Romantic Jokes

How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?

You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body.

Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.

He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic – he got up on one knee.

Me: Real women don't care about romantic clichés.

My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers.

Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....

changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."

Two lovers get romantic on the night of their wedding.

The newly wed lady blushes and asks, "Honey, where will you take us for our honeymoon?"
"I will take you to the farthest islands of the Caribbean!"
"Really? And what would you do on our 25th anniversary?", asks the wife, now blushing even more.
"I will bring you back."

A wife texts her husband

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If
you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."

An owl decided to make romantic advances towards another owl.

To wit, to woo.

what do you call a private, romantic rendezvous between two feet

a podiatryst

Three couples were having lunch together...

The first man, wanting to sound romantic, looked at his wife and said, "Pass the sugar, sugar."
The second man, not wanting to be outdone, turned to his wife and said, "Pass the honey, honey."
The third man, wanting to outdo the other two, turned to *his* wife and said "Pass the tea, BAG!"

Candlelight is romantic until...

Candlelight is romantic until she realizes your electricity has been shut off.

What did the hopeless romantic baker say to the dough?

You're my life's devotion. I knead you!

A man and wife are in bed, when...

...when the man slides his hand slowly across her shoulders, across her waist, under her neck, under her back, & suddenly stops...
Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?"
Man: "(Whispering) I found the remote. You can go back to sleep"

Romantic men

3 men talk about their wives. The first one says: "My wife is like a butterfly, so delicate and pretty". The second one: "Mine is like a baby deer, beautiful and gracious". After a moment of silence the third one goes: "Now that I think about it mine doesn't look much human either".

Art of Living

Husband comes home from ART OF LIVING session
He greets his wife and lifts her and carries her around the house with a smile
Wife is so surprised and she asked:
Did guruji preach something about being romantic today?
Husband said:
No guruji told us that
"we must carry our burden and sorrow with smile"

I wonder if stereotypically romantic Spanish characters...talk in pauses...because they learned...how to speak English...by watching...the subtitles...of romantic movies.

A Hot Romance

While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear "I want you to make me sweaty and wet." So I shut off the fan.

Have I told you lately...

...is the least romantic line a toll-collector ever said to his girlfriend.

want a smart girl, a nice girl, a romantic girl.

But most importantly, I want these women to never meet.

I'm interested in this girl who only dates Catholic guys...

... I guess you could call me a pope-less romantic

Having some romantic time with yo girl when she asks you to go deeper

But you run out of poems.

Was starting to get romantic with a woman last night

As usual I began crying uncontrollably. After getting home it took forever to wash the pepper spray off.

The archeologist's office was closed early on 14th of February.

For a romantic evening of carbon dating.

Being romantic as an awkward mathematician is hard...

I called my girlfriend 1/cos(c) to try and compliment her but I don't think she caught my drift. Can't blame her though, that's a triggy one.

Wherever you are, if you need a romantic evening, call 180-LONG.

It's the International Date Line.

What did Mr. Potato Head give Mrs. Potato Head on their romantic night out?

A good fingerling.

A man brings home flowers to his wife

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"
His wife replies "For the flowers of course"
He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"

LPT - While stargazing on a romantic evening, never say this to your wife:

Uranus is a gas giant.

Are you a romantic man?

Yes. When my wife comes home late, I turn on the candles, let the place fill up with nice and warm water and throw in some soap.
So she can immediately start doing the dishes.

A guy walks in to a Hallmark Store.......

And asks the attendant:
Do you have a valentine's card that says: "Our love is unique, I love you with all my heart, you are the love of my life"?
Attendant says: How romantic,
Sure, We do have some.
The guy says: can I get 3 of those please.

When a Prince Kisses a Sleeping Princess, it's "Romantic"...

...but when I give a shoulder rub to the lady sleeping in front of me on the bus, I'm "banned from riding the bus"

Darkened Room

A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. "All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."

Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic.

But the cop didn't think so.

My girlfriend said I don't know how to be romantic

So I yelled "DEUS VULT!" and invaded Gaul. Proved her wrong

I came home today to find my sister watching an action movie.

She told me she was watching it to learn how to fight. The next day I came home and she was watching a romantic comedy. She told me she was watching it to learn how to love. The day after that I came home and as I arrived there was a pizza delivery guy leaving the house. When I walked inside my sister told me she found a movie under my bed.

I came out to my girlfriend as a hetroromantic asexual.

She said I could work on the romantic part.

After 30 years of marriage, people always ask, "What's the secret of keeping the romance alive?" I always tell them...

We go to the same romantic restaurant every week, twice a week...
I go on Tuesday. She goes on Fridays.

Did you hear the one about the two romantic light bulbs?

They went out!
That got dark quick.

John: My friend Charlie has stolen my girlfriend's number from my mobile 2 days ago.

Harry: What happened then?
John: Charlie Has been sending romantic texts to his own sister since last 2 days.

A man comes home from a sermon one day and picks up and carries his wife.

He then proceeds to carry her around the house.
The wife asks, "Did they say something about being romantic?"
The husband replies, "No, they said that we must carry our sorrows and burdens."

A man is shopping for a Valentine's Day Card

He goes into the shop and asks the lady working there, "Do you have any cards that say 'For the one and only love of my life?'
'That's so romantic! The lady exclaims 'Yes, we do have a card with that exact text.'
'Great!' the man replies, 'I'll take eight.'

Two women are having lunch on Valentine's Day

One says to the other "Do you and your husband have any romantic plans for tonight?"
The second scoffs "Oh, please. These days, he just buys me a half-dozen roses, and expects me to get on my back and spread my legs."
The first looks confused "Don't you have a vase you could put them in?"

Get something romantic today for that special person in your life!

And uh. Don't forget to get something for your spouse too.

In a world controlled by AI and machines, two satellites decide to get married...

...Well the wedding wasn't too romantic but that reception was amazing!

One time, I carried out an entire conversation with a man by speaking to him in Spanish while he spoke to me in Italian

It was the most romantic conversation I've ever had

Girlfriend says I am not romantic enough.

So, now I have 2 girlfriends.

In honor of the Kentucky Derby:

Horse Racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money goodbye.