ronald Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious ronald puns

What clown has killed more children than "It"?

Ronald McDonald.


Which clown has killed the most people?

Ronald McDonald


How does Ronald McDonald introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.



Have you ever seen Ronald Reagan's response to the Chernobyl incident?

He thought the Russians were just "overreacting."


How do you find Ronald McDonald in a room full of naked clowns?

The Sesame Seeds on his buns.

(According to my father this is the first joke I ever told, around 5yo.)


Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks

Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''ο»Ώ


Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car

The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.

Guy: I would like to buy a car.

Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.

Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?

Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, itΒ΄s 10 years from now?

Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.

Credit goes to Ronald Reagan


On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... how much do you like kids?...

Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes


Heard this from my History Professor.

Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.


For me, racism is the same as masturbating.

I don't approve of it, but I'm pretty damn good at it.

(Credits to Ronald Goedemondt)


So I was watching an interview of Ronald Regan...

...and apparently he heard this joke from Gorbachev.

A Russian man living in the Soviet Union wants to buy a car. He goes through the application process and scrapes together enough cash, and after a few weeks goes to the town hall to pay. He gives the money the clerk tells him to come back and pick up his new car in ten years.
The man replies, "Morning or evening?"
The clerk says, "What difference does it make, it's in ten years!"
The man frowns and says, "Well, the plumber is coming in the morning."

Apologies if this has already been posted.


Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan's doctor comes to him and says,"I'm afraid it's Alzheimer's, Mr. President."

Reagan muses this information over then replies,"Well, I always say 'trust, but verify' so verify it to me doctor."

The doctor goes and has extensive tests done on Reagan's brain and even calls in a second doctor for confirmation. After waiting a few days for the results he visits Reagan again.

"Mr. President, I have conclusive evidence that my prior diagnosis was correct.", the doctor says confidently.

"What diagnosis?", Reagan replies confused.

"The one that said you have Alzheimer's.", the doctor said mouth gaping open.

"Oh, well I always say, 'trust, but verify' so..."


If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave...

roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.


What's the difference between the Joker and Ronald McDonald?

The Joker only killed people in Gotham City.


A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."


Communism Joke (apparently it was one of Ronald Reagan's favorites)

A Soviet woman is trying to buy a Lada, one of the cheap automobiles made in the former Soviet Union. The dealer tells her that there is a shortage of these cars, despite their reputation for shoddy quality. Still, the woman insists on placing an order. The dealer gets out a large, dusty ledger and adds the woman's name to the long waiting list. "Come back two years from now on March 17th," he says.

The woman consults her calendar. "Morning or afternoon?" she asks.

"What difference does it make?" the surly dealer replies. "That's two years from now!"

"The plumber is coming that day," she says.


TIL Gerry Rafferty of Stealers Wheel is buried in the same graveyard as Ronald McDonald and Heath Ledger.

He has a clown to the left of him and a joker to the right.


Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break?

So it won't get too Messi.


A communist joke often told by Ronald Reagan

Two Russian friends were taking a walk downtown during the height of the Soviet Union. The one looks around at his country and says "is this it? Have we achieved peak Communism?"

The other responds "oh, no my friend, it gets much worse."


What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?



How can you recognize Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He's the only one with sesame seed buns!


How do you spot Ronald McDonald at a nudist colony?

He's the one with the sesame seed buns.


Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan?

Make America's Weight A Gain.


How can you tell Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He's the one with the sesame seed buns.


An American and a Russian get into an argument about their governments

The American said,"In my country I can walk into the oval office, pound the president's desk and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running our country.'"

The Russian said,"I can do that."

The American said,"You can?"

The Russian said,"Yes, I can go into the Kremlin to the General Secretary's office, pound his desk and say,'Mr.Gorbachev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country.'"

Source : Ronald Reagan


How do you identify Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

His sesame seed buns.

(My grandma told me this one)


How can you spot Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

He has sesame seeds on his buns.


How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He's got sesame seed buns


What is written on Ronald McDonald's gravestone?



There was a meeting for evil clowns to boast about their evil

First, pennywise stepped up and said,"I've killed millions of children!"
Then the joker stepped up and said," I've killed millions of adults without any super powers!"
Then the last of the group, Ronald Mcdonald, stepped up with a smile.
" I've killed millions of all ages without any super powers AND they paid me for it!!"


Why do people get horny around Ronald McDonald

Because you get more bang for you buck!


Ronald Reagan was a funny guy...

Two Irish ladies were at the wake for their dear friend. "Poor Mollie," said the first woman, looking down at the body, "she had such a hard life. First she married Mike, who gave her five crying children in six years. He beat her and never worked a day in his life. Then Mike up and died, and she married Johnny, who was even worse, giving her seven more children and not a penny of support. He was drunk all the time until he died, too. And now Mollie is gone, worked to death taking care of those 12 kids."

"Well, at least they are together at last," replied the second woman.

"You mean together in Heaven?" asked the first woman. "But is Mollie together with Mike or with Johnny?"

"I was referring to her legs."


Ronald Reagan's Memory

One day a reporter confronted Ronald Reagan about a previous statement he had made. "Mr. President, you said that you would resign if your memory started to fade," the reporter said. Reagan smiled and replied, "I don't remember saying that."


Why was John F. Kennedy secretly a more successful actor than Ronald Reagan?

He always knew how to take the perfect headshot.


Pennywise the clown to Ronald

"you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."

Ronald McDonald: "I've killed more people than you."


What are the most funny Ronald jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ronald? Well, here are the best Ronald dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ronald pick up lines to share with friends.

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