"What in the world could my butler have done to be arrested?" Bates asked the police officer handcuffing the butler.
"We had a complaint from you next door neighbor that he was yelling obscene remarks," the police officer replied.
"Obscene remarks?!?! What was he saying?!?!"
"The neighbors say that, for a few minutes on end, he kept yelling 'Masturbates,' 'Masturbates!'

Ronaldo was so gracious to help Cavani off the pitch

So Cavani kindly returned the favour.

List of the shortest books

1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.

2. Contraception by the Pope.

3. The American Guide to Etiquette.

4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.

5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.

6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.

7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.

8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.

9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.

10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

Why did Ronald McDonald divorce his wife?

He found out she's now selling her McMuffin all day

How to make Ronald jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Ronald to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Ronald? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Ronald pick up lines to share with friends.

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